Feeling So Very Sad and Hopeless

[TracyJS]

Me too, Tracy.

We can talk here, in your thread, each day! I can tell you about my day and you can tell me about your day. No working in the garden for me today, I overdid it yesterday. I went for my walk though.

That sounds great! It will be great to check in to see how we both are doing. Thank you, Ema.

 

[emmalee]

You are welcome, Tracy. Sleep well tonight, sweet dreams!

 

[Starthrower]

@TracyJS just read through your thread here. And wanted to give you a hug of support. I understand very well because I was just like you back in 2002. It has been a long journey but those first months are something I will never forget.

I find it hard to talk about sometimes. Like right now drawing a blank on how to start my words....I remember being so sad and isolated. Even when I would go out and try to be normal I couldn't wait to get back to the safety of my home.

This can be a slow process Tracy. Just one day at a time as others have pointed out. Days turn to weeks than months and eventually years. And life gets back on track.

Take care of you....

 

[New Guy]

@TracyJS

I understand. It means a lot that you chose me to talk to. I'm glad you did.

I'm in this for just over 2 months and I admit today wasn't a good day. I've been noticing what I think is progress but it was a loud afternoon and I'm feeling like you. How much more of this can I take?

Tomorrow is a fresh day for both of us and it can be a better day. Perhaps we'll have a moment where we forget to focus on our t. Perhaps we'll notice a small change for the better with our t. Perhaps when we come to TT and someone will make us laugh.

If you want to vent in private you're welcome to write me a message. Sometimes we feel better if we get things off our chest.

You seem like a cat person so I'm going to post a picture of my kitty in your thread. Hopefully she can put a smile on your face for a moment.

This is Minnie. We got her from a local shelter about 9 months ago. She was in a house with too many kitties so they took some to the shelter. Minnie doesn't mind people but she doesn't seek a warm lap either. I'm hoping that will change. Minnie is gentle and doesn't mind being pet. I think when she grew up she was around people but not held much.

Minnie loves to eat. She lets us know when it's time to feed her and won't let us be late. She put on a little weight since we got hear but she's trying to take it off now. For the first month I had t I would carry Minnie up to bed with me and pet her. Listening to her purr and feeling her soft furr helped me realize why I had to keep trying.

I hope you're feeling better Tracy.

 

[TracyJS]

@TracyJS just read through your thread here. And wanted to give you a hug of support. I understand very well because I was just like you back in 2002. It has been a long journey but those first months are something I will never forget.

I find it hard to talk about sometimes. Like right now drawing a blank on how to start my words....I remember being so sad and isolated. Even when I would go out and try to be normal I couldn't wait to get back to the safety of my home.

This can be a slow process Tracy. Just one day at a time as others have pointed out. Days turn to weeks than months and eventually years. And life gets back on track.

Take care of you....

Thank you so much @Starthrower for your kindness and the hug of support.

I know what you mean when you say you feel so isolated and alone. And how hard it is to leave home and try to be normal in the world.

That's exactly how I feel. It's hard, almost impossible to believe that that can change. But thank you for offering hope.

Take care of you

Tracy

 

[TracyJS]

@New Guy

Thank you for responding. I chose you because your responses seemed kind and thoughtful.

I'm sorry it was a hard day today. I know how that is. It seems so hard to try to get through the day many times.

Thank you for the picture of Minnie. She's beautiful! And yes, she made me smile. My kitty is Riley. And she loves people. Loves to be held and touched and she's quite talkative, too. I love her dearly. I like the image of you taking Minnie upstairs and hearing her purr and feeling her soft fur. It's very comforting.

Thank you for the offer to message you if I want to vent. I really appreciate that so much. And you can do the same with me.

Tracy

 

[Bill Bauer]

@TracyJS

I understand. It means a lot that you chose me to talk to. I'm glad you did.

I'm in this for just over 2 months and I admit today wasn't a good day. I've been noticing what I think is progress but it was a loud afternoon and I'm feeling like you. How much more of this can I take?

