Suicidal

[PeteJ]

MML stopped at 70 dB done by audiologist did not touch it, and nothing has masked it, it's disco loud.

MML?

I can't find your other post. I wanted to click agree. Yes, pitch and volume is everything. When it's really loud, multiple tones makes it worse too.

How do you cope with it at 80 dB? We shouldn't have this!

 

[jay777]

MML?

minimum masking level

How do you cope with it at 80 dB?

I fight to survive.

 

[PeteJ]

minimum masking level

I fight to survive.

What does that mean?

At the moment, my tinnitus is through the roof. Louder than usual or typical in the evening. Too loud. I don't know what 'fighting it' means. I want it to lower or stop and there is only one way to stop it.

 

[dan]

I do seem to have ear pain after a noise sometimes but there is always a delay so I can't say with certainty unless that is normal with hyperacusis?

Yes, that is very common with hyperacusis.

 

[PeteJ]

I know I will commit suicide eventually. I just don't know when. I don't want to 'hear' this loud tinnitus anymore and I don't see my ear pain going away. No one cares about severe tinnitus. My life is ruined.

I am also sick of people, even those who have tinnitus blaming this on psychological/mental issues which insinuates that it's normal to "accept" extremely loud tinnitus and constant, chronic ear pain.

If you do a web search on people who have extremely loud tinnitus, most commit suicide and the articles on tinnitus never examine severe cases of tinnitus. Those are ignored. There's nothing one can do so people are expected to suffer. It's insane and a really cruel reaction.

I don't think anyone can shrug the tinnitus I experience and the people here who express their loud tinnitus noise is unbearable too. If there is no treatment and no way to significantly lower the volume, then we should have an option to end our suffering.

I don't know if restored hearing will help but I don't want to wait for anything. I want to die. I can't do that because the tinnitus distracts my concentration so much that I can't plan it easily. The best methods require a lot of cognitive ability and mine is impaired by all the loud tones.

 

[arctic loon]

I very rarely post for support on this site anymore. But I just gotta say that I'm completely exhausted with my tinnitus & pulsatile tinnitus & hyperacusis. Especially pulsatile tinnitus is so hard to cope with when I have to wear hearing protection so much and can't use masking. It's so loud and distracting, makes my anxiety absolutely horrible.

I can't do anything to fix it since my hyperacusis is so horrible I haven't spoken out loud to anyone in months. I can just sit quietly and watch my mental health deteriorate. I have nothing going on for me, I had to drop all the hobbies I love the most since even a pencil on paper hurts my ears. My life feels like a limbo, sometimes I see no other way out than ending it all. But I can't do that, and it makes me feel even more trapped.

Everyone here who fights these monsters every day is truly a hero. I truly wish we will all find relief someday.

 

[jay777]

what 'fighting it' means

To apply a fuck it attitude.

I can not live with this level of noise = I will live with this level noise, fuck you tinnitus.

I can not go to the supermarket, it's a torture chamber = fuck it, I am going 3 times a week.

I did not sleep last night = fuck it, I only get 3 hours anyway.

I want my life back = fuck it, that's long gone, I am at the bottom crawling my way to the top and I will get there.

etc.

Pete I hope you get the picture, keep pushing forward, focus on what you got, not what you have lost.

You have to battle with your thoughts, be strong bro and keep fighting this bastard called tinnitus.

 

[PeteJ]

To apply a fuck it attitude.

I can not live with this level of noise = I will live with this level noise, fuck you tinnitus.

I can not go to the supermarket, it's a torture chamber = fuck it, I am going 3 times a week.

I did not sleep last night = fuck it, I only get 3 hours anyway.

I want my life back = fuck it, that's long gone, I am at the bottom crawling my way to the top and I will get there.

etc.

Pete I hope you get the picture, keep pushing forward, focus on what you got, not what you have lost.

You have to battle with your thoughts, be strong bro and keep fighting this bastard called tinnitus.

If I said what I think, you will only get mad so I am going to say I read your reply and that's it.

 

[PeteJ]

Yes, that is very common with hyperacusis.

A delay of three hours or more? Does anyone else say that's common?

