Suicidal

[ajc]

feel tremendous hate for the MRI technician.

Why would you harbor hatred toward the MRI tech? Do you really think they willingly gave you a hard time, maliciously caused you further health issues?

MRI techs are poorly paid, they are doing the job because they CARE about us patients.

You have to forgive the tech, and know in your heart that they did not want to cause you pain. Feelings of hatred only hurt your own progress and sanity.

 

[Rogi Cetpla]

Did yours ever return to the original level? I'm trying to understand if each spike was worse, but then eventually went back to the baseline, or no?

I had tinnitus since 2002 which I forgot about, until having a loud MRI without earplugs a month ago, and my head screams 10x louder than ever. I'm hoping this calms a bit... thanks.

I have had minor spikes following noise exposure in loud areas (restaurants/bars - always with earplugs) which have returned to base line but unfortunately for the major ones... following brutal and/or prolonged noise exposure (dentist and motorcycle in my case - always with earplugs) has resulted in an increased level which have never returned to base line. The positive side is that I have always been able to habituate to the increase in intensity... even though I always initially thought I would not be able to... I nevertheless believe/feel that every increase in tinnitus intensity makes it more difficult and/or takes more time to adjust.

All of us in here are hopeful for a reduction in intensity... as am I. As indicated my recent spike has raised my tinnitus to very high level... I am also in a world of pain and also hoping that my brain/body will adjust and heal in time... but like all of us here have no control over this beast...

 

[MattS]

Why would you harbor hatred toward the MRI tech? Do you really think they willingly gave you a hard time, maliciously caused you further health issues?

MRI techs are poorly paid, they are doing the job because they CARE about us patients.

You have to forgive the tech, and know in your heart that they did not want to cause you pain. Feelings of hatred only hurt your own progress and sanity.

I've never understood why people respond like this.

Why exactly would the MRI tech have had to have wanted to do it *on purpose* in order for their behaviour to be worthy of resentment? One can't resent their stupid, ignorant behavior just because it was stupid and ignorant? It also has to be on purpose?

No logic here.

@MRItechssuck: @ajc may be correct that holding that resentment won't be good for you. Or perhaps it's the thing currently buoying you along. You do what you need to do.

 

[MRItechssuck]

Why would you harbor hatred toward the MRI tech? Do you really think they willingly gave you a hard time, maliciously caused you further health issues?

MRI techs are poorly paid, they are doing the job because they CARE about us patients.

You have to forgive the tech, and know in your heart that they did not want to cause you pain. Feelings of hatred only hurt your own progress and sanity.

Well...let's see. Because she was incompetent? She should work fast food if she can't do her job.

She cared? She didn't give a sh!t, and you are speaking without any knowledge of my situation.

She got me on the table, I asked her what the chirping was...and she said that's what let's her know the machine is working...this was a perfect time for anyone to think of the noise, I had an X-ray the day before....and I was thinking the MRI would be a mild "whirring" noise.

She didn't give any walk thru of the procedure...she just left and closed the door.

No brief on what to do if there was distress.
No emergency call button.
Of course, no discussion how loud the machine was. Right after the MRI I see a pile of earplugs 10 feet away on some tray.

I called out twice to stop and no one heard me. She communicated in the headsets twice...10 minutes and 5 minutes to go...that's it. Looking back...with my back old have crawled out of the machine.,,why didn't I? I ask myself this 100 times every day.

I could have had a heart attack and she instead would have found me dead after the procedure. But poor underpaid MRI tech?

After the MRI I asked her where she was and told her the MRI was so loud, her response was..."well now you know for next time." Then she noticed...."oh you moved". Yes lady....I was holding my ears you dingb@t.

I had my phone recording in the waiting room, and I can hear her talking about her shopping spree to someone that came into the room, when she was supposed to be monitoring me.

So yeah, I KICK myself for not seeing the relevant internet information about the loudness of MRIs...I only saw info on 1.5t vs 3t and which had a better picture...and don't bring any metal. I had an MRI 6 years ago, and it wasn't loud...