Tomorrow is a fresh day for both of us and it can be a better day. Perhaps we'll have a moment where we forget to focus on our t. Perhaps we'll notice a small change for the better with our t. Perhaps when we come to TT and someone will make us laugh.

If you want to vent in private you're welcome to write me a message. Sometimes we feel better if we get things off our chest.

You seem like a cat person so I'm going to post a picture of my kitty in your thread. Hopefully she can put a smile on your face for a moment.

This is Minnie. We got her from a local shelter about 9 months ago. She was in a house with too many kitties so they took some to the shelter. Minnie doesn't mind people but she doesn't seek a warm lap either. I'm hoping that will change. Minnie is gentle and doesn't mind being pet. I think when she grew up she was around people but not held much.

Minnie loves to eat. She lets us know when it's time to feed her and won't let us be late. She put on a little weight since we got hear but she's trying to take it off now. For the first month I had t I would carry Minnie up to bed with me and pet her. Listening to her purr and feeling her soft furr helped me realize why I had to keep trying.

I hope you're feeling better Tracy.

View attachment 17561

Minnie looks a lot like a cat that I had back when I was a child.

 

[New Guy]

@TracyJS

I reread your original post and I want to assure you that anyone with t, no matter how long they've had it, has been where we are right now. The veterans on this site have alluded to the dark days when they first had t. I don't think t is ever easy but I think, and hope, it gets easier to manage. The success stories are people who have gotten through this dark period and learned methods to live with t. They learned these methods little by little and with practice, not in one fell swoop. It seems like it to us but adapting has got to be a process.

@Bill Bauer

We had a cat for 16 years named Sugar Plum. We lost Sugar Plum and my wife found Minnie. Minnie looks very much like Sugar Plum. Sugar Plum's mom was Apple Spice. We adopted Sugar Plum and Apple spice together. I've never met a kinder and more gentle soul than Apple Spice. I miss her....

 

[TracyJS]

@TracyJS

I reread your original post and I want to assure you that anyone with t, no matter how long they've had it, has been where we are right now. The veterans on this site have alluded to the dark days when they first had t. I don't think t is ever easy but I think, and hope, it gets easier to manage. The success stories are people who have gotten through this dark period and learned methods to live with t. They learned these methods little by little and with practice, not in one fell swoop. It seems like it to us but adapting has got to be a process.

@Bill Bauer

We had a cat for 16 years named Sugar Plum. We lost Sugar Plum and my wife found Minnie. Minnie looks very much like Sugar Plum. Sugar Plum's mom was Apple Spice. We adopted Sugar Plum and Apple spice together. I've never met a kinder and more gentle soul than Apple Spice. I miss her....[/QUOTE
@New Guy
Thanks for your additional insights and words of hope. Yes, we are in the early stages and these can be dark times. Holding on and trusting the process that things can improve is what we have.

 

[TracyJS]

@New Guy
Thanks for your additional insights and words of hope. Yes, we are in the early stages and these can be dark times. Holding on and trusting the process that things can improve is what we have.

 

[New Guy]

@TracyJS
How's Riley?

 

[TracyJS]

@New Guy
She's good. How's Minnie? Sugar Plum sounded like a wonderful kitty. I'm glad you had her for 16 years, though it is so hard to lose our animal loved ones. Minnie is beautiful.

Here is a picture of Riley.

 

[New Guy]

@TracyJS

Riley has the same 'issue' as Minnie. Her head looks too small for her body! Cat's sleeping is so peaceful and makes me want to sleep or have a sleeping cat on my lap. I really need to work on Minnie about that lap thing. She doesn't know what she's missing.

Nice weather today so Minnie got to spend some time in the window watching chipmunks through the screen. When she sees one her tail wips like crazy and her body gets ready to pounce. Those chipmunks are lucky she's an indoor cat. She's got the gift.

