Loosing It!

[Grace]

Hope your okay Telis..

Sorry that you are suffering so much, Telis. There are so many excellent posts from caring members. Hope you will find some improvement following some of their suggestions. T can be such a monster at times and our mind can just lose itself in anxiety and panic which fuel T to get worse due to the stress. I don't have any magic bullet for your situation except to encourage you to be patient with T. It takes time for T to settle to baseline and it takes time for the body to absorb in all these new alien sensations. Have you checked with ENTs on your hearing? I hope you won't face deafness. But if you do, heaven forbids, it is still livable.

In my 5 years with T and posting at various forums, I have encountered some cases of people who are either completely deaf of semi deaf. Their T are unmaskable. One such example is a young pretty European girl called Zoe Cartwright, who at a young 15 became totally deaf. She said she had *#$%^&* loud T which is unmaskable. Yet she made the wise decision to stay calm to accept the reality of her T. She went on to university and there she made a tinnitus film as a project. Here is her film:

So I hope you don't get too down on yourself. There are so many options of treatment you can try. Hope you will start gaining it instead of losing it. Try read up the Positivity Thread to try to stay more positive. It may not stop T but it can help lift your spirit.

That video made me cry!!!!!! Shes beautiful!

 

[attheedgeofscience]

Shes beautiful!

That would be hard to deny. Which quite possibly is the only uplifting "thing" about the film. And with her suffering, I do not blame her. I suggest someone quickly posts this film to the much viewed "positivity thread" - right where it belongs.

The suffering we all have to go through sooner or later in life is unimaginable. With that in mind, I am glad that I never had children. And I am glad that I never will...

 

[Alex Senkowski]

Great, now I'm depressed.

 

[Alex Senkowski]

Now I'm suddenly feeling better for no fathomable reason. Weird. Hitting rock bottom is sometimes the only way to see all the great stuff above you.

 

[RaZaH]

Cheer up people !
Kidding!

But yeah , I get fleeting T where my hearing drops a LOT , all the time.
I have decided to not care and use it as a reminder of how loud it can get ( and how loud it once was) and enjoy going back to my "normal" level.

Thats my shitty advice

 

[Grace]

Cheer up people !
Kidding!

But yeah , I get fleeting T where my hearing drops a LOT , all the time.
I have decided to not care and use it as a reminder of how loud it can get ( and how loud it once was) and enjoy going back to my "normal" level.

Thats my shitty advice

I get that too alot, soo scary when it happens cause my first thought is NOOOOO im going deaf!!! But always comes back and the. i realize i just took that pill for having a panic attack for no reason lol. I feel like a weirdo sometimes freakin out over that. But that girl in the video is just so beautiful i wish i could give her a big hug! -- deff makes me think of T in a different way-- not cause shes so beautiful but that she has to live with being deaf and severe T.. But also she lives a happy life too and deals with it. Definally a role model.

 

[billie48]

I brought on the story of Zoe to hopefully help lift the spirit of Telis. Zoe was an inspiration to me during my darkest days, same with Melody Gardot. Zoe was deaf at 15. It would have been easy if born deaf but she turned completely deaf at 15. She was young, vibrant and beautiful and yet she lost all her hearing. Then on top of that she has totally unmaskable loud T which she said was $%^&*# loud. She was distressed of course but what impress me is her wise decision to accept her reality and move on. She said either acceptance or a life time of misery. With that she moves on to pursue her goals in life and lives it. She even makes it to university where she shot the film as a project. That was when she came to Yuku forum to inform us about her film and in the process we got to know her story. Facing unmaskable loud T at 15, she could have caved in and lost it. But she chose to focus on the positives and move on. I think she is a film director now.

Melody Gardot is also my inspiration, a young lady jazz singer with severe T & H plus being hit by a car which did major damage to her body. She was in hospital over a year just to survive, to deal with incredible pain and to learn to live again. Even today she has to limp along in a cane. Yet she decides to focus on the positives of her life, her music. She posts on Myspace a while back that she does not want people to treat her as disable. She says she just can do something and can't do some other things. She focus on the positives and move on to a booming singer career doing shows all over the world. What impress me most is the fact that these are young ladies faced with not just T but other tough challenges too and yet they climb the mountains in their life with determination and positivity.

 

[SoulStation]

Cheer up people !
Kidding!

But yeah , I get fleeting T where my hearing drops a LOT , all the time.
I have decided to not care and use it as a reminder of how loud it can get ( and how loud it once was) and enjoy going back to my "normal" level.

