Suicidal

[dan]

And you know this how?
Just curious.

Because I was habituated... I'm fucked now and I want to die, but I was habituated to severe tinnitus.

Then, there is catastrophic tinnitus of course...

 

[dan]

F U.

Sorry didn't mean to upset you bro.

 

[jasonbourne]

I have not but I just looked it up! I completely get what you're trying to say. I am also an extreme pessimist strangely enough (hugs to you for the shared personality) but when I look at what's going on in the current field of cochlear regeneration to me that is the first time since I first got tinnitus 10 years ago where treatment is the "reality".

He said he was a realist, not a pessimist. If you're going to peddle your bogus caring attitude and bogus hope at least read what the guy has to say.

 

[Chinmoku]

He said he was a realist, not a pessimist. If you're going to peddle your bogus caring attitude and bogus hope at least read what the guy has to say.

"Bogus caring attitude". Really? None of us has a magic crystal ball, one way or another. There are plausible hints regenerative science has been progressing very fast. Reasons have been given. You don't believe them. Fine. You don't have to. Why don't you give more arguments for your skepticism instead of resorting to borderline name calling? "Bogus caring attitude" hardly helps anyone and is not what is really going on here.

 

[HootOwl]

He said he was a realist, not a pessimist. If you're going to peddle your bogus caring attitude and bogus hope at least read what the guy has to say.

Jazzer didn't seem too bent out of shape that my severe tinnitus causes my reading comprehension to be less than 100% stellar all the time...I don't mind being corrected at all but why so much hostility...

 

[Harley]

Because I was habituated... I'm fucked now and I want to die, but I was habituated to severe tinnitus.

Then, there is catastrophic tinnitus of course...

Ok fair enough.

But I would like to add, that most people in this thread are very likely past the catastrophic mark as well, (which I believe to be anything over 78 points on the THI scale).

 

[jimH]

If you're going to peddle your bogus caring attitude and bogus hope at least read what the guy has to say.

She didn't do anything to justify that shitpost!

 

[xyz]

Man I just don't know what to say to you. In 5 years time when nothing is here you will remember me. It was only 3 years ago when I started browsing this forum and people were talking about a cure around the corner. If you look around the internet you will see threads from 10-15 years ago talking about a cure coming soon. The fact that you used the infamous "5 years" shows that you have been manipulated. Every cure is 5 years away.

If they haven't cured or even treated male pattern baldness (propecia is not safe and doesn't prevent balding or give hair back, just slows it down); which if discovered will make whomever more rich than any cure for deafness and tinnitus x 10000 and adding to the fact that balding is a much more of a simple issue then tinnitus.

What fucking chance is there?

There will be a cure for balding before tinnitus. There will be a cure for cancer before balding. When both of these are cured or managed with a high success rate, then we can talk about tinnitus.

You are quite pessimistic. I think Dr. Rauschecker also mentioned the 5 year timeline "if tinnitus research would have enough funding" in the Tinnitus Talk Podcast if I remember correctly. He compared tinnitus to Parkinson's where also recent advancements have been made despite the fact that it is also a brain thing.

When I scan through the article "Why there is no cure for tinnitus"
https://doi.org/10.3389/fnins.2019.00802
The 5 years seem not to be realistic. But we can be happy about any university / biotech company which is trying to tackle this problem.

 

[jasonbourne]

Jazzer didn't seem too bent out of shape that my severe tinnitus causes my reading comprehension to be less than 100% stellar all the time...I don't mind being corrected at all but why so much hostility...

Sorry for being aggressive, I was drunk and had a rough night.

 

[HootOwl]

Sorry for being aggressive, I was drunk and had a rough night.

Hey it's alright, I appreciate the apology. We're all suffering, believe me I know...I really do hope my optimism doesn't come across as the annoying Pollyanna kind. It's just after you've dug into literally hundreds of research papers (like myself and others have) it's very, very difficult to not see answers on the horizon.

 

[Yuuls]

8 weeks in and this still doesn't feel like my life. I've spent the entire weekend in bed. I feel sick to my stomach knowing that this is actually real although some moments I feel like a spectator

I can't eat.
Nothing brings me joy anymore.
I keep on having thoughts of what my poor parents will go through if they find me dead. My poor mom who has done everything to ensure I have a good life.

