Suicidal

[Strawberryblonde]

I'm so desperate. Who can relate in waiting the bad days out till you are allowed to sleep to have a better day? My pattern is pretty much on/off so I'm only living on 50%. The bad days I'm in bed 99%. Is anyone else like this?

I was like this when my tinnitus worsened 10 months ago. I thought "that's it, I can't live like this anymore". I still have bad days with this infliction but I've managed to get to a place where I am OK with my day to day life (knock on wood). It took a very long time for me just to be "ok". This condition improves at a snail's pace, mentally anyway. You will get there. When, nobody knows but you Use the good days you've been having and push on from there. Easier said than done I must admit. Wishing you well

 

[Michael Leigh]

I'm so desperate. Who can relate in waiting the bad days out till you are allowed to sleep to have a better day? My pattern is pretty much on/off so I'm only living on 50%. The bad days I'm in bed 99%. Is anyone else like this?

I know how you feel @TLion because I've been there, having 4 years of difficulty until I was able to habituate again. My tinnitus still has large fluctuations in intensity and when it gets really bad, I need to take Clonazepam, to calm things down.

Talk to your doctor if things are getting too much.

I hope you start to feel better soon,
Michael

 

[Chandler]

I have hearing loss in higher frequencies. I am 27 years old and my tinnitus is getting progressively worse. My life has been in a very bad situation for 3 years due to tinnitus. It's too bad to be at home and not be able to work because of this situation. I feel like a burden to my family. I live in Turkey and euthanasia is not legal in our country. If it was legal, I would accept it without thinking. I'm writing using a translation software, I'm sorry if I made a mistake.

 

[Óscar PP]

I can't take another day of this torture, i can't! I have already thrown away more than 3 years of what should be my prime years for it to get better and it's STILL severe. I'm not going to waste my life away and survive countless days of torture and dysfunction because of my stupid mistake. Hell no. And people wonder why we are suicidal, BECAUSE WE CAN'T FUNCTION AT ALL! Our symptoms are DISABLING!

I hope this week will be my last so I can finally get some peace.

Hey man, before doing anything so final you have to at least try psychedelic shrooms; there's evidence they can rewire and even generate new brain connections which may have been lost/destroyed due to whatever was that caused your ear problems.

Check this thread:

Basically Cured with Psilocybin

I know how bad things can get, but if you've decided you don't want to suffer any more, it won't harm you to try this as a last resort option.

 

[JimmyStrong]

At this point I sound like a broken record.

3 years is more than enough to wait to get better, and my functional hearing and my tinnitus (which was really bad from the onset) only seem to be getting worse. I'm only 23 - seeing everybody, whether my age group or not, without tinnitus and hearing problems, living their life to the fullest. I must be the dumbest man alive to throw his life away for a part time job. Although inadvertently as I'm probably predisposed - as people work 20 years in the music industry and don't end up with such damage to their hearing apparatus.

For the past 3 years I haven't been able to function at all, I can't work, I'm enrolled in university but it's actually impossible to study at academic level with severe tinnitus and nonexistent hearing functionality - I was a top student before, the cognitive disability that this causes is unreal.

I can't even get disability for this as my hearing levels are at worst 15 dB and 20 dB at 6 kHz, all other frequencies are at most 5 dB (even the ultra highs) - and at the same time my hearing functionality is the same as people with levels up to 50 dB even at "speech frequencies" - even conversation 1 on 1 in a quiet room is becoming incomprehensible, and keep in my mind I've not been exposed to noise for the past 3 years.

I was fully functioning before and now I can't do anything with my life... stupid joke.

Drop every disability at my door and I would be functioning 100 times better than I do now. How these problems don't have any recognition is beyond me.

I actually do really give up at this stage. I'm hoping Pegasos will accept my application so I can be done with this neverending nightmare I got myself into.

Yeah, the cognitive decline this disease causes is very sad. I'm 18 right now and regret every time I put on my headphones. Hopefully a cure for hearing loss and tinnitus will be out in 15 years, but by then I would be 33. So do I now put my enjoyment of life on hold for a potential cure, because it's not guaranteed there will be anything by then. For all I know I will be in my 80s by the time there's anything of substance out in the world. I told myself that if there's nothing out in 20 years' time, then I will kill myself. Hopefully there will be silence in the afterlife. Life is not worth living like this.