Thats my shitty advice

Weird my fleeting T has never been as loud as once was. I hear it come but hardly notice it ...I am scared that it is a sign that somethings been damaged but get pay and mind to it as it would be nothing if I didn't have the other tones.

 

[Telis]

I have no words for what @Zimichael wrote... he is such a kind and generous person, always takes time to write long messages filled with great advice...

@Telis I also do have a feeling that something is wrong with your general health. Have you had a complete blood work? Also, if you don't mind asking, were you overweight before you lost 50 pounds? On your avatar, you seem so slim... Did you have an hearing test done at the beginning? what were the results of that?

I believe neomycin is the worst ototoxic antibiotics outhere! I took a -mycin antibiotics that is supposed to be ototoxic when given intraveinously... I haven't found a case of permanent T following a course of clarithromycin given orally...and yet...here I am

Hi! Yes I have had blood work and all is good. I was not overweight, I was 245 body builder, lost mostly muscle.

I am pretty sure my ears are still in the healing/damaged state from the meds. Every time I encounter a loud noise they seem to get worse, maybe sick hair cells dying off, I don't know. The doctors don't seem to have answers. I was the picture of health before this happened. Who knows!

 

[Rico Napoli]

I'm struggling hard not sure how I get through this.

 

[Telis]

I brought on the story of Zoe to hopefully help life the spirit of Telis. Zoe was an inspiration to me during my darkest days, same with Melody Gardot. Zoe was deaf at 15. It would have been easy if born deaf but she turned completely deaf at 15. She was young, vibrant and beautiful and yet she lost all her hearing. Then on top of that she has totally unmaskable loud T which she said was $%^&*# loud. She was distressed of course but what impress me what her wise decision to accept her reality and move on. She said either acceptance or a life time of misery. With that she move on to pursue her goals in life and live it. She even makes it to university where she shot the film as a project. That was when she came to Yuku forum to inform us about her film and in the process we got to know her story. Facing unmaskable loud T at 15, she could have caved in and lost it. But she chose to focus on the positives and move on. I think she is a film director now.

Melody Gardot is also my inspiration, a young lady jazz singer with severe T & H plus being hit by a car which did major damage to her body. She was in hospital over a year just to survive, to deal with incredible pain and to learn to live again. Even today she has to limp along in a cane. Yet she decides to focus on the positives of her life, her music. She posts on Myspace a while back that she does want people to treat her as disable. She just can do something and can't do some other things. She focus on the positives and move on to a booming singer career doing shows all over the world. What impress me most is the fact that these are young ladies faced with not just T but other tough challenges too and yet they climb the mountains in their life with determination and positivity.

Thanks so much for bringing this video to my attention...it is inspiring to know there are people in the same or worse situation that fight the good fight, and come out ok.

I really appreciate the post.

 

[AntonR]

Thanks so much for bringing this video to my attention...it is inspiring to know there are people in the same or worse situation that fight the good fight, and come out ok.

I really appreciate the post.

Stay strong man... I've only been dealing with this for about a week now, hopeful that it may improve.. but in the back of my head I have a feeling im in this for the long haul. Knowing that there is others out there that are coping definitely helps.

 

[billie48]

That would be hard to deny. Which quite possibly is the only uplifting "thing" about the film. And with her suffering, I do not blame her. I suggest someone quickly posts this film to the much viewed "positivity thread" - right where it belongs.

The suffering we all have to go through sooner or later in life is unimaginable. With that in mind, I am glad that I never had children. And I am glad that I never will...

Thanks for the suggestion. I have just included this incredible story of courage and positivity to the Positivity Thread.

 

[Zimichael]

Hey @Telis ...have not forgotten about you. How's it going??? (Feel free to "conv'" me if prefer).

Best, Zimichael

 

[RicoS]

@Telis ...... Are you feeling better? I'm still around here, but I try to be as active as possible so I do not think about my T that much. Hang in there m8!

 

[RicoS]

I'm struggling hard not sure how I get through this.

In the beginning it's the most difficult .... I could barely hear a thing anymore only my T, but slowly it gets better ...iy just takes a hell lot of time. The more stress the worse it gets ...that's 4 sure!

 

[Telis]

@Telis ...... Are you feeling better? I'm still around here, but I try to be as active as possible so I do not think about my T that much. Hang in there m8!