I'm 26 years old and should be dating, having fun, advancing in my career, making new friends and memories. I feel like a zombie. And I did this all to myself. The only comfort I find is laying in my bed, hoping the day goes by so I can take some melatonin and at least get 6 hours of relief.

Why can't I be stronger than this? Why is it that others who have a mild t are able to continue living life as normal? Is it because they haven't filled their minds with scary stories like I have?

 

[Yuuls]

Hi Yuuls,

You are now at a stage where you need medical help.

I was exactly where you are a couple of month ago. I tried to fight this on my own but ultimately caved in and consulted various specialists. I have, since then, been on various meds which have greatly helped and without I would possibly not be here today.

Sleeping is the key to this battle... without it you don't stand a chance. I am now able to sleep thus function during the day... having even resumed working. The noise intensity has not reduced and I still suffer but am aware, as should you, that this is going to be a long road to recovery.

I have made it out before and intend to do son again. You can also do so...stay strong and remember that you are not alone.

Take good care,
Rogi

I have no issues sleeping because I'm usually so exhausted from crying before bed, I fall asleep fairly quick. Staying asleep is a different story as I wake up several times through the night. At least the cold sweats are gone, I think I've just become numb to this all.

I've read enough horror stories about anti-depressants making this worse. I do not want to take them.

 

[dan]

Ok fair enough.

But I would like to add, that most people in this thread are very likely past the catastrophic mark as well, (which I believe to be anything over 78 points on the THI scale).

The THI scale is meaningless. 6 years ago my THI was 100. But then it went down by half.
THI is a measure of your REACTION to tinnitus. One can react catastrophically to moderate tinnitus.
My tinnitus back then was heard over TRAFFIC noise, but I got used to it.
Now it got even louder and more aggressive, like very thick noise that sometimes encompasses my head, not just the ears... Also humming wine glass noise added, but the high pitches are of course the worst of it as we all know.

Would you agree that "severe tinnitus" is one that can be heard in any environment- except a shower (that sort of blends with the sound).
But then there is catastrophic tinnitus that fucking encompasses your hearing, so basically you are trying to listen through a smokescreen of screechiness/whining siren.

 

[Yuuls]

I know how you feel. I am trying to watch tv and I think my tinnitus started spiking. I am afraid it's from my dentist appointment. I had two fillings. I hate this and it always seems worse at night.

At least, you have family who care and want to help. I really don't have anyone. I'm older and although I am scared of dying, I want that over living like this. My tinnitus is so loud with multiple tones and it's so high pitched, I wish I had a gun because I could stop the tinnitus and end the torture. I don't know how I am going to plan a suicide. The intrusiveness of the tinnitus makes it difficult for me to concentrate even for routine tasks like using this forum. How the **** am I gonna plan my suicide? :-(

TV is usually my go to for when I have a meltdown. I wrap myself up in a blanket and try to not focus on anything except the shows. I've started watching random shows like My Strange Addiction and Swamp People because my usual go-to's were depressing me (seeing people normal and happy).

I wouldn't say I have "family who care" yes I have my mom and my dad here. Their support helps significantly for now, but it's not like I have a ton of siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc who would miss me.

I always feared the days when my parents die because they are my only people in this world but I've always hoped by then I'd have my own family. All that has gone out the window. Who's gonna want to date me? I'm an emotional wreck.

Suicide should not be a taboo topic. It is MY LIFE and I should have a pain free way to exit if I feel that it is necessary. Why do others get to conduct this?

 

[MichaelSF]

TV is usually my go to for when I have a meltdown. I wrap myself up in a blanket and try to not focus on anything except the shows. I've started watching random shows like My Strange Addiction and Swamp People because my usual go-to's were depressing me (seeing people normal and happy).

I wouldn't say I have "family who care" yes I have my mom and my dad here. Their support helps significantly for now, but it's not like I have a ton of siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc who would miss me.

I always feared the days when my parents die because they are my only people in this world but I've always hoped by then I'd have my own family. All that has gone out the window. Who's gonna want to date me? I'm an emotional wreck.

Suicide should not be a taboo topic. It is MY LIFE and I should have a pain free way to exit if I feel that it is necessary. Why do others get to conduct this?

I feel exactly the same way and I am also in the same boat when it comes to family.

