For those that scoff or ridicule the suicidal sufferers, they should understand their sufferings, why they think the way they do, or why they do what they ultimately do.
Catastrophic tinnitus and hyperacusis are like a horror movie come true. They're living that movie. Imagine "Hellraiser," a sordid tale where a troubled man meets his demise. Curiosity leads to catastrophe, pleasure turns to pain, and the blood keeps running like a sadist's wet dream. Anyone who doesn't understand, watch the scene (attached, "Hellraiser Scene Frank's Death" on YouTube). Its atmospheric dread and despair captures the essence of these problems. At their worst, this is what they're like, where tinnitus and hyperacusis come for us with such possessive madness, all their tools to taunt and plague, their pillar of souls on hand; their trophies and chains, blood-soaked smiles, and damning retribution; where pleas and appeals for help or mercy are fiendishly denied; where the chains and shackles tear our flesh into a thousand screams at night. And this process, like the movie, is never-ending. It keeps happening over and over; eternal suffering; a loop. It's "hell." Warning — not for the faint of heart.
For those who question why tinnitus or hyperacusis would lead to serious trauma or suicide, I can help shed some light on why. When they're catastrophic, your life becomes an endless loop of hells, like a portal was opened to another dimension — one of suffering, blackness, total despair; one of madness, pain, tears of "blood." At their worst, those who have these ailments, their worlds are just that — otherworldly dimensions. They're incompatible with the first world; they've now reborn into the second. And the second is "hell," more or less. Its total confinement, physical agony, mental anguish. Its hold over time and space is fiendish; our peace-of-mind is dead; reflections of the past and life decisions, they're all enemies now. Our lives are put on trial and we beat ourselves up, endlessly. Even the good memories become bad because we mourn our former lives, what led up to this point, all that self-blame. It's like "hell," a place devoid of light and a place that thrives on emotions, the terrible kind.
I have severe — sometimes catastrophic — tinnitus and hyperacusis. It varies back and forth. But the tinnitus causes physical pain, electricity running through the ears. I get zapping that's sharp and random. I also have a low frequency hum that vibrates, a low drill, and the jet engines that oscillate. Those can get loud, too. My hyperacusis is severe — the homebound kind; the kind where sounds hurt even with double protection.
I don't encourage suicide and, personally, don't believe it's an option for myself, but I do understand why some are compelled to do it. But I don't encourage it because of my spiritual beliefs and uncertainty surrounding the afterlife. There's a school-of-thought where some believe we could potentially take these ailments with us into the netherworld... if we don't go to a heavenly place, that is. That's a terrifying thought, too — to kill yourself to escape, only to find there is no escape. Believing what I believe about heaven and hell and these conditions, I wouldn't doubt that for a second. I come from a Christian background.
These problems can be absolutely diabolical, where every attempt to fix them is met with counteraction; where the simplest things devise their ways to ruin our love for life. With no guarantees that we'll ever get better and no effective medical treatments, many feel hopeless. I understand them. I do encourage people to hold on. I believe hope is coming eventually, hopefully soon. Check out the Research News and Treatments sections. And I encourage prayer to God.
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