PennyCat

PennyCat

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  • PennyCat
    I spend almost every waking second of every day thinking about my tinnitus or TTTS. My OCD makes it seem impossible for me to overcome this
    PennyCat
    I'm really not doing well, I could use some words of encouragement or comfort if you're able.
    PennyCat
    I've been crying all day again, and my insomnia is bad again too. I don't think I can do this. Too many tones and I hate the distortions
    View previous comments…
    H
    Yep! I also have multi tones in each ear and crazy fluctuations throughout the day. It's definitely hard to adjust. But there's nothing we can do about the T. We can however try to get on top of the anxiety
    TheCapybara
    I have distortions too, started nearly a year ago with morse code beeping from flushing and all that, on top of stuff like the fridge being louder due to increased sensitivity to sound, it was maddening at first.

    But it does improve over the span of months, I know it's really rough but you're gonna get through this Penny.
    PennyCat
    @TheCapybara I think I've read some posts where you've mentioned that. It's good to hear that it can improve as time goes on, I think that's the general consensus that I've found. It's just hard in the meantime, which I'm sure you relate to. Thank you for the encouragement :)
    PennyCat
    Don't think this is a spike, 3 weeks tomorrow w/ no change. If anything, I have more sounds. Every day I lose more hope, & that's dangerous
    PennyCat
    I did finally take my first Zoloft pill just now. Fingers crossed it doesn't make things worse for me
    H
    Hang in there, we're in the same boat and I've been reassured by many 3 weeks is still very early. The mighty @Bill Bauer advises not to panic until 3 months at least
    PennyCat
    @Hardwell We are in the same boat, I really hope it goes back to baseline for both of us soon
    PennyCat
    IOP is hard. Everyone seems loud. I got up & walked out at one point bc I was so overwhelmed by the H and TTTS. Put in earplugs eventually.
    PennyCat
    I want to be in the success stories part one day. Before the new tones, I thought I was on my way there. Now it seems unlikely or impossible
    PennyCat
    Positive - I start my 6 week anxiety outpatient program tomorrow. Negative - I'm too scared to take my Zoloft ;-;
    View previous comments…
    ECP
    I don't know anything about Zoloft, but I hear that these outpatient programs are helpful. Maybe you'll learn some really good techniques for stress relief.
    RainbowCat
    Glad to hear you are challenging a "What if". It was hard for me to start a ssri as well. I hope everything goes well for you. A combination of ssri with therapy can really help, but it takes time.
    TindalosKeeper
    You'll be fine, some medication works differently for other people.
    For some, Zoloft will work like a charm, while others may not feel like it's doing much.
    Only way to know is to just take it and ALWAYS follow your doctor's instructions to a T.
    Don't skip doses or change them unless you ask your doctor.
    PennyCat
    Part of me thinks I should give up while I'm young, before I have people that rely on me and before it has the chance to get even worse
    gameover
    I won't say you should give up. If you can, carry on. But I'd agree having people depend on you, makes this way more tragic.
    MadeleineHope
    I've also been in a dark space lately so I can completely empathize with where you're at. At the same time... what if it gets better? The uncertainty is scary indeed... but where there's uncertainty, there's also hope. Sending lots & lots of love!
    TheCapybara
    There's always a chance it can get better too like Madeleine said. The thing with hearing issues is that it can take months or up to a year and beyond to start seeing some improvement. I know it's really difficult Penny, but with time you may be able to handle it better.
    PennyCat
    At what point do I give up hope that this isn't a spike & realize these new tones aren't going to go away? It'll be 2 weeks tomorrow :,(
    View previous comments…
    H
    @PennyCat we do share the same spike day! I too hope that it disappears for both of us although I'm losing said hope day by day. I currently feel like I'm grieving for the life I had pre spike
    H
    If it's hope you still want, I too have seen many posts where it's taken months for spikes to settle. I've been emailing a chap who's had T for almost 20 years. Had lots of similar spikes with new tones and reactiveness. His two longest ones were 6 and 9 months
    Gabriel
    I have had longer new tones for months that disappeared. But you have to mask it and not listen to it as long as possible
    PennyCat
    The past 3 days I've instantly started crying & thrown up as soon as I woke up. Thankfully I'm starting an anxiety IOP in a week.
    SarahMLFlemmer
    I was where you were 2 months ago. I had a 3 month everyday long EXTREME mental breakdown. I am now mentally stable for the past 2 months. I am 5 months in from onset.
    SarahMLFlemmer
    Please hang in there! I had to take low dose Xanax one time a day for 3 weeks until I was finally capable doing life again without it. I still need meds for sleep and now only take Xanax AS NEEDED. Here for you!
    eagerUser
    Hi PennyCat.
    Sorry to see you here. When I first developed T&H&TTTS I was one year older than you.
    You are still too new to all these things and there is a great chance all of them go away in the near future.
    Have you considered any treatments for your pulsatile T? That's easier to get rid of.
    Stay strong that Dr. Shore's device is on the way and will help us all.
    Do you have pain Hyperacusis or loudness Hyperacusis?
    PennyCat
    Thanks, I really hope it all goes away or at least reduces :,) I have pursued treatment for the pulsatile T but everything else started taking a bigger priority, the pulsatile T is intermittent and the least of my worries atm. I believe I just have loudness H but the TTTS causes pain
    SamRosemary
    Learn about what anxiety and panic attacks are. Sympathetic and parasympathetic nervous system.
    Once you know about the pathophysiology of rest and digest and fight or flight it helps so much. Understanding what it is and why.
    PennyCat
    I really don't think I can do this. T and TTTS on top of OCD, BPD, several anxiety disorders, depression, and an ED. I'm screwed, it's over
    View previous comments…
    ErikaS
    @PennyCat so sorry you're feeling so heavy with all of this. I too have reached my limit with the depression. Talking with my psych tomorrow about a med game plan. Going to hopefully try muscle relaxer that has helped some with T, then go from there. It's exhausting, but we have to keep trying to move forward.
    PennyCat
    @SamRosemary Thank you so much for the encouragement <3 And I'm glad you're doing much better, that gives me hope.
    @ErikaS Thank you, I've seen several of your posts and I know you've been dealing with a lot. I hope meds will give you some relief :,) You're right, pushing forward is all we can do
    PennyCat
    @Sammy0225 Following your story has been giving me hope along the way, I have T, H, TTTS, and now new reactive/distortion tones as well and I know you've been seeing improvement lately so that gives me some encouragement to keep going. Thank you for the kind words :)
    PennyCat
    Every day I wake up sweaty, shaky, heart pounding, upset stomach. I wish I knew if these new sounds are temp or permanent. Can't calm down
    PennyCat
    Also why are new tones worse when there's noise (like fans in my room) & better (but still there) when it's quiet? Does this go away/improve
    PennyCat
    I wish I could tell whether these new tones are permanent or just a spike. I've never had a spike before so idk how long they last
    PennyCat
    Had therapy today, we went and sat in the grass by a pond. It was nice, and I noticed my T less. But as soon as I got back in my car I cried
    View previous comments…
    PennyCat
    @ECP I feel like after the pleasant/safe moment ends, the realization of how life is outside of the moment sets back in, and makes me crash. Yes, let's try to keep persevering together. I hope there is relief on the horizon :,)
    SamRosemary
    That's progress tho. Baby steps. I was doing well for a month and had a breakdown with panic out of no where. It happens. This journey and the progress with T and mental health is not linear.
    RainbowCat
    I agree with @SamRosemary, mental health is not lineal and you actually get better very slowly. You'll probably have setbacks, it's normal. Celebrate every win, even being able to get out of bed. Going to therapy is a big win!
    PennyCat
    Is there any point to keep going? I'm only 22, it's just gonna get worse as I get older. The thought makes me sick. And ofc still crying
    View previous comments…
    RainbowCat
    It won't necessarily get worse as you get older. Read successful stories and not other type of post (don't even read the comments after the original post). That said, what helps me is not focusing in my symptoms getting better or not, but in my mood... Doing the things I can still do that I enjoy, and I observe how that affects my mood.
    RainbowCat
    Of course, you will still feel low often, that's normal... But it won't be like that forever. We are rooting for you, @PennyCat ☺️
    PennyCat
    PennyCat
    Day 5 of nonstop crying & panic. Still haven't eaten. Had nightmare about T. I can hear the tones above masking sounds. I want to give up
    View previous comments…
    Damocles
    Yeah, we've all been there.

