Suicidal

[Star64]

How do you get Panadol?

Are people saying my ear pain will never stop or my ears won't heal on their own? Honestly?

The pain subsided before but my ear still didn't feel 100% normal. But, at least, the severe pain wasn't there.

It's been there for what seems like a really long time now. No acoustic sound or noise does anything from what I can tell. The pain is 8/10 and then goes to 9 or 10/10 and remains.

I can't do anything when it is like this. The tinnitus is loud too. If this doesn't change soon I will try a suicide attempt. I can't live with constant ear pain. So, honestly, is this permanent or chronic? I don't know what to do but the pain incapacitates me and I am tired of living like this. It's no life.

My right ear is in pain too. It is a different feeling though. There is a tightness sensation. The cartilage and ear canal area both are in pain. I think it's from typical hyperacusis although I thought the pain in my right ear was subsiding but the tightness pain is bad again.

I think in Canada it is called Tylenol, more commonly known as acetaminophen. It is very common drug Pete, but it is known as being not a strong pain killer. I take three 500mg tablets instead of 2 and I manage to get some relief from my ear pain and TMJ/TMD.

Nonsteroidal anti-inflammatory drugs are usually much better at controlling inflammatory pain but they always made my tinnitus worse, they might not affect yours. If your ear pain is caused by TMJ all the things Greg told you will help you, during the day try to remember lips together teeth apart, as this will help relax this area.

Sorry I can't be much more help, but if it is TMJ you are experiencing it needs to be treated, then hopefully the pain will subside.

 

[Star64]

Thank you both for this awesome detailed description of the doctor and the surgery!

I don't think I am ready for the surgery yet. I want to try other things first and just let time pass and see if it goes back down to baseline, but if not, or even in the unlucky event that it gets worse, it's very comforting to know that there is a possibility to regain my life quality with this surgery. I'll google him and the surgery and read up on it all, that's for sure.

Trying other things first is a good way to go, surgery can always be an option for you if all else fails. I hope you get relief soon and can regain some quality of life, everyone deserves that

 

[TheDanishGirl]

Are you in a bad spot with your tinnitus?
I thought your tinnitus was improving or my brain is confusing things once again

No, my tinnitus never improved. It's unchanged. But my hyperacusis has shot trough the roof

 

[all to gain]

I know exactly how you feel.
Your physical body is still here, but mentally you had crossed over to some other dimension where you are being held hostage and brutally tortured 24/7.

You are looking at the world from the outside and unable to relate to people and their so called problems anymore.

None of this feels real, because you know that something THIS bad cannot possibly exist and be happening to you.

I'm living inside the same nightmare my friend.

It's the pure shock of it all. I still can't believe it all.

I now fear further hearing problems and further side effects. The rest of my life is going to be downhill from now due to his.

 

[all to gain]

I'm resigned now to living a very unhappy life as I haven't got the balls to do myself in.

 

[Harley]

It's the pure shock of it all. I still can't believe it all.

I now fear further hearing problems and further side effects. The rest of my life is going to be downhill from now due to his.

If the outside world had any idea of the pure evil and terror that is constantly lurking in the shadows, the cure would be out by next week.

 

[PeteJ]

The tinnitus is too loud and it always goes to the loudest late at night. Sirens are constantly going by and I can't move the fuck out of here.

Is there any way to blame the city when I write my note? I will make it clear it's the tinnitus and ear pain but I would like to condemn the fucking city for their apathy and totally ignoring me. I am in the loudest area of the city and I can't move,

I need to join a site that discusses suicide methods. I don't want to wait anymore. I'm going to do that this week or try.

 

[PeteJ]

Does anyone here have tinnitus so loud that they can't use hearing protection? I don't think so.

I used my smartphone sound meter and my fan was at least 50 dB to 60 dB depending how close I got. Is that accurate? I know my tinnitus is louder. The fan would barely drown it out or at least blended in somewhat until April and now it doesn't.

 

[Star64]

Having been very close a few weeks ago all I can say it takes a HUGE amount of courage to actually commit suicide. There is no painless option readily available. There's a quick one, depending on where you live, but actually going through with it is something beyond what I can comprehend. I'm still recovering from the shock of it, even today. It's like a blur, a faint nightmare of someone that wasn't me. Absolutely horrific experience.