The cognitive decline and brain fog that I have been experiencing in just 2.5 months is crazy. People have been dealing with this for much longer than I have been alive but eventually they break.

When I came onto this forum and saw you guys posting out RIP to the unfortunate souls who just couldn't push any more further, it was just heartbreaking to have witnessed that, and it gets me scared because it might just be me getting those RIPs in the future one day.

 

[AfroSnowman]

It would have been far kinder to me and my family if I had died when whatever happened to me happened. Sadly life isn't fair.

 

[Luman]

Yeah, the cognitive decline this disease causes is very sad. I'm 18 right now and regret every time I put on my headphones. Hopefully a cure for hearing loss and tinnitus will be out in 15 years, but by then I would be 33. So do I now put my enjoyment of life on hold for a potential cure, because it's not guaranteed there will be anything by then. For all I know I will be in my 80s by the time there's anything of substance out in the world. I told myself that if there's nothing out in 20 years' time, then I will kill myself. Hopefully there will be silence in the afterlife. Life is not worth living like this.

The cognitive decline and brain fog that I have been experiencing in just 2.5 months is crazy. People have been dealing with this for much longer than I have been alive but eventually they break.

When I came onto this forum and saw you guys posting out RIP to the unfortunate souls who just couldn't push any more further, it was just heartbreaking to have witnessed that, and it gets me scared because it might just be me getting those RIPs in the future one day.

What you are going through is not permanent, i.e. the brain fog and fears of cognitive dysfunction, or even the anxiety from the noise. I realized this about five years ago when I had tinnitus for a few months as you do now. I had gone to a famous hospital in Manhattan, NYC, to see a top ENT for advice about my tinnitus. He told me that he had tinnitus and had tried everything under the sun to treat it, to no avail. Eventually, he said, the brain changes its reactions and it does not bother you. This specialist performs the equivalent of brain surgery and is able to fully function with tinnitus. What I was told was 100% true and when you are habituated, which happens for the vast majority of tinnitus sufferers, you do not hear the noise most of the time and if you do happen to notice it, it's not a big deal.

Hang in there, and try to keep in mind that with every passing day, you are getting a bit closer to relief.

 

[Travis Henry]

What you are going through is not permanent, i.e. the brain fog and fears of cognitive dysfunction, or even the anxiety from the noise. I realized this about five years ago when I had tinnitus for a few months as you do now. I had gone to a famous hospital in Manhattan, NYC, to see a top ENT for advice about my tinnitus. He told me that he had tinnitus and had tried everything under the sun to treat it, to no avail. Eventually, he said, the brain changes its reactions and it does not bother you. This specialist performs the equivalent of brain surgery and is able to fully function with tinnitus. What I was told was 100% true and when you are habituated, which happens for the vast majority of tinnitus sufferers, you do not hear the noise most of the time and if you do happen to notice it, it's not a big deal.

Hang in there, and try to keep in mind that with every passing day, you are getting a bit closer to relief.

You've never had reactive tinnitus or hyperacusis. They have no limit.

 

[Travis Henry]

Well, I am on my final leg of this race it seems.

Taking a benzo was the worst idea ever for my tinnitus. Don't listen to any doctor, or anyone on this website, if they tell you to take any drugs. Don't take anything. Everything can make it worse.

My reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis are horrific. My throat above my Adam's apple is swelling up. All the pain from previous injuries are killing me due to not being able to work out.

There truly is no limit to how loud tinnitus can get. I can't sleep. Every sound worsens my tinnitus. No place to hide and it's summertime in Texas.

I hope my story gets out there as a tinnitus and hyperacusis related death. Noise can kill sadly.

Much love to all who are struggling. This shit needs way more awareness and every suicide with tinnitus needs to have it noted as cause of death.

I absolutely adore life and everything in it. No depression could ever take me. This is pure hell though. Zero QoL.

 

[Luman]

You've never had reactive tinnitus or hyperacusis. They have no limit.

How do you know that I have never had reactive tinnitus or hyperacusis?

 

[Travis Henry]

How do you know that I have never had reactive tinnitus or hyperacusis?

I dunno. I'm sorry either way. I'm not myself anymore. I am suffering so tremendously I would kill for any stability. I am glad you have some.

 

[Luman]

I dunno. I'm sorry either way. I'm not myself anymore. I am suffering so tremendously I would kill for any stability. I am glad you have some.