Hey Rico,

Just kinda putting in time. I don't know that I can make it with this. I wish I could have a day, or even an hours relief. The sounds are so high pitched, just a screeching and scratching. It hurts my head, I can hear it over anything, my concentration is gone. It's been almost a year and I have literly made no progress. Every noise is painful, even carefully unloading the dishwasher hurts. I spend 14-18 hours in bed in the dark with some kind of background distraction (although doesn't help a lot). I count down the hours until I can sleep and get back to bed, this is my only release from this hell. I lay with my sweet dog, she is stuck to me like glue. She knows things are not right anymore. I dream about the life I used to have every night. Same tormenting dreams over and over...I dream I'm back working, back with my friends, back with my family, laughing and having fun. I am back in the world and alive again. I wake up sad and alone every day to this reality. I still can't believe this has happened and that I won't get better, I had such an amazing life.

No amount of positivity helps, I try, I try so damn hard. I get out and try and play tennis, go for walks here and there. The things I once loved have no meaning to me anymore, although I do try.

I'm really lost in this. I can't see a solution. Living like this is getting more tiring with time, not better. I know I have this bad, really bad, especially after reading a lot of posts here at TT. My T started low, very bothersome to me, but low and fairly mild, I could live with that. My T and H are out of control now, I can't even begin to describe it.

Thanks for the message.

Telis

 

[dan]

G-d dang @Telis, its as if every single one of your words came out of my own mouth.

 

[Martin69]

@Telis and @dan
I feel your pain.
I really don't know how bad T or H for you is. I have no H, which is another ugly monster besides T.
For most people (as I have read), H goes away after a while. I hope it will also go for you.
I always confronted myself with sounds since this is the advise when having H.

Regarding T, it plays the same game with me like with you. High-pitched dog whistle and I can hear it all the time.
Brought anxiety and depression into my life I never had before.
My thoughts are around T 24/7. Even if there is a moment I cannot hear it (when I am distracted by something else), it is always present like an obsession. Even when standing in the shower and not hearing it, I hear it since it has burned into my brain.

But I will not allow it to beat me. I push myself out of bed and go working.
Everyone around me is aware and I do as much as I can - with adjustments.
I try to live a normal life as good as possible - although I am no longer a lucky guy making jokes.

I have a little bit of hope in AUT00063 and you should do, too.
And I hope that the longer it takes, my brain get used to it.
I know Dan that you are three years in and still struggle. I am afraid of such a long time suffering.

Trust me. I have not few days thinking about jumping from the bridge. But I will not do.
I will suffer - until a cure is found or my pure brain will adjust to this. Like Dr. Nagler says: Habituation is a passive process, you cannot force it. So you can only try to do anything that time goes on.

Distractions for me: Work (very difficult), computer games, talking, talking, talking.
I know that no words can help. But I wish you (and all of us) all strengths going through this.

 

[RicoS]

Hey Rico,

Just kinda putting in time. I don't know that I can make it with this. I wish I could have a day, or even an hours relief. The sounds are so high pitched, just a screeching and scratching. It hurts my head, I can hear it over anything, my concentration is gone. It's been almost a year and I have literly made no progress. Every noise is painful, even carefully unloading the dishwasher hurts. I spend 14-18 hours in bed in the dark with some kind of background distraction (although doesn't help a lot). I count down the hours until I can sleep and get back to bed, this is my only release from this hell. I lay with my sweet dog, she is stuck to me like glue. She knows things are not right anymore. I dream about the life I used to have every night. Same tormenting dreams over and over...I dream I'm back working, back with my friends, back with my family, laughing and having fun. I am back in the world and alive again. I wake up sad and alone every day to this reality. I still can't believe this has happened and that I won't get better, I had such an amazing life.

No amount of positivity helps, I try, I try so damn hard. I get out and try and play tennis, go for walks here and there. The things I once loved have no meaning to me anymore, although I do try.

I'm really lost in this. I can't see a solution. Living like this is getting more tiring with time, not better. I know I have this bad, really bad, especially after reading a lot of posts here at TT. My T started low, very bothersome to me, but low and fairly mild, I could live with that. My T and H are out of control now, I can't even begin to describe it.

Thanks for the message.

