I'm Not Committing Suicide. I'm Being Murdered by Merciless Tinnitus.

[Bam]

Hey @Bam

Or maybe he's a little like me, where I've noticed at times different parts of myself do not seem to be exactly lining up with each other. Case in point: I awoke up from a nap about an hour ago. Shortly after, I remembered a dream I woke up from. I was crying uncontrollably as I felt (and heard) the full weight of tinnitus weighing down on me. It was a gut wrenching dream experience, accompanied by a hollowed out feeling that is almost beyond description.

As I slowly woke up and began to become more aware of my physical circumstances, I became more aware of the somewhat "stoic" state I've acquired in the past many months. I don't cry daily like I did in the beginning, and don't talk to my wife too much about it either, as it makes her more cognizant of her own tinnitus. Though hers is 90% less "troublesome" than mine, I still don't want her to put any more attention than she forced to.

So it appears I've acquired a somewhat stoic outer "posture" regarding my tinnitus, that is more than likely vastly different from my inner posture. -- Hard to put dream experiences and inner senses of things into words, but I can totally relate to anybody else experiencing somewhat of a dissonance between what they post on the board, and what they're actually experiencing. Tinnitus/hyperacusis is such a profound experience for so many of us, it's just going to take time to reach some sort of equilibrium.

I'm pretty impressed with how well @Jazzer has done, even though it's apparent he's also dealing with a very severe form of tinnitus. He's done it with meditation / passive resistance / hyponosis. @fishbone seems to do well with his very active physical routine(s). Others have done it with other means. But I suspect most with severe tinnitus are going to have moments on both sides of the survival spectrum, no matter how well their own particular coping methods are working. -- Human beings are very complex creatures!

He's nothing like you Lane. You're a kind sensitive compassionate soul who is very honest and open.

In fairness to him he's probably not able to be this way and is deeply scared like all of us and just doesn't know how to cope with that level of fear, other than to pretend it's not happening or as bad as his heart is telling him. That is why I didn't mention his name.

 

[Nanny chocolate]

Morning bam. T is the first thing we wake up to. The relentless stalker.
@Bam

 

[Bam]

Morning bam. T is the first thing we wake up to. The relentless stalker.
@Bam

T and my dog licking my face. The other relentless stalker.

 

[Wolfears]

Which one should be more powerful?

There is no easy answer to that one... if you mean in terms of decibels, they are roughly about the same.

9mm projectile is lighter than 45, so it travels a bit faster and penetrates deeper.
45 is slower and heavier, but leaves a bigger hole.

40 is somewhere in between.

 

[just1morething]

45 is slower and heavier, but leaves a bigger hole

For some reason a hole in my head doesn't sound very appealing. I would like to stay on this side of the grass.

 

[slipware]

There are times when I really need support for intrusive, relentless tinnitus, but this forum, particularly this thread just makes us more depressed. I'm really surprised admin haven't turned off comments.

Sad.

 

[jasonbourne]

Yeah fair enough, but Honestly, the people that I know that don't have tinnitus are really sympathetic, the ones that do have it seem like they could care less.

My gf has moderate tinnitus and hearing loss from working at a nightclub for years, she can not understand what the big deal is, because to her, what she experiences is tinnitus, it bothers her at times, but it doesn't really have any impact on her life besides being annoying. She can not wrap her head around it coming in any different form than what she has. I definitely don't hold this against her, as this seems to be a tough concept for most people to grasp. Maybe it's a lack of imagination.

When you had light tinnitus did you have the same attitude as these people?

If so then you must understand where they are coming from.

When I had mild tinnitus I came across this forum (during the ignorant googling stage) and didn't make an account until my tinnitus got much louder. You know why? Because I used this forum as a way of getting myself to appreciate my mild tinnitus and stop being ungrateful. The stories I read of severe sufferers kept me in check and I realised that life wasn't so bad.

I would have never dared to make a post on here spreading hippy happy bullshit because that's just shameful and insulting after everything I've read. I knew I had mild tinnitus, and I don't understand why other people with mild tinnitus here can't do the same. It's like they have some sort of victim complex and they want others to recognize their suffering rather than those who aren't hypochondriacs and are truly in hell. They aren't here to help.

