Suicidal

[TheDanishGirl]

It works in cough and sore throat because it numbs pain receptors (Nav1.8, similar to the Nav1.7 receptors studied to block all pain):

Topical ambroxol for the treatment of neuropathic pain

Topical Ambroxol 20% for the Treatment of Classical Trigeminal Neuralgia – A New Option? Initial Clinical Case Observations

Ebselen is only available if you have it made by a lab. People are starting to do this in the Sound Pharmaceuticals thread.

Where do I get the Ambroxol from? Are there side effects?

Ebselen seems like something you have to wait years for. I can't do the waiting game any longer.

 

[FGG]

Where do I get the Ambroxol from? Are there side effects?

Ebselen seems like something you have to wait years for. I can't do the waiting game any longer.

You would only have to wait years if you don't want to commission a lab to make it but I understand it takes more effort than just having your doctor order it. At least one person on the SPI-1005 thread has gone this route. No waiting needed but it's expensive.

I ordered Ambroxol off of Amazon. It's available on eBay too. It's extremely well tolerated short term for sore throat. I don't think anyone knows long term unfortunately.

 

[Marin]

For my own recent noxacusis (which started to improve on Prednisone but is now back to baseline), I just ordered some Ambroxal because it apparently helps fibromyalgia pain by blocking some pain sodium channels so I'm going to give it a whirl (as an oral although it reportedly works even better as a compounded topical).

I really hope this helps you! Can you please update us on how this goes? I'm in the process of trying the get a prescription for a calcium channel blocker, but if that doesn't work I'm interested in trying Ambroxal.

Since Ambroxal is a sodium channel blocker, do you think its effect would be much different than Tegretol or Trileptal?

 

[FGG]

I really hope this helps you! Can you please update us on how this goes? I'm in the process of trying the get a prescription for a calcium channel blocker, but if that doesn't work I'm interested in trying Ambroxal.

Since Ambroxal is a sodium channel blocker, do you think its effect would be much different than Tegretol or Trileptal?

I will definitely update everyone. I think the effect would be different yes but I can't say which would be more or less effective than the other. It's all trial and error sometimes.

 

[Marin]

I will definitely update everyone. I think the effect would be different yes but I can't say which would be more or less effective than the other. It's all trial and error sometimes.

Thank you! Agreed, I am now very familiar with trial and error. So far everything has been an error for me, I keep hoping there's something out there to help.

 

[Shanna]

I am so weak. I can't handle the torture. I cry all day long, and I am in constant fight or flight mode. I can't go out and rejoin society, friends or things I love like the tinnitus success stories tell you to do, because of the hyperacusis. Hyperacusis means I can't even interact with my kids in my own house. I don't know how others get through the day because I barely am. I am not as strong as you. I am in such distress.

Many success stories show improvement at 2-3 months. I'm in my 4th month and getting worse. My good ear has gone to shit in month 3 when others are getting fading.

I think about dying most hours of every day. You are stronger than me.

I just wanted to give you some hope.
I am a mom of three small children and when tinnitus fist happened to me I felt the same way as you, I had to have my mom move in with me to help take care of my kids bc I wasn't capable anymore.
it's been a year and things are much better, not perfect but way better than the first couple of months

 

[AliasM]

I just wanted to give you some hope.
I am a mom of three small children and when tinnitus fist happened to me I felt the same way as you, I had to have my mom move in with me to help take care of my kids bc I wasn't capable anymore.
it's been a year and things are much better, not perfect but way better than the first couple of months

Thank you. I am so glad to hear things improved for you. I hope they do for me.
My father flew in from outer state and stayed for a while but he had to go home last weekend.

 

[Zugzug]

There reaches a point where one gets beaten down so many times that they don't even feel resilient. Suffering is not something to cope through for a reward on the other side. It's just what life is. Suffering, suffering, suffering. Fuck it all.

The next 40 years are going to fuck me sideways.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Feeling Sad and Fragile.

 

[AliasM]

My tinnitus is violent today. It is ringing so hard in the left side of my brain and out of my ear. I feared back in January when I was begging doctors for help that it might get worse and it has. The left was my better side. It is now somatosensory to even slight movements of the head or face, pulsatile, and incredibly loud. The ring is swirling in my brain and so intense that my brain feels bruised and heavy.

