Suicidal

[GaryTH]

Are we talking psychiatric facility?

I am in no way trying to fearmonger, but in my opinion unless you go to a private pay facility I would not recommend this.

When I first got tinnitus (yes I know I am new to this) after two weeks of not sleeping I went to the emergency room begging for help. They had me talk to a social worker as of course Doctors told me there was nothing they could do for me.

The social worker determined me to be suicidal. She asked me if I was suicidal I said no. She asked me do I ever think it would be better if I was dead. I said sometimes I think if the the ringing would stop yes then it would be better. That statement was qualified as me being suicidal. I have no previous psychiatric history other than anxiety and depression.

I was "pink slipped" into the psych ward. Which means forcibly committed for a 72 hour hold. I was given two doses of Ativan at the hospital and taken to the psychiatric facility after two weeks of sleep deprivation and now being drugged (Prior to this I consumed no intoxicants for many years even alcohol as they exacerbate my anxiety).
The psych ward I was taken to casually had me sign a paper simply stating it agreed I was admitting myself to their hospital. This was a deceptive tactic and code for I was signing myself over to them for up to 90 days if they saw fit (thus invalidating my pink slip).

I was denied any sound enrichment period even though they kept telling me their recreational therapy department would come talk to me about something.

I was first placed in the Alcohol/Drug abuse unit because they had no beds on the adult behavioral unit. So though I was not an addict, I was housed with addicts. There was lots of verbal confrontations between patients with yelling (none involving me), the "quiet room" for therapeutic purposes constantly blasted the radio and the day room constantly blasted the TV. This meant I was confined to mostly staying in the room I slept in. It was not tinnitus friendly in the slightest.

The first psychiatrist I saw was verbally aggressive and accused me of being bipolar. She prescribed an SSRI and seroquel. I was told I had the right to refuse my meds but if I did I would be seen as non-compliant and that could lengthen my stay. So basically take the meds or else was implied.

By the second evening I was moved to the adult behavioral unit. I was suffering from a physiological ailment not a psychological one in my opinion. Here I was again housed with many loud aggressive patients. One of which had to be subdued, drugged and removed after a screaming meltdown. Also, almost everyone smoked. I am severely allergic to cigarettes. Many people smoked several times a day and did not change their clothes regularly. So they wreaked of cigarettes. So not only was my tinnitus exacerbated by denial of sound enrichment and extremely loud environment, my allergies were exacerbated by the inescapable lingering second hand smoke (even though they smoked outside).

One of my roommates was a paranoid schizophrenic. I was on seroquel and he kept telling me to close the door to our room so he could sleep. I'm sorry but I was heavily medicated and in a psych ward with a paranoid schizophrenic. I am not admonishing the mentally ill (I worked in the MR/DD field for many years), but I was afraid because I was so out of it if I fell asleep and he decided to do something to me I couldn't have fought back.

I have GERD. I was told they would have "healthy" alternative dietary options for me. There were none. For a healthy dinner that was "GERD friendly" they presented me with iceberg lettuce salad, corn chips and chocolate cake. Then scoffed when I said "why would I eat that? It had no nutritional value essentially. Also, clearly not GERD friendly.

I usually have very good blood pressure. After lack of sleep, lack of nutrition, and stress I was nearly hypertensive. When I complained to staff they basically said unless you pass out all we can tell you is to lay down and try to rest. Staff were verbally aggressive and inconsiderate of any inquiries I made regarding noise exacerbating my tinnitus. I never once raised my voice, disrespected anyone, or became aggressive in any way. Yet I was treated like dirt for the most part.

The second psychiatrist was friendly and took me off the psych meds as he seemed to understand I was merely desperate for sleep and nothing my GP had prescribed prior to this point had helped. He put me on Ambien only. It still really didn't help me sleep more than two hours.

The seroquel and SSRI spiked my tinnitus to a level I had not at that time experienced. IMO, the Ambien did also as even after I left this continued until I detoxed from the Ambien.

