I'm Not Committing Suicide. I'm Being Murdered by Merciless Tinnitus.

[Ed209]

I'm gonna take a wild stab at "David"?

This has gone on too long already, but all the anonymous donors are TT members and I know all of them. I can't exactly say their names on here can I, but I know their real names and their TT names. Whoever David is trying to take credit for is beyond me, but I think it's pretty shallow.

 

[david c]

David just give it up, buddy, and learn a lesson from it. Don't lie about things like that in future because it's really distasteful.

Let's be clear - you are the one who has accused me - completely unprovoked - of lying.

You say that you know the names of everyone who has donated. You say that you know that I have not donated. To know that you must therefore know what my real name is.

So please tell us all what it is.

 

[david c]

I'm gonna take a wild stab at "David"?

Good try - but not in fact correct. Forum names often aren't the same as real names for those who prefer anonymity.

 

[brownbear]

@Ed209. You seem like such a nice person who has gone through a lot.

I'm not sure if it's good for you to get embroiled in these battles. I've had major setbacks by getting involved with the periodic tinnitus severity threads and in the end you usually get told you don't have severe tinnitus or just told to fuck off.

Maybe you are more resilient than me but be careful. You have to look after yourself too.

Best wishes and thank you for all your hard work.

 

[Elfin]

Good try - but not in fact correct. Forum names often aren't the same as real names for those who prefer anonymity.

Fair play. Thought I was onto at least half a point with that guess.

You say that you know the names of everyone who has donated. You say that you know that I have not donated. To know that you must therefore know what my real name is.

So please tell us all what it is.

I do not know if you donated or not and do not wish to judge, but the above isn't true. Ed does not need to know your name and may indeed not know it, but all he needs to know are the names of those who donated. If 10 people anonymously donated and Ed knows the exact 10, your real name is of no relevance to him

 

[david c]

It's sad that this individual @Ed209 is yet again attacking people - entirely unprovoked - on these forums - lying, laziness, hypocrisy, The list of accusations goes on from him - none of it remotely helps the many people suffering severe tinnitus.

 

[annV]

If Ed does - as he claims know the full name of every single person who donated to the fund, and claims he knows my real name is not among them

How daft are you? If he knows every single person who donated to the fund and you're not one of them then that means you are lying. Sheeeeeesh. How pathetic you're trying to crawl out of your lies.

 

[david c]

How daft are you? If he knows every single person who donated to the fund and you're not one of them then that means you are lying. Sheeeeeesh. How pathetic you're trying to crawl out of your lies.

Not as daft as someone who believes that they inherited their tinnitus.

 

[Basshell]

I would love to wake up tomorrow in silence but I can't think of anything better than not waking up at all......This is the cursed state we exist in I'm afraid.

once again you sum it up perfectly. We are on the same page in our analysis of our suffering and where we are with it. It also seems everyone else is having a punch up on this thread but personally I'm too exhausted to care about that!

 

[Audiophile_bg]

Jesus. I read this thread and im crying and speechless...
Hugs to @Bam . We should do something to help him..

 

[Basshell]

Jesus. I read this thread and im crying and speechless...
Hugs to @Bam . We should do something to help him..

Can you help me as well please

 

[Audiophile_bg]

Can you help me as well please

I'd like to help everyone here.

 

[Jay j]

Howdy I'm jay just wanted to say hi and introduce myself ! Have been suffering the( all too familiar for you guys I'm sure) T since 1998 when was I was 18 resulted from a head trauma.To be honest the first 15 years even though a constant ringing in my right ear accompanied with the hearing loss ..I felt I dealt with it pretty good but these last few years the sharp pitch and shrill sounds can be almost unbearable and I thought it might be beneficial to join the chat with a few likeminded individuals who clearly understand that everyone doesn't ! Anyways hi and hope some relief if only small is real and coming for all of you.

 

[Wolfears]

Howdy I'm jay just wanted to say hi and introduce myself ! Have been suffering the( all too familiar for you guys I'm sure) T since 1998 when was I was 18 resulted from a head trauma.To be honest the first 15 years even though a constant ringing in my right ear accompanied with the hearing loss ..I felt I dealt with it pretty good but these last few years the sharp pitch and shrill sounds can be almost unbearable and I thought it might be beneficial to join the chat with a few likeminded individuals who clearly understand that everyone doesn't ! Anyways hi and hope some relief if only small is real and coming for all of you.

You are definitely not alone here....lately there seems to be many posts just like yours.

Lot of long time sufferers, whose Tinnitus became worse...sometimes for a reason, sometimes for no reason at all.