Sorry to hear that. When I was at the point that you are, I was a mess as well. I had taken benzos when the tinnitus and hyperacusis started, for a few months a few times a week which, when I stopped, gave me a bad case of benzo post-withdrawal syndrome which lasted for a long time.

I tried various ways to cope, with the tinnitus, many or all of which helped.

It eventually irons itself out, if you play your cards right and don't let it get to you.

Good luck.

 

[Wrfortiscue]

I dunno. I'm sorry either way. I'm not myself anymore. I am suffering so tremendously I would kill for any stability. I am glad you have some.

Got to get off those damn benzos man and make it.

 

[momus]

I'm 71 years old and my brain is as sharp as it ever was, and I've had tinnitus for over 2 decades now. I wasn't aware there was a link between tinnitus and cognitive function. In the beginning, sure, I was always seemingly distracted, often suicidal and very, very depressed, but there is a lengthy period of adjustment and getting used to tinnitus, if that is the right term. Life goes on, and we eventually find a few ways that sorta, kinda help us get to sleep and function "normally".

It's just a part of my life now, and has been for a long, long time. Staying busy, getting plenty of exercise, eating right w/ lots of healthy food, finding a social group that supports us, having a meaningful job or hobby, these all are necessary for having a good life. They also help w/ our tinnitus. I'm committed to living the best life I can because this is the only life I will ever have. Mistakes will surely happen, life will happen, death to loved ones happens, but you just keep moving. Every morning I wake up is a gift, and an opportunity to fix what I may have screwed up today. The clock resets when the sun comes up.

I was once on corporate boards, and was also homeless for several years due to drug addiction. Being roughly awakened in dangerous homeless shelters at 6 AM, hitting the streets penniless all day rain or shine until we could go back in at 9 PM. I've owned condos in Hawaii, and slept on the side of the road in Reno, NV, only to be awakened w/ snow and ice on the blanket I had covering me. We never know what life will throw at us, you just make the best of it and keep on, keeping on.

 

[MatthijsDJ]

Well, I am on my final leg of this race it seems.

Taking a benzo was the worst idea ever for my tinnitus. Don't listen to any doctor, or anyone on this website, if they tell you to take any drugs. Don't take anything. Everything can make it worse.

I really get you, but please realize that some of us made it because of medication. For example, I needed medication for my OCD. Fixing my OCD (more or less) helped massively in accepting tinnitus and hyperacusis.

I hope you find your way up soon, like most of us do. Although, I also know the feeling that you want to end it all and all hope is lost. It's the worst fucking feeling of all...

 

[JimmyStrong]

I wasn't aware there was a link between tinnitus and cognitive function

From what I've read, it's hearing loss that's linked with cognitive decline.

Your auditory part of the brain is just getting less input than what it used to receive, so over time the neurons in it die out (fire apart?) and the part of the brain responsible for hearing shrinks. And the brain size reduction is part of the dementia package from my understanding.

Tinnitus, from what I've understood, is just the DCN network of the brain misfiring, and Susan Shore's device will help suppress the overactivity of this DCN network, so there will be some relief sometime in the future. It's not a cure, but it's definitely way better than TRT and CBT.

On the other hand, research on cure for hearing loss or tinnitus is very slow.

I plan on donating once I get a job. I plan on becoming successful enough in the future to become a High Net Worth individual who helps play a role in moving tinnitus and hyperacusis research forward.

 

[SarahMLFlemmer]

How are you doing? @roy1159

 

[Travis Henry]

I'm 71 years old and my brain is as sharp as it ever was, and I've had tinnitus for over 2 decades now. I wasn't aware there was a link between tinnitus and cognitive function. In the beginning, sure, I was always seemingly distracted, often suicidal and very, very depressed, but there is a lengthy period of adjustment and getting used to tinnitus, if that is the right term. Life goes on, and we eventually find a few ways that sorta, kinda help us get to sleep and function "normally".

It's just a part of my life now, and has been for a long, long time. Staying busy, getting plenty of exercise, eating right w/ lots of healthy food, finding a social group that supports us, having a meaningful job or hobby, these all are necessary for having a good life. They also help w/ our tinnitus. I'm committed to living the best life I can because this is the only life I will ever have. Mistakes will surely happen, life will happen, death to loved ones happens, but you just keep moving. Every morning I wake up is a gift, and an opportunity to fix what I may have screwed up today. The clock resets when the sun comes up.

