Thank you Glynis...
These days I have a Spike in my T and H...
You are right, I try to do small things to help me in Life but this is very difficult to keep a positive attitude with this condition...
Hi there-
Thought I would share a personal story - it is purely my journey with no assumptions nor implications about anybody else.
As someone who has T+H, a full 14 months now, I empathize with the inner challenges that you share. Oh I went deaf in my left ear too; no way to even play a sound through the ear to mask the T. As I write this, I have a headache inside my head where my H is, behind the ear; T is screaming pretty loud if I focus on it....
if I focus on it.
One of the gifts I got from my circumstances, was the necessity to truly be honest with myself about who I am, and how I show up each day. I liked to think of myself of someone who seized the day; like someone who crushes the days and does so due to a strength of character that set me apart from the herd. A little biased. Yet in the tempest of my realization of what had happened to me, I was broken. I went into a dark place....questioning myself to the core. Maybe I wasnt crushing it after all? Maybe I just liked the idea of being mentally tough when in reality when the challenges begin, instead of stepping up to the plate, the reality is I would do whatever I could to escape. A fruitful facade that had me living a series of lies for a long time.
And there I found myself, staring at the face in the mirror, forced to accept that there was no escaping this challenge; not this time. I have no shame in sharing as a man, a father and husband, tears streaming my face, grief deep in my heart for the life I had lost, I wanted to crawl into the shadows somewhere, and just sleep - at that time sleep had eluded me since the T began.
And so there I was - with a decision I had to make, or rather a question I had to answer - what do I need to do to get my life back on track? What small changes do I need to make, no matter how difficult, must I embrace with nothing but discipline and grit in my heart? What the f!!! must I do to overcome this experience and become the man I always dreamed of being? And to be clear, I was a 40 year old boy....and life just got real....and that was the gift inside the challenge.
In the words of Garrett White, I had to Tell.The.F!!!ing.Truth to myself about who I am. And that process not only helped me grow as a human being, but it allowed me to reshape how I show up in the world. And what has this to do with T or H? E.V.E.R.Y.T.H.I.N.G. Since this is a very personal experience, within ones own mind, the battle is not with the outside world, but within. I appreciate the very deep challenges people go through with T and I do not intend to disrespect them. For me this is how it was; I understood for me I had to tear myself down and rebuild myself back up mentally....and so thats what I did, and that was far harder than my T+H.
This past 14 months have been a roller-coaster too; dealing with my attitude, my psychology as well as show up in the world hurting from my T+H hasnt been easy. 439 days on from my initial incident that changed the trajectory of my life forever, I have managed to do ok. I have the journey ahead of me; I have the past experiences within me. The greatest thing I believe I did was work on my psychology, as this has helped with the tough times, but more importantly helped me habituate fast and forget my condition. Everyday it is with me, and when the H is bad its bad. Yet in the past 14 months I have been promoted 3 times at work, and the future looks pretty cool. I could never have perceived this that day I was alone with Me in front of that mirror....and still I got to
the other side.
I sincerely wish you greatness in your future Christophe. If I had to offer one suggestion, without forgetting how subjectively bad this condition is,
find yourself questions you can ask yourself that light you up like a super-f!*#ng-nova inside, and have you stepping beyond your moments of challenge and into the next moments of your life being whoever you want to be, T+H alongside you to enjoy the ride.
All the best,
MF
Member
