Suicidal

[Contrast]

I've seen several high-level ENTs and I would bet every dollar I own that they never critically thought about my problem after a 5 minute meeting with me, where they recommended benzos, TRT, and lipoflavinoids.

Joining this thread - also signed up on a suicide forum, god help me!

The feelings of being so far removed out of normal life are so real. Anxiety is soul crushing

I don't think we realize how powerful we really are, we have the ability to change things and undo the mess. The elite NIH funded psychologists won't get their next NIH grant if we make our voices heard. We could knock their careers out overnight.

 

[Zugzug]

I don't think we realize how powerful we really are, we have the ability to change things and undo the mess. The elite NIH funded psychologists won't get their next NIH grant if we make our voices heard. We could knock their careers out overnight.

I don't really want research in psychology to end, I just want tinnitus and hyperacusis sufferers to finally get their real place at the table -- much in the same way that there is now a clear distinction between heart disease and anxiety/depression. No one tells a 20 year old with anxiety that they should see a cardiologist.

CBT is actually very, very good (and clinically proven) for certain disorders (I would know because I've done it). It's just an utter flop for hearing conditions.

Same with chronic pain conditions. Sure, CBT may help some for these conditions, but there's very little value in researching further. That money would be better spent trying to find a cure.

 

[BuzzyBee]

The constant pain in my left ear and the joint with the upper cheekbone is just unbearable. I am so tired of this.

I don't know how long I can deal with this. Plus loud tinnitus.

I think it's a severe case of TMJ-like symptoms but doesn't seem to match others' here. Why are ENTs paid so much if they can't help with these conditions?!?

@PeteJ Are you taking magnesium? Sorry if you already mentioned you were or weren't, but I had the same type of cheek joint/ear pain and over time, magnesium glycinate seemed to help. It took a while, but it went away completely after a while. Here's another thing you can try. Put a tiny dab of capsaicin cream (brand name Capzasin) behind the ear.

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/11203735

 

[serendipity1996]

I don't really want research in psychology to end, I just want tinnitus and hyperacusis sufferers to finally get their real place at the table -- much in the same way that there is now a clear distinction between heart disease and anxiety/depression. No one tells a 20 year old with anxiety that they should see a cardiologist.

CBT is actually very, very good (and clinically proven) for certain disorders (I would know because I've done it). It's just an utter flop for hearing conditions.

Same with chronic pain conditions. Sure, CBT may help some for these conditions, but there's very little value in researching further. That money would be better spent trying to find a cure.

Yeah exactly. It's like we know that things like CBT can be helpful with regards to coping mechanisms but do we really need another 50+ studies linking tinnitus to poor mental health (or on psychological intervention).

 

[RishRamsey]

I don't think we realize how powerful we really are, we have the ability to change things and undo the mess. The elite NIH funded psychologists won't get their next NIH grant if we make our voices heard. We could knock their careers out overnight.

How? Kill ourselves on live TV blaming them?

 

[Zugzug]

Yeah exactly. It's like we know that things like CBT can be helpful with regards to coping mechanisms but do we really need another 50+ studies linking tinnitus to poor mental health (or on psychological intervention).

I think it's important that CBT and TRT don't get treated as the same thing. TRT's problem is that it's pseudoscience and irredeemable, aside from a soft recommendation to try it for loudness hyperacusis.

CBT's problem is that it's a valuable tool that is, in fact, so valuable that its boundaries are being pushed too far. There are studies showing it can help OCD more than medication; it's hyped up for a reason. It's all about a total misclassification of what severe hyperacusis and tinnitus really are.

It's like saying climate change measures are the solution to lupus patients who are sensitive to heat. I mean it's true that climate change is real, but it's not really in the spirit of what the lupus patient needs.

 

[Markku]

How? Kill ourselves on live TV blaming them?

Maybe start by submitting your feedback to NIDCD:

Let's Increase Tinnitus Research Funding in the US — Our Input for NIDCD's Strategic Plan

 

[Contrast]

I think it's important that CBT and TRT don't get treated as the same thing. TRT's problem is that it's pseudoscience and irredeemable, aside from a soft recommendation to try it for loudness hyperacusis.

CBT's problem is that it's a valuable tool that is, in fact, so valuable that its boundaries are being pushed too far. There are studies showing it can help OCD more than medication; it's hyped up for a reason. It's all about a total misclassification of what severe hyperacusis and tinnitus really are.

It's like saying climate change measures are the solution to lupus patients who are sensitive to heat. I mean it's true that climate change is real, but it's not really in the spirit of what the lupus patient needs.

Agreed.

Jastreboff showed medical science is young and any arrogant psychologist can manipulate a medical topic as if it were a psychological one.