 

[arctic loon]

A delay of three hours or more? Does anyone else say that's common?

Yes, delayed reaction with hyperacusis is very common. You could be exposed to bad noise midday and develop symptoms on the evening. The reaction isnt always instantaneous.

 

[acute]

I found a video that imitates very well how my tinnitus sounds.



Is there any chance that someone wants to live listening to this for the rest of their days?
The answer is Fucking no. No way.

 

[MattS]

Can someone tell me if hyperacusis is noise induced pain that you can recognize as occurring right after a sound or noise? If there is a delay?

I can't recall any pattern with my left ear.

I am wondering if it is in pain due to TMJ, nerve or muscle pain or something else?

It doesn't seem like anyone else has ear pain like this unless yours sound similar to this?

My left ear pain persists. It is most painful in the ear canal area and occasionally painful on the cheekbone just directly below and behind the ear.
There is ear fullness and I don't know how else to describe it. It's also a sensation as if something too large is stuck in my ear but nothing is there.

The included tinnitus is so loud, 70 dB is my guess, so between the ear pain and tinnitus, I feel tortured every day. I can't work because of this. So people say I am not doing anything or taking advice. It's so frustrating. I was in so much pain today, I missed an appointment.

Am I the only person here who finds it difficult to go anywhere and pretend I am not suffering to other people?

Pete: Did you take @linearb's advice? Did you accept his offer for the book? Is it helping?

What about the other advice people have given you? What have you tried? What helps, what doesn't? Maybe describing to us where you're at with *treatment attempts* rather than where you are at with the *suffering* would help us tailor additional suggestions for you. That is, assuming you actually want these suggestions.

 

[FGG]

I found a video that imitates very well how my tinnitus sounds.



Is there any chance that someone wants to live listening to this for the rest of their days?
The answer is Fucking no. No way.

And for some reason, even that video seems more tolerable than the reality because it's an outside stimulus and not coming from inside your head.

 

[MattS]

A delay of three hours or more? Does anyone else say that's common?

Extremely common Pete. I often have delays of up to *2 days* before my tinnitus spikes. I find it depends on the loudness of the noise: the louder it is, the *longer* the delay till peak spike, often.

I'm not just feeding you a line Pete. Look through the threads on here: delayed spikes are *extremely* common.

 

[all to gain]

I found a video that imitates very well how my tinnitus sounds.



Is there any chance that someone wants to live listening to this for the rest of their days?
The answer is Fucking no. No way.

That's awful. I truly feel for you.

 

[Bill Bauer]

It is sad that this is one of the most popular threads on this forum...

 

[PeteJ]

Pete: Did you take @linearb's advice? Did you accept his offer for the book? Is it helping?

What about the other advice people have given you? What have you tried? What helps, what doesn't? Maybe describing to us where you're at with *treatment attempts* rather than where you are at with the *suffering* would help us tailor additional suggestions for you. That is, assuming you actually want these suggestions.

Using hot wash cloth and sometimes a hot bath. The ear pain subsided ONLY A LITTLE and I think on its own but my left ear is sore right now. The cheek bone closest to my ear too. My ears don't feel normal and there is the odd clicking.

The tinnitus is really loud as usual.

I think people are frustrated because they expect something to work. I do want the book.

 

[PeteJ]

It is sad that this is one of the most popular threads on this forum...

I wouldn't say popular. But, I believe that quite a few people posting here have severe tinnitus and/or hyperacusis and for me, I have chronic ear pain - I don't think persistent severe ear pain is common with tinnitus or hyperacusis.

 

[PeteJ]

How do you explain or express tinnitus that is multi-toned and 'insane/crazy?' The tones are wildly crazy in tempo. Does anyone know what I mean?

Why does it worsen like this every night? What does it mean?

My tinnitus is 8 or 9/10 until the evening when it goes up a notch to 10/10!!!

I really wish I was an American in a U.S. state so I could get a gun and shoot myself. The other two methods I am deciding between are complex because you need cognitive ability and the severity/volume of all the tones makes it extremely difficult to concentrate even for routine or standard tasks let alone planning something like that.

