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“Tinnitus Truths”
- Thread starter Jazzer
- Start date
Member
But do we take just take his word for it ladies,I just knew you were drop dead handsome!
I mean - he's never braved a photo yet - has he?
I suppose we can accept if, on the principle that
"Handsome is - as handsome does."
(ancient proverb).
I never stop trying Ems.
Sometimes I feel that my life stretches before me as a series of 24 hour survival courses.
Wow, if you want to cut back on caffeine, this could be a great substitute for a cup of coffee in the AM! -TC
I don't share much about my personal life as I'm a private person but my partner said something last night that really hit me hard. We were having our dinner and talking about these two bloody birds that seem to be the loudest birds ever, always shouting at each other like a old married couple, anyway it made me laugh and then they turned around and said they "miss my smile"
I said I always smile (which I do) but they said "no the smile you do with your eyes" they don't light up anymore when you smile and they said I'm so sorry I can't bring that back for you.
Now my partner has been a rock, I have put them through hell with my moods, crying, panic attacks and if I'm honest I don't know if I would of made it this far if wasn't for them and my doggo. I didn't know what to say and it hit me hard, I cried, a lot when they went to bed because I don't want them to feel like that, I've told them how much they have saved my life and how this has brought us even closer together. It's been on my mind since so I thought I would share it.
One of my biggest worries is pushing them away, breaking them with the pressure I put on them if that makes sense. I feel like I'm holding them back, I barley do anything social with them anymore (we were extremely social before this, always out and about) anyway I'm just woffling now
I said I always smile (which I do) but they said "no the smile you do with your eyes" they don't light up anymore when you smile and they said I'm so sorry I can't bring that back for you.
Now my partner has been a rock, I have put them through hell with my moods, crying, panic attacks and if I'm honest I don't know if I would of made it this far if wasn't for them and my doggo. I didn't know what to say and it hit me hard, I cried, a lot when they went to bed because I don't want them to feel like that, I've told them how much they have saved my life and how this has brought us even closer together. It's been on my mind since so I thought I would share it.
One of my biggest worries is pushing them away, breaking them with the pressure I put on them if that makes sense. I feel like I'm holding them back, I barley do anything social with them anymore (we were extremely social before this, always out and about) anyway I'm just woffling now
You're good for me Ems,
I've told you before......xx
Dear sweet Jcb.
Thank you for your incredible honesty.
I know exactly where you are.
There really is nothing to compare with this.
It is quite simply endless and hateful.
I wake each morning to noise - as I am sure that you do - and with the realisation that it will last all day.
My own partner is the most impressive person I have ever met in my life.
An absolute gem - an angel.
She is so understanding, and yet of course she cannot actually 'know' what I have to cope with.
We alone know the truth.
Others have no real idea of what it is like.
But I do know that if the roles were reversed my lovely Sylvie would cope, she would be able to keep going, and somehow live for me, in just the same way that I want to keep going, and live for her.
Having just a handful of true friends on here truly warms my heart, and keeps me human, even in the face of such inhuman suffering.
Strangely enough, there are times when I am in company, that I probably come across as the most cheerful of them all; but even then, I am aware that underneath that cheerfulness, which I can truly experience, there is a residual underlying sadness.
We are all truly heroes my friend, unsung perhaps, but truly so.
I love you buddy, and I appreciate your presence on here,
Dave x
Jazzer
It just hit me hard for reason, made me feel extremely guilty and selfish even though that wasn't their intention at all and funny enough it's not the first time I've heard it, a few of my best friends have said the same, the cheeky glint in my eye has gone and here's me thinking I'm fooling everybody haha well I can fool strangers but I guess it harder to fool your loved ones eh.
You are lucky to have her Dave and she to have you, you seem to balance each other out from the stories I've heard from you and that's a truly great thing.
I'm ok though, we all have bad days and if I look back to the way I was when I first got this I'm better but worse in other ways haha so strange.
Just taking each day as it comes tbh.