 

[Wolfears]

There are times when I really need support for intrusive, relentless tinnitus, but this forum, particularly this thread just makes us more depressed. I'm really surprised admin haven't turned off comments.

Sad.

So you would prefer censorship for the sufferers who need to vent?

Maybe we should ban those "bad" members, whom dare to be on the brink of suicide because of severe Tinnitus, burry our heads in the sand and pretend that they don't exist?

That sounds like a great strategy.

Once we get rid of them party poopers, maybe we can all talk about rainbows and unicorns instead?

Or maybe we should not be hiding from reality and call things by their propper names?

What do you think?

 

[Bam]

There are times when I really need support for intrusive, relentless tinnitus, but this forum, particularly this thread just makes us more depressed. I'm really surprised admin haven't turned off comments.

Sad.

I'm sorry you suffer and I'm sorry you feel this way.

Atrocities go on all around the world my friend because people would rather turn a blind eye and pretend awful things happen to 'other people'. Unfortunately severe relentless tinnnitus and the current attitude of the medical community who belittles and treats is at a minor 'symptom' leaving people to suffer endlessly or kill themselves, is an atrocity, a medical war crime if you will.....and it can happen to anyone.

All any of us want is that to change so nobody has to be shoved into a lonely dark corner of society to suffer like this.

Silencing this thread and maintaining the status quo is exactly what all the ENT's, doctors and coping industry leaches all want. So they can go on belittling, sneering and stealing off their easy prey.....trapped sufferers.

 

[Audiophile_bg]

There are times when I really need support for intrusive, relentless tinnitus, but this forum, particularly this thread just makes us more depressed. I'm really surprised admin haven't turned off comments.

Sad.

So... why would they turn off the comments for this thread?

 

[Jazzer]

There are times when I really need support for intrusive, relentless tinnitus, but this forum, particularly this thread just makes us more depressed. I'm really surprised admin haven't turned off comments.

Sad.

Great effort on your part slipware!

Shall we tell people that severe relentless intrusive Tinnitus is pretty much a stroll in the park?

A bit like telling motor neurone sufferers that it's not too bad really - cos you get to have plenty of rest.

Why not just tell the truth?

 

[Red]

They literally promote insanity. The same thing over and over expecting a different result.

Like it legit shocks me that they would promote a scam like TRT, which is inexcusably expensive (like my non-working, no insurance ass can afford even a McDonald's meal at this point), as the premier tinnitus treatment. They even say "no it won't cure tinnitus, but it'll be like that pair of pants you never notice". ARE YOU F*****G KIDDING ME?! Comparing this mental torturous condition to my Air Jordan shorts?!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I want to cry just thinking about how much nobody gives a f*** about us.

And it makes me devalue life, mine and others. I have zero empathy.

We even had the golden A Star is Born publicity but the ATA screwed the pooch on that one.
I F*****G HATE EVERYTHING

Air Jordan shorts lined with spikes that twist, stab, pinch, and produce burning heat. Don't worry; you'll get used to it.

 

[Red]

When I had mild tinnitus I came across this forum (during the ignorant googling stage) and didn't make an account until my tinnitus got much louder. You know why? Because I used this forum as a way of getting myself to appreciate my mild tinnitus and stop being ungrateful. The stories I read of severe sufferers kept me in check and I realised that life wasn't so bad.

I would have never dared to make a post on here spreading hippy happy bullshit because that's just shameful and insulting after everything I've read. I knew I had mild tinnitus, and I don't understand why other people with mild tinnitus here can't do the same. It's like they have some sort of victim complex and they want others to recognize their suffering rather than those who aren't hypochondriacs and are truly in hell. They aren't here to help.

I'm pleased they aren't like you. I have yet to read one post from you that doesn't read as a backhanded comment against fellow sufferers.