 

[MattS]

Using hot wash cloth and sometimes a hot bath. The ear pain subsided ONLY A LITTLE and I think on its own but my left ear is sore right now. The cheek bone closest to my ear too. My ears don't feel normal and there is the odd clicking.

The tinnitus is really loud as usual.

I think people are frustrated because they expect something to work. I do want the book.

Okay, so you've mostly used a wash cloth. And sometimes taken some baths. The baths are good. That's some of my advice, and they will help. But they are unlikely to solve the whole problem. Wash cloths... not sure

What else are you trying?

 

[MattS]

How do you explain or express tinnitus that is multi-toned and 'insane/crazy?' The tones are wildly crazy in tempo. Does anyone know what I mean?

Why does it worsen like this every night? What does it mean?

My tinnitus is 8 or 9/10 until the evening when it goes up a notch to 10/10!!!

I really wish I was an American in a U.S. state so I could get a gun and shoot myself. The other two methods I am deciding between are complex because you need cognitive ability and the severity/volume of all the tones makes it extremely difficult to concentrate even for routine or standard tasks let alone planning something like that.

You gotta get a hold of yourself man. Nobody else can do this for you. You have to be the one to decide to get control of yourself, and turn this around.

If you are serious about suicide, please call a help line. Please. If that what you're thinking, then you need help, and you need to call them. You are not alone, you are not the only one to contemplate this. We do understand. But you need to reach out to someone in real life - a friend, a family member, a help line - and seek real help. If you are seriously contemplating this, reach out. Now.

If you are not serious, then stop scaring everyone here, and work towards getting a handle on this. Many people are offering you advice. Wash cloths won't cut it.

Please: call a help line, or make a decision to right this ship. One or the other. Now.

 

[MRItechssuck]

When I get depressed... everyday it seems... I think about the movie Midway I just saw. People with terrible injuries... and then I think about kids born with disabilities.... or the people shot and killed every day....

Suddenly my "problems" would seem petty compared to other things... not to diminish your pain, but if it helps, since misery loves company... there are always people more worse off.

Please get help because your struggles are someone else's inspiration, and you are needed.

 

[arctic loon]

I wouldn't say popular. But, I believe that quite a few people posting here have severe tinnitus and/or hyperacusis and for me, I have chronic ear pain - I don't think persistent severe ear pain is common with tinnitus or hyperacusis.

That type of chronic pain is very typical for severe pain hyperacusis. Also the sensation that your ears don't feel normal. I really do hope you don't have hyperacusis, but it seems very likely in my opinion. Try this, cut all noise from your life for a month, use a lot of ear protection, see if the pain goes down a little bit?

I really hope things would get better for you.

 

[Allan1967]

I'm struggling today. I feel so much pressure to be 'normal' and functioning with this condition it's unreal.

Everyday I wake up consumed with dread about what the day ahead, what the week, month, year ahead holds. Even though at the end of each day I'm ok with it and I know the next day will be filled with headnoise. I know I'm going to be plagued by this horrific condition everyday, quite possibly for the rest of my life. I just can't seem to find that inner peace I had. The same inner peace I had even when I lived with tinnitus for 2 decades. I just can't seem to find it.

I get plagued with thoughts that I can't take it anymore, I want it to stop but I know it never will and during those times suicide seems the only answer. But then I'm torn between the pain I will feel, the pain I might feel in an afterlife and the pain I will leave behind. But I'm not a functioning father, husband or employee at the moment. It's tearing me apart.

But is it really the noise or the clinical depression and fear that I fear the most?

I so want the noise to stop. I want the reactivity to stop. I want to hear normally again and not worry about things getting worse.

I worry about the future, the bereavements I will suffer, the illnesses I will suffer, the illnesses of those I love will suffer... the loss of it all as I move through life. I'm not a strong person. I'm mentally weak, fragile and needy.

I need hope. I need to know someone somewhere will cure this for us.