 

[Contrast]

 

[Orions Pain]

Do you guys think we go to hell or are punished via crappy lives during reincarnation if we kill ourselves when we are experiencing pain/discomfort that can't be helped? I always wonder what other disorders get treated like depression when someone kills themselves. Ya know when you read about it and the family says "oh they were depressed" but in reality it was something like hyperacusis?

 

[Orions Pain]

There is literally no point for me to be alive anymore. All my hopes and dreams have been crushed. Why am I still sticking around. I have no future.

 

[Zugzug]

There is literally no point for me to be alive anymore. All my hopes and dreams have been crushed. Why am I still sticking around. I have no future.

You're one hell of a fighter.

 

[Luman]

Yeah exactly. It's like we know that things like CBT can be helpful with regards to coping mechanisms but do we really need another 50+ studies linking tinnitus to poor mental health (or on psychological intervention).

No, we likely don't need any more studies, at this time, showing a relationship between tinnitus and poor mental health, or psychological intervention.

In my opinion, those who continually bash CBT, are not satisfied with current state of tinnitus research, with good reason, but they utilize CBT as a scapegoat, and deny the fact that many have been helped by it (CBT). They are absolutely convinced that there is no room for psychological help, for tinnitus distress, and would rather see this approach dropped, and forgotten. To be totally honest, with what is going on at this time and for the foreseeable future, I am not holding my breath while waiting for scientific help of any kind, for tinnitus.

 

[GlennS]

I dunno what your point is dude. If you wanna end yourself, no one is stopping you.

There is a whole suicidal mindset, things people do step by step leading up to the event, attempts to leave some sort of lasting message or legacy. It was frustrating having to live through that with my friend in high school and that was face to face. Watching it play out with anonymous posters here where there is so little opportunity to intervene is that much worse. I'm thinking maybe this forum shouldn't be quite so anonymous and have contingency plans for authorities/social-workers to intervene rather than expecting us to merely passively observe.

 

[GlennS]

Our brains are suggesting all matter has both mental and physical properties. Look at David Chalmers explanation of panpsychism and how it doesn't contradict neurological models. Read more on consciousness studies

I'm probably making a mistake interacting with you again, but I'll say this.

Obviously you seem motivated to proselytize your own personal brand of metaphysics. Whether I subscribe to it or not, it's clear to me that it's something that's currently keeping you going, as is you highlighting snake oil treatments. Just remember that whatever influence you feel you're making on these points, you will forfeit them the moment you leave the planet. Dropping some posts on a forum in general, however useful, doesn't make much of an impact so if this kind of stuff is really so important to you then you certainly could raise your profile. Write a book. Start a podcast. Whatever. If you have a passion in life, even if you kind of know it's a coping mechanism, use it to its full advantage.

 

[linearb]

I'm thinking maybe this forum shouldn't be quite so anonymous and have contingency plans for authorities/social-workers to intervene rather than expecting us to merely passively observe.

Anonymous online forums are in a terrible position to try to deal with such situations, having been in the position of admining a health forum that's significantly larger than this one, and dealing with a generally even more error-prone population.

I'm happy to explain how I worked through my own suicidal ideation and why I'm still here to anyone who asks or wants to listen, but ultimately these are personal decisions and arguing with brick walls is silly.

I have also lost people to suicide; I don't think my post is callous, just realistic. This is not the correct venue for stopping people from taking dramatic actions in meatspace, but, of course, as we see from this thread -- in general people want to explore these concepts in text, much more than carry them out. I think this has more to do with control than trying to elicit sympathy; if we constantly remind ourselves we can kill ourselves any time we want, then we're also asserting that ultimately we have control over tinnitus / whatever health condition.

I find that simply letting go leads to happier places, even if it's immediately harder to to. "The end of all wanting, is all I've been wanting".

 

[MichaelSF]

You're one hell of a fighter.

Off-topic but I love your user name, was a WoW addict once upon a time!

 

[MrCrybaby]

Do you guys think we go to hell or are punished via crappy lives during reincarnation if we kill ourselves when we are experiencing pain/discomfort that can't be helped? I always wonder what other disorders get treated like depression when someone kills themselves. Ya know when you read about it and the family says "oh they were depressed" but in reality it was something like hyperacusis?

I think bad things happen to people, and good things do too. It's just the way it is. Invisible illness offers a unique predicament because you look fine so people don't expect it, they can't visually tell how hard it is as with a missing limb for example.

 

[Luman]

A little known fact, about suicide, is that Africans have always had historically very low rates of suicide, and those who were enslaved in America had surprising low rates of it, as well - lower than the free white population. After emancipation, the suicide rate of African Americans remained about same as when slavery existed. The reason for this phenomenon, was that they found outlets that helped them cope, such as spiritualism, and other interests. I'm not much of an advocate for religion, but experience has shown me that keeping busy and doing things you enjoy can change a person's mind, when faced with bad situations.

