I told a friend I was having suicidal ideation and didn't want to live with tinnitus & hyperacusis. I said I was not going to do anything though. It was just incredibly hard to live with and I would quite frankly rather be dead. It's true, and I trusted her enough to tell her. Yesterday she tried to call me a few times, then text. I was in an appointment so didn't take the calls, then was busy so didn't respond to the text. I thought I will text her back after dinner and kids are in bed. In the afternoon around 3pm I got a call from police doing a welfare check, making sure I am ok. Friend called police to check on me because I wasn't returning calls or text.
I am so angry at her. I often get back to her and others later, or next day... even a few days later. This is not unusual for me, and normal behaviour for most people, yes? I am busy, I have 4 kids, and I am unwell too. I don't feel like chatting to people and I have withdrawn from friends. T and H rule my life. I've also told her before that I don't answer my phone often now because of the hyperacusis. She isn't special. I meant her calls too.
I just can't tell you how angry I am that she contacted police and I am trying to think up the words to tell her how mad I am and to not ever do that again. I do not care one bit that she was concerned for me. It was a total over reaction. When the officer identified himself I panicked. I thought something had happened to one of my family. Then I couldn't hear him properly because I have to hold the phone to my cheek, not my ear because of the pain. So then I call out for my 15-year-old son to come and talk to the cop for me because I can't hear properly. It was a nightmare and I am so angry.
On a brighter note, I woke with lower tinnitus today. This is rare and I felt relief for the first time in a long time. I ate lunch around 1pm (big mistake eating which is why I don't do too much of that these days) and that escalated tinnitus a lot. I am now back to 9/10 and it's just after 9pm. Tinnitus is all over my brain, especially at the top, and I can feel all my neurons going off. It is also giving me a headache.
Does brain tinnitus give other people headaches? The intense tinnitus definitely came first, headache hours later. It is not a pain headache but pressure, and if I press my scalp I get a strange sensation. I am so sick of this shit.
When do things start to settle down? I'm 3 months in.