Hi,
I suppose it was about three years ago that i felt the tinnitus was settling, i had an acceptance, i was coping, life was ok, but then my health started failing, osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, bi-lateral head pains, stomache ulcers, hiatus hernia, peripheral nuropathy apparently stemming from a cyst growing on my spine, sacrum area, and theres more. I found a whole new load of reasons to panic, and tinnitus had, and is having, a feast. I found panic, and pain expanded into anxiety, and then the dizziness started, and all these ailments i experience right now.
My tnnitus is remarkably loud, the problems my body has accumulated, well, don't look good, i live a solitary life, mainly quietly, and i know things can only get grimmer.
This life is all i know, these probs havereally humbled me, the smallest of things now can captivate my attention, i care not for wealth, luxury holidays etc.., my want is people, good company, interesting conversation takes my mind away from the state i'm in, tinnitus is all around me blasting away, but if i'm happy, especially if i'm laughing, its of little consequence.
I don't live in hope, i live in the moment, i take every day as if i were my last, or try to, i don't care if i take this sound to the grave with me, i'd be far more grateful if my deteriorating body eased up for a while, then i can relax just that little bit more, and the tinnitus would lose its grip again, but when it spikes, it spikes, just more noise, thats it.
We feel we can't handle our predicaments, we can, it just takes us time to adjust, but we do adjust, i used to operate a large floor polisher, i gripped it so tight, i struggled with it, forcing it to go where i wanted it, eventually i realised that if i held it really lightly, let it float, i could guide it with two fingers, i realised in life quite often i was trying toohard, the solutions far simpler. Without listening to tinnitus, i try to listen to my body, give myself time, create time, take one foot step at a time. This horrendous racket in my head is a noise, then a sound, its just a sound, not a horrendous racket, i won't react to it, i play it down, i pacify it, and me.
My one weakness or fear is to be alone with this thing for weeks, months etc.., thats where you guys come in, because i feel your company is such a precious thing, and its a warmth to be in the company of others alike to me, sorry to waffle on
I suppose it was about three years ago that i felt the tinnitus was settling, i had an acceptance, i was coping, life was ok, but then my health started failing, osteoarthritis, fibromyalgia, bi-lateral head pains, stomache ulcers, hiatus hernia, peripheral nuropathy apparently stemming from a cyst growing on my spine, sacrum area, and theres more. I found a whole new load of reasons to panic, and tinnitus had, and is having, a feast. I found panic, and pain expanded into anxiety, and then the dizziness started, and all these ailments i experience right now.
My tnnitus is remarkably loud, the problems my body has accumulated, well, don't look good, i live a solitary life, mainly quietly, and i know things can only get grimmer.
This life is all i know, these probs havereally humbled me, the smallest of things now can captivate my attention, i care not for wealth, luxury holidays etc.., my want is people, good company, interesting conversation takes my mind away from the state i'm in, tinnitus is all around me blasting away, but if i'm happy, especially if i'm laughing, its of little consequence.
I don't live in hope, i live in the moment, i take every day as if i were my last, or try to, i don't care if i take this sound to the grave with me, i'd be far more grateful if my deteriorating body eased up for a while, then i can relax just that little bit more, and the tinnitus would lose its grip again, but when it spikes, it spikes, just more noise, thats it.
We feel we can't handle our predicaments, we can, it just takes us time to adjust, but we do adjust, i used to operate a large floor polisher, i gripped it so tight, i struggled with it, forcing it to go where i wanted it, eventually i realised that if i held it really lightly, let it float, i could guide it with two fingers, i realised in life quite often i was trying toohard, the solutions far simpler. Without listening to tinnitus, i try to listen to my body, give myself time, create time, take one foot step at a time. This horrendous racket in my head is a noise, then a sound, its just a sound, not a horrendous racket, i won't react to it, i play it down, i pacify it, and me.
My one weakness or fear is to be alone with this thing for weeks, months etc.., thats where you guys come in, because i feel your company is such a precious thing, and its a warmth to be in the company of others alike to me, sorry to waffle on