I brought Minnie to bed with me last night. Writing that post made me nostalgic.

 

[TracyJS]

@New Guy

I think that picture might make Riley's head look smaller than her body than it actually is.

Riley is definitely a lap cat. She would in be my lap all day if she could. You are right: Minnie doesn't know what she's missing. Maybe she will warm up to the idea over time. Sleeping cats are so lovely to look at. When Riley is like that I just want to snuggle her forever.

I'm glad Minnie enjoys watching the chipmunks (and can't get at them). It sounds like you live in a wooded area with lovely nature? I live in a suburb of busy metropolitan area. Not quite as peaceful or beautiful.

 

[Manny]

Hi everyone, @TracyJS, @emmalee and all the other wonderful people here. Reading through this thread brought me to tears.
Similar to you, TracyJS my tinnitus/hearing loss has caused me to lose many things near and dear to my heart. I feel broken and hopeless, and I can really identify with your situation.
With this in mind I want to share with all of you how I really love and appreciate the incredible support expressed in this thread. In fact, I just bookmarked it. It reminds me of the fact that no matter how terrible the circumstances, we as human beings can do our best to support each other and to offer a comforting shoulder to lean on during the very darkest of times. Emmalee, your first response that it is "more than okay to ask for support" really struck a chord. It was directed at the original poster, but it rings true for anyone. (well maybe that was a bad choice of words Seriously though - thank you for being here.
Us tinnitus sufferers alone really understand what one another is going through. Nobody else really does, not therapists, not psychologists and certainly not doctors!
My love to everyone here. Some of us (such as myself) may be in the most numbing, bitter darkness. To those of us in this situation, the only thing I have to say is - you are not alone. We are here together. Namaste.

 

[TracyJS]

@Manny

I'm so sorry that you have lost so much that is dear to you. And I'm so sorry you are in the bitter darkness. As you know from my post, I feel many of the same ways.

I agree that the responses here have been really wonderful, and such an example of how we can offer kindness, care, and support to each other and unite in our shared suffering and humanity.
I love @emmalee's comment, too, because it gives us permission to be hurting and in need of love and tender understanding. So often we are told to be ashamed of those needs.

Your post was lovely and shows the kindness and sensitivity of your soul. My love to you, too.

Tracy

 

[Mystery Reader]

There are a few threads I always check when I log in, because they are full of such encouragement. This is one of them!


Mystery Reader

 

[TracyJS]

@emmalee
Thinking of you and hoping it was a good day...

Tracy

 

[New Guy]

@Manny

Some of us (such as myself) may be in the most numbing, bitter darkness. To those of us in this situation, the only thing I have to say is - you are not alone. We are here together. Namaste.

The people on this forum are what got me through those days. I don't know what I would have done without it.

 

[Manny]

@Manny

I'm so sorry that you have lost so much that is dear to you. And I'm so sorry you are in the bitter darkness. As you know from my post, I feel many of the same ways.

I agree that the responses here have been really wonderful, and such an example of how we can offer kindness, care, and support to each other and unite in our shared suffering and humanity.
I love @emmalee's comment, too, because it gives us permission to be hurting and in need of love and tender understanding. So often we are told to be ashamed of those needs.

Your post was lovely and shows the kindness and sensitivity of your soul. My love to you, too.

Tracy

Thank you Tracy for your kind words. Hoping for relief for all of us real soon.

 

[New Guy]

@TracyJS

I live in the suburbs as well. We have a yard but live on a busy street. It's about half as busy as whatever main street is in your town. The road didn't bother me much until I got h. I think the traffic noise is helping my h now though.

I heard of a study where they said if people are around animals like cats it lowers their blood pressure. I believe that. Minnie if funny. If you pick her up and put her somewhere she'll usually stay there. She's not a biter or scratcher. For whatever reason she doesn't seek out laps which is really weird because she has the disposition for it.

 

[TracyJS]

@New Guy

Yes, being around animals has been shown to be very therapeutic and can impact physical and mental health positively.