Thankfully, the second psychiatrist saw I was mentally sound and agreed the admittance tactic was deceptive so he honored my 72 hour hold. This still technically ended up being over 72 hours because in Ohio they don't count weekends and I came in on a Sunday morning at around 5am and didn't leave until they finally processed my release Thursday afternoon.

The entire experience was a nightmare. One of, if not the worst of my life. After leaving I was and am definitely still suicidal.

Sounds like a scene from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." You should write a book or a screenplay.

 

[Kriszti]

Let's fight, survive, do anything to feel slightly better, until real help is coming (and it is).

It's not time for us to end now.

I'm very negative right now, probably because I haven't slept more than 2 hours again. It's been a year and sleep issues are still killing me.

Rationally I try to cling on hope that science will save us, but I'm afraid that by the time breakthrough comes in 5-10 years, my life will have been ruined by tinnitus beyond help. There are time sensitive issues which can be done and achieved in your thirties but can't in the forties and later on.

I know I'm weak so if you are stronger mentally, don't mind me, but tinnitus really does feel like a Sisyphean task. No matter what I do, I have improvements, I feel a bit better but then some new shit comes around and I'm back at square 1.

 

[GaryTH]

Thank you David S. I was taking 10mg melatonin and CBD oil before bed and it was working fine, but things have gone south in the past fortnight. My tinnitus has increased to the point at night there are times it's like a dentist drill focusing on one miniature fine point in my brain. I personally think the Lenire device is in part responsible.

Thank you for the advice... is there anything else you did?

I've tried CBD oil, tincture and various cannabis edibles. They've all raised my tinnitus and made something in the back of my brain feel like it's sizzling. I'm always looking for the benzo alternatives to sleep, but nothing else seems to work.

 

[Pitseleh]

I'm very negative right now, probably because I haven't slept more than 2 hours again. It's been a year and sleep issues are still killing me.

Rationally I try to cling on hope that science will save us, but I'm afraid that by the time breakthrough comes in 5-10 years, my life will have been ruined by tinnitus beyond help. There are time sensitive issues which can be done and achieved in your thirties but can't in the forties and later on.

I know I'm weak so if you are stronger mentally, don't mind me, but tinnitus really does feel like a Sisyphean task. No matter what I do, I have improvements, I feel a bit better but then some new shit comes around and I'm back at square 1.

You're not weak. Us plagued by this horrific condition are amongst the strongest people on earth.

Remind yourself everyday that if there's someone on earth who should be called a warrior, it's you.

When breakthrough comes, when you get better (and you will) you'll look back, see the suffering you've been through, and thank yourself for having stuck around.

 

[GoatSheep]

Sounds like a scene from "One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest." You should write a book or a screenplay.

It was a truly horrible experience and I didn't go into complete detail really. I often wonder if being pumped full of all those drugs caused my symptoms to worsen more than temporarily and if I wouldn't have taken them if I'd be in a better situation now as some things have improved quite a bit since then (some have worsened and new ones have developed also).

I also regret making this post and discouraging @Allan1967 from possibly going to a psychiatric facility. He ended up committing suicide. Who knows if maybe he would have been helped. It was a fresh trauma for me and the post was cautionary, but also coming from a place of wanting to express that trauma. It was selfish. Since his passing I've thought about this many times...

@Allan1967 I'm truly sorry.

 

[GaryTH]

All of the above arguments (which contain valuable insights) only result in my conclusion that psychiatry even in 2020 (and doesn't that sound like a year in an H.G.Wells futuristic novel?) is woefully, astoundingly bereft of knowledge and treatments for so many brain malfunctions.

Tinnitus has resulted in me having unprecedented, overwhelming levels of panic that I had not even thought my brain/consciousness was capable of registering.

And, it occurred to me that as a Commercial Property Insurance Adjuster I had to go into some of most notoriously crime ridden neighborhoods in Chicago, and even when the people I was with had guns and were ready to shoot it out with seriously, threateningly approaching gangs, my level of pure unadulterated fear did not at all reach what it has been with this condition.