 

[dan]

@valeri, hi, I'm reading Allan1967's posts (RIP) and he talks about how Lenire made his tinnitus much worse...

So was it an alarm that went off near him or Lenire that was the reason for his decision?

Would welcome others' input on this.

 

[dan]

8 weeks in and this still doesn't feel like my life. I've spent the entire weekend in bed. I feel sick to my stomach knowing that this is actually real although some moments I feel like a spectator

I can't eat.
Nothing brings me joy anymore.
I keep on having thoughts of what my poor parents will go through if they find me dead. My poor mom who has done everything to ensure I have a good life.

I'm 26 years old and should be dating, having fun, advancing in my career, making new friends and memories. I feel like a zombie. And I did this all to myself. The only comfort I find is laying in my bed, hoping the day goes by so I can take some melatonin and at least get 6 hours of relief.

Why can't I be stronger than this? Why is it that others who have a mild t are able to continue living life as normal? Is it because they haven't filled their minds with scary stories like I have?

If you have "mild" tinnitus, you will get your life back 100% - I promise you that. Just takes some time:
3 months for people who don't give a fuck.
6 months for people who somewhat give a fuck.
12 months for people who are emotionally weaker.
up to 24 months for people with pre-existing anxiety disorders, etc etc.

BUT THEY ALL GET OVER IT IN THE END JUST FINE. 'TIS FOR THE MILD/MODERATE TINNITUS.

 

[vermillion]

TV is usually my go to for when I have a meltdown. I wrap myself up in a blanket and try to not focus on anything except the shows. I've started watching random shows like My Strange Addiction and Swamp People because my usual go-to's were depressing me (seeing people normal and happy).

I wouldn't say I have "family who care" yes I have my mom and my dad here. Their support helps significantly for now, but it's not like I have a ton of siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc who would miss me.

I always feared the days when my parents die because they are my only people in this world but I've always hoped by then I'd have my own family. All that has gone out the window. Who's gonna want to date me? I'm an emotional wreck.

Suicide should not be a taboo topic. It is MY LIFE and I should have a pain free way to exit if I feel that it is necessary. Why do others get to conduct this?

I feel exactly the same.

 

[Harley]

The THI scale is meaningless. 6 years ago my THI was 100. But then it went down by half.
THI is a measure of your REACTION to tinnitus. One can react catastrophically to moderate tinnitus.
My tinnitus back then was heard over TRAFFIC noise, but I got used to it.
Now it got even louder and more aggressive, like very thick noise that sometimes encompasses my head, not just the ears... Also humming wine glass noise added, but the high pitches are of course the worst of it as we all know.

Would you agree that "severe tinnitus" is one that can be heard in any environment- except a shower (that sort of blends with the sound).
But then there is catastrophic tinnitus that fucking encompasses your hearing, so basically you are trying to listen through a smokescreen of screechiness/whining siren.

I don't think the THI us useless at all.
Comparing the loudness, pitch or intensity is very hard, as it is subjective and it leads to nowhere (except for arguments).

This is where the THI comes in.
While not perfect, it is a much better tool at determining the individual level of suffering.

Yes, generally speaking what you propose above in terms of loudness would be the determining factor as to the severity, but there are other factors as well.
If you really think about it, the most important factor really is the distress level, because that is what matters in the end.
That is what makes you or breaks you.

For example, I'm pretty sure that there are people with much louder tinnitus than mine and they are handling it better, but that does me no good whatsoever.
My own distress level has been literally off the scale ever since I got this thing and it has remained pretty much the same throughout.
Time made no difference to me.

Just for the record, I don't blame my "reaction" to tinnitus, because that makes a great tool to shift the blame onto the sufferer or his/her's attitude instead.

My reaction is perfectly normal and natural in light of being tortured 24/7, with no possibility to rest or relax.
There is nothing wrong with my reaction.
It works exactly as intended.
I put the blame exclusively on tinnitus, where it belongs.

This is why I want to see a cure or a real treatment, instead of these sketchy "double think" approaches, which target the effect instead of the cause and then shame the victim once this approach fails.
This is how they avoid having to spend money on Tinnitus research, so let's not play into their hands.