Minnie does sound funny. I think she will become a lap cat one day. Just watch.

 

[New Guy]

I hope so...and sooner rather than later.

 

[Jazzer]

@TracyJS , @emmalee , @Manny
- do you mind if I join you guys.
I absolutely love reading all of your posts,
so full of the most beautiful loving kindness.
I suffer so much, as I know we all do.
Reading connections like these often reduces me to tears. I start to well up inside.

When I was a child I never found my source of love.
My mother was mentally ill, so bonding was not possible for me.
I suffered such sadness and crushing isolation.
It lasted for ever - until I had therapy at about age 30.
If I had to condence my entire childhood into one sentence, it would be:
"There is no love."

When I encounter any love now, even at my age, a handful of ordinary kind words can bring me close to tears.
Because my mother never ever came for me when I cried, the experience of unexpected kindness now feels like:
"Is this my mum - has she really come back for me this time?"

Please forgive me - I had no intention of gatecrashing your lovely conversation, except to say that, I wouldn't mind betting that I'm not the only one here to have suffered the pain and terror of extreme isolation.
Well we have all found some love now.

A silly thought now - not possible of course - but I so wish this little group of people could just meet up, and have a beautiful arms all round cuddle.
I'd want to hang on there for ever.
Sorry if I sound so wet.
I love you all so much.
Thank you for being beautiful people,
Dave xxx

PS - 2:30am and I'm just back from a long distance gig.....g'night folks x

 

[Manny]

@TracyJS , @emmalee , @Manny
- do you mind if I join you guys.
I absolutely love reading all of your posts,
so full of the most beautiful loving kindness.
I suffer so much, as I know we all do.
Reading connections like these often reduces me to tears. I start to well up inside.

When I was a child I never found my source of love.
My mother was mentally ill, so bonding was not possible for me.
I suffered such sadness and crushing isolation.
It lasted for ever - until I had therapy at about age 30.
If I had to condence my entire childhood into one sentence, it would be:
"There is no love."

When I encounter any love now, even at my age, a handful of ordinary kind words can bring me close to tears.
Because my mother never ever came for me when I cried, the experience of unexpected kindness now feels like:
"Is this my mum - has she really come back for me this time?"

Please forgive me - I had no intention of gatecrashing your lovely conversation, except to say that, I wouldn't mind betting that I'm not the only one here to have suffered the pain and terror of extreme isolation.
Well we have all found some love now.

A silly thought now - not possible of course - but I so wish this little group of people could just meet up, and have a beautiful arms all round cuddle.
I'd want to hang on there for ever.
Sorry if I sound so wet.
I love you all so much.
Thank you for being beautiful people,
Dave xxx

PS - 2:30am and I'm just back from a long distance gig.....g'night folks x

@Jazzer / Dave, thank you for sharing. I believe I understand what you mean about how encountering love can bring you to tears, due to earlier circumstances. I am struck by your self-awareness. Thank you for sharing your emotions and a bit of your story. Your feelings are absolutely welcome here - I think I can safely say that not only on my own behalf, but on the behalf of all of our wonderful fellow members. Hugs.

 

[john paul]

You guys are making me want a cat. We did have one many years ago, he was so lovely i miss him a lot.