If I had seen one, just one, mention of how loud these things were I would've worn my own earplugs since I have been wearing earplugs to even movie theaters for the last decade.

And yes, I agree....being angry with her will not get rid of my tinnitus. These are the stages of grief....since I have lost a part of me and I am grieving.

 

[all to gain]

And then I wake up with my tinnitus worse than ever, so loud I can't mask it... and find it difficult not to feel sorry for myself, or feel tremendous hate for the MRI technician. But at least I have two functioning limbs to which I could strangle the tech with(kidding)... but then there is that jail time... eh, not worth it.

It's so sad, it's comical...

I can fully understand your hatred. If they weren't doing their job properly and due to this you were put at risk then damn right you should be angry.

I've never understood why people respond like this.

Why exactly would the MRI tech have had to have wanted to do it *on purpose* in order for their behaviour to be worthy of resentment? One can't resent their stupid, ignorant behavior just because it was stupid and ignorant? It also has to be on purpose?

No logic here.

@MRItechssuck: @ajc may be correct that holding that resentment won't be good for you. Or perhaps it's the thing currently buoying you along. You do what you need to do.

Why can't he resent their behaviour? Why is that illogical? If they weren't doing their job properly that has put the patient at risk then why not be resentful? I really don't see your logic here.

I feel very resentful towards my GP. He upped my fluoxetine from 20 to 60 in one fell swoop, which I questioned, and he told me propranolol had no side effects. I asked him three times just to make sure, he said no three times. I then get tinnitus and blurred vision. And tinnitus from ototoxic drugs seems to be as bad as it gets... very high pitched and piercing!

There is nothing I can do to change what happened. I now have a debilitating condition and probably for life. Do I think he meant to give me tinnitus and blurred vision? No, of course not. But he was reckless in upping my med from 20 to 60 and criminal (in my opinion) for telling me propranolol has no side effects.

I kick myself everyday for following his instructions and going from 20 to 60 instead of 20 to 40 (which I almost did). I followed doctor's orders as many of us are brought up to believe that the doctor knows best and all that. I also kick myself for taking his word three times that propranolol has no side effects. All drugs have side effects. But I thought, again, that having answered no three times that it must be ok.

 

[MRItechssuck]

The medical community: You f**ked up, you trusted us. (Eric "Otter" Stratton: Animal House)

 

[MattS]

Why can't he resent their behaviour? Why is that illogical? If they weren't doing their job properly that has put the patient at risk then why not be resentful? I really don't see your logic here.

We just said the same thing.

 

[all to gain]

We just said the same thing.

If so, I must be reading your post wrong.

EDIT: I now see that I am. It's how you worded part of it...

 

[MattS]

If so, I must be reading your post wrong.

No worries.

I probably used a couple too many double negatives with question marks.

 

[joe e]

I really wish I was an American in a U.S. state so I could get a gun and shoot myself.

I didn't know suffering like what I'm experiencing existed, and I still couldn't go through with what you mentioned. It was an option until i actually got there.
I understand you PeteJ. I truly do.

 

[Bartoli]

motorcycle in my case - always with earplugs)

Your tinnitus got worse as a result of riding a motorcycle with plugs? Do you think it was wind noise or the engine?

 

[all to gain]

When I get depressed... everyday it seems... I think about the movie Midway I just saw. People with terrible injuries... and then I think about kids born with disabilities.... or the people shot and killed every day....

Suddenly my "problems" would seem petty compared to other things... not to diminish your pain, but if it helps, since misery loves company... there are always people more worse off.

Please get help because your struggles are someone else's inspiration, and you are needed.

I try to look at things in this way sometimes, but it doesn't work (or not for long). I think, at least with me, a person's own life takes precedence. Does that make me selfish?

That said, I'm keeping myself live pretty much simply for my kids at the moment.

 

[Rogi Cetpla]

Your tinnitus got worse as a result of riding a motorcycle with plugs? Do you think it was wind noise or the engine?

Good question... if only I knew... I would say most probably a combination... but cannot be certain.