 

[PeteJ]

TV is usually my go to for when I have a meltdown. I wrap myself up in a blanket and try to not focus on anything except the shows. I've started watching random shows like My Strange Addiction and Swamp People because my usual go-to's were depressing me (seeing people normal and happy).

I wouldn't say I have "family who care" yes I have my mom and my dad here. Their support helps significantly for now, but it's not like I have a ton of siblings, grandparents, cousins, etc who would miss me.

I always feared the days when my parents die because they are my only people in this world but I've always hoped by then I'd have my own family. All that has gone out the window. Who's gonna want to date me? I'm an emotional wreck.

Suicide should not be a taboo topic. It is MY LIFE and I should have a pain free way to exit if I feel that it is necessary. Why do others get to conduct this?

How old are you? How loud is your tinnitus?

I agree with the idea that life is over. I live alone and because of tinnitus, I won't be able to function so talking about meeting anyone is pointless.

I think it's difficult to take one's (mine) life because it is difficult to concentrate and thus plan this. I also fear afterwards as I believe I will be just gone.

It's a catch 22 since I am suffering this tinnitus torture by living. I want the life without tinnitus back. I don't know how much longer I can go. I also have a dog I would need to find a new owner for. She's my family. It sounds silly and absurd, I know.

I think young people may have a slight chance at a cure if they can wait long enough. I don't think severe tinnitus can be habituated to. At least, mine. I wish euthanasia or assisted suicide was legal and easy to obtain. I am sure I would take it. I want to live but only with no tinnitus or mild tinnitus at most. Otherwise, I don't want to live with this.

 

[Yuuls]

How old are you? How loud is your tinnitus?

I agree with the idea that life is over. I live alone and because of tinnitus, I won't be able to function so talking about meeting anyone is pointless.

I think it's difficult to take one's (mine) life because it is difficult to concentrate and thus plan this. I also fear afterwards as I believe I will be just gone.

It's a catch 22 since I am suffering this tinnitus torture by living. I want the life without tinnitus back. I don't know how much longer I can go. I also have a dog I would need to find a new owner for. She's my family. It sounds silly and absurd, I know.

I think young people may have a slight chance at a cure if they can wait long enough. I don't think severe tinnitus can be habituated to. At least, mine. I wish euthanasia or assisted suicide was legal and easy to obtain. I am sure I would take it. I want to live but only with no tinnitus or mild tinnitus at most. Otherwise, I don't want to live with this.

I just turned 26. Loudness depends on the day. Usually it's a very loud hiss/cricket sound that I hear over my TV with a fan. Sometimes when I'm at work I hear a beeping (truck backing up) over the ambient noise in the office.

If I'm outside, or in a store it kinda just sounds like electricity.

I also have a weird whistling tone that appears over most white noises that makes masking almost impossible.

It's hard to classify it as mild because most of the people I know who have it "'mild" just have a really quiet eeeee that's easily masked. Mine isn't like that.

How old are you? I'm sure your dog will miss you very much if you're gone.
How loud is yours?

 

[dan]

I don't think the THI us useless at all.
Comparing the loudness, pitch or intensity is very hard, as it is subjective and it leads to nowhere (except for arguments).

This is where the THI comes in.
While not perfect, it is a much better tool at determining the individual level of suffering.

Yes, generally speaking what you propose above in terms of loudness would be the determining factor as to the severity, but there are other factors as well.
If you really think about it, the most important factor really is the distress level, because that is what matters in the end.
That is what makes you or breaks you.

For example, I'm pretty sure that there are people with much louder tinnitus than mine and they are handling it better, but that does me no good whatsoever.
My own distress level has been literally off the scale ever since I got this thing and it has remained pretty much the same throughout.
Time made no difference to me.

Just for the record, I don't blame my "reaction" to tinnitus, because that makes a great tool to shift the blame onto the sufferer or his/her's attitude instead.

My reaction is perfectly normal and natural in light of being tortured 24/7, with no possibility to rest or relax.
There is nothing wrong with my reaction.
It works exactly as intended.
I put the blame exclusively on tinnitus, where it belongs.

This is why I want to see a cure or a real treatment, instead of these sketchy "double think" approaches, which target the effect instead of the cause and then shame the victim once this approach fails.
This is how they avoid having to spend money on Tinnitus research, so let's not play into their hands.

