Man or Woman Against the World: Death of a Perfect Home
A perspective on tinnitus and hyperacusis...
By
@Jerad
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We live in a universe of order, one where laws are defined, structure's absolute, and things miraculous prevail. Planet Earth, with all its harmony, provides a home for life, a safe haven where we belong, a place where we can share its resources, breathe clean air, and experience something that seems so simple, yet magical at the same time — that ability to breathe effortlessly. And between every breath inhaled and exhaled, we're reminded of something quite profound: that this creation works so efficiently because it's one that's ruled by edicts, and that Earth itself was truly made for us.
In the known universe, there is no other place where
that can happen — breathing / existing without assistance or intervention, like the aid of a special suit or spaceship that mimics Earth's atmosphere, providing the right amounts of nitrogen, oxygen, carbon dioxide, neon, hydrogen, and pressurization. When we leave this planet, we're at the mercy of that suit or vessel, and we'll die without them, guaranteed. I believe Earth's so special, in fact, that it's likely the only place we could ever survive naturally; that there's no other planet or moon in the entire cosmos where we could exist freely; realizing that the atmospheric conditions have to be so precise to support our way of life makes the Earth an inseparable part of the human experience.
Earth was truly made for us and us for it. That's its beautiful side. And it's almost supernatural that such a place could even exist when you look at the universe as a whole. What's out there, beyond Earth, is what's really "normal" in the big scheme of things — the desolation and hostility that rules the universe is the common theme you'd expect to see everywhere. But this little planet is truly unique, a miraculous diamond among many gemstones. It doesn't fit-in with the rest of existence.
However, as beautiful as it is, things can take an ugly turn, and we can lose our place here. We understand that — those who acquire tinnitus and hyperacusis at their most extremes. We are suddenly faced with eviction, plunged into chaos and madness, an unrecognizable realm that's inhospitable. The world turns vicious. Everything's alien. Nothing seems familiar. We no longer recognize the spaces we inhabit. The sounds on this planet become collective-enemies, and the phantom noises that churn within our ears and minds. We're allergic to them by and large and tormented by the tinnitus. We no longer feel that we belong here, like we're incompatible with this world. Beauty is replaced with horror and joy with sorrow. Life becomes "man or woman against the world" — it's too much to take on. Sufferers often describe themselves as extraterrestrials, feeling like they're on the wrong planet. I totally feel the same. So suddenly, Earth becomes the mirror of its counterparts, those realms that lie beyond its atmosphere, with all their lifeless parts, losing its special place in the cosmos. It's no longer that home of comfort, or that great protector it's meant to be.
When they're super severe, we lose everything to these ailments: the ability to be around loved ones, interact in meaningful ways, be a part of the society's order, work, go to different places and travel; experience happiness. And we're not even believed by many. Sympathy is not a shared experience; disability rights are not granted. It's not just about being sick either — we literally lose everything in the most ruthless of ways. We're holed-up in our homes, often uncomfortable there, even. The sounds that lie beyond those walls still intrude, and the tinnitus holds us captive. It's a claustrophobic's nightmare, where there's nowhere you can go or truly hide. When leaving our homes, we're forced to wear extensive gear to try to exist in a place so foreign. It's like suiting-up on the Moon or Mars.
These conditions are uniquely diabolical. They don't allow you to live, but they don't allow you to die either — ever — since they won't kill you. They'll rob you of everything except your ability to breathe, ironically. They lobotomize your life, making you an empty shell, a carcass that's somehow still alive. They leave you in a world that wept away its beauty, shed its color, shows its light no more; someplace barren, not robust; a place where shadows rule your life, darkness takes your heart and soul; a place where memories haunt your essence as you wish for second chances. Oh, what we'd do for second chances… we can only dream.
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At their worst, the heinous nature of tinnitus and hyperacusis leave us feeling totally isolated, but let us call upon God for mercy. I believe he created this universe. And we want to be part of his creation. We want to belong again. Let us pray diligently and ask for second chances, opportunities to take part in this world once again — so that we can live in meaningful ways. Extremely severe tinnitus and hyperacusis are not "living." They're not even suffering. It's one thing to suffer and another to experience endless torment, and become an alien to our native world. Let us implore God for healing to make life reasonable once again.
With these conditions, nobody commits suicide because they want to. They don't want to die. They do it because they feel their lives are already gone, like they just can't live anymore, the walls are closing-in, or they're drowning in the water with no lifeguard in sight. They feel absolutely hopeless, that they can no longer take part in the beautiful side of this world, and they're just devastated. They feel they're being evicted from the one and only home they've ever known. But let us beseech God for help! He may be our only hope. And I have to believe he'll help those who truly seek him.
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