My God, is there a medication that can calm this down?

I don't know why I have this so severely. My brain must be really badly damaged. This isn't how most people experience tinnitus, surely?

I talked to my husband about ending it. I don't know why, given my distress, I thought he might be sympathetic. Instead he talked angrily about how selfish I would be for leaving him with 4 kids.

 

[RichieTheKid]

My tinnitus is violent today. It is ringing so hard in the left side of my brain and out of my ear. I feared back in January when I was begging doctors for help that it might get worse and it has. The left was my better side. It is now somatosensory to even slight movements of the head or face, pulsatile, and incredibly loud. The ring is swirling in my brain and so intense that my brain feels bruised and heavy.

My God, is there a medication that can calm this down?

I don't know why I have this so severely. My brain must be really badly damaged. This isn't how most people experience tinnitus, surely?

I talked to my husband about ending it. I don't know why, given my distress, I thought he might be sympathetic. Instead he talked angrily about how selfish I would be for leaving him with 4 kids.

I possibly have brain damage and or some form of focal seizures right now and I know what you're talking about, the tinnitus does not seem ''normal''.

 

[Shanna]

My tinnitus is violent today. It is ringing so hard in the left side of my brain and out of my ear. I feared back in January when I was begging doctors for help that it might get worse and it has. The left was my better side. It is now somatosensory to even slight movements of the head or face, pulsatile, and incredibly loud. The ring is swirling in my brain and so intense that my brain feels bruised and heavy.

My God, is there a medication that can calm this down?

I don't know why I have this so severely. My brain must be really badly damaged. This isn't how most people experience tinnitus, surely?

I talked to my husband about ending it. I don't know why, given my distress, I thought he might be sympathetic. Instead he talked angrily about how selfish I would be for leaving him with 4 kids.

I remember having those conversations with my husband and he told me I was selfish and needed to get a hold of myself.
I don't think anyone who hasn't experienced tinnitus can understand how low and desperate it can make you feel.
Thank goodness for my mom who was willing to listen and not judge me.

 

[Kendra]

My tinnitus is violent today. It is ringing so hard in the left side of my brain and out of my ear. I feared back in January when I was begging doctors for help that it might get worse and it has. The left was my better side. It is now somatosensory to even slight movements of the head or face, pulsatile, and incredibly loud. The ring is swirling in my brain and so intense that my brain feels bruised and heavy.

My God, is there a medication that can calm this down?

I don't know why I have this so severely. My brain must be really badly damaged. This isn't how most people experience tinnitus, surely?

I talked to my husband about ending it. I don't know why, given my distress, I thought he might be sympathetic. Instead he talked angrily about how selfish I would be for leaving him with 4 kids.

I'm so sorry your husband reacted that way. It's really hard for others who don't deal with tinnitus at all or like we do to understand the depths of the struggle and pain. Know that we on here understand. And this site will be here as much as possible during the darkest times. If you can find someone in your life you can share all these things with that will not judge you but help you to carry the burden do. Even if it's talking to a therapist if possible. You are loved and cared for!

 

[Marin]

My God, is there a medication that can calm this down?

What you are describing sounds excruciating, and I'm so sorry.

As far as medications go, there's always a risk, and for every person that is helped by a medication there seems to be someone who was hurt by it. However, my personal motto has become I need to try everything I can before giving up... I avoided medications like the plague for the first couple of months, but desperate times call for desperate measures.

I have nothing but time on my hands so I've read many different success stories where people find relief with different medications. It's all so individual and involves a lot of trial and error.

I read about one woman who was on disability because of extreme reactive tinnitus, and Keppra combined with Klonopin helped her. In her post she said she was finally able to work again because of those medications.

I read about another woman who had pulsate tinnitus, vertigo, and pain hyperacusis who was ultimately diagnosed with vestibular migraines and she found relief with Amitriptyline and Propranolol.

I really hope that you are able to find something that eases your suffering

 

[Backpacker]

is there a medication that can calm this down?

