Hearing Loss and Severe Tinnitus — From Loving Life to Suicidal in 2 Months

You either have a victim or a hero complex and go backwards once people call you out for your non-stop bullshit. Your posts state you're catastrophic and suicidal, and you continually use Tinnitus Talk to downplay and ridicule those you judge 'mild.'

Just because catastrophic cases aren't blaming everyone else here - like you do - but instead trying their best to survive and adjust, you have zero right to say anything to them.

You sound more mental than a bad case. You need to figure out you're not a victim or a savior.

Your nonsense posts and 'blood on your hands' crying is delusional. Your advice is unhinged and self-centered. I'm relieved others realize this as well.

 

100%. I could not have put this better myself. I'm glad you're so much more articulate than I ever could be.

His dickhead mate Nate Repke is exactly the same.

@Travis Henry was 38 years old when he got the vaccine, yet blames everyone else for forcing it on him. He then blames medications and doctors for his current situation. He has non-stop trawled internet forums daily for 3 years and made this his whole personality.

It's just forever blame and avoidance.

@Travis Henry, you are an adult; own up to your mistakes and get over the past. It doesn't and will never change anything about your current situation.

 

I've said exactly the same thing before. @Travis Henry is on every page downplaying others' suffering, and when called on it, flips it the other way.

 

I can’t comment on whether @Travis Henry has abused benzodiazepines or has taken them as prescribed by his doctor, but I think the distinction is important.

Most people who are prescribed benzodiazepines by their doctor for legitimate medical reasons take them only as prescribed. If they develop a physical dependence just as many do on other psychotropic drugs like antidepressants, it is inaccurate to describe this process as addiction. The brain has made an adaptation, and GABA receptors are downregulated, causing neurological dysfunction. Discontinuing them can become very difficult and debilitating, requiring a very slow taper.

Regarding tinnitus, one has to weigh very carefully the benefits vs. the risks. Some are helped by benzodiazepines and can use them without serious consequences. Many others are greatly harmed and face the unbearable.

I do agree that posts that attack others or try to frighten them regarding benzodiazepines are wrong. We can speak to our experience and provide information that respects that medication is an individual choice.

Additionally, people who struggle with substance abuse or addiction are as worthy of our compassion and understanding as those reacting to medications taken as prescribed — not that you are not those things. I’ve always known you to be very generous and kind.

 

Sigh. I know I should keep my mouth shut. The autistic in me, though, can't control himself.

There is a YouTube channel called "Benzodiazepine Information Coalition." You can watch the testimonies of short and long-term benzodiazepine users and the issues they are dealing with (or dealing with during their withdrawals.)

It's like a coin flip. You could get away unscathed. Or you could suffer some "side effects."

I think people should be made aware of what could happen before they are given drugs, yes, like the fluoroquinolones? If you had told me beforehand that it could cause permanent or fatal insomnia, peripheral neuropathy, or other stuff, as a grown-up man, I would refuse to take it in the first place. Nearly four decades after the drugs came out, FDA decided to "advise" that these drugs shouldn't be used unless it is an emergency, yet still almost no medical professional listens to it? Now, why is that?

The same goes for benzodiazepines. I don't understand how it is legit to say, "Oh, you are a grown-up man; you make your own decisions," before you let that person know beforehand what could happen if things were to go in the opposite direction.

I believe my posts have informed people about what could go wrong with these drugs. I won't tell anyone to take them or not, though. It's up to each individual to risk it.

 

You know medications have instructions, right?

 

My doctor didn't give me any warnings or really any information about benzos when he prescribed them. He seems to get mad about me reading about benzos online. He says, "stop reading". I said it's good to be involved, and he said, "no, it's not." Then later, I called in about a refill because I was prescribed 3 benzos per day, and the nurse said, "don't take them that often, that's how you get addicted; only take them as needed." I told the doctor what the nurse said, and he told me lots of people take it 3 times per day, for years. He doesn't seem concerned at all. And others here have said their doctor/psychiatrist won't even prescribe them.