It does take a lot of courage to commit suicide, people who think suicide is a cowardly act have probably never ever been in that position to judge this. People who die by suicide don't want to end their lives, they want to end their pain.

However, I truly believe it takes just as much courage if not more when you are suffering to not commit suicide, think about it, how much bravery and courage can be shown by a person to continue to suffer pain for their loved ones, to continue to live life with such a horrid condition tormenting your head everyday.

@all to gain, @Harley @Chinmoku I have read your posts where people have said you are not trying hard enough, man up etc, They are so wrong, do not listen to their bullshit, they are ignorant and it happens a lot.

Everybody and I mean everybody that survives a day with a screaming head is doing something, because this condition takes COURAGE and STRENGTH and continuing to live with it is probably the bravest thing you will ever do.

So hold your heads high.

 

[dan]

Does anyone here have tinnitus so loud that they can't use hearing protection? I don't think so.

I used my smartphone sound meter and my fan was at least 50 dB to 60 dB depending how close I got. Is that accurate? I know my tinnitus is louder. The fan would barely drown it out or at least blended in somewhat until April and now it doesn't.

Yes, I have it that loud.
So until April you had moderate tinnitus, now you may have severe tinnitus... do you feel like it's drilling through your ears loud?

 

[MattS]

I wish I knew what is going on!!!! I will off myself because of ear pain. My tinnitus fluctuated briefly some time around 5 pm.

But, the pain got worse tonight. Pain in the ear but also cheek bone near ear and bone of just behind the cartilage. What is this?!?

Pete - have you had your TMJ checked out? The ear pain - as you've said yourself before - is unusual, and I think the most likely thing is that it's muscular. I know this seems like a cop-out answer, but muscle spasms in other parts of the body can be very painful, in the ear I would expect could be excruciating.

Have you tried heating pads or ice? Do hot baths relax the pain down at all, even temporarily? And again, maybe a visit to a dentist would be helpful to check for TMJ contributions? Not trying to be silly here - I just know your ear pain is concerning you almost as much as the tinnitus is, and unlike the tinnitus there *may* be a fix for the pain. Just trying to be helpful.

 

[MattS]

@PeteJ Take a wash cloth that will absorb water and place it under a cold facet. Ring it out and place one over the jaw joint just in front of ear and behind ear. Keep rinsing the washcloth in cold water every five minutes and repeat three or four times. All of this will take about thirty minutes. Water will absorb better than ice. Within an hour switch to warm. Cool will help with swelling, but warmth is then needed to help with pain.

Also, most important is not to extend lower jaw forward. Keep lips together.
You can try this. Take a Kleenex tissue, not toilet paper and fold to a half/three quarters of an inch. Place in middle of mouth and let the sides of the tissue hang out on both sides. Don't bite on the tissue. Besides a running brook CD at whisper level ten to fifteen feet from my bed, I also use this tissue method for hyperacusis and it works. Turmeric Curcumin has many positives, but for me it increases both ear pain and hyperacusis.

@PeteJ I'll just add that ice freezes muscles and makes them stiffer, while heat relaxes muscles and loosens them up. So while I think Greg's regimen above is described fantastically, I'd personally be going with more heat (maybe 3/4s of the time) and less ice (maybe 1/4 of the time). Ice is good in the early stages of injury; heat is usually better once things are chronic.

 

[Harley]

It does take a lot of courage to commit suicide, people who think suicide is a cowardly act have probably never ever been in that position to judge this. People who die by suicide don't want to end their lives, they want to end their pain.

As always you are dead on Star (no pun)
I would just like to add, that killing yourself is the hardest thing to do when you are completelly rational, as we are all hard wired to live.
It takes a lot of resolve to override this programming and you said it best yourself.
Nobody wants to die.
People just want the suffering to end and in case of Tinnitus, it seems to be the only way out.

If my time comes, I'm hoping it will be a quick impuls of sorts, where I have no time to think and analyze in too much depth, what it is I'm about to do.

I really hope that when my suffering reaches to the point of unbearable, at that point some sort of an auto pilot takes over, quickly quides the already prepared gun in my mouth and pulls the trigger, all under a second (prefferably a fraction of a second).

I don't think I would be able to use any other methods for fear of either screwing up, or being too scared to go through with it.
If my time comes, I want to die as quickly as possible.

 

[Nalle A]

The tinnitus is too loud and it always goes to the loudest late at night. Sirens are constantly going by and I can't move the fuck out of here.