Yeah I get what you're saying man. But, BUT, if you have been suffering MORE than 2 years straight with not getting better one iota, then I have serious doubt that your tinnitus is mild in loudness.
Trust me, I've been on tinnitus forums about a decade and I've seen people with soft tinnitus but have a terrible reaction to it - and they all eventually post a Success Story or recover never to be heard from again - ALL of them.

I think it IS important to gauge tinnitus loudness because I believe that is the greatest factor in tinnitus distress levels. I really doubt that you would be suffering from a noise that is maskable and/or heard only in certain environments.

If tinnitus was LOUD the same with all the tinnitus people in the world, this forum would explode and we'd have a cure by now...but 80% of people have mild tinnitus and 'tis because of THEM and their gloating that tinnitus is no big deal - that hurts OUR cause.

Our tinnitus should not even be CALLED tinnitus - they should come up with a different name for it. Tinnitus - or simply ringing in the ears, is NOT what severe/catastrophic people have, so why call it that?
Why not call it Dental Drill head syndrome or something like that...

 

[PeteJ]

I just turned 26. Loudness depends on the day. Usually it's a very loud hiss/cricket sound that I hear over my TV with a fan. Sometimes when I'm at work I hear a beeping (truck backing up) over the ambient noise in the office.

If I'm outside, or in a store it kinda just sounds like electricity.

I also have a weird whistling tone that appears over most white noises that makes masking almost impossible.

It's hard to classify it as mild because most of the people I know who have it "'mild" just have a really quiet eeeee that's easily masked. Mine isn't like that.

How old are you? I'm sure your dog will miss you very much if you're gone.
How loud is yours?

I am sorry it's like that. I think a few people here describe it like that. I can't relate to that as I haven't had beeps. I had a hiss but only temporarily. I describe my tinnitus as several, loud, high pitched tones. It is like it's going through my left ear, through my brain and head and through my right ear. It seems mostly my brain or head though.

I hate when I have to wear hearing protection because the tinnitus is then totally isolated. That's all I hear then. It's as bad as there is.

I'm in my late 40s. I think acoustic trauma triggered my tinnitus but I have some hearing loss. I don't know if we need specialized treatment for our particular physical condition and tinnitus but it's my opinion that a sudden acoustic trauma is what triggers tinnitus to moderate or severe.

 

[Yuuls]

HOLY CRAP IT JUST GOT LOUDER
OMG

WHY
RIGHT AFTER I TYPED THAT I GOT FLEETING T AND THE SOUND STUCK IN MY RIGHT EAR AND HASNT GONE AWAY

I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND ANY LOUD NOISES

WHAT IS THIS

NO NO NO NO OMG

 

[ajc]

HOLY CRAP IT JUST GOT LOUDER
OMG

WHY
RIGHT AFTER I TYPED THAT I GOT FLEETING T AND THE SOUND STUCK IN MY RIGHT EAR AND HASNT GONE AWAY

I HAVEN'T BEEN AROUND ANY LOUD NOISES

WHAT IS THIS

NO NO NO NO OMG

Fleeting tinnitus can last for many hours. Nothing special.

 

[Yuuls]

Fleeting tinnitus can last for many hours. Nothing special.

Mine has never lasted longer than a few seconds.
Now my right ear feels full and heavy.

This can't be good.

 

[ajc]

Mine has never lasted longer than a few seconds.
Now my right ear feels full and heavy.

This can't be good.

Well trust me I know, just wait until tomorrow and you see it's back to normal. Put some music on and chill.

 

[MichaelSF]

Mine has never lasted longer than a few seconds.
Now my right ear feels full and heavy.

This can't be good.

Are you currently on any medication? Hang on, we're here to help.

 

[Yuuls]

Are you currently on any medication? Hang on, we're here to help.

No medication. I've literally been at home this entire weekend other than a quick trip to the beach on Saturday.

I've just been in bed watching TV.

Why me. I'm literally on the brink of ending it all. This is PURE TORTURE. I can't live like this. It's only gonna get worse from here on out this is no life.

I've already had a hard life, why must I suffer more. Why god, why.

 

[MichaelSF]

Well trust me I know, just wait until tomorrow and you see it's back to normal. Put some music on and chill.

ajc curious below your avatar it states "worse 17-18" has it remained the same in 2019-2020 or better?