@TracyJS

Hi, Tracy,

Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. We are hear to listen too you, i feel like this place is better than a councillor or a doctor, we are all here to help each other and sometimes just talking to people about how your feeling is really beneficial. It is a terrible condition it will bring most people to their knees no matter how much they seem to cope with it. Im feeling a lot better now after nearly 6 months but im still all over the place really from day to day. Im up and down several times a day at the moment from feeling ok, getting better and better to feeling like im getting nowhere and i dont know how im going to go on. My mum asks me how im feeling and i must seem like a schizophrenic, one day im like yeah its getting much better im feeling good its going to go away, then the next day im there with my head on table just in despair again. It really all just boils down to how much fight i have in me that day, which i cant pin point on any one thing in particular its just a mix of everything. Im sure that good regular sleep patterns is a big factor and trying to exercise in the day so that i'm tired when i go to bed. I found that my tinnitus got worse before it got better and that around 3 months is when the depression started to hit me quite badly. I just wanted to sleep all day to get away from it, i dont work anymore which im glad about but its left me twiddling my thumbs which is not ideal with this condition. Im trying to think positive at the moment, as much as i want to slip into a negative spiral as that seems like the natural way to go, i know that i must give myself the motivation to occupy myself, and keep feeling positive, if i don't i won't have any fight in me to give and the Tinnitus will win the battle. Stay strong and just treat each day as a battle to get through, once you know you can cope with one day from start to finish, you might start to feel better and not worry about how your going to do this so much. Hope you start to feel better soon.

 

[New Guy]

one day im like yeah its getting much better im feeling good its going to go away, then the next day im there with my head on table just in despair again. It really all just boils down to how much fight i have in me that day

Yup. That's it.

 

[Mystery Reader]

You guys are making me want a cat. We did have one many years ago, he was so lovely i miss him a lot.

@TracyJS

Hi, Tracy,

Im sorry to hear that you are feeling this way. We are hear to listen too you, i feel like this place is better than a councillor or a doctor, we are all here to help each other and sometimes just talking to people about how your feeling is really beneficial. It is a terrible condition it will bring most people to their knees no matter how much they seem to cope with it. Im feeling a lot better now after nearly 6 months but im still all over the place really from day to day. Im up and down several times a day at the moment from feeling ok, getting better and better to feeling like im getting nowhere and i dont know how im going to go on. My mum asks me how im feeling and i must seem like a schizophrenic, one day im like yeah its getting much better im feeling good its going to go away, then the next day im there with my head on table just in despair again. It really all just boils down to how much fight i have in me that day, which i cant pin point on any one thing in particular its just a mix of everything. Im sure that good regular sleep patterns is a big factor and trying to exercise in the day so that i'm tired when i go to bed. I found that my tinnitus got worse before it got better and that around 3 months is when the depression started to hit me quite badly. I just wanted to sleep all day to get away from it, i dont work anymore which im glad about but its left me twiddling my thumbs which is not ideal with this condition. Im trying to think positive at the moment, as much as i want to slip into a negative spiral as that seems like the natural way to go, i know that i must give myself the motivation to occupy myself, and keep feeling positive, if i don't i won't have any fight in me to give and the Tinnitus will win the battle. Stay strong and just treat each day as a battle to get through, once you know you can cope with one day from start to finish, you might start to feel better and not worry about how your going to do this so much. Hope you start to feel better soon.

@john paul
It really is true -- it isn't just the t that can fluctuate -- the emotions that come along with it can be all over the place, as well. It's hard to manage it all, sometimes. It's easy to 'spiral,' as you put it, but I do believe things can get better, and that looking at threads like this one that are full of encouragement is a good thing to do. Here's hoping tomorrow (or today, wherever you may be!) is a better one for all of us.

Mystery Reader

 

[billie48]

You guys are making me want a cat.

Me too. I used to have 2 cats, Jolly is a Turkish Van, and Bebe, a pure white Persian with blue eyes and pink eye lips. I miss them lots but had to give them up as my wife's chronic asthma just couldn't take the cat hairs floating in the air. Pictures of them were taken years ago with the old style camera. So it is not easy to post online but this stock picture looks exactly like my Bebe.

I agree with other posters that this thread is full of friendly, warm, caring, supportive posters with some highly positive, compassionate, even affectionate words exchanged between each other. This thread makes me proud of our forum and what it can achieve even with strangers from all over the world. Just love this. Keep it going. Hope everyone will improve and stay positive. The good days will come back. Count on it. God bless.

 

[New Guy]

@billie48

Man, that's one poofy kitty.