 

[El BUZZ]

My tinnitus has been gradually creeping up for a month and a half now with just a couple of good days. 4 years dealing with it. Severe from day 1. Brain zaps, loud hiss. Got used to it and been able to ignore it during some periods of time. Acoustic trauma trigered it. Feel that I can't cope with this anymore. LOUD. Don't even have the energy to give Lenire a try. I think about suicide everyday. This level of suffering is senseless.

 

[Harley]

I think about suicide everyday. This level of suffering is senseless.

Nature screwed up big times on this one.

I would understand this kind of suffering to be associated with terminal ilness.
There is a purpose, as the cancer (for example) is very upfront about trying to kill it's victim and the suffering is part of the killing process.
I may not like it, but I can respect it.

But I have zero respect for torture, that has no point or a reason behind it.
Sensless torture like this should not exist.
On some deep spiritual level I seriously feel, that this has to be some sort of a gross violation of the universal law (if such thing even exists)

Not sure if any of my posts make sense anymore, as my focus is that of a fruit fly these days, but I feel very strongly that torture with no purpose such as Tinnitus should not be allowed to take place.

Every living being should be equipped with some sort of a strong and reliable back up mechanism of sorts, which does not allow Tinnitus to materialize in any situation, regardless of the degree of hearing loss or physical injury.

 

[PeteJ]

You gotta get a hold of yourself man. Nobody else can do this for you. You have to be the one to decide to get control of yourself, and turn this around.

If you are serious about suicide, please call a help line. Please. If that what you're thinking, then you need help, and you need to call them. You are not alone, you are not the only one to contemplate this. We do understand. But you need to reach out to someone in real life - a friend, a family member, a help line - and seek real help. If you are seriously contemplating this, reach out. Now.

If you are not serious, then stop scaring everyone here, and work towards getting a handle on this. Many people are offering you advice. Wash cloths won't cut it.

Please: call a help line, or make a decision to right this ship. One or the other. Now.

I thought I asked you to stop replying to me? If one more person tells me to call a help line, I will cuss them out. Just a warning.

 

[PeteJ]

I didn't know suffering like what I'm experiencing existed, and I still couldn't go through with what you mentioned. It was an option until i actually got there.
I understand you PeteJ. I truly do.

I don't think most do and I base this on the replies.

 

[PeteJ]

My tinnitus has been gradually creeping up for a month and a half now with just a couple of good days. 4 years dealing with it. Severe from day 1. Brain zaps, loud hiss. Got used to it and been able to ignore it during some periods of time. Acoustic trauma trigered it. Feel that I can't cope with this anymore. LOUD. Don't even have the energy to give Lenire a try. I think about suicide everyday. This level of suffering is senseless.

If it's that loud, how do you get used to it? Tinnitus is not normal to begin with but when it's louder than a low volume, mild state, I don't see how it's possible. I don't know about you but my tinnitus is multiple tones and the ringing if I should call it that is not just intrusive but high pitched too. I can't work because of it so I don't have anything to distract it but tv and it is not much help. I don't want the volume of the tv very loud but the tinnitus tones are so loud.

I have constant ear pain and it can be severe. I have ear fullness, clicking and my ears never feel normal. Some people interpret it as hyperacusis and others perceive it as TMJ but no ENT or doctor will be able to figure it out either.

I think my right ear has some form of hyperacusis but I don't understand how both can be typical hyperacusis compared to what some people here say about their hyperacusis. Yes, I have ear pain but it seems like noise exposure is causing repetitive states of ear pain? My ear pain just persists. Only my right ear pain seems to follow a similar pattern to many here.

Masking my t doesn't seem possible anymore. It's just too loud. I don't know why it's such a big deal for me to want to end my life. It's an end to my suffering. Even if I could get disability today, I'd have a bit more money but the tinnitus and ear pain remains. I don't want to live this life anymore. I have emphasized this but no one believes me. People here still tell me to call useless helplines or visit doctors who can't do anything about severe/loud tinnitus. Go tell people who have lower volume tinnitus this annoying "advice."