Is there any way to blame the city when I write my note? I will make it clear it's the tinnitus and ear pain but I would like to condemn the fucking city for their apathy and totally ignoring me. I am in the loudest area of the city and I can't move,

I need to join a site that discusses suicide methods. I don't want to wait anymore. I'm going to do that this week or try.

Yes, My Tinnitus has got worse. Lots of stress at work etc. At night it's so hard I can't sleep. I thought it couldn't get any harder, but I was wrong. The only consolation is that so many other people have the same problem. Pretty wild concert in my head all the time. This forum is a great place to get information about tinnitus. I myself focus on the neck and the area around it. It's been quite tough for a long time. Last night was hell and I'm just going to sleep again, because early wake up ....... so let`s see. The process may be long, but I will try, and try, until it`s better ... so don´t give up.

 

[PeteJ]

Pete - have you had your TMJ checked out? The ear pain - as you've said yourself before - is unusual, and I think the most likely thing is that it's muscular. I know this seems like a cop-out answer, but muscle spasms in other parts of the body can be very painful, in the ear I would expect could be excruciating.

Have you tried heating pads or ice? Do hot baths relax the pain down at all, even temporarily? And again, maybe a visit to a dentist would be helpful to check for TMJ contributions? Not trying to be silly here - I just know your ear pain is concerning you almost as much as the tinnitus is, and unlike the tinnitus there *may* be a fix for the pain. Just trying to be helpful.

That was a nice reply to me, thanks. When I am at home, I use ice cubes and a wash cloth and I have a compress but it's awkward and difficult to apply to the area with that. I alternate with heating up the wash cloth and take a hot bath.

It helps a little but not much meaning not enough.

Should I hope it's muscular? Yes, I think that would be better than nerve-related since that is scary. If it's nerve-related, does that mean it won't ever go away and ice/heat, TMJ and dental treatment won't matter?

I aim to get it looked at and asked about a TMJ consult. But, I have two major concerns: one, the tinnitus is so bad, it's hard for me to go anywhere for appointments and two, what if they can't help me?

 

[PeteJ]

Yes, My Tinnitus has got worse. Lots of stress at work etc. At night it's so hard I can't sleep. I thought it couldn't get any harder, but I was wrong. The only consolation is that so many other people have the same problem. Pretty wild concert in my head all the time. This forum is a great place to get information about tinnitus. I myself focus on the neck and the area around it. It's been quite tough for a long time. Last night was hell and I'm just going to sleep again, because early wake up ....... so let`s see. The process may be long, but I will try, and try, until it`s better ... so don´t give up.

I can't work with it this loud and constant ear pain makes it more difficult.

I NEED to work but can't. I can't live on less than $100 each month.

If I could find something at home then I could try but anything will be a struggle. My tinnitus seems to be loudest anywhere around 8pm which lasts all night. I don't even know how I sleep at all but it's still not quality sleep. I wake up with a sore jaw and sore teeth. I know my dental retainer is not good enough. I need a proper night guard. But, how much will it help?

I think my tinnitus is something like 70+ dB so 10/10 severity and only occasionally 8/10. Ear pain severity is kinda like that too. When the pain is most severe, it's probably worse in a way to tinnitus in general because t is not physical pain but a physical phenomenon but you don't feel it physically. I also can't get pain medication strong enough to help.

 

[MattS]

Guys,

I'm absolutely devastated. I just recently got a new loud thumping bass sound in my right ear. It's so damn loud and it's driving me to suicidal thoughts. The only thing that masks it is the low bass rumble of road noise, and that's it. I can hear it everywhere in my house, over my fans, over the shower, over running water, the fridge and TV. In stores, over music (except music with bass, which is ironic because I loathe music with heavy bass).

I just can't take it anymore. No matter what I do or don't do it gets worse. I feel like raging at the world, all of this anger and frustration is churning inside me and I can't help but think ITS JUST NOT FAIR. I could live with mild tinnitus. I did for 8 years. I lived with moderate tinnitus for the next 3 after my first worsening and kept telling myself to keep going, but this....this is too much....it vibrates the whole right side of my head....

I'm crying right now because I want to die so badly. But my dad committed suicide when I was young from terminal throat cancer and my suicide would devastate my mom beyond degree. I told her my plans and she just cling to me and said "please...no...I can't bear it".