My wife has chastised me for always having (as never before) such a short temper that I become enraged when someone, for example, takes just a little too long to parallel park in front of me.
The fact that I am always on super/hyperalert defensiveness regarding the next spike (not to mention the ever-present baseline level) has exhausted me because of this constant state of irritability.

It feels as if there is a diabolically clever guerrilla insurgency waiting to ambush me when I least expect it, at the most inopportune moment.

And when this spike occurs, I will have a spaced-out aphasic affect that is similar to an initial migraine aura.

I am forced to become so preoccupied with this loud internal noise (which now sounds like a huge sheet of paper being torn) that I have difficulty in responding during a conversation.

My reading comprehension and both short and long term memory have been reduced by at least 25%.

This is particularly distressing since I was an English Major and I always prided myself on being able to readily understand the most complex prose (another ability that tinnitus has undermined).

After 6 years I have acquired a distanced, objective realization that this condition has produced various symptoms that can be characterized under the general definition of PTSD.

In spite of my best efforts to arrest all of the abovementioned symptoms, they are nonetheless worsening no matter how many habituation exercises, strategies, etc. I employ.

Could your cognitive and memory impairment have anything to do with the side effects of any medication you may be taking?

 

[Backpacker]

It was selfish

No it wasn't. If you had kept your mouth shut and after you read someone was treated like you, than you would understand. Anyway, it's not like you were the only one, and it's not like psychiatrists don't work outside of the psych ward.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To GaryTH:

No, I was not on any medication. The emotional onslaught of tinnitus was entirely responsible.

 

[jay777]

Folks do say that a cure for tinnitus comes within 10 years.

Cure in 2020.

 

[PeteJ]

There are also plenty of other people on here who have said that as their hearing returned, so too did their tinnitus diminish in a fairly linear fashion.

Who? That sounds like BS.

No specifics. No context. AGAIN!

 

[PeteJ]

Cure in 2020.

Yeah. Same time everyone stops talking about COVID-19 as it disappears.

 

[PeteJ]

If anyone is helped, how loud was their tinnitus? How many tones?

Why is mine so high pitched and loud?

Why are the high number of tones "going so crazy" right now?

I would rather have a euthanasia or assisted dying option than wait many years for this unrealistic "cure."

 

[GBB]

Who? That sounds like BS.

No specifics. No context. AGAIN!

Just off the top of my head one of the more recent success stories where the guy was shooting guns, got hearing loss and tinnitus, and his ear rebounded a year later and his tinnitus went down to 1-2/10. Link is below. I've read way too many posts here and I'm certain the same relationship has been reported numerous times. If you want more stories I can find them.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...-by-223-sniper-rifle-fired-near-my-ear.41958/

 

[PeteJ]

Just off the top of my head one of the more recent success stories where the guy was shooting guns, got hearing loss and tinnitus, and his ear rebounded a year later and his tinnitus went down to 1-2/10. Link is below. I've read way too many posts here and I'm certain the same relationship has been reported numerous times. If you want more stories I can find them.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/both-my-hearing-loss-and-tinnitus-almost-cured-—-caused-by-223-sniper-rifle-fired-near-my-ear.41958/

Sounds like a rare case of it improving and a young person. I don't know if I can accept their account.

Do you think there's no difference of someone with tinnitus at a young age vs someone older?

I think someone younger has a better chance at improvement. Or it seems like it.

Yeah, feel free to post more links to stories.

But, I am not searching for them.

 

[GBB]

Sounds like a rare case of it improving and a young person. I don't know if I can accept their account.

Do you think there's no difference of someone with tinnitus at a young age vs someone older?

I think someone younger has a better chance at improvement. Or it seems like it.

Yeah, feel free to post more links to stories.

But, I am not searching for them.

Sure, and sorry I am not trying to argue with you - I wish neither of us was in this situation.

In the below story the gentleman is older, and notes improvement in a hearing notch on his audiogram and distortion in music which went away over 2 years - his tinnitus completely resolves as his hearing improves.