Tinnitus is a life sentence. You, yourself, are proof of this. Started off as mild. Same as Jazzer, DPDX, and countless others. If you're mild, severe T is waiting right around the corner for you. Here are things you have to say bye to if you want to prevent severe T:

-Clubs, bars, parties, including weddings and graduations
-Religious ceremonies, church, funerals
-70% of all medicine which has varying chances of making your T worse, giving you H, or vertigo
-Any number of procedures at the ENT office, including wax removal
-Theater: performance or cinema
-Restaurants
-Conventions, sports events
-Headphones
-Amusement parks, arcades
-Playing, creating music. Concerts
-Several careers
-Dental cleanings and Procedures
-Operating household appliances: vacuum cleaners, washing machines, blenders
-Yardwork, home improvement
-Standing at the wrong place at the wrong time

...And this isn't even a full list. If you have mild T you better live as a hermit or you will get worse. Yes, that is a terrible thing to go through that does need support. And no, you can't live a normal life with mild T. Mild T is just the precursor to severe T. The returning members with worsened cases just make my point for me.

 

[Jazzer]

@Red

I so appreciate your post.

Dave x
Jazzer

 

[Jason37]

I'm pleased they aren't like you. I have yet to read one post from you that doesn't read as a backhanded comment against fellow sufferers.

Tinnitus is a life sentence. You, yourself, are proof of this. Started off as mild. Same as Jazzer, DPDX, and countless others. If you're mild, severe T is waiting right around the corner for you. Here are things you have to say bye to if you want to prevent severe T:

-Clubs, bars, parties, including weddings and graduations
-Religious ceremonies, church, funerals
-70% of all medicine which has varying chances of making your T worse, giving you H, or vertigo
-Any number of procedures at the ENT office, including wax removal
-Theater: performance or cinema
-Restaurants
-Conventions, sports events
-Headphones
-Amusement parks, arcades
-Playing, creating music. Concerts
-Several careers
-Dental cleanings and Procedures
-Operating household appliances: vacuum cleaners, washing machines, blenders
-Yardwork, home improvement
-Standing at the wrong place at the wrong time

...And this isn't even a full list. If you have mild T you better live as a hermit or you will get worse. Yes, that is a terrible thing to go through that does need support. And no, you can't live a normal life with mild T. Mild T is just the precursor to severe T. The returning members with worsened cases just make my point for me.

I'm so sure millions of people with mild tinnitus don't go to restaurants or take there kids to an arcade. They are all for sure going to worsen their tinnitus?

Seriously, this is the epitomy of fear mongering. How many cops and fire fighters have tinnitus and work many years with it.

I'm sure Chris Martin had magical ears and all those concerts the last 11 years must have been below 75 dB. Not going to a funeral, really? So I guess millions of us just need to quit our jobs and stay in soundproof rooms and tell our families we can't provide for them anymore.

What about David Letterman who has had it for forever, I'm pretty sure his environment wasn't quiet.

My uncle has been working in factory for 30 years with cricket tinnitus and still mows the lawn with an industrial mower twice a week.

You simply cannot make a blanket statement that everyone is going to get severe tinnitus.

 

[jasonbourne]

Because he knows I'm having a tough time trying to get used to this. He was trying to teach me a lesson. I'm only 70 days in and he's had it for 30 years...

Fair enough.

 

[Tinker Bell]

I'm pleased they aren't like you. I have yet to read one post from you that doesn't read as a backhanded comment against fellow sufferers.

Tinnitus is a life sentence. You, yourself, are proof of this. Started off as mild. Same as Jazzer, DPDX, and countless others. If you're mild, severe T is waiting right around the corner for you. Here are things you have to say bye to if you want to prevent severe T:

-Clubs, bars, parties, including weddings and graduations
-Religious ceremonies, church, funerals
-70% of all medicine which has varying chances of making your T worse, giving you H, or vertigo
-Any number of procedures at the ENT office, including wax removal
-Theater: performance or cinema
-Restaurants
-Conventions, sports events
-Headphones
-Amusement parks, arcades
-Playing, creating music. Concerts
-Several careers
-Dental cleanings and Procedures
-Operating household appliances: vacuum cleaners, washing machines, blenders
-Yardwork, home improvement
-Standing at the wrong place at the wrong time

...And this isn't even a full list. If you have mild T you better live as a hermit or you will get worse. Yes, that is a terrible thing to go through that does need support. And no, you can't live a normal life with mild T. Mild T is just the precursor to severe T. The returning members with worsened cases just make my point for me.

What is odd is that I personally know or know of multiple people IRL who do some or all of those things and it has not impacted their tinnitus. Several of them have had tinnitus for 20 years.