But how do you keep going when treatment is years down the road? And even then there's no guarantee. I've probably read through every research thread 5 times over just to try and calm myself and see some glimmer of hope, that maybe, MAYBE one day I'll have my mild tinnitus back. but I'm just so exhausted, so tired of it all...

How are you coping Owl? Has it desisted at all?

Do you know what caused your tinnitus to keep escalating? Was there a known reason? Or it's just been a constant, gradual increase?

 

[MattS]

That was a nice reply to me, thanks. When I am at home, I use ice cubes and a wash cloth and I have a compress but it's awkward and difficult to apply to the area with that. I alternate with heating up the wash cloth and take a hot bath.

It helps a little but not much meaning not enough.

Should I hope it's muscular? Yes, I think that would be better than nerve-related since that is scary. If it's nerve-related, does that mean it won't ever go away and ice/heat, TMJ and dental treatment won't matter?

I aim to get it looked at and asked about a TMJ consult. But, I have two major concerns: one, the tinnitus is so bad, it's hard for me to go anywhere for appointments and two, what if they can't help me?

Yes, I would think that you'd prefer muscle pain. Not that nerve pain is impossible to resolve (but it's slower to heal, for sure), but muscle spasming is almost certainly resolvable.

I'm not a medical doctor, so my knowledge is only partial/armchair, but from what I would expect:

* Ice should freeze nerves, but stiffen muscles. In either case you might get some immediate relief from ice, but I might expect it to be long term unhelpful if it's muscular.

* Heat should get nerves firing, but loosen muscles. So if heat helps, even a little bit, I think that might point more towards a muscular issue.

It's hard to know for sure of course. But I think the fact that it's spreading to your jaw/check is also good indication of muscular. I don't know that I'd expect nerve pain to "spread" like that.

And then, of course, stress/anxiety keeps muscles tense. So... you know... try, try, try to relax. Easier said than done, I know. But how sucky would it be if you're contributing to your own suffering by tensing up further? So do anything you can to relax. Take a bath, out your head underwater, listen to the sound currents underwater (I personally find this really soothing), breathe deeply, breathe deeply again, try yoga, or meditation, or a relaxation app. Anything... whatever you can do to relax yourself. I don't for a second believe that tinnitus is due to stress... but it absolutely can exacerbate symptoms.

You could also ask your doctor about muscle relaxants. I have no idea if they are safe with tinnitus or not... so you would have to do your homework. But if they are, maybe that would be a good option. They are far less toxic than nerve pain meds, not addictive... If you think there's a chance it's muscular, may be worth a shot.

Hope that helps.

 

[PeteJ]

Yes, I have it that loud.
So until April you had moderate tinnitus, now you may have severe tinnitus... do you feel like it's drilling through your ears loud?

I had fluctuating tinnitus. I think it was somewhat similar to Michael's but no pattern to the fluctuation and periods of mild tinnitus was really brief ranging from a few minutes to an hour but they kept getting shorter and more rare. It doesn't happen anymore.

Yeah, I guess so but I also feel like the tones are in my head too. The tones are more blended in. I can tell some are different but before the different ones were more obvious.

I find it difficult to do anything I need to do or go anywhere. The ear pain makes everything worse. Not only is there extremely loud tones, there's several tones and my ear is in pain. There's fullness and the occasional clicking. I plan on buying chelated magnesium tomorrow. I should have bought it already but like I said...

 

[Jazzer]

It does take a lot of courage to commit suicide, people who think suicide is a cowardly act have probably never ever been in that position to judge this. People who die by suicide don't want to end their lives, they want to end their pain.

However, I truly believe it takes just as much courage if not more when you are suffering to not commit suicide, think about it, how much bravery and courage can be shown by a person to continue to suffer pain for their loved ones, to continue to live life with such a horrid condition tormenting your head everyday.

@all to gain, @Harley @Chinmoku I have read your posts where people have said you are not trying hard enough, man up etc, They are so wrong, do not listen to their bullshit, they are ignorant and it happens a lot.

Everybody and I mean everybody that survives a day with a screaming head is doing something, because this condition takes COURAGE and STRENGTH and continuing to live with it is probably the bravest thing you will ever do.

So hold your heads high.

