The only thing left to do is make stupid preschooly art projects with Julian. This is a completely retarded thing that I would rather not be doing with my life, but it's better then being tortured and suffering like a slave.
I don't blame myself for why I am suffering, most normies here are blaming themselves and wondering why there God did this too them. It's so stupid all the self hatred on this parts of the internet. Even the behaviorist teach against self hatred when it comes to health problems. But many people here I have talked to blame themselves and are looking for abstract religious reasons why they got tinnitus and ear pain.
Once again tinnitus and ear problems is not my main health problem anymore, what I am suffering with is much much worse and much much more unforgiving, I am an innocent person disabled special needs (dozens of times over) and I would have been better if it wasn't for abusive shit for brain family. If it wasn't for an abusivie house i woul have been in college and with good health even if i was partially disabled anyway. Even if I did have shit health i would have been in a safer environment.
the more health problems one gets the more disabled they become, the state is anti disability for economic reasons. Everyone with mental disabilities knows this fact, but it doesn't seem to be common knowledge in the realm of physical disabilities. Infact it's literally a well documented cat and mouse game between autism communities and SSI back in forth discussing dialog on disability income. I never got SSI because of being rational about things. If you know you are disabled, you are aware of the fact that means you get denied. You have to be a complete retard like julian. I never wanted to be a pro disability person, i wanted to work and go to school but I had a shit for brain family and was forced into that lifestyle.
I am a disabled special needs person in a uneducated poor family that became aware I was a disabled person and my health only got worse, and the State continues to deny me 5x times in a row. The reason I get deneid disability is because I had a job for four years and I was starting classes, The state uses your own accomplishments against you and they argue explicitly that painful disturbing health problems and documented mental disability is irrelevant.
I am literally disabled and abused and realize i am disabled and abuse, my victim mindset is based on reason and my ability to figure out how I was severely maltreated by a uneducated zealous single parent that did nothing but scream, raise by blood pressure and act like a stupid territorial animal.
Society wants you to play by it's rules by giving the normies a system of reward and punishment via economics, but if you end up as a special needs diabled person you can exist outside of it's rules. The state is aware people like me cannot be punished by monetary means so bascially they just prevent me from getting disability income and hope that I die. overall the states model is proven to be very effective. They know I am permanently disabled and back when I was considerelly less disabled and was working I was treated like dogshit. I i was tr4eated nicer i may have not ended up with these health problems in the first place, because I am treated like dogshit I have no choice but o treat the external reality I exist in like it's irrelevant.
The state gets angry when people with developmental disabilities lose touch with reality and there is tons of litature on how to prevent people with autism, or any other mental disability from losing touch with reality. I would agreed with them that losing touch with reality is bad, I didn't want to loose touch with reality I wanted to go to school for enviormental science and make friends but instead I got tinnitus, burning ear pain and all fucked up distorted hearing issues before making a decent recover only to find new health problems that are MUCH FUCKING SCAREIER. all thsi fucking academic litature on pyschological resilence is missing the point, it's looking at it form a very biased perspective on how to leech me for income without giving me any quality of life, I have abusive family and poor health, and I realize it's not my families fault it's just poverty why the act angry and dumb in the first place.
The only reason I typed this sloppy childish word salad poem is because I am following Julian's self honesty routine of acting like a complete retard.