One person's T did get worse, but it got worse due to a health condition. And she still continues to do many of the things on that list without any additional worsening.

It's very peculiar. Why do someone people get worse while others do not?

 

[Jason37]

Because most do not. The list is BS.

 

[PDodge]

What is odd is that I personally know or know of multiple people IRL who do some or all of those things and it has not impacted their tinnitus. Several of them have had tinnitus for 20 years.

One person's T did get worse, but it got worse due to a health condition. And she still continues to do many of the things on that list without any additional worsening.

It's very peculiar. Why do someone people get worse while others do not?

Ya same here! I've never known anything to directly impact mine except for sleep...

 

[Wolfears]

Because most do not. The list is BS.

That list is very real to those who do.
Almost every day there seems to be a new tinnitus veteran looking for support (whom also most likely thought the list is bunch of BS)...until their tinnitus turned worse.

If you want to play Russian roulette that is up to you, but the list that @Red had put together is very reasonable...
Once you are already compromised by Tinnitus, staying away from any of the above (or at least limiting your exposure) is just common sense.

 

[Alex Matyjasek]

Sounds like a stay at home list. Don't go out, don't do anything otherwise you're eventually doomed.

 

[Wolfears]

Sounds like a stay at home list. Don't go out, don't do anything otherwise you're eventually doomed.

Yes it is pretty restrictive indeed.
But Tinnitus and ordinary life don't mix too well...unfortunately.

This is why we need a cure, or at least an effective treatment ASAP.

 

[Alex Matyjasek]

Yes it is pretty restrictive indeed.
But Tinnitus and ordinary life don't mix too well...unfortunately.

This is why we need a cure, or at least an effective treatment ASAP.

So people who claim that nothing has happened to them doing these activities basically risked it? Does this count for all different kind it T's?

 

[Sam Bridge]

Yes it is pretty restrictive indeed.
But Tinnitus and ordinary life don't mix too well...unfortunately.

This is why we need a cure, or at least an effective treatment ASAP.

I thought your tinnitus was fading?

 

[Jason37]

Yes it is pretty restrictive indeed.
But Tinnitus and ordinary life don't mix too well...unfortunately.

This is why we need a cure, or at least an effective treatment ASAP.

So all of the millions of people with tinnitus sit at home and don't do laundry or go out to eat? And they don't make a living as well. All of our combat veterans leave the military because of it and if they don't they get worse. Wow that is a big surprise. Where did you get stats? I guess I'll just stop working and raising my kids and live on a dirty carpet.

 

[Jason37]

So people who claim that nothing has happened to them doing these activities basically risked it? Does this count for all different kind it T's?

This is stupid, you can't lay in the bed and stare at the ceiling all day. Get off this thread if you want rational advice from someone.

 

[Jason37]

This is as bad when someone on here said if they had tinnitus and a child they would find a way to get rid of them or make their death look like an accident.

 

[Alex Matyjasek]

I've got a bloody annoying eeee (in my right ear) for the last week that the only thing that has helped and with the other noise (that i've got in my head) is getting out of the house and doing things. I use earbuds and off I go. I think locking yourself inside the house and listening to it 24/7 only makes life more miserable then it really needs to be... Thanks for the advice but I prefer to risk it.

 

[Wolfears]

I thought your tinnitus was fading?

Yes it did..but I still remember how it feels to be debilitated by severe Tinnitus...
Those guys need as much help as they can get.

 

[Wolfears]

So all of the millions of people with tinnitus sit at home and don't do laundry or go out to eat? And they don't make a living as well. All of our combat veterans leave the military because of it and if they don't they get worse. Wow that is a big surprise. Where did you get stats? I guess I'll just stop working and raising my kids and live on a dirty carpet.

Listen here bud...your bad attempts at sarcasm are getting somewhat old.
Let me try this from a different angle so even you can understand it.

There are millions of people around the world engaging in unprotected sex as we speek.
There are millions more working without proper protective equipment and there are even more doing other stupid shit such as hardcore drugs etc..

But guess what...most of them will get away with it at the end of the day.
If this is your argument, than I have no choice but to capitulate in light of your superior wisdom..