I recall you also have warned against the dangers of Mirtazapine. I don't think my current doctor would ever prescribe it, anyway.

 

Here's a thread for benzo use (there are a few on Tinnitus Talk):

Clonazepam (Klonopin, Rivotril)

Maybe we can post future feedback on the topic there instead of here, as it will reach more people.

You stated: I don't understand how it is legit to say, Oh, you are a grown-up man; you make your own decisions. Then you follow up with: It's up to each individual to risk it.

Those are the same points. The argument you stated agrees that it's up to each of us (adult age) to research and decide for ourselves.

Posting self-reports of experience (negative and positive) is helpful. Intentional posts used to scare people away from help they might medically need and can benefit from are harmful. To scream and rant 'rat poison!!!' as the conclusion for all benzo use is ludicrous bullshit spewing, and some of us are pointing it out.

 

I understand everyone's points and can see where you are coming from. I've been through peer pressure and bullying a lot growing up, shit a narcissistic family, and it didn't help my decision-making skills on what's best for me and my health. Since finding out time, quiet, and no meds are best for people with badly damaged auditory systems, I've done my best to raise awareness for that. Too many posts are called fear-mongering all over the forums and social media, while more people are pushing "TRT, take meds" and saturate everything.

I have been jealous of people's stability all my life. I guess it won't stop till death.

I am mad and horrified at the trap I have fallen into. Since April 2022, I have been homebound and worsening from every sound. Most would be in a horrible state with that. I wouldn't wish the hell I am in on anyone.

I am unhinged. I have lost every single bit of my life, and all sounds are attacking me, even the spit sound in my mouth. If someone had told me about the possible side effects of Moderna COVID-19 vaccination or benzos that I got pushed on by my family, I wouldn't be here. There just needs to be more accountability and awareness everywhere in this world. I take full responsibility for my rants, but I will not stop speaking in hopes my story helps others from not going down this road. Anyone on the road I am on ends in an early death. "Trust the medical professionals." Anyone that gets this shit to a deathly catastrophic level would be struggling in every way and living in regret. I can't even go outside in double hearing protection without increasing the already 130 dB ringing in my head. I have lost all coping tools and see euthanasia as the only option.

Either way, I hope for a full recovery for everyone. Even those I piss off.

 

I'm back on the benzos and alcohol after I swore off them. I just want not to care, just for a little while. Just like I used to, I want to get lost in my mind again, but the door is locked, and I can't get in there anymore. That was my safe place, and it's gone because everything in my life is accompanied by the soundtrack FROM THE PITS OF HELL.

I wasn't meant to be here. I ran through basically every tinnitus red flag in existence and never had so much as a whisper in my head. I listened to loud music, binge drank, took benzos and ADs and stopped them cold turkey several times, I overdosed, I was anxious as fuck for years, I got vaxxed, got boosted, got COVID-19, never had a whisper in my head for 30+ years.

Why did I go for a nap one day and wake up with half my hearing gone instantly? Why did it have to be the kind of hearing loss that isn't able to be helped?

 

You literally peer pressure and bully others! I'm sorry you're suffering, but that doesn't make any of this okay. Everyone here is suffering. Telling people they have blood on their hands and that all meds are poison isn't helping anyone.

 

This is just your opinion:

And it's one far removed from reality. On Tinnitus Talk, people share how medication got them through their worst nights or keeps the storm at bay. Yet you still go on with your no-meds opinion as if your experience is the one that counts. Nothing you post is positive, and you immediately go in the other direction once others state your rants are insulting and irrational. Then you go right back to the insults of other users and your pointless tirades.

I don't buy, at all, that anyone claiming to have a '130 dB sound in their head' or to be in a 'beyond catastrophic state' has the time, want, or energy to mock and ridicule other tinnitus sufferers on Tinnitus Talk. You regularly do that on Tinnitus Talk because you say they are 'mild.' For that alone, I think you're an absolute bullshitter in every aspect.

