How to Be with Someone Having Tinnitus?

[Bill Bauer]

More often, men are the biggest loses should a marriage end in divorce.

I know a woman whose husband has been unemployed. When they divorced, he told her that he won't make any financial claims, as long as he gets 50% of the proceeds of the sale of their home (that was bought using her money). He got his wish.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I know a woman whose husband is unemployed. When they divorced, he told her that he won't make any financial claims, as long as he gets 50% of the proceeds of the sale of their home (that was bought using her money).

I agree with what @SugarMagnolia says. Some women are taken advantage of but in the majority of cases, men end up worst off because the judicial system is heavily biased against them. Just last week a neighbour told me, her Nephew, 42 years of age committed suicide. She described him as one of the nicest people she had ever known. He and his wife had a 10 month old baby. Out of the blue she said she wanted a divorce. He was told by the courts to leave the family home so went back to live with his parents. He was having difficulty gaining access to see his child. Cut a long story short, everything became too much for him.

 

[Starthrower]

Sometimes I think about what my parents did with us when we are kids, and plenty of activities were so loud I couldn't do it if I had a family !!!

Thinking about that makes me sad because this is like Life took away from me tons of possibilities to enjoy...

@Christophe_85 don't be sad about what has not happened. This may all change when that time comes around for you. You are a young great looking guy with what is more important a wonderful disposition about life. And that is what is an attraction for girls.

Ummm you will have to excuse my next post.......

 

[Starthrower]

I honestly feel pity @ MGTOW. I would spend a lifetime with tortuous T in exchange for the joy and pride of being a parent.

Or being in a great relationship.

This stupid MGTHOW? Try thinking with your brain instead of your dick!!

Men get themselves into these situations because they are just too stupid to see past the games some women will play!

And BTW this is 2018 and not 1950 with regards to divorce law.

And make your own thread for your negativity!! This is about how to be with someone with tinnitus. This proves that all that preaching about being positive and ignoring the negative people????? That aspect applies to all life situations. You are scaring people from being in relationships.

 

[RicoS]

I understand why men are not given any say in whether a fetus is aborted or not, but men should certainly take into account the fact that they Don't get any say in this matter, and act accordingly.

It is my understanding that most people's children don't seem to share their values. Most people are not even that close to their parents. It is a mystery to me why people have children.

Because people like sex and that is what you get...Because you are so in love with each other and you have that feeling of getting a baby. Not thinking about how it is 6 years after the baby comes but at that moment when you have sex and do not think clearly....everything in that moment is based on emotion instead of logic.. so then you get that baby and ....well you can fill in the rest

I am happy with my son but I also have a wonderful wife that doesn't nag all the time...(She never does) give me my space and we do stuff together which we like and if I do not like something, she does it with her friends etc etc.... I know relationships that are waaaayy different, but I have to be honest and cannot complain in any way...if there is somebody who has te right to complain than it would be her instead of me hahaha

 

[Bill Bauer]

Not thinking about how it is 6 years after the baby comes but at that moment when you have sex and do not think clearly.

My problem is that I can't stop thinking clearly. Whenever I would have sex, I would be thinking about how much it would suck if this were to backfire, pretty much the entire time.

 

[Michael Leigh]

@RicoS
Nicely written post and I agree with you....

 

[Michael Leigh]

My problem is that I can't stop thinking clearly. Whenever I would have sex, I would be thinking about how much it would suck if this were to backfire, pretty much the entire time.

You are not only cynical at times @Bill Barber but quite logical too. Thinking of all eventualities....

 

[Bill Bauer]

You are not only cynical at times @Bill Barber but quite logical too. Thinking of all eventualities....

There are Some risks (e.g., T, my entire life having to change as a result of enjoying something briefly, etc.) that I can't stop thinking about. I am able to ignore most of the other risks.

 

[Michael Leigh]

There are Some risks (e.g., T, my entire life having to change as a result of enjoying something briefly, etc.) that I can't stop thinking about. I am able to ignore most of the other risks.

Although you have had tinnitus for quite a while Bill, try not to think that you won't be able to enjoy life as before the onset of tinnitus. It took me 2 years to habituate the first time and 4 years the second. The 2nd time was the most difficult but I got my life back. Life is problematic and very few people go through it without having problems.

 

[glynis]

How to be with someone having tinnitus?
Being honest and talking with eachother and finding a balance and learning to understand their feelings and worries and things they can still enjoy and how moods can change that are not down to them but the tough times when we need to go at our own pace or want time on our own.
Don't give up on meeting your soul mate, lover,wife,husband because of tinnitus or the blessing of becoming a parent.
love glynis x

 

[Jcb]

Well I'll be dammed Bill....... I always got the impression you were a virgin from the way you wrote your posts.

My problem is that I can't stop thinking clearly. Whenever I would have sex, I would be thinking about how much it would suck if this were to backfire, pretty much the entire time.

 

[Jcb]

Wow reading some of the later replies in this thread is amusing..... but also actually quite sad.

 

[Agrajag364]

Oi @Bill Bauer are you comparing interacting with bears to interacting with women? I though you were one of these nice rational chaps with whom one could have a logical discussion on tinnitus without gender being relevant...unlike the occasional bloke on this forum

 

[Bill Bauer]

I always got the impression you were a virgin from the way you wrote your posts.

