My Friends, Where Am I?

[Alek]

Dear friends,

It has been near 7 months since onset and I feel as if I have made little to no progress. I would like to be optimistic and say that I have, but in all reality I am still more withdrawn than not from social interactions, I am frequently tired, and my anxiety and depression are maybe a tiny bit better but not by much.

It takes strength to get out of bed when I wake up. Its not like it used to be where one simply opens the eyes and takes off for the day. Life is very slow and cautious. The body can pulsate stress and can also sweat when it really shouldn't be when doing simple tasks, not just physical but mental as well.

My voice is meek, low, and without the confidence it once held.

Most of all I feel like my vision has been impeached. Doctors say my vision is good and my eyes are healthy but since onset when I wake up my eyes are red. When I focus on individuals the canvas behind is distorted and not in focus as one united plain as if in real time. I feel as if I am zoned out and/or drunk.

Friends contact me via mail to see how I am (not knowing my symptom) and I am in deep remorse to reply because of the pain and frustration I am going through. Its just not the same guy anymore and I am too embarrassed and very reserved in replying because I do not want to know the state I am in.

Your wisdom and insight is very welcoming <3

 

[billie48]

Sorry to hear about your state of suffering, Alex. Many of us can relate to that state of anxiety, depression, despair, sleeplessness etc. These are symptoms of anxiety. For some strange reason, tinnitus, a sound generated by some mis-firing neurons can totally freak out some of its victims to the point of utter suffering like what you going through. Me and many others tasted that bitter pill at one stage or another. I remember having to do masking non-stop daily to avoid panic attacks, while taking meds to control the symptoms. I never thought I could recover but I did. So are many former T sufferers and you can find many of them at the Success Stories section of TT.

As bad as it is, your story is similar to many T sufferers with variations of symptoms here and there. Even though who have written their success stories would describe the nightmare they went through. How long each will endure this period is different for different people. One of my friend who had to deal with terminal cancer and developed loud tinnitus after repeated cancer treatment told me he was freaked out for the first day, but cancer and its sufferings (pain & discomfort from treatments) just pushed his focus on T out of the way. He lived for another few years. I took him salmon fishing often to cheer him up and we shared our tinnitus story. He was surprised I suffered a lot longer for T than him but he and I understand why. Some people take years to get better. I took 3 years. Dr. Nagler told us he was off work for 1 year, not to say his TRT treatment on top. Intrusive T is not easy and it takes time for the body to get used to. It is not wise to determine a time table when one will get better. It will only add to more anxiety of the waiting game. Best is to plunge back into living and distract oneself by living as normally and abundantly as one can. When stress level is down, T will be less troublesome. Then we wait for time to do some healing. There are also treatment options one can pursue or meds to take. I say leave the meds as a last resort. If possible, seek out alternative treatments like TRT, CBT, mindfulness, diet & supplement etc. It may take a combination of these to get better. Take care.

 

[jimH]

@Alek ....You're exactly where most of us have been before habituation. We made it (to habituation) and so will you!
If you feel like you're in a downward spiral, depressed, trouble sleeping, loss of appetite, and a high anxiety level most of the time; then talk to your doctor about it.
I'm not pushing antidepressants. However, some of us have needed them for a while to help us get through that period that you're now in. Btw, I had absolutely no problem coming off an AD. You just need to taper off them gradually.

Good Luck!....