You posted your audiologist's information here. You stated they are partly to blame for your being put in a mental ward. That entire statement is an alarm to your character, and I don't mean the mental ward part.

The list for you doesn't end on blame and the nonsense rants you'll post over it. You are to blame for your actions and choices, and if not - it's pure shit luck. That's the reality. At some point, with this condition, you accept that reality, but you never have. You are the last person who should be saying anything to anyone on here.

I write this post so that others steer clear of @Travis Henry, who is harmful and a fearmonger. If you are one of the people he mocks because you're mild, this condition is terrifying no matter the severity. Don't get pulled down by him. I hope you know some of us see he's a jerk and a liar. Tinnitus or no tinnitus.

 

We all look at this hellish condition from our own perspective and are naturally biased. There are many etiologies to tinnitus and the co-morbidities, and they can be combined to muddy it further up. Your profile says "head trauma," which is very different from noise-induced tinnitus, especially when combined with benzo withdrawal.

I'd prefer that further personal arguments between Tinnitus Talk members happen outside of this thread; thank you.

 

There's nothing personal in my post. I've seen you agree with and relate very often to @Travis Henry. Tinnitus Talk is a forum and is being used as such.

 

To be fair, mate, you do it yourself in a lot of other people's threads.

 

Touché. To be fair, I do my best not to be a dick.

 

To be fair, all @Travis Henry would have to say when posting is “in my case” or “for me” to imply it’s anecdotal evidence rather than a blanket fact.

E.g., “for me, time, no meds and quiet help the most.”

instead of:

“All meds are poison!!! Everyone pushed me over!!! Tinnitus Talk members told me meds were safe!!!”

Anyway, apologies @gameover. I won’t say anymore here on the topic. I hope you are having some better moments and days.

 

Another update, if anyone cares to read this. It was supposed to be short, but it ended up being long

I am 22 days into a better, fairly stable stretch after a similarly long, bad stretch of loud tinnitus. I finally started tracking it with a very simple 3-level scale, where one is low and three is high. My 45-day long average is ~1.86. My 22-day long average (month of April) is ~1.06. Yay.

Low is relative. It is still usually maddeningly loud tinnitus upon waking up, but one that usually goes down within an hour or so to a level I can function with - that "low" level is moderate/severe by most standards. It is never maskable, not even by a shower (at best 80-90%), but one that I can push into the background and do something, like work, read, play chess, watch a movie, or go for a walk. It continues to be reactive to certain sounds, typically refrigerator hum, water boiling, cat purring (really sad), or car engines.

The tinnitus follows a relatively stable pattern - severe static/electrical storm upon waking up, receding somewhat after one hour - shower and its residual inhibition effect is important here, I think. As the day goes on, the tinnitus turns into a ringing/tonal one, which is reliable now. This is a big change from before, when tonal tinnitus was rare for me, maybe 10% of the time. Now it is, say, 50-60% of the time. It's very weird; no idea what caused the change. I hate it all, but for me, the tonal periods tend to be quieter, so it is easier to tolerate.

Hyperacusis continues to improve very slowly. Even Harley motorbikes started to become tolerable, or some loud V8 cars. Some diesel trucks still sound hellish, but less so. Other noises that were sounding unusually loud, like creaky wood floors and small planes, sounded almost normal. I guess my hyperacusis now could be classified as mild/moderate, trending towards mild. If hyperacusis were my only problem, I would consider myself 95% cured. This also means I completely abandoned plans of trying Clomipramine; not worth the risk of tinnitus worsening or, even worse, getting visual snow syndrome.

Fleeting noxacusis seems much less frequent again. Here and there, I usually feel something warm or off in my right ear, but not too often. Overall, it's ignorable. If this were my only issue, I'd consider myself 99.5% cured.

Nothing really changed in my lifestyle. Generally quiet, working remotely, limited sound exposure, just semi-daily 10-minute car trips to a coffee shop and woods for an hourly walk. Hardly venture anywhere else unless really necessary. I am exposed to household noises but avoid dishwasher, frying, boiling, microwave, etc. But I can be in the same room with my wife, handling dishes without much discomfort at a distance. I only use hearing protection (custom 25 dB earplugs) when driving the car or inside stores or gas stations (where I am very rarely).