I am not saying this is the majority of cases or even common, but credible accounts like this do exist. I believe the more important point is that in line with the precedent of cochlear implants, where hearing is restored, there is reason to believe that if we can restore hearing we can reduce/eliminate tinnitus.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/back-to-normal.31789/

 

[PeteJ]

@GBB, I prefer stories based on research treatments and science. Some documented sources besides the anecdotes would be nice.

Anyone can post some "good fortune" story on the internet.

 

[Pitseleh]

@GBB, I prefer stories based on research treatments and science. Some documented sources besides the anecdotes would be nice.

Anyone can post some "good fortune" story on the internet.

What if it was your turn next to have good fortune? Have you ever considered that as an option?

I've been suffering from severe tinnitus for 3 years and moderate tinnitus for 15 years, I'm pretty sure the upcoming years are the right years for us. It's not just an impression, it is that so many projects are on the way and are showing actual improvements.

Keep fighting man.

 

[PeteJ]

What if it was your turn next to have good fortune? Have you ever considered that as an option?

I've been suffering from severe tinnitus for 3 years and moderate tinnitus for 15 years, I'm pretty sure the upcoming years are the right years for us. It's not just an impression, it is that so many projects are on the way and are showing actual improvements.

Keep fighting man.

Not really. I don't see a reason to be optimistic.

I admire yours though.

 

[PeteJ]

My piece of s*it building had a major problem which caused the fire alarm to come on a few times. I had my muffs within reach but now my left ear is in pain.

Is that due to hyperacusis or TMJ?

Wearing my muffs for any length of time usually results in pain in my ear and the joint directly at my ear/cheek at the bone. What does that mean?

The noise might have contributed to the pain.

I don't think I have to say much about what happened with the tinnitus. This day was extra awful.

 

[Contrast]

meanwhile in Academia

 

[weab00]

Can you please tell what to say to a vet to get prednisone. And can you go to a vet to ask for prednisone without bringing a dog there? Maybe it's possible to borrow a dog and take that to the vet. What kind of tests would a vet run? How expensive?

There are online pharmacies that ship drugs from India. You'll wind up paying a lot more though, but it's worth it if you can't manage to get your hands on it through doctors. I've tried them and they are indeed legit. Eg riverpharmacy.ca

 

[dan]

Is that due to hyperacusis or TMJ?

Hyperacusis most likely. Is there an alarm speaker inside your apartment as well or just in the halls?

 

[Tweedleman]

Wearing my muffs for any length of time usually results in pain in my ear and the joint directly at my ear/cheek at the bone. What does that mean?

Have you consulted a dentist/TMJ specialist? This almost sounds like you've got some really fucked up facial muscles pressing on nerves.

I'm looking into massage/chiropractor on the off chance it might help. My Mom's chiro claimed he has a patient who gets about a months relief from tinnitus after a session with him. I don't know any more details than that, but anything's worth a shot.

 

[weab00]

meanwhile in Academia
View attachment 40826

ATA-funded research is a joke. It's always about coping/acceptance, CBT, and TRT. They are contributors to slow tinnitus research and think it's okay to tell people to suck it up rather than invest in meaningful cellular biotechnology.

 

[Zugzug]

I also regret making this post and discouraging @Allan1967 from possibly going to a psychiatric facility. He ended up committing suicide. Who knows if maybe he would have been helped. It was a fresh trauma for me and the post was cautionary, but also coming from a place of wanting to express that trauma. It was selfish. Since his passing I've thought about this many times...

@Allan1967 I'm truly sorry.

If anyone on this forum does end up committing suicide, it's not anyone's fault. I would argue that this forum does a lot of good, seeing as how many people are out-of-this-world depressed, but keep going. I'm willing to bet that many people in this thread only have Tinnitus Talk as the one place where they can be truly honest about their suffering. I do not know the details of what you are referring to, but I can only imagine that recommending a psych facility or not is not obvious. Some may even kill themselves sooner under such treatment. Maybe not. Depends on the person. No easy answers.

Although not a suicide per se, years ago, my best friend died of a drug overdose. I felt like a murderer for not intervening. Over time, I began to simply feel bad for his (and his family's) situation. It doesn't have to be someone's fault. Sometimes life is unfair and doesn't make sense.