Are you trying a herbal diuretic?

My brain

Or your inner ear maybe.

I talked to my husband about ending it

How about trying the full PLF protocol since you are saying your headache, feeling off, mild dizziness, tinnitus and hyperacusis started after excessive straining (in the gym)?

 

[Diesel]

Raising an infant is tough work. I knew it would be hard, even without a hearing condition. I can see how with tinnitus alone, it would be more challenging. But with hyperacusis on top of that... a kid that randomly screams all day makes some days are damn near unbearable. Obviously I want to be a good father, and I am just getting started, but fuck, these conditions really add a lot of extra weight to it.

 

[Zugzug]

Raising an infant is tough work. I knew it would be hard, even without a hearing condition. I can see how with tinnitus alone, it would be more challenging. But with hyperacusis on top of that... a kid that randomly screams all day makes some days are damn near unbearable. Obviously I want to be a good father, and I am just getting started, but fuck, these conditions really add a lot of extra weight to it.

For what it's worth, you seem like you would make a great father. Not an easy endeavor, for sure, though.

 

[just1morething]

My tinnitus is violent today. It is ringing so hard in the left side of my brain and out of my ear. I feared back in January when I was begging doctors for help that it might get worse and it has. The left was my better side. It is now somatosensory to even slight movements of the head or face, pulsatile, and incredibly loud. The ring is swirling in my brain and so intense that my brain feels bruised and heavy.

My God, is there a medication that can calm this down?

I don't know why I have this so severely. My brain must be really badly damaged. This isn't how most people experience tinnitus, surely?

I talked to my husband about ending it. I don't know why, given my distress, I thought he might be sympathetic. Instead he talked angrily about how selfish I would be for leaving him with 4 kids.

Maybe some of your meds are causing your noise? Even some blood pressure meds can cause weird tinnitus.

 

[Tweedleman]

Raising an infant is tough work. I knew it would be hard, even without a hearing condition. I can see how with tinnitus alone, it would be more challenging. But with hyperacusis on top of that... a kid that randomly screams all day makes some days are damn near unbearable. Obviously I want to be a good father, and I am just getting started, but fuck, these conditions really add a lot of extra weight to it.

Zugzug is right, challenging indeed but if anyone is up to the task, it's you man. I wish my brain could keep up with yours.

On a side note, are you by chance a diesel truck enthusiast? I've always wondered but never asked if you are a Powerstroke/Duramax/Cummins kind of guy.

I'm very envious of the low end torque your fuel of choice provides in stop and go traffic. My '08 Hemi is just a dog by today's standards, lol.

Edit: sorry if this isn't the place to ask.

 

[Diesel]

Zugzug is right, challenging indeed but if anyone is up to the task, it's you man. I wish my brain could keep up with yours.

On a side note, are you by chance a diesel truck enthusiast? I've always wondered but never asked if you are a Powerstroke/Duramax/Cummins kind of guy.

I'm very envious of the low end torque your fuel of choice provides in stop and go traffic. My '08 Hemi is just a dog by today's standards, lol.

Edit: sorry if this isn't the place to ask.

I once was a diesel enthusiast, but one from the other side of the tracks... the one that no American Diesel "truck guy" wants to ever acknowledge... the weirdo European Diesel enthusiast. My name, "Diesel" is actually a derivate from my real name, and it was given to me because of a Rabbit Diesel Pickup I drove in high school. Only Volkswagen could figure out a way to stuff a diesel engine into a front-wheel drive rabbit with a truck bed; that thing had zero torque. But got 50MPG, which was pointless back in the 90s when Diesel was $1.10/gal.

Anyway, big fan of big torque + turbos. It's a shame diesel engines never took off stateside like they have in Europe and Australia.

Nowadays, I've conceded to reliability in the form of a 5-spd Tacoma 4-banger. Gets me where I need to go, don't have to worry about getting under the hood.

