Been a long time since I visited this forum. My tinnitus is much worse of late. I understand the severity of suicidal thoughts, but as a Christian it doesn't appeal to me. Suicide would hurt those around me more than I can accept.
In the past, I attended a few group therapy sessions in a San Francisco clinic on severe tinnitus. One lady shared her thoughts as she prepared to slit her wrists. She was lying in her bathtub, razor blade in hand, rockets and machine guns battering her mind like they had for years. She decided she had reached her point of breaking. Eyes closed, with trembling hands she touched the corner of the blade to her left wrist, ready to slash. Having thought it through, she would do the first cut forcefully then quickly transfer the blade to the other wrist and open up the other arm. Whatever happened after that would be welcomed.
Or maybe not. It suddenly occurred to her that these noises could follow her into eternity. Forever this living hell. That was unthinkable. She climbed out of the bathtub, threw the razor blades into the waste basket and made a cup of tea.
After sharing that during the session we all fell silent. Me, with my multi-frequency radio screamers and barreling Niagara Falls in the background seemed pale to her constant machine guns. I hate it but it gave me perspective. She smiled at everyone and said, "Hey folks, we are blessed. We can see, we can hear, we can taste, we can speak, we can love one another. We all have our arms and legs. Hang in there, God never gives us more than we can handle."
For what it's worth. Merry Christmas, God bless you all. This is truly a curse but it didn't come from the good of the universe. Hang in there, you will get through it and there is truly hope on the horizon with research. <3
PS: If you can get your hands on a pair of Bose HearPhones, get them! Bose stopped making them but they occasionally show up on EBay. They rock! And, they help me forget the evil noise for most of the workday.
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