Star - a very special post. xx
Those of us with really loud constant severity are the most reluctant of heroes.
Thank you for giving us the recognition we all deserve.
Now more than ever - I live for the beautiful people around me - my wonderful wife and family, and my three adorable pussycats.
You never spoke a truer word Star.
Dave x
Jazzer

 

[GORYLUCK]

I wake up with a sore jaw and sore teeth. I know my dental retainer is not good enough. I need a proper night guard.

So some of the pain is from grinding your teeth at night....(?) Like me...dammit
Have you tried cbd/thc oil ? Meant to be superb for pain relief...some peeps use it as a more effective alternative to opiates... And it'd probably knock you out and give you a better nights sleep I hear it's legal in Canada now.

 

[Star64]

I do not want anyone to suffer Harley, but I hope you stay completely rational, so that time never comes for you..

 

[HootOwl]

How are you coping Owl? Has it desisted at all?

Do you know what caused your tinnitus to keep escalating? Was there a known reason? Or it's just been a constant, gradual increase?

I don't know if I would even call it coping. More like drifting. Nothing has changed since the severe shift a week ago. And it was instant. I was listening to my fan and then suddenly it got super loud with a distorted whistle on top of it. Instantaneous. Then I went into the shower and realized the water was distorted and also painful. Outside same thing with the light wind and traffic noise.

I believe it was an acute acoustic trauma but I realize now that I had a massive fever at the exact same time and my ETs for the first time in my life are making this horrible loud crunch when I swallow. I've always been able to click them at will but this is very different.

I couldn't even rustle the toilet paper the reactivity was so bad. And even turning my head against the pillow causes the volume to instantly spike and then die back down.

Before this I had moderate/severe tinnitus but this is unlike anything I've ever experienced. I don't know how much longer I can go on. I just don't understand what happened to me or where the damage actually is.

 

[HootOwl]

And I suppose on a very scared and cowardly level I just want to be told it will be okay. Like a kid being told by their mom that everything will be alright. It makes me feel worthless and pathetic.

I'm clinging to hope for all of these upcoming treatments but then I think, what if I'm the unlucky one. What if I'm the one where nothing works for. And it destroys me.

 

[Lurius]

And I suppose on a very scared and cowardly level I just want to be told it will be okay. Like a kid being told by their mom that everything will be alright. It makes me feel worthless and pathetic.

I'm clinging to hope for all of these upcoming treatments but then I think, what if I'm the unlucky one. What if I'm the one where nothing works for. And it destroys me.

I actually felt just like that in the first 6-7 months. So you're definitely not alone. And not being a kid anymore doesn't mean we're immune to fear. You shouldn't feel ashamed for reverting back to childlike state, your mind is probably confused and tries to figure out whats going on. It would only be natural to feel fear, even though its uncomfortable as hell.

 

[Jazzer]

So some of the pain is from grinding your teeth at night....(?) Like me...dammit
Have you tried cbd/thc oil ? Meant to be superb for pain relief...some peeps use it as a more effective alternative to opiates... And it'd probably knock you out and give you a better nights sleep I hear it's legal in Canada now.

Hi - I'll just mention that I write a piece relevant to this called:

"How to Cure Bruxism."

Dave x
Jazzer

 

[dan]

Nothing has changed since the severe shift a week ago. And it was instant

It's only been a week, consider it a temporary spike.

 

[PeteJ]

Hi - I'll just mention that I write a piece relevant to this called:

"How to Cure Bruxism."

Dave x
Jazzer

Where?

 

[FGG]

That does not surprise me.
But I'm willing to wager, that if the person who told you this got what you have, they would have a mental breakdown and shit their pants within the first 48 hours.

My ex husband told me I was "acting like a child" and he would have handled it so much better. Oh and this gem too: people don't 'wallow in self pity' for months no matter what the circumstance unless they have mental illness. They attempt to rise above.

Honestly, I don't know if people who say these things really believe them or if they want to excuse their callous and even cruel behaviour to loved ones that suddenly need them.

 

[HootOwl]

My ex husband told me I was "acting like a child" and he would have handled it so much better. Oh and this gem too: people don't 'wallow in self pity' for months no matter what the circumstance unless they have mental illness. They attempt to rise above.

Honestly, I don't know if people who say these things really believe them or if they want to excuse their callous and even cruel behaviour to loved ones that suddenly need them.

That's absolutely inexcusable. I'd like to strap a loud, entirely unmaskable 9k tone to his ear and see if he can "rise above it" so easily. Shit himself is right.