 

[Tweedleman]

I once was a diesel enthusiast, but one from the other side of the tracks... the one that no American Diesel "truck guy" wants to ever acknowledge... the weirdo European Diesel enthusiast. My name, "Diesel" is actually a derivate from my real name, and it was given to me because of a Rabbit Diesel Pickup I drove in high school. Only Volkswagen could figure out a way to stuff a diesel engine into a front-wheel drive rabbit with a truck bed; that thing had zero torque. But got 50MPG, which was pointless back in the 90s when Diesel was $1.10/gal.

Anyway, big fan of big torque + turbos. It's a shame diesel engines never took off stateside like they have in Europe and Australia.

Nowadays, I've conceded to reliability in the form of a 5-spd Tacoma 4-banger. Gets me where I need to go, don't have to worry about getting under the hood.

Yes I realized after I asked the question that it was ignorant of me to assume you'd be an American truck diesel guy. My neighbour has a couple older VW diesels and they look like a ton of fun to row gears in.

I figured it was either something automotive, or you were just a big fan of Kevin Nash's run as the "Diesel" character in early 90s WWF. Not that there's anything wrong with that, wrestling was my childhood.

 

[Matchbox]

Suicide by gun has a 50% failure rate, and the consequences of failure are disastrous, so you might think about it again.

Need a shotgun slug then. It's my go to plan B if drugs can't take me away peacefully.

 

[Matchbox]

Yeah I only take my Xanax at night. So it would make sense that things are ramping up by the next night. I don't know how I'm going to get out of that trap now.

My mom is threatening to commit me. Looks like I'm not reaching out and telling her or my family how I'm feeling anymore

Have things faded or improved at all? Doing any masking at night?

 

[roy1159]

I was at a family dinner on Saturday and it was humiliating to say I'm doing nothing with my life at 21... as expected the comments I got were 'why aren't you trying to solve your problems then'... lol. Most people are lucky in the sense that their medical problems are treatable or curable. Mine can't even be explained.

Yesterday I was at a football match (soccer for the Americans) and it was great in the sense that I haven't experienced an escapistic activity like this in months... with my hearing problems, tinnitus and recent physical problems I ceased to take part in escapistic activities that bring me joy, due to the circumstances of course. Escapism is great but it's not enough for me... I can't achieve any of the things that people my age strive to achieve. I can't strive for anything anymore.

I knew life wouldn't be the same but I didn't know my hearing will be destroyed in a flash (with no explanation and with no sign for it in any medical test) and I will be left with nothing in my life at this young of age. Sadly suicide is the only way to end the suffering... I just can't accept my current life if you can even call it that.

 

[Chinmoku]

Most people are lucky in the sense that their medical problems are treatable or curable. Mine can't even be explained.

This is so bad, and it contributes to the horror of these conditions. Almost nobody outside here understands. When people learn I'm disabled by tinnitus they basically don't believe it. They don't deny it out of politeness but I can see they have no idea of the hell I'm going through. They have heard of tinnitus but mostly of the tolerable variety. I know you have other conditions too and none is well understood by science, I really feel for you.

It's not just that there is no cure or treatment. I'm sure cancer (chemotherapy can give one tinnitus) is horrible, but your illness is recognized, they know what to try, and if it in the end you cannot be treated then you know you will die but at least the pain has an end in sight and you may get palliative care.

What can one do with a degenerative condition that gets worse and worse, tortures you every minute but does not kill you? There are other conditions that kill you very slowly and painfully or keep you in an unbearable limbo of suffering for years, I often say that I hate the fact that these conditions exist at all. We all have to die, but staying in a torturing limbo for years... what kind of universe is this? I have two kids and I'm sorry for them they have to live in such a horrible lottery universe.

 

[PeteJ]

I was at a family dinner on Saturday and it was humiliating to say I'm doing nothing with my life at 21... as expected the comments I got were 'why aren't you trying to solve your problems then'... lol. Most people are lucky in the sense that their medical problems are treatable or curable. Mine can't even be explained.

Yesterday I was at a football match (soccer for the Americans) and it was great in the sense that I haven't experienced an escapistic activity like this in months... with my hearing problems, tinnitus and recent physical problems I ceased to take part in escapistic activities that bring me joy, due to the circumstances of course. Escapism is great but it's not enough for me... I can't achieve any of the things that people my age strive to achieve. I can't strive for anything anymore.