 

[PeteJ]

Have you consulted a dentist/TMJ specialist? This almost sounds like you've got some really fucked up facial muscles pressing on nerves.

I'm looking into massage/chiropractor on the off chance it might help. My Mom's chiro claimed he has a patient who gets about a months relief from tinnitus after a session with him. I don't know any more details than that, but anything's worth a shot.

I have seen two dentists over the past year and neither thought I had TMJ.

I do need a mouthguard for grinding.

I don't know if any dentist can evaluate you. I don't know how to see a TMJ specialist.

I do think I have fucked up facial muscles or something related and caused by wearing ear muffs and loud noises (one or the other or possibly both).

This country is woefully inadequate to evaluate and assess these health problems.

 

[PeteJ]

Hyperacusis most likely. Is there an alarm speaker inside your apartment as well or just in the halls?

Both. I have had duct taped washcloth covering the speaker but it eventually gets removed. It doesn't muffle the sound much.

My tinnitus suddenly got worse or spiked for no apparent reason. I sound like a broken record but I hate living.

I would say my left ear feels a bit better today but what's the point when I don't know how long that's gonna last?

 

[weab00]

Both. I have had duct taped washcloth covering the speaker but it eventually gets removed. It doesn't muffle the sound much.

My tinnitus suddenly got worse or spiked for no apparent reason. I sound like a broken record but I hate living.

I would say my left ear feels a bit better today but what's the point when I don't know how long that's gonna last?

Right there with you bro. Life is definitely a shell of its former self when you give up all hobbies, stop working, start rotting in your room because the sound of traffic sets you back and spikes your tinnitus. We are living at 1/10 the capacity of someone with healthy ears. And I don't want this forum's pity, just telling it like it is.

 

[PeteJ]

If anyone on this forum does end up committing suicide, it's not anyone's fault. I would argue that this forum does a lot of good, seeing as how many people are out-of-this-world depressed, but keep going. I'm willing to bet that many people in this thread only have Tinnitus Talk as the one place where they can be truly honest about their suffering. I do not know the details of what you are referring to, but I can only imagine that recommending a psych facility or not is not obvious. Some may even kill themselves sooner under such treatment. Maybe not. Depends on the person. No easy answers.

Although not a suicide per se, years ago, my best friend died of a drug overdose. I felt like a murderer for not intervening. Over time, I began to simply feel bad for his (and his family's) situation. It doesn't have to be someone's fault. Sometimes life is unfair and doesn't make sense.

I don't think pharmaceuticals/drugs help the majority who have severe tinnitus and if they have hyperacusis or some sort of ear pain, I don't know if pain medication will help. Although, I want to try it.

Here, it's really difficult to get support from doctors. They are not interested in being advocates for severe tinnitus conditions.

I don't think pharmaceutical drugs do much for most tinnitus conditions unless the psychological condition happens to 'override' the tinnitus. In that case, I don't consider that severe tinnitus. At least, I don't know of any drug that changes or alters tinnitus.

I don't think anyone is at fault. That shows me, imho, how bad his tinnitus was but do these outcomes affect doctors or researchers or governments?

Does anything change? I doubt it and if that's correct, it's just as tragic as the personal and individual tragedy.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To GoatSheep:

I recall that a Suicide Prevention Team visited Allan1967 at his residence and did everything they could to persuade him not to make this ultimate choice. If their efforts were not successful, then there is surely no reason for you to feel in any way culpable.

Also, I have read several quite shocking reports on Tinnitus Talk regarding the monstrous circumstances and experiences for those who were temporarily in Psychiatric Wards. Not a single respondent reported the slightest beneficial outcome.

Graham Greene once wrote that "No one can guarantee anyone's happiness" (and conversely no one can absolutely guarantee the prevention of anyone's black misery and the consequences).

It is quite unfairly presumptuous to gauge to extent or degree of anyone's internal, private suffering.

Each of us is finally, utterly alone with the reception and evaluation of the intrusiveness and destructiveness of this frankly freakish, unique malady.