 

[PeteJ]

I have had tinnitus since 2010 but has increased three times since... last increase, which I describe as Very Intrusive Tinnitus, was two month ago. It does not fluctuate... except it increases at night as I also take blood thinners for another issue. I rate my severity at 9/10 during the day and currently 10/10 at night... which is why I currently take sleeping pills... but nevertheless wake up three hours after taking them... then can't got to sleep again. Believe me my tinnitus is currently at an insane level.. and I know what I am talking about as I have had tinnitus since 2010... I am hoping it will settle down a bit... in the meantime I am hanging on. I have all sorts of maskers in my place and make sure that I turn on the taps as soon as I enter the kitchen or the bathroom.

That sounds similar to mine. I think mine gets worse at night. I also describe it as 9/10 going to 10/10 at night. I often don't get to sleep until 3 in the morning. That varies though.

I couldn't get any sleeping pills.

 

[PeteJ]

That type of chronic pain is very typical for severe pain hyperacusis. Also the sensation that your ears don't feel normal. I really do hope you don't have hyperacusis, but it seems very likely in my opinion. Try this, cut all noise from your life for a month, use a lot of ear protection, see if the pain goes down a little bit?

I really hope things would get better for you.

How? I live in a loud area. I can't move because I have to take a fixed income. Understand?

As for using ear protection? What does that mean? Regular posters here probably remember me saying that whenever I wore ear plugs, I had severe pain afterwards. I don't know if earplugs contributed but they seemed to. Even when I wear ear muffs, my ears hurt after. That is not normal. What does it mean? I don't know of anyone here who gets severe ear pain after wearing earplugs? I have ear pain anyway but it seemed like wearing plugs exacerbated the pain.

I have been using muffs lately or at least have them on hand if needed. But, the other problem is how loud the tinnitus is when wearing hearing plugs or muffs.

I am screwed no matter what I do. I just want to die. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I wish I had an easy method.

 

[MattS]

I thought I asked you to stop replying to me? If one more person tells me to call a help line, I will cuss them out. Just a warning.

Riiiiight.

 

[PeteJ]

Riiiiight.

Why can't you and others understand that help lines can't help? Go advise that to someone else who has loud tinnitus!

They read a manual and don't understand how it is. Even those who have severe tinnitus can't reduce other people's tinnitus volume which is the whole problem. Well, volume and over severity - in my case, the crazy tempo of multiple tones and how high the pitch is. If only it would significantly reduce, I would talk to anyone. It is made worse with ear pain and I don't understand how my ears are so damaged to feel like this.

I think it's debated here, too, about whether our ears can heal at all. No one knows anything for sure including ENTs and doctors - it's helpless!!! You can't see that?!?

 

[vermillion]

Can't sleep...

 

[PeteJ]

Can't sleep...

Your tinnitus is extremely loud?

I don't think I can sleep when I want to - again. I don't have much advice for you but for people who can go out and about - to go jogging, exercising and making yourself tired during the day is the only option.

If my t wasn't so loud and I didn't have such f'up ears, I would be trying this.

How can one do routine things with 70dB+ tinnitus and ear pain?

 

[FGG]

How? I live in a loud area. I can't move because I have to take a fixed income. Understand?

As for using ear protection? What does that mean? Regular posters here probably remember me saying that whenever I wore ear plugs, I had severe pain afterwards. I don't know if earplugs contributed but they seemed to. Even when I wear ear muffs, my ears hurt after. That is not normal. What does it mean? I don't know of anyone here who gets severe ear pain after wearing earplugs? I have ear pain anyway but it seemed like wearing plugs exacerbated the pain.

I have been using muffs lately or at least have them on hand if needed. But, the other problem is how loud the tinnitus is when wearing hearing plugs or muffs.

I am screwed no matter what I do. I just want to die. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I wish I had an easy method.

If you do have hyperacusis, you need to move somewhere quieter or get sound proofing for a room. I think constant ear muff use can make it worse but the point is you need to be able to control the sound. Even if just to get a bit of reprieve from the physical pain and think straight for a bit.