Life is still hard. Every day, I wake up thinking I don't want to be alive. But eventually, I get up and start moving. By the later part of the day, I am okay to be alive. I sleep usually okay, sometimes longer (8-9 hours), sometimes less (5-6 hours).

I keep taking some supplements, mostly NAD+ (NR), Resveratrol. I can't say they do much. I am thinking about upping my intake of Resveratrol by switching to a liposomal sublingual one. Apparently, Resveratrol can increase the KCC2 protein that is responsible for both tinnitus and hyperacusis, allegedly (I posted a link to a paper in the Research News section). I do not suppose these can't hurt much. I have also been drinking Ginger tea for many months, no idea if it helps keep noxacusis at bay, but I sort of like / got used to it, so I keep drinking it.

I still keep thinking about moving to a quieter place where I won't hear any man-made noises from outside or annoying mechanical noises inside. I am furious I occasionally need to leave the house because a neighbor across the street finds it necessary to have a leaf blower going on for six hours (no exaggeration). I think being in quiet, relaxing surroundings would do wonders to reduce stress levels. I really dislike our house and location, but it could be much, much worse.

It is what it is. I feel this is a death march that inevitably worsens, but I want to delay that moment as long as I can. I still do not believe in any mind-over-matter nonsense or having positive thoughts, etc. I am more cynical than I have ever been. It is not a mind game in the end. Yes, getting oneself busy and distracted can help, but only to a point. This is a very serious, incurable neurological condition, which, at a severe level, can make life completely unlivable. I continue to live while I can until... I won't be able to.

 

What brand and dosage of Resveratrol do you take?

 

I read your update. It's good that you've made progress on the hyperacusis front, and even with your preferred tinnitus tone. I can relate. While I have mild hyperacusis, TTTS, and hearing loss, tinnitus is at least 95% of that problem for me and drives my anxiety. But for me, the piercing single tone is harder than the hissy/static tinnitus, which can run for a couple of straight days while going through those cycles.

Regarding ginger tea, I have an unrelated stomach pain issue that adds to my suffering, although it all started during an 8-week stretch when I took SSRI antidepressants to address anxiety from tinnitus. I tried ginger tea several times for pain, thinking it should be more likely to help with that type of pain since it goes directly to the stomach when you drink it, but it didn't seem to help at all.

It's good that you are able to sleep well. That's still something I can't achieve. On the other hand, it's clear your hyperacusis is still worse than mine at this point since you are bothered by those low-frequency sounds and thinking about moving to a quieter place. Hopefully, that will continue to improve for you, even though there are sometimes setbacks along the way.

 

ResveratrolRich by Natural Factors. I can't say if it's good or bad. I'm going to try Resveratrol with Curcumin (Liposomal Gel) from Renue by Science. It's apparently more bioavailable, but who knows?

 

I'm sorry you can't get a handle on sleep. I noticed in my spike periods sleep gets worse for me. It's harder to fall asleep, and I'm more likely to wake up too early. But overall it's ok.

I shall mention I have not touched any medication through my ordeal (except supplements), and specifically no antidepressants. I am firm and steady in my belief that they are more likely to create more issues than they solve, not to mention the risk of tinnitus worsening. Of course, one's mileage may vary.

Yeah, my hyperacusis is livable now. Eliminate leaf blowers, diesels, loud A/C, or forced air heating, and I'll be fine.

 

My tinnitus is minor compared to yours, but in a quiet room, it is noticeable.

I read you drink coffee; I enjoy a dark espresso typically every morning but decided to quit for a week to see if it affects my tinnitus. Caffeine stimulates the nervous system, so I thought maybe it was overstimulating my sound perception in a quiet room on day two with no change, but I will see by the end of the week.