 

[Sevv]

Man, my mood swings are crazy. During the day I'm doing good mostly, but in the morning or evening I sometimes just want to blow my head off (not that I have weapon lying around, so no risk there).

 

[Zugzug]

No, we likely don't need any more studies, at this time, showing a relationship between tinnitus and poor mental health, or psychological intervention.

In my opinion, those who continually bash CBT, are not satisfied with current state of tinnitus research, with good reason, but they utilize CBT as a scapegoat, and deny the fact that many have been helped by it (CBT). They are absolutely convinced that there is no room for psychological help, for tinnitus distress, and would rather see this approach dropped, and forgotten. To be totally honest, with what is going on at this time and for the foreseeable future, I am not holding my breath while waiting for scientific help of any kind, for tinnitus.

I think the problem is the lack of honesty of its shortcomings; it feels like there is an enabling of victim-blaming. If I met with a team of researchers, shared my story, and saw that they truly understood my problem, and recommended CBT in the mean time to see if it could help take some of the edge off, I would have a better mindset about it.

Instead, it's acceptance and telling you to trust your doctors and the medical community. My ENT recommended psychiatry to me without even being remotely interested in my story. He didn't even entertain the thought of hidden hearing damage. Nope, sent me to psychiatry.

By then engaging in psychiatry, I am then enabling the arrogant ENT who will never advocate for me. It's a tough spot to be in.

As a general remark, I think when it comes to mental health, we are over compensating for the fact that we used to be totally ignorant of it. We get it. Anxiety and depression are very real neurological problems that can cause physical problems. But not everything that us currently unknown must fit that area.

 

[Zugzug]

A little known fact, about suicide, is that Africans have always had historically very low rates of suicide, and those who were enslaved in America had surprising low rates of it, as well - lower than the free white population. After emancipation, the suicide rate of African Americans remained about same as when slavery existed. The reason for this phenomenon, was that they found outlets that helped them cope, such as spiritualism, and other interests. I'm not much of an advocate for religion, but experience has shown me that keeping busy and doing things you enjoy can change a person's mind, when faced with bad situations.

That is a mouthful of pseudo neuroscience. Why do different races and sexes have different suicide rates? I wouldn't even begin to touch this question without a hell of a lot of expertise.

 

[Capstan]

Joining this thread - also signed up on a suicide forum, god help me!

Extreme pain and just getting setbacks and setbacks and setbacks, with actually no hope for improvement.

I really wish I lived alone, with no family, that way suicide would be easier.

On one hand it feels like a relief, like 1 day I can end this pain, but on the other hand, the idea of crushing my mother's soul is worse than this pain.

I feel this way too, Rish. I have a young family too. I have no idea how to survive this torture so they are not crushed.

 

[Capstan]

Hey everyone...I'm trying to hold in here. I know I have a few years left in me but I've since discovered (after trying to listen to more music) that what I thought was severe reactive tinnitus is actually severe frequency distortion probably within the 100-2k hz range. I think only one of the whistles is reactive and even then it might still just be frequency distortion. That one is really fucking annoying and I'd be elated to be rid of it since it rides everything.

Speech and high frequency sounds still sound completely normal, so I doubt there's little if any damage up there. When I do a sweep test the distortion is especially prominent between 1-1.5k.

Apparently right at onset I listened to the same song over and over (because I found that particular song very comforting) and now I'm realizing it didn't have any of my distorted frequencies inside of it. So I thought all music by default was still fine.

But I've been branching out listening to all of my old music and I would say 90% of it sounds completely wrong, and it's always the same damn note (or couple of notes) that sound horrible. I don't know which note it is exactly but it's probably part of a common chord. I'll find an odd song here and there that's completely normal but then the spiral begins again knowing it's only a small handful. I confirmed this when listening to Hey Brother by avicii and at the first chorus where you should hear this large deep rich swell of a note I heard a glassy hollow, echo resonance tone swell instead, not reacting to the correct tone, but completely in place of it....swelling exactly where it should be. Now all the white noise type overlays inside of traffic, road noise, fans, AC, toilet flushing makes sense...several of the low frequency distortion in broadband noise are completely screwing with the sound...

And just all these little reminders throughout the day...a call dropped for me and instead of hearing a clear "beep beep beep", it was a "rrr rrr rrr" instead. Almost broke down.

I'm just so scared. I'm scared nothing will help me. I'm only 28. I can deal with my tinnitus - it's somewhat loud - id put it at moderate (probably takes 65-75 dbs to mask), but it pales in comparison to the distortion and loss of music/environmental ambiance. I'm worried I'll be left behind to languish as others begin to see improvement, probably even near complete alleviation of their tinnitus from the drugs/devices that are coming on the market in the next 5 years...and here I'll be...possibly with no tinnitus (which night not even happen...) but no more joy because I can't hear the world properly.

