2049v

2049v

Member From London
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  • 2049v
    I've never been afraid of the reality of death throughout my life, but now I love the idea of it. I'm grateful that death exists.
    Juliane
    Oh yes, imagine living forever with all this crap
    2049v
    @Juliane, that's what makes me wanna die sooner :D

    As I said I would prefer to be dead instead of living everday with this torture and I don't fear death, I don't see it as something bad. I want all of my family and friends to know that my suffering will end when I die.
    2049v
    Thank you, life, for taking my hearing away from me at the age of 26.
    View previous comments…
    L along the way
    I often hear that gratitude is a good attitude, but im thinking to myself too.. gratitude when there's things to be grateful for. I'm grateful for some things in my life, but not for misfortunes. Of course i read your sarcasm, but i feel you.. i would be grateful for a healthy life
    2049v
    @L along the way, I wouldn't wish anyone in the world to go through what I've experienced. Even the worst criminals can be sentenced to death, and death is a release in itself. However, no one with any sense of human dignity should ever have to endure what I am going through.
    L along the way
    @2049v i feel you, it felt like a cruel joke how life can be this way.. what's there to say.. myself am just going day by day, trying to take away other stressors, resting a lot, trying to be mentally kind to yourself, and trying to let go.. i hope a better day can come, a new day.. when we will feel reborn
    2049v
    1/3 For the record, I want to say that I have never experienced any psychological or mental health issues in my life, and I have never used
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @AfroSnowman, I didn't know that experiencing hell on earth was possible until I developed these damn inner ear problems. As if living with this difficulty isn't enough, not being able to prove this disability only adds to the misery. None of us deserve this. Even the most heinous criminals in the world are not punished like this.
    Juliane
    @2049v I am so sorry you are going through this. You are right to not accept any medication for anxiety. I have loved ones who try to push meds on me as well. I have refused so far. These meds are super dangerous. Please do your best to stay off them.
    2049v
    @Juliane, Yes, especially after seeing the issues caused by the withdrawal of benzos, I realized this. No, thank you, I'd rather not. Unfortunately, we have been struck by a cursed condition, one that leaves medicine helpless in its darkest corners. To make this more bearable, I just live day by day, without thinking or worrying about tomorrow. Otherwise, it's impossible to keep my sanity.
    2049v
    My biggest wish in life is to die painlessly asap. I have already suffered a lot due to this BS and I don't want to suffer anymore.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @L along the way, if only I knew there was avaliable treatment for my hearing, I could have waited. Not only I'm suffering from hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis but also having to explain this shit to family, friends and my gf is another torture. Noone understands these problems, even doctors. I don't give a f.. dude. I wish there was a button that I could use to disappear forever.
    L along the way
    @2049v It sounds like a harsh situation. I wish life would be enjoyable. Suffering is the problem of life is how i see it. I hope things may ease out with time
    2049v
    @L along the way, the worst part is that even though I sought early treatments and informed the doctors, they didn't provide them. In fact, two hearing tests said my hearing was "perfect," but it's actually terrible. I have cochlear synaptopathy. Although the audiogram shows little loss, I hear things blurred, and my hearing has completely changed. I was such a happy guy before this torture started.
    Juliane
    Hey fellow sufferer! I like your profile pic
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @Juliane Like it for the vibe and the soundtrack. I used to listen to this song a lot. Now it doesn't sound the same anymore. Woke up one day in hell, suffering since then. My hearing is terrible unfortunately.
    Verify_Checked
    Like it as well!
    L along the way
    Talking about movies, i've watched Ben Hur (original one, from 1959) recently. Really good! Also seven samurai i found really good.
    2049v
    I don't know which is the worst. Hearing loss, hyperacusis, or tinnitus, but when they all come together, I just wish I had never existed.
    MatthewR
    They're terrible. I have acute acoustic trauma about 9 months ago. I have seen improvement. I hope we can continue to heal until back to normal
    2049v
    @MatthewR ofc, that's what I want as well, but we know that it's not possible for damaged hearing to recover. In this case, maybe hyperacusis and tinnitus could improve, but the hearing loss is the most distressing part. Every passing day I'm losing it more. It's not like I'm in panic or smth. I genuinely want to die/vanish every day.
    2049v
    Once again I'm at the point where I can't stand even a second without masking sounds.Thank you, life, for deeming me worthy of this.
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