 

[Rogi Cetpla]

I have had tinnitus since 2010 but has increased three times since... last increase, which I describe as Very Intrusive Tinnitus, was two month ago. It does not fluctuate... except it increases at night as I also take blood thinners for another issue. I rate my severity at 9/10 during the day and currently 10/10 at night... which is why I currently take sleeping pills... but nevertheless wake up three hours after taking them... then can't got to sleep again. Believe me my tinnitus is currently at an insane level.. and I know what I am talking about as I have had tinnitus since 2010... I am hoping it will settle down a bit... in the meantime I am hanging on. I have all sorts of maskers in my place and make sure that I turn on the taps as soon as I enter the kitchen or the bathroom.

 

[dan]

I found a video that imitates very well how my tinnitus sounds.



Is there any chance that someone wants to live listening to this for the rest of their days?
The answer is Fucking no. No way.

Are you trying to give us epilepsy too??? Severe tinnitus isn't enough lol.

 

[Rogi Cetpla]

I found a video that imitates very well how my tinnitus sounds.



Is there any chance that someone wants to live listening to this for the rest of their days?
The answer is Fucking no. No way.

Hang in there Acute... we are all on the same boat... in a hell of a storm... but there will be calmer days.

I have had tinnitus since 2010...unfortunately it has increased threefold since...I have habituated every time even though I didn't think it was possible...which, ironically, is why I have had another increase (lowered my guard). Anyway I am now facing my biggest challenge as it is has now increased to a ridiculous level... but am also hanging in there because I have managed to overcome it in the past... I am going to give it (me) a chance... you have to do the same.

The most difficult and important time for me is at night... I have to take some sleeping pills to get a bit of sleep. During the day I try to stay extremely busy to distract myself. Try to focus on your recovery, if you are able to sleep you will rebuild yourself and your body will adjust.

Stay strong...

 

[Rogi Cetpla]

How long have you had tinnitus? Does it fluctuate at all? What do you rate the severity as?

I know it doesn't tell us much but how else can we describe it, right?

I think mine is 9/10 and probably at least 70 dB. The only fluctuation I think I have is it's maybe 7/10 in volume after I get up from sleeping, as long as I have enough hours. Quality of sleep is always bad so I don't know if that makes much difference. I think the last time I had good sleep was before I had tinnitus - obviously, right? :-/

You need 6 - 8 hours of sleep! The more, the better. I have had times in which I have been up to 4 am and/or had only 2 hours of sleep. Tinnitus is extremely loud and tones are insane then. It is cruely ironic that t makes it difficult to sleep and lack of sleep seems to cause t to worsen and be louder/crazier - hopefully temporary.

I have had tinnitus since 2010 but has increased three times since... last increase, which I describe as Very Intrusive Tinnitus, was two month ago. It does not fluctuate... except it increases at night as I also take blood thinners for another issue. I rate my severity at 9/10 during the day and currently 10/10 at night... which is why I currently take sleeping pills... but nevertheless wake up three hours after taking them... then can't got to sleep again.

Believe me my tinnitus is currently at an insane level.. and I know what I am talking about as I have had tinnitus since 2010... I am hoping it will settle down a bit... in the meantime I am hanging on. I have all sorts of maskers in my place and make sure that I turn on the taps as soon as I enter the kitchen or the bathroom.

 

[MRItechssuck]

Did yours ever return to the original level? I'm trying to understand if each spike was worse, but then eventually went back to the baseline, or no?

I had tinnitus since 2002 which I forgot about, until having a loud MRI without earplugs a month ago, and my head screams 10x louder than ever. I'm hoping this calms a bit... thanks.

 

[MRItechssuck]

When I get depressed... everyday it seems... I think about the movie Midway I just saw. People with terrible injuries... and then I think about kids born with disabilities.... or the people shot and killed every day....

Suddenly my "problems" would seem petty compared to other things... not to diminish your pain, but if it helps, since misery loves company... there are always people more worse off.

Please get help because your struggles are someone else's inspiration, and you are needed.

And then I wake up with my tinnitus worse than ever, so loud I can't mask it... and find it difficult not to feel sorry for myself, or feel tremendous hate for the MRI technician. But at least I have two functioning limbs to which I could strangle the tech with(kidding)... but then there is that jail time... eh, not worth it.

It's so sad, it's comical...