I was once on corporate boards, and was also homeless for several years due to drug addiction. Being roughly awakened in dangerous homeless shelters at 6 AM, hitting the streets penniless all day rain or shine until we could go back in at 9 PM. I've owned condos in Hawaii, and slept on the side of the road in Reno, NV, only to be awakened w/ snow and ice on the blanket I had covering me. We never know what life will throw at us, you just make the best of it and keep on, keeping on.

It doesn't work that way for all tinnitus sufferers. You are lucky to only have tinnitus (it sounds like). Reactive tinnitus and loudness hyperacusis doesn't let you do shit and can take all quality of life away. Shit can get so bad that all sounds are attacking you. If you had got hyperacusis or reactive tinnitus while being homeless, there would be no way to recover to the extent you have. I'd rather be homeless for the rest of my life than have reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis stealing every waking moment from me and ruining sleep.

 

[just1morething]

Some of us humans are suffering very badly and there is no easy fix to many afflictions. I see wild deer and turkeys living outside in the elements every day. I'm sure life is tough for them too. They didn't have a choice coming into this world either. Nature can be brutal to humans and animals and then we have death to look forward to.

 

[Bill Arsenault]

Everyone would do well to remember that a stable case of mild to moderate tinnitus is a world's away difference from a severe and rapidly worsening case. After all you still have the opportunity to try to do all you possibly can to keep it from getting worse. Many of us blew that chance already.

That said - the first couple years or so of even just a mild to moderate case can truly be extremely difficult to accept and deal with as your life disintegrates before your eyes and you feel like your getting cut-down in the supposedly prime years from what you probably think was just one harmless stupid mistake that you made.

Also try not to be so quick to discredit Klonopin use as a solution or whatever. When you run out of alternatives, it might just be what single-handedly saves YOUR life until something better hopefully comes along.

And to the 18-year-old guy, @JimmyStrong - hang in there with us man. You gotta at least fight thru the first few years before you really know if things are truly as bad as it all seems now.

The way I see it I'm surely gonna get run over by a bus or train any day now from using these bloody earplugs in the city, so at least I no longer worry about needing to do anything drastic on my own.

 

[TinniGone]

I'm so desperate. Who can relate in waiting the bad days out till you are allowed to sleep to have a better day? My pattern is pretty much on/off so I'm only living on 50%. The bad days I'm in bed 99%. Is anyone else like this?

Trust me, I have had very dark days but today I am enjoying a very normal and successful life. There are plenty of available medications and treatments that can help lower the volume. If the quality of life is severely compromised, then medications such as Xanax, Mydocalm (muscle relaxant), Stugeron, Valium, etc. should be considered under the guidance of a doctor. Please do not listen to the ugly stupid sentence "there is nothing we can do about it, you will have to habituate." I have had 3 instances of tinnitus and every time I won.

 

[TracyJS]

Everyone would do well to remember that a stable case of mild to moderate tinnitus is a world's away difference from a severe and rapidly worsening case. After all you still have the opportunity to try to do all you possibly can to keep it from getting worse. Many of us blew that chance already.

THIS!!!

 

[fishbone]

As I read these posts in this thread, I can relate to how you folks are feeling. Tinnitus can be quite a struggle, It really can. No one will understand how we feel, unless they have been there. I have experienced pretty much all the stages of tinnitus (from mild to beyond shockingly loud). I have had some serious setbacks in the past few years, that created new baselines, new tones, and intensities.

My tinnitus is so different now, from how it used to be a few years back. Just know that I truly understand how you folks feel. I have dealt and still deal with lots of sensitivity, fluctuations, and intense noise, that still to this day makes no sense to me at all.

I may not post daily, but my heart belongs to this forum. I think about all who deal with tinnitus like I do on a daily basis.

 

[Michael Leigh]

I may not post daily, but my heart belongs to this forum. I think about all who deal with tinnitus like I do on a daily basis.

It is good to see you on the forum @fishbone, but it's a shame that you don't post here more regularly. Your experience with noise-induced tinnitus and hyperacusis and teaching how to become more positive in life with this condition is second to none. I hope you reconsider and visit here more often.