 

[Jazzer]

In my opinion - giving - donating - frequency - amount - to whom - attitude to etc....
is a matter of personal integrity - personal choice, and means - and from my own perspective will always remain confidential.
Just my own two bobs worth.
(Oops - didn't mean to mention figures!)

 

[Basshell]

@Bam
As much as you summarised our very very reluctantly shared hell so well, I am leaning heavily towards making my way upstairs by the end of the year. The destruction in my life is accumulative right now with this hell and I just cannot go on like this anymore.

 

[Lane]

I just read the past three pages of this thread. Much to take in. To mention, I'm one of those who's never been comfortable with the word habituation--from the get go. It can mean so many things for so many people, and I myself don't believe I could ever achieve what seems to be the more commonly accepted definition of it (doesn't bother me anymore).

So I mostly stay away from using the word habituation on this forum, and in my own thoughts. At this time, I think more in terms of being able to cope or endure. I also think in terms of adjusting, rationalizing, philosiphying, and more. I suspect I'll come up with more angles from which to look at it in the future. What resonates with me most at this time are the words patience and creativity. It gives me an element of hope (perhaps dillusional), which seems to be an antedote for my thinking I'm unlikely to ever achieve "habituation".

Since hope seems to be sort of a balm for me, I try to be creative in thinking what combination of things can I possibly do to give me at least an element of relief. I put more stock into this mindset than I do in hoping modern science will come up with something for us. I've played that waiting games with other health challenges, and believe our own resourcefulness is going to be our (individually and collectively) best hope going forward. -- I'm currently looking at different natural ways to significantly stimulate stem cell activity. -- Best to Everyone...

 

[Bam]

@Bam
As much as you summarised our very very reluctantly shared hell so well, I am leaning heavily towards making my way upstairs by the end of the year. The destruction in my life is accumulative right now with this hell and I just cannot go on like this anymore.

You've lived through a war my friend. And you deserve an end to your suffering. A shot at peace. I completely understand.

How can I advocate suicide? I can't. I would never promote suicide to a vulnerable person but I do fully understand and I truly believe that our health care system has horribly failed people like you who have suffered way too long.

In the abscence of a cure you should be given an end of life option, rather than have to take the route of murdering yourself.

Wrong. On so many levels. Belgium has the right idea on this. They don't see Tinnitus as a minor inconvenience.

 

[Bam]

If only we all had such brave and supportive families as this man who had tinnitus and mercifully did not have to resort to a lonely suicide but was given a humane end. 19 mins in.

 

[Telis]

If only we all had such brave and supportive families as this man who had tinnitus and mercifully did not have to resort to a lonely suicide but was given a humane end. 19 mins in.

I look at my dog and envy her, she will never have to suffer for a prolonged period of time, I won't let her, she will go out peacefully when it's time. Unfortunately for humans in most parts of the world, we don't have the same luxury as our pets, very strange

 

[Bam]

I look at my dog and envy her, she will never have to suffer for a prolonged period of time, I won't let her, she will go out peacefully when it's time. Unfortunately for humans in most parts of the world, we don't have the same luxury as our pets, very strange

I hear you. It's just bizarre that 'valuing' human life over that of a pet, equates to making people suffer for as long as humanely possible.

 

[Eric N]

I look at my dog and envy her, she will never have to suffer for a prolonged period of time, I won't let her, she will go out peacefully when it's time. Unfortunately for humans in most parts of the world, we don't have the same luxury as our pets, very strange

I don't need anyone's permission to die and I don't have that much of a problem with doing it. What stops me for now is it going to make my family members sad and the small hope of a treatment coming soon.

 

[Telis]

I hear you. It's just bizarre that 'valuing' human life over that of a pet, equates to making people suffer for as long as humanely possible.

More money for big pharma that way. Desperate suffering people = big $$$$$$$. The last part of life, the sick part that most would choose to skip, is the most profitable of all.

 

[Telis]

I don't need anyone's permission to die and I don't have that much of a problem with doing it. What stops me for now is it going to make my family members sad and the small hope of a treatment coming soon.

Yeah me too, I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, and yeah, always hope that you can get better some how. But, unlike you, I don't have so much confidence in myself if I had to do it. I don't like the idea of violently trying to destroy myself. I would rather have a peaceful guaranteed way out if I have to go. Lacking the balls as well I guess, I find the thought of rigging something that fails absolutely terrifying.

 

[Basshell]

If only we all had such brave and supportive families as this man who had tinnitus and mercifully did not have to resort to a lonely suicide but was given a humane end. 19 mins in.