I knew life wouldn't be the same but I didn't know my hearing will be destroyed in a flash (with no explanation and with no sign for it in any medical test) and I will be left with nothing in my life at this young of age. Sadly suicide is the only way to end the suffering... I just can't accept my current life if you can even call it that.

It always amazes me, the number of young people on here with serious tinnitus and hearing problems.

Do you rate your tinnitus on a 'severity scale?" I do. It's either 9/10 or 10/10 (where 10/10 is wanting suicide).

When I first got tinnitus, it was usually 7 or 8/10 with occasional fluctuations in which I would say it's 4/10 but my t worsened about 2 months after the initial trigger.

I am well over 21 though and my tinnitus was from acoustic trauma. I have some hearing loss but I am not deaf. I am not sure about specifics but I think the loss for me has to do with certain (high) frequencies. I can make out (almost) conversations people have at a distance from me but my Audiogram illustrates some hearing loss. After hearing tests, no one has said I need a hearing aid. Yet, I have noise/sound sensitivity now and I am still very susceptible to ear pain (I assume it's from noise).

I wonder what young people did to get tinnitus at a young age. You wore headphones all the time? Went to concerts? It's a mystery.

 

[roy1159]

It always amazes me, the number of young people on here with serious tinnitus and hearing problems.

Do you rate your tinnitus on a 'severity scale?" I do. It's either 9/10 or 10/10 (where 10/10 is wanting suicide).

When I first got tinnitus, it was usually 7 or 8/10 with occasional fluctuations in which I would say it's 4/10 but my t worsened about 2 months after the initial trigger.

I am well over 21 though and my tinnitus was from acoustic trauma. I have some hearing loss but I am not deaf. I am not sure about specifics but I think the loss for me has to do with certain (high) frequencies. I can make out (almost) conversations people have at a distance from me but my Audiogram illustrates some hearing loss. After hearing tests, no one has said I need a hearing aid. Yet, I have noise/sound sensitivity now and I am still very susceptible to ear pain (I assume it's from noise).

I wonder what young people did to get tinnitus at a young age. You wore headphones all the time? Went to concerts? It's a mystery.

It's fluctuating between 9 and 10 out of 10. 8 or 7 is rare - but is considered a good day. There was no acoustic trauma prior to the onset, I just woke up and it was there. At the time I worked part time at a café, worked there for one and a half years two years prior to the onset - in the evenings it wasn't that noisy because it wasn't busy but it was my only noise exposure at the time. I did use headphones quite a lot in my teens but always was aware of volume, i always hated loud noise and avoided it anyway. After tinnitus onset (at the time moderate so 5-6) I continued to work there but with earplugs as to not cause further damage- 4 months later it worsened to severe, and 2 months after the worsening I was watching TV and I couldn't understand what people were saying, I was mainly hearing consonants like 's' 'sh' and 'tz' , I checked my hearing again but it was completely normal, other tests like brain MRI and ABR suggested all was normal.

I can understand speech like 60-70 year-old people even though they have moderate to severe hearing loss and medical knowledge can't explain it. I'm hard of hearing basically with 'normal hearing', having problems also in quiet environments so hidden hearing loss can't solely explain it.

It's a big joke to me, people work around loud tools or go to concerts and listen to loud music for decades... and then there is me with these fragile dumb ears, fucked for life... life down the drain because of this.

I don't believe I have put myself at risk... I see people around me have no idea whatsoever that they expose themselves to dangerous amount of noise... you bet they don't have these problems. Cursed genes I guess.

 

[PeteJ]

It's fluctuating between 9 and 10 out of 10. 8 or 7 is rare - but is considered a good day. There was no acoustic trauma prior to the onset, I just woke up and it was there. At the time I worked part time at a café, worked there for one and a half years two years prior to the onset - in the evenings it wasn't that noisy because it wasn't busy but it was my only noise exposure at the time. I did use headphones quite a lot in my teens but always was aware of volume, i always hated loud noise and avoided it anyway. After tinnitus onset (at the time moderate so 5-6) I continued to work there but with earplugs as to not cause further damage- 4 months later it worsened to severe, and 2 months after the worsening I was watching TV and I couldn't understand what people were saying, I was mainly hearing consonants like 's' 'sh' and 'tz' , I checked my hearing again but it was completely normal, other tests like brain MRI and ABR suggested all was normal.