 

I'm just here to say that I always read your updates. I feel your anger and your pain, and I know that this feels like an endurance struggle rather than one of recovery.
I hope that, at least once, you feel wholly like yourself again--even if it's just for a moment.

 

Hey there, @gameover! I am so happy to hear you've had over three weeks of relatively good ear health. I mean, it would be ideal for all of us here to be totally free of symptoms, but to have just three weeks of tolerable symptoms is a HUGE victory, in my opinion. It sure beats suffering 24 hours a day, 7 days a week.

I encourage you to keep doing what you're doing (avoiding loud noise, wearing hearing protection when needed, and looking into supplements that might be helpful), as it's obviously making a positive difference for you. I think that your long, daily walks in nature, as well as your short, semi-daily trips to a coffee shop, are a good way to give yourself unofficial but effective sound therapy. It seems like a good mixture of natural and artificial noises at different volumes, and the best part is that you get to be largely in control of how long you are exposed to those sounds, and how much hearing protection to wear.

As a cat lover, my heart broke for you when you said that your tinnitus reacts to the sound of your cat's purr, but on the bright side, they say that a cat's purr is biologically healing. Medical research shows that a cat's purr is a sound frequency that helps repair broken bones. So the next time your cat purrs near your head, just say "thank you" for the well-intentioned healing gift, and trust that the sound is not harmful, even if it temporarily makes your tinnitus spike.

Thank you for posting a paper on the benefits of Resveratrol. I've been away from the boards for about two weeks, so I didn't know. I'm going to look for it right now.

 

Well, disclaimer: the paper is about KCC2 link to tinnitus and hyperacusis. I found some other papers (one linked below) claiming Resveratrol is a KCC2 enhancer, but whether it can have any therapeutic effect on tinnitus and hyperacusis, nobody knows. Given the lack of reliable reports, I would say likely none. Plus, there is lots of controversy around Resveratrol's general health benefits - David Sinclair, a Harvard Professor, has heavily pushed it, but also seemingly a snake oil salesman who has pushed it based on falsified studies.

One popular way to consume Resveratrol is to drink red wine—if you like it and if it is compatible with your tinnitus.

→ Pharmacological enhancement of KCC2 gene expression exerts therapeutic effects on human Rett syndrome neurons and Mecp2 mutant mice

 

I drink a glass of red wine at night, probably three times a week. I haven't noticed anything other than my 'shits given' going down.

 

Saturday I took my sports car out of storage for a spin. I had 26 dB custom earplugs, which was probably not enough. The drive felt great; a big dopamine hit, fun. Later I felt a little off, but I chalked it up to deteriorating barometric pressure, which for sure did not help.

Anyway, I have been dealing with metallic screeching with this nearly constant burning sensation. This convinces me this is an inner ear issue. I insulated it further, and the metallic screeching - very similar to what I had it in beginning but louder - is most likely the result of a new damage.

This is an insane condition. There is no way (in my case) this is central sensitization, something I have been theorizing before with respect to hyperacusis or that "fleeting noxacusis." My hyperacusis did not change, just the tinnitus changed, not only in the intensity but also in the tone. The metallic tone seems directly connected to the burning sensation.

This is an uncurable, horrible physical condition. I honestly think I threw away months of progress from being careful and using hearing protection.

This was just one car ride with hearing protection. Not enough

 

Sorry for the worsening, but it may just be a spike for a few days. Try not to worry. Really, I think it will go away.

I'm forever lost on whether a car ride is better with or without earplugs. I use basic foam earplugs, and it's pretty rough. I hear every bump and groove in the road because one of my ears makes a reactive ring to every one of them. No earplugs? At least I don't hear the ring, but I'm sure I'm still taking the damage. I nearly shit myself the first drive after getting tinnitus, going from a smooth road to a rough one; I couldn't believe how my ear was making a special high ring on top of all my other noises.

Let some time pass, and hopefully, the screech will come down. I feel like it will. My reactive tones settle after the car ride. The time it takes depends on how long and loud the ride is.

 

@gameover, are you still suicidal, permanently better, or something in between?