I really wish so much that the right to die was observed like this in the UK.

The narrator in this film is highly irritating. He doesn't seem to truly want to understand what it's like to suffer deeply.

Still, i watched it all the way through. It made me emotional at the end. My reasoning for the emotion is because i recognised the pain people are in and feel they want to leave the world, not because of the act they are making. Empathy. I don't compare my own suffering with anyone else's but I feel my own personal suffering is unbearable right now.

In the video, there seems to be this underlying moral objection and shock that people with many years left want to take their own life. I see it completely irrelevant how old someone is and how many perceived years they have left.

 

[Bam]

Yeah me too, I wouldn't want to hurt anyone, and yeah, always hope that you can get better some how. But, unlike you, I don't have so much confidence in myself if I had to do it. I don't like the idea of violently trying to destroy myself. I would rather have a peaceful guaranteed way out if I have to go. Lacking the balls as well I guess, I find the thought of rigging something that fails absolutely terrifying.

As well as being terrified of ballsing it up, hurting those left behind and deserting my dog. I also wholly object to having to murder myself when we have possibly the most torturous medical condition known to man.

It seems very very wrong that some 85 year old whose just a bit fed up with life is viewed as morally beyond reproach for checking out at Dignitas, and yet we are expected to slave away with this mental torture for decades and looked down on if we dare to say we would rather be dead.

 

[Wolfears]

I also wholly object to having to murder myself when we have possibly the most torturous medical condition known to man.

I also maintain that there could be very few (and likely very rare) conditions, that could even come close to the horrifying torture of severe Tinnitus.

It is the 24/7 permanency with no way out (except for one) and no relief.
There are literally hundreds of pain medications out there...but not a SINGLE ONE to lower the volume.
Nothing.

The additional pain of being completelly abandoned (and often downplayed, belittled and even ridiculed) by the medical community, coupled with being thought of as bunch of "catastrophising" wimps even by some of our own is just the icing on the cake.

 

[just1morething]

My feet, hands tingle, often i can't lift my arms off the bed because they're just completely dead.

Motor vehicle accidents can really raise havoc with our bodies. My toes are numb and sting, probably from L4-L5 wear and tear. I was in car accidents when I was young and have had a lot of neck and back issues. The inertia from car accidents is so severe. Texting and driving is so dumb and careless. I really feel bad for you.

 

[Bam]

The additional pain of being completelly abandoned (and often downplayed, belittled and even ridiculed) by the medical community, coupled with being thought of as bunch of "catastrophising" wimps even by some of our own is just the icing on the cake.

Last time I went to my GP it was on referral from my shrink whose letter pissed me off as it read. 'Bam came to me with anxiety and depression.'

Well no I didn't! I came to you because I have screaming tinnitus and it's fucking horrid.

So anyway I got a male doctor who proceeded to laugh at my distress and said cheerily, ' you're just getting old, things go wrong.'

That was 3 months ago. I will never return to a doctor ever again. Im not advocating suicide but I have obtained what I need to peacefully end my life and I would use it in a heartbeat rather than deal with another one of those insensitive c**** over any issue going forward.

And I would rather work my ass off all day on my bike and drink a six pack at night to sleep than take their fucked up useless drugs.

I despise the medical community now. None of them give a shit.

 

[david c]

Last time I went to my GP it was on referral from my shrink whose letter pissed me off as it read. 'Bam came to me with anxiety and depression.'

Well no I didn't! I came to you because I have screaming tinnitus and it's fucking horrid.

So anyway I got a male doctor who proceeded to laugh at my distress and said cheerily, ' you're just getting old, things go wrong.'

That was 3 months ago. I will never return to a doctor ever again. Im not advocating suicide but I have obtained what I need to peacefully end my life and I would use it in a heartbeat rather than deal with another one of those insensitive c**** over any issue going forward.

And I would rather work my ass off all day on my bike and drink a six pack at night to sleep than take their fucked up useless drugs.

I despise the medical community now. None of them give a shit.

The denial by the medical profession that tinnitus is a problem in its own right - is one of the biggest challenges we face right now. In the UK NICE are apparently publishing a tinnitus strategy with recommendations for GPs in 2020 - but that's far too late of course - it should have come about much sooner.

One of the main hurdles is the claim that for "the vast majority" of those with tinnitus it isn't a problem at all - not even a "minor" problem. The evidence for this claim is dubious to non-existent and getting it removed from the main tinnitus information websites will be one of our biggest steps forward.

Hang in there BAM - things will start to improve - my own experience with "habituation" is that time and loud noise avoidance were the things that helped most.