    And yet, here we are.

    Just keep pushing through, and you find there's a point where... believe it or not... you're able to cope with it.
    PennyCat
    @SamRosemary I relate a lot, I have generalized anxiety and OCD. My OCD has been having a field day w/ all of this especially new tones. I try to distract but it doesn't work well atm, I'll keep trying though
    PennyCat
    @Damocles I really hope so :,) right now it feels impossible. My TTTS is going crazy because of the stress on top of these new tones. I don't see the light at the end of the tunnel but I hope there is one
    PennyCat
    Genuinely cannot stop crying no matter what I do. I'm physically ill from the crying. I don't know how to live this way
    TindalosKeeper
    Please hang in there. I know things are tough and everybody here has their own demons, but fortunately yours has a chance to have a solution in the future, so I need you to fight!
    The wait will soon be over hopefully and I wanna see you with a big grin when it happens :)
    Damocles
    "Genuinely cannot stop crying no matter what I do. I'm physically ill from the crying."

    Yeah, it's horrendous. No question.

    "I don't know how to live this way"

    Probably not going to have to for very long; at least not without something that's going to reduce it by a f*ckload.

    Good things are on the way.
    Damocles
    Additionally, if it helps to put in perspective: some of us have already lived more of our lives with it, than without.
    PennyCat
    Just when I was getting used to T, it got worse. Back to near 24/7 anxiety and crying. Ofc TTTS reacting to stress. When will it get better?
    PennyCat
    TTTS was doing better again but now it's back. Wish I could figure out what makes it come and go. It makes me unbelievably anxious.
    stacey
    Same I've got all 3 TTTs , T and H. The spasms from TTTs leaves my ear so sore and constantly full
    M
    My ttts was gone for a month and now its back without a reason. My ears feel tensed up and tight
    PennyCat
    TTTS was fairly mild for a little while, but the past 2 days it's been worse again. Terrified it'll never get better. I hate it :(
    PennyCat
    Does TTTS go away? So tired of it reacting to my voice, silverware, dishes, etc… the anxiety about it is destroying me
    View previous comments…
    SamRosemary
    @PennyCat Oh yes, for sure! I still struggle with panic and anxiety, but not specifically because of T. But your panic to the noises and to the TTTS twitching around and going up and down does calm down. Like my T has been going crazy since covid, but I'm not freaking out because of it.
    D
    @PennyCat I also have TTTS that came on about 1 month in after the onset of T. That, and my T in general, also wasn't caused by acoustic trauma or so (unknown cause). Unfortunately, it has stayed more or less the same for me even after 2 years - spasms going off at short sounds in quiet settings - with more noise around me they don't happen at all.
    D
    @PennyCat The anxiety that comes with it, did go down for me though and I'm way more calm about it, because I mostly know when and how the spasms will happen. It is triggered by those same stuff you mentioned, and also if one person's voice is directed to my left ear in a relatively quiet setting. More noise around = no spasms.
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