I can understand speech like 60-70 year-old people even though they have moderate to severe hearing loss and medical knowledge can't explain it. I'm hard of hearing basically with 'normal hearing', having problems also in quiet environments so hidden hearing loss can't solely explain it.

It's a big joke to me, people work around loud tools or go to concerts and listen to loud music for decades... and then there is me with these fragile dumb ears, fucked for life... life down the drain because of this.

I don't believe I have put myself at risk... I see people around me have no idea whatsoever that they expose themselves to dangerous amount of noise... you bet they don't have these problems. Cursed genes I guess.

Thanks for your story. It was interesting. The more I read people's individual/personal experiences here, the more I think genes play a major factor but what do experts and researchers think of that and how do they address It?

I can take an educated guess of what my onset or trigger was and that loud noise contributed to my gradual yet pervasive hearing loss.

My tinnitus is so loud, it's difficult to perceive "where it is exactly" but the right ear definitely seems worse and it 'seems' like it's "spread" throughout the brain.

Some people have discussed the brain as it pertains to tinnitus but I forget what was posted.

I just woke up and the tinnitus noise buzzing, ringing whatever is just unbelievably loud. I don't understand. :-(

It's these kinds of situations in which I think leaving this life makes more sense than forcing myself to endure this each and every day. I hate myself for exposing myself to noise, wearing headphones *at all* and for my choices in life, etc. That can't be healthy, right?

 

[Chinmoku]

I hate myself for exposing myself to noise, wearing headphones *at all* and for my choices in life, etc. That can't be healthy, right?

It's not your fault, really. People do much worse with their ears and get mild tinnitus or even zero tinnitus. Other people do nothing wrong at all and wake up one day with life impairing tinnitus. Look at @roy1159 too, what has he ever done wrong? Working in a café (that's not even too loud)? Seriously? I know many people who partied in super-loud venues for years and are ok. People should be more careful of course, but they were fine. I catch an heavy cold and boom, I'm ruined.

Genetics may play a role, and also properties of the brain and nervous system. Brains that are better at prediction seem to be more exposed to tinnitus, says Will Sedley.

Yet, we don't yet understand this condition well. A guy could not hear much from his left ear anymore. After years he takes a pill of Memantine and boom, he momentarily can hear birds and radiators noises again. This wasn't certainly ear cells death or synapses, so what was going on? There are so many puzzling cases, we have some main theories and potential culprits but it's fair to say we still don't understand this multi-faceted condition and it can hit anyone even without any apparent rhyme or reason.

This happens all the time. How many people don't smoke, don't drink, live healthily and are hit by cancer? Or multiple sclerosis? Regional pain syndrome? Trigeminal neuralgia? Cluster headaches? Catastrophic tinnitus and hyperacusis? Inexplicable and very painful depression?

The truth is that the relatively healthy person does not even know the fortune they have until they get one of these horror conditions.

As they say, a healthy man has many wishes, a sick man only one.

Living in survival mode is no life.

 

[roy1159]

It's these kinds of situations in which I think leaving this life makes more sense than forcing myself to endure this each and every day. I hate myself for exposing myself to noise, wearing headphones *at all* and for my choices in life, etc. That can't be healthy, right?

I feel you... I've been thinking of suicide for the last 7 months and almost was able to go through with it. I know it can only end that way because I can't stay debilitated by the hearing problems and severe tinnitus for life... Treatments are 15 years away at best. I also blame myself for working at the café although in itself it shouldn't be that risky otherwise there would be an epidemic of café workers with tinnitus. I was months away from starting the life I planned and now it's all gone. Now I can't even understand what people are saying while I have 'normal' hearing. What a sick joke, I want to LIVE, not to survive. I've had enough of surviving and it serves no purpose whatsoever as I will be forever debilitated and will never live a normal life. Only outlet is to vent here.