I try to remain positive and post in the research threads, and I have so much confidence that a majority of people on these forums will be tinnitus free or tinnitus reduced in the upcoming years. And then I think about my case...and the distortion...and I just start to feel this deep unyielding sadness. It's not even anxiety, it's just horrid resignation.

I mostly sit in my quiet bedroom with crickets playing to cover my normal T and a light jazz coffee shop sound soundtrack that I have on loop with little to no distortion to mimic some sense of normalcy, but I can't bear to watch TV/YouTube because every time there's background music if it hits those distorted frequencies, it becomes unbearable.

The last few days I've been trying to get down to the ocean in the early morning when the waves are very quiet and the distortion can be somewhat ignored and walk around, but it doesn't do much for me once I get back into the car, and start hearing the distortion in the road noise once again.

I've lost everything. My ears. My job. My joy. My life. My days just seem to drift by. I keep saying hold in there, you'll be helped. They can fix this. Maybe not 100% but enough to get you back on your feet. To hear music somewhat normally again, to hear the environment somewhat normally again. But it's so.fucking. hard.

Hey HootOwl

I know what you are talking about with distortion. I have it with high frequencies. I think the distortion is where we have lost hearing at specific Hz and our tinnitus comes through instead. It's very unnerving. My Dr called it clipping. I get a lot of that glassy sound with white noise too as a result. I am struggling with the thought of living like this for the rest of my life. I also have reactive tinnitus too. You're not the only one suffering these conditions even though it feels that way. I wish there was something to be optimistic about but it's hard seeing it. I don't see how there's a future where FX-322 solves all these problems. I'm left with a very empty feeling and not knowing what to do.

 

[acute]

Someone can kill me, please? Just right now.

 

[pinklights98]

Hey everyone...I'm trying to hold in here. I know I have a few years left in me but I've since discovered (after trying to listen to more music) that what I thought was severe reactive tinnitus is actually severe frequency distortion probably within the 100-2k hz range. I think only one of the whistles is reactive and even then it might still just be frequency distortion. That one is really fucking annoying and I'd be elated to be rid of it since it rides everything.

Speech and high frequency sounds still sound completely normal, so I doubt there's little if any damage up there. When I do a sweep test the distortion is especially prominent between 1-1.5k.

Apparently right at onset I listened to the same song over and over (because I found that particular song very comforting) and now I'm realizing it didn't have any of my distorted frequencies inside of it. So I thought all music by default was still fine.

Hey, I have the exact same frequency distortion as you, especially around 1.5 kHz. It sucks. Stress makes mine way worse.

I also have multiple tones, but my pure tone 1500 bugs me the most. It is also only in one ear (in my case my right).

 

[PeteJ]

Same here.

So damn loud. I want to know why it worsened for me and why the fluctuation is practically gone. What happened to cause that?

Is there any kind of scan or test to determine/measure tinnitus? I want to off myself but I wish my tinnitus and tinnitus volume level could be measured and tested. Even if it could be used by researchers.

 

[Stu1983]

I don't have much money month to month so I haven't but I want to try curcumin and CBD oil since I have access to it, at least. I just don't know how I will buy it. So far, I have only tried amitriptyline.

How does any of that help with ear pain though?

My ear is also red from holding ice in a washcloth there.

Hi @PeteJ,

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. I'm from nearby Toronto. If I was to send you CBD oil and Curcumin free of charge. Would you try it?

Love and respect,
Stu

 

[Zugzug]

Hi @PeteJ,

I'm sorry you're going through a tough time. I'm from nearby Toronto. If I was to send you CBD oil and Curcumin free of charge. Would you try it?

Love and respect,
Stu

I just want to second that I do believe those two can help. All of my upswings occur when I up my dosage of curcumin and regularly take CBD. Is this a scientific proof? No. But it surprised me.

 

[Capstan]

Not even a sound anymore, an electric hiss at an extremely high pitch but not a well defined frequency, it brings about a huge sense of alarm. It also makes hearing difficult. A needle of sound piercing the left ear and the brain. I can hear it inside an aircraft over the jet engine, in heavy traffic, in a loud restaurant. It's reactive and unmaskable anyway but after pregabalin hit zero it went louder and unbearable. With the benzo it keeps a similar quality but it lowers in intensity. It can still be heard but it is more tolerable especially in silent environments. With that level it's impossible to sleep without benzo. Habituation seems also impossible.
Have you ever had tinnitus like this? A diabolical hiss from hell

You described my tinnitus sound. I also have a squeaky wheel sound under it that shifts ear to ear. Broke down and took a benzo last night. I was trying to stop those.