Telis

Hi Telis,

I know the feeling all to well ...you having a good live and problems are just problems that go away or can be dealt with. And than there is T and H. Which you can fight what you want but it is like kicking and screaming in the wind......the wind just does not care.
I do want to tell you that please hang in there.....my T and H was realy bad and the feeling that the sound realy hurts your ear was the same with me. In time it lowered, but it seems it was there for so long. I had a period that I thought it got better (Januari this year) and than it came back louder and with another tone. But it realy felt that my brain was adjusting and was doing the most stupid stuff to make it better but instead made it worse. That fullness feeling in my ear when I came in a silent room realy drove me nuts. When that was gone I could be more relax to deal with T and H. H is getting less , but yesterday my son through a toy car at something that was of metal and when it hit the metal that sound stayed in my ears for 1 hour I took a shower and it was gone. But that shows how fragile we are regarding loud noise.
I know for a fact that what you are saying is relating to a lot of people here. But you can not and must not give up.
The one thing there is to all this horror is HOPE. I'm not a religious person but hope keeps me on my feet.
I hope there will be a pill to take so that it is gone. I hope that stamcell technology will make a breakthrough.
I hope it goes away by itself. For me now...it gets better. That Tone stuff I talked about helps me, but it also helps me a lot taking care of myself. Putting me first now and I do no things I do not want to do.
At work most people think that it's very bad that I have it but do not have a clue what we are dealing with.
People say.....you must relax and do not stress. ... REALY!!!???? is that the cure......it gets me so angry.
Some people say ...take a vacation to a nice and silent place and relax for a while. Than I say...you realy do not have a clue do you? Silent is my worst nightmare. My place to relax is at the gym so I can take my mind of it completly.
And even when I have low T day's .....you know you have it.... and that keeps you busy the whole day.
The feeling of always being tired also what reminds me of my T and H.
But I'm wondering of here.... I know that things look not good, but I do know that I had it so severe I didn't want to live anymore. If it was as bad as last year I would not know what I would type now............but.......it is not as bad as last year and I refuse to think that i will come back just as bad.

Do not loose hope my friend......I lost it during my worst period of T and H and I thought it would never go down. The extreme high pitch that realy hurt my ears went slowly away after a year and up until 10 months it was as nasty as ever....but suddenly things changed .....and I do not know if it is because of TONE or the tinntius app I'm using to create silence for 5 minutes.....I just don't know but I try everything in my power to make it so that I can live with it.
Maybe I just habitated ....I do not know......but hope was the only thing that gave me strength to keep searching for an answer (and of course my son).

You went through it yesterday and the day before....so you know you can make it through tomorrow. If I could cure us all I would do it ..... The way you react to your T and H is not wrong or right...it's just you. It's human to not feel good about it and than cutting back on social life. I also did that. Now after one full year I start to whatsup people again. I still do not visit people but I do things on my own time. It's hard to get enjoyment out of things that you liked to do and it's a road with no directions where you have to find yourself again. I can go on hours and hours typing to you.....because i feel your pain man. But do not loose hope.
Realy one thing that got me through some bad moments is the thread where you have to put up a picture to show how you feel your T. It made me laugh even at realy bad days...that's why I post so many there because I want to keep that thread alive.
It's not fun what we have....but we need some laughter to deal with it sometimes. Stay strong m8 when you want to talk private...just PM me..... and remember we are all here for each other so your not alone!!

 

[Sean]

My T keeps getting worse...month after month it reaches new highs. I am now having moments where I go completely deaf in my right ear, my tinnitus goes 10x higher. This lasts for 1 min at a time, my hearing comes back, my T comes down, but not completely...The hearing comes back about 90 percent and the tinnitus drops about 90 percent back to baseline. I am left with ear pain after the episode as well.

I haven't taken any new drugs, been exposed to noise, nothing I can link this to. No matter what I do this just keeps progressing. I have to get my hearing tested again, I'm sure I am going deaf, or deafer.

These attacks get closer and closer together. I have had 3 in the last 24 hours.

My T started with ototoxic drugs, are the hair cells still dying??? After 9 months?

I am trying to keep it together but am really coming undone here.

Any advise?

Hi Tellis -

If I remember correctly ..do you own a loud car? For me I have been protecting my ears when I am out and for some reason my T has subsided quite a bit .do you wear ear plugs when you are around loud noises ? Bars ..sporting events ?
I am very sensitive to noise and slightest exposure to noise causes spike .

 

[Street Spirit]

Hey Rico,

Just kinda putting in time. I don't know that I can make it with this. I wish I could have a day, or even an hours relief. The sounds are so high pitched, just a screeching and scratching. It hurts my head, I can hear it over anything, my concentration is gone. It's been almost a year and I have literly made no progress. Every noise is painful, even carefully unloading the dishwasher hurts. I spend 14-18 hours in bed in the dark with some kind of background distraction (although doesn't help a lot). I count down the hours until I can sleep and get back to bed, this is my only release from this hell. I lay with my sweet dog, she is stuck to me like glue. She knows things are not right anymore. I dream about the life I used to have every night. Same tormenting dreams over and over...I dream I'm back working, back with my friends, back with my family, laughing and having fun. I am back in the world and alive again. I wake up sad and alone every day to this reality. I still can't believe this has happened and that I won't get better, I had such an amazing life.