I really feel for you .

 

[MattS]

Why can't you and others understand that help lines can't help? Go advise that to someone else who has loud tinnitus!

They read a manual and don't understand how it is. Even those who have severe tinnitus can't reduce other people's tinnitus volume which is the whole problem. Well, volume and over severity - in my case, the crazy tempo of multiple tones and how high the pitch is. If only it would significantly reduce, I would talk to anyone. It is made worse with ear pain and I don't understand how my ears are so damaged to feel like this.

I think it's debated here, too, about whether our ears can heal at all. No one knows anything for sure including ENTs and doctors - it's helpless!!! You can't see that?!?

I didn't suggest you call a help line to fix your tinnitus. I suggested you call a help line if you are actually suicidal.

Moreover, I suggested you talk to anyone in real life - family, friends, a help line, whatever - if you are suicidal.

You can get upset with me if you want, but *clearly* there's nothing wrong with these suggestions.

Anyway, you win: I will ignore you from now on.

 

[pinklights98]

My tinnitus reached severe levels this summer when someone set off their car alarm right as I passed the hood of their car.

the sad thing is I remember watching the guy on his phone as he aimlessly tugged at his car door multiple times as I walked towards my car. I wish I had somehow caught on that he was gonna trigger his alarm. Instead, I got blasted by it and have been debilitated ever since.

 

[Daniel Lion]

How? I live in a loud area. I can't move because I have to take a fixed income. Understand?

As for using ear protection? What does that mean? Regular posters here probably remember me saying that whenever I wore ear plugs, I had severe pain afterwards. I don't know if earplugs contributed but they seemed to. Even when I wear ear muffs, my ears hurt after. That is not normal. What does it mean? I don't know of anyone here who gets severe ear pain after wearing earplugs? I have ear pain anyway but it seemed like wearing plugs exacerbated the pain.

I have been using muffs lately or at least have them on hand if needed. But, the other problem is how loud the tinnitus is when wearing hearing plugs or muffs.

I am screwed no matter what I do. I just want to die. I don't want to deal with this anymore. I wish I had an easy method.

Hey guy,

Why not treat the symptoms of TMJ and hyperacusis? They don't negate each other i.e. you can treat the TMJ and mouth issues regardless of your hyperacusis. Some people use sound therapy for hyperacusis, I did not. I basically eat lots of ginger boiled with garlic every day. I eat fish and vegetables. I can't afford supplements and can't really buy them where I live. So my hyperacusis is manageable now and my tinnitus is loud, probably because of sudden profound hearing loss from two years ago. I am not wanting to off my self presently.

Treat your mouth stuff and slowly you will get better. Obviously baby your ears, perhaps put on soothing soft background sounds. Get the book @linearb offered you, it will be informative. Since the doctors are not helping you, time to get proactive and address the TMJ. I really believe you would feel better.

Nobody should suffer as you, me, and many others do here.
We need to grab this shit by the horns and do what we can do and see if it works a little.
Peace.

 

[all to gain]

And then I wake up with my tinnitus worse than ever, so loud I can't mask it... and find it difficult not to feel sorry for myself, or feel tremendous hate for the MRI technician. But at least I have two functioning limbs to which I could strangle the tech with(kidding)... but then there is that jail time... eh, not worth it.

It's so sad, it's comical...

I had a dream last night about a man who sought revenge on the MRI tech that made his tinnitus worse. The man became a serial killer and was known as the TinTech Killer. He sought justice against MRi techs across the country. His calling card was the words MRItechssuck carved into the chests of his victims and he would leave a pair of headphones on them playing the band The Cure's music at full blast.

Man, it just shows how fucked up my life has become because of this affliction...!!

 

[all to gain]

Why can't you and others understand that help lines can't help?

I called a tinnitus helpline once. It did nothing for me except reinforce the fact that not a lot can be done for tinnitus.

I never called again. I do think talking to someone in person may help though, even if for only an hour.

But in the end life with this crappy affliction is crippling and very, very lonely.