Reading Your post, I am getting an impression that not being a virgin hasn't worked out very well for you, and that as a result my posts had bothered you, you needed to do something about the cognitive dissonance and the above is the best you could come up with.

 

[Jcb]

Reading Your post, I am getting an impression that not being a virgin hasn't worked out very well for you, and that as a result my posts had bothered you, you needed to do something about the cognitive dissonance and the above is the best you could come up with.

Your reply is a bit of a reach. I was genuinely shocked Bill. Not being a virgin has worked out extremely well for me But thanks for your concern.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Your reply is a bit of a reach.

And yours wasn't?

Not being a virgin has worked out extremely well for me

I am genuinely shocked. But then I remembered what Voltaire once said:

"The human brain is a complex organ with the wonderful power of enabling man to find reasons for continuing to believe whatever it is that he wants to believe."

 

[Jcb]

And yours wasn't?

I am genuinely shocked. But then I thought about what Voltaire once said:

Seems I've hit a nerve, from the way you write your posts/replies in which you've said many times you don't need nor like human contact, social interaction, have great self control when it comes to the opposite sex, you like to live your life in solitude, you prefer money and being materialistic over everything etc etc etc etc etc I got the wrong impression that you were a virgin (no shame even if you were)
You do you Bill it's all good.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Seems I've hit a nerve

Seems like one of us did, and it wasn't you.

 

[Elfin]

Being a parent is like a disability (in the sense that it prevents you from doing the things that you want to do, and spending time the way you want to spend your time). I would resent having a disability, and would spend all of my time thinking about ways to get well again. I would pray for the kid to get sick and die. But of course this is not how it works. You don't pray for wealth, you steal the money and pray for forgiveness. So I would have to find a way to get the kid to do something like sticking scissors into a power outlet (would that just set off a circuit breaker? I am so thankful that I am free and that there is no need for me to look into all of that nonsense). It would be a horrific memory to have to live with, but to remain a parent would be even more terrible.

Suicide would be another option. I am not sure what option I would end up choosing, but I know for a fact that both the child and myself being alive at the same time would not be an acceptable option for me, not for long, anyway.

Of course the above assumes that for some reason I Had to be around the child. If I could just drop the child off at an orphanage, there would be no need to take any of those more drastic steps.

All of the above is just a long-winded way of saying that I would not make for a great dad.

I don't know whether this is tongue-in-cheek or serious, but it's one of the most outlandish I have ever heard...

 

[Jcb]

Seems like one of us did, and it wasn't you.

Yes Bill, You did hit a nerve and if we are both being honest.... I'm devastated, like totally devastated that you have unravelled my whole existence I will have to somehow power through this enlightenment that you've blessed me with. Thanks man.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Yes Bill, You did hit a nerve and if we are both being honest.... I'm devastated, like totally devastated that you have unravelled my whole existence I will have to somehow power through this enlightenment that you've blessed me with. Thanks man.

Good for you.

 

[Bill Bauer]

I don't know whether this is tongue-in-cheek or serious, but it's one of the most outlandish I have ever heard...

It is serious.

 

[Christophe_85]

Same here man. I made peace that I will never live a normal life. Oh well it was fun while it lasted.

I agree, but I am clearly not in peace with that yet...

At 32 years old, I have plenty of things to do but can I with this ???

 

[Christophe_85]

It is serious.

I respect your arguments, but you have always been lonely and always liked it right ???

And you have a very bad opinion with relationships anyway... T or H have nothing to do with that, am I wrong ?

 

[Bill Bauer]

you have always been lonely

I've never been lonely, but yes, I played my cards right and was able to earn the privilege to be left alone.

T or H have nothing to do with that

That's right.

 

[kelpiemsp]

I've never been lonely, but yes, I played my cards right and was able to earn the privilege to be left alone.

That's right.

This is all wrong. If your goal is to be alone you just don't play your cards. In what situation do you play your cards "wrong" and end up in a happy, loving relationship?

 

[Bill Bauer]

If your goal is to be alone you just don't play your cards.

I didn't get married, didn't end up being a father - I played my cards right.

In what situation do you play your cards "wrong" and end up in a happy, loving relationship?

If 50% of marriages end in a divorce, and a considerable fraction of the remaining marriages are unhappy ones, with people staying together for the sake of the kids, or because they don't want to pay alimony, etc, then the expected payoff of getting married is negative, and that is the definition of "playing your cards wrong."

 

[kelpiemsp]

I didn't get married, didn't end up being a father - I played my cards right.

To me that's sounds like not playing the game. Playing your cards right is being one of the lucky few who is in an amazing relationship living their best life. You miss every pitch you don't swing at!

That's just losing the game.

 

[Bill Bauer]

Playing your cards right is being one of the lucky few who is in an amazing relationship living their best life.

This is the difference between introverts and extroverts for you. Introverts don't have to do anything to be happy, whereas extroverts have to jump through hoops for a chance to be happy. The above kind of makes it self-evident which one is the healthier personality to have. In any case, believe it or not, I am living my best life. If I were to give in to peer pressure back when I was younger, and not think for myself, I would be in a relationship now and the game would have been lost.