No amount of positivity helps, I try, I try so damn hard. I get out and try and play tennis, go for walks here and there. The things I once loved have no meaning to me anymore, although I do try.

I'm really lost in this. I can't see a solution. Living like this is getting more tiring with time, not better. I know I have this bad, really bad, especially after reading a lot of posts here at TT. My T started low, very bothersome to me, but low and fairly mild, I could live with that. My T and H are out of control now, I can't even begin to describe it.

Thanks for the message.

Telis

I have those dreams every night too. It makes me so sad when I wake up.

T and H is hell. I am so sorry for your pain.

 

[billie48]

Sorry to hear about your suffering, Telis. Hope and pray that your H will fade slowly as this seems to be the case for many people. Many people struggle with loud high pitch T. You are not alone. But as Martin find out on here and Yuku, people do slowly adjust to it. You may want to read the success story of Jade who says her T is so loud and non-stop that it is above most things including those monster machine she drives. Like many, she struggles initially very hard too. But she is facing up to her ringing and going back to live life. Quite an inspiration. Take good care.

 

[dan]

@billie48 , honestly I don't believe that what I have and what you or Jade has is the same thing. Unfortunately, you cannot walk in my shoes and I can't in yours. I just can't buy that 2 strong MEN cannot overcome something a woman could...we aren't sissies. I've been thru a lot of shit in my life. A lot of mental and physical hardships. I've passed physical challenges in army selections were hundreds of others have given up.
No, there must be some difference between tinnitus that turns a body builder and an ex recon scout into cripples and another tinnitus person that can still drive monster trucks for fun.

 

[MattL]

@billie48 , honestly I don't believe that what I have and what you or Jade has is the same thing. Unfortunately, you cannot walk in my shoes and I can't in yours. I just can't buy that 2 strong MEN cannot overcome something a woman could...we aren't sissies. I've been thru a lot of shit in my life. A lot of mental and physical hardships. I've passed physical challenges in army selections were hundreds of others have given up.
No, there must be some difference between tinnitus that turns a body builder and an ex recon scout into cripples and another tinnitus person that can still drive monster trucks for fun.

Wow! I believe billie was only trying to offer encouragement.... I never thought tinnitus was a big tough boys only club. Hmm and the fact that you got 2 "agrees" and 1 "like" for a statement like that, is pretty disturbing...perhaps it's just me....

 

[dan]

Wow! I believe billie was only trying to offer encouragement.... I never thought tinnitus was a big tough boys only club. Hmm and the fact that you got 2 "agrees" and 1 "like" for a statement like that, is pretty disturbing...perhaps it's just me....

Matt, you are new here, so I won't bust your balls, but please don't bust people's who might "like" or "agree" with me? This is a free opinion forum, without personal attacks.
If you have an opinion, be my guest.

 

[valeri]

@MattL

Having an opinion is ok but sometimes it's good to stop and think of others whose lives have been destroyed by this horrible affliction.
Severe tinnitus is not a joke!
We don't know what other people are experiencing so please show some respect for people that have this for some time now and are still seriously struggling!
I personally wouldn't use anyone as an example to follow, it's way too personal and subjective. Yes, some people may inspire but we don't really know the extent of their condition.

This subject has been discussed here many times so it's just better to leave it alone.

 

[Martin69]

@dan, @valeri, @MattL
I guess everyone is trying to find out why someone can cope and another one (like us) not.
Is it just time habituating to this? Is it just that we are personalities who want to control everything?
Or is it loudness and seriousness of our T? No one knows and no one will ever know.
Because we cannot switch the sounds between our heads for comparing.

For myself I can say that on little bit quieter days (seldom), I can cope much better.
On my usual, loud days, I just try to survive.
Overall, the worst thing is the depression that has me.
Depression is a monster.

 

[Nick the Swede]

There is nothing that says that a former boy scout or ex builder should be better at coping than a ex shoe salesman or ex postman. T just brings a new dimension to your life, and that is nothing that you could be prepared for in any way. And of course there is t and T

 

[MattL]

Matt, you are new here, so I won't bust your balls, but please don't bust people's who might "like" or "agree" with me? This is a free opinion forum, without personal attacks.
If you have an opinion, be my guest.

So you think my post was a personal attack? Really? I don't even know anybody here. Like i said, perhaps it's just me being precious, but IMO if anyone was being personal, it was you.

I just can't buy that 2 strong MEN cannot overcome something a woman could...we aren't sissies.

Are you guys for real? NOBODY CAN SEE WHAT IS WRONG WITH THIS STATEMENT???? Perhaps i'll just disappear for awhile....seriously