Take care,
Michael

 

[Jammer]

It is good to see you on the forum @fishbone, but it's a shame that you don't post here more regularly. Your experience with noise-induced tinnitus and hyperacusis and teaching how to become more positive in life with this condition is second to none. I hope you reconsider and visit here more often.

Take care,
Michael

Me too.

 

[fishbone]

It is good to see you on the forum @fishbone, but it's a shame that you don't post here more regularly. Your experience with noise-induced tinnitus and hyperacusis and teaching how to become more positive in life with this condition is second to none. I hope you reconsider and visit here more often.

Take care,
Michael

I have had my fair share of what tinnitus can bring on. My experiences and journey are shared in my posts. These past few years have been very different, but they have also taught me so much. My tinnitus is at levels, tones, and intensities that I never could have imagined, but all in all I am still trying to help people and make a difference. That will never stop, I have always done this and will keep at it.

I think about all those good people, that deal with this on a daily basis

 

[Michael Leigh]

I have had my fair share of what tinnitus can bring on. My experiences and journey are shared in my posts. These past few years have been very different, but they have also taught me so much. My tinnitus is at levels, tones, and intensities that I never could have imagined, but all in all I am still trying to help people and make a difference. That will never stop, I have always done this and will keep at it.

I think about all those good people, that deal with this on a daily basis

Hope you start to feel better in time @fishbone.

Take care,
Michael

 

[Theezy]

I have had my fair share of what tinnitus can bring on. My experiences and journey are shared in my posts. These past few years have been very different, but they have also taught me so much. My tinnitus is at levels, tones, and intensities that I never could have imagined, but all in all I am still trying to help people and make a difference. That will never stop, I have always done this and will keep at it.

I think about all those good people, that deal with this on a daily basis

Do you take medication or have anything that helps to get through the day? With my previous tinnitus and hyperacusis I struggled but was able to power through life and do most activities I enjoy. These conditions have gotten to such insane levels this past year that like you said, I could not have comprehended before. Somehow I have kept going, but as they continue to decline it feels like I can't get any traction.

 

[AnthonyMcDonald]

HI Shizune,

I agree, it's funny how things work. Your situation is difficult at the moment but it can improve so all is not lost. The increase in your hyperacusis could be stress related which is understandable with tinnitus and hyperacusis to contend with. Please consider having a talk with your doctor if you are feeling stressed.

It is probably a good idea to rule out a few things. I will assume that you haven't been using headphones but I need to ask, whether you have been listening to any type of audio, including white or pink noise through headphones or earbuds, even at low volume? Does your PC comprise of a tower base unit with an internal hard drive that spins, and has an internal fan? If yes, can you hear the high pitched sounds of the hard drive and fan spinning? Using this type of computer especially for long periods, can increase tinnitus and hyperacusis for some people. If you use a laptop that has an internal spinning hard drive and fan, the same thing applies.

I now use computer that has a solid-state hard drive that has no moving parts and has a very quiet internal fan; my tinnitus is not affected. My laptop uses a SSD hard drive and no internal fan. If you have recently started a new medication, this could be affecting your tinnitus, so it's something to consider.

Hope you start to feel better soon.

Take care,
Michael

Is this... actually good advice from Michael Leigh?

 

[MatthijsDJ]

It doesn't work that way for all tinnitus sufferers. You are lucky to only have tinnitus (it sounds like). Reactive tinnitus and loudness hyperacusis doesn't let you do shit and can take all quality of life away. Shit can get so bad that all sounds are attacking you. If you had got hyperacusis or reactive tinnitus while being homeless, there would be no way to recover to the extent you have. I'd rather be homeless for the rest of my life than have reactive tinnitus and hyperacusis stealing every waking moment from me and ruining sleep.

Well, I don't want to be rude, but it's not the tinnitus and hyperacusis that is blocking you from doing shit... It is you that are doing it.

Again I was in the same shithole, avoiding every fucking sound. Cleaning out the dishwasher was a nightmare for me, or driving.

But then the meds kicked in, my OCD got reduced and the tinnitus and hyperacusis went a bit lower in intensity due to some stress relief from the meds.

And then I started to do what you will read in most of the success stories and that is just trying to live again... Picking up first the things I always liked, like gaming and reading... That slowly and gently brought back the life in me.

I still have those days with loud tinnitus and where my OCD needs attention, but I just continue to live and within a few days (a week max), life is normal again.