I'm grateful for having you on here as well, helps a lot buddy. I've said it a lot but this site is like a double edged sword at times, so helpful with loads of lovely people on and it can also mess with you if that makes sense.
How beautifully applicable to so many things, indeed. We all try, but it is so hard, this is the truth. A truly lovely song, thank-you for posting this, GlennS.
I think we could all use a little pixie dust.
The ladies love the Jazzman,
Without a doubt
The man has skills,
Still pulling at 76
Love you too big brother
Without a doubt
The man has skills,
Still pulling at 76
Love you too big brother
The first two years with tinnitus, I was overwhelmed by anxiety. Non-stop, 24/7 anxiety. Nevertheless, I pushed through every minute of the day and tried to live as much as possible as before. I had bad thoughts and my wife was suffering with me. But I really tried hard to spend time with her and my kids, even if I am suffering.
You don't have to socialize as before. Don't compare your life now with before. But try to not suffer non-stop. Go into cinema, do walks with your partner, cook together, do gardening together, whatever. Do something that he feels having a normal life. You can do everything with tinnitus and everything is better than sitting at home. Another example is that I am no longer flying. It is more because of anxiety and stress than tinnitus. Hence, we do short trips by car and visit cities here in Europe for 3-4 days. That is great and my wife is happy with this.
BTW, I also went out with headphones masking my tinnitus. No one was caring about this after a while. Oftentimes, I even could not sit still more than 15 minutes when we were for dinner or lunch. Masking helped me to no listen to tinnitus.
Take confidence in the fact that in the future, you can do more and more. Fight for your partnership and go through this together. It will get better, but push yourself every day. Your partner will recognize this.
BTW, regarding anxiety, I started Lexapro and it helped me somehow to reduce my anxiety.
- May 9, 2017
- 929
- Tinnitus Since
- 2013
- Cause of Tinnitus
- Noise-induced
That's not true for everyone with tinnitus (and hyperacusis). "As many as 2 million people [in the U.S. alone] can't work or carry out other daily activities because of the tinnitus itself, or the psychological distress it causes them." source
First of all congratulations on regaining some aspects of your former life.
However - the almost universal mistake that people with Tinnitus make is that their Tinnitus must be identical to everybody else's - that their residual noise is the same as that of other sufferers.
NOTHING could be further from the truth!
I was first call jazz trombonist for five different bands, with a great life and a good income.
On the day that I woke up in hell, I knew within one minute that it was all gone.
In the space of one hour I made five phone calls to five bandleaders, and collapsed a lovely career that was also my passion.
Your sentence as quoted above betrays a lack of understanding.
Tinnitus is different for all of us.
Autumnly - as usual - has it right.
Best wishes
Dave x
Jazzer
- Oct 17, 2017
- 642
- Tinnitus Since
- 2005
- Cause of Tinnitus
- unknown - possibly hereditary
@Martin69's thoughts I think apply to the majority of ringing ears, but you and Autumnly are right...!
There's a variant of tinnitus, UNREMITTING SEVERE tinnitus, that NEVER allows you to function.
Hi Ann
On several levels I still manage to function, with family, with some social events, in general life.
But career wise I could never risk further damage of course.
Hope you are doing okay Ann.
I always enjoy your interjections, even the feisty ones.
I like a bit of feist!
Dave x
Hi, Autumnly.
While this is true, I am sure that Martin69 was not trying to undermine the fact. He was genuinely offering support to another member. We all need support and compassion, each one of us, regardless of how severe our tinnitus is.
Thank you for the nice and encouraging words mate, much appreciated. I'm not a big fan of medication myself, I've been meditating and doing breathing exercises which seem to help me some in regards to the anxiety.
I have good and bad days myself, anxiety isn't as bad as it was but it still comes on out of nowhere. It's hard to forget what my life was like before this, I suppose you could say I'm in mourning for what was. I'm a fighter so I'll get through this, my life needs adjusting in terms of me being more social but I'm working on that and won't rush it.
Thanks again Martin
@Autumnly @Jazzer @annV @emmalee guys and gals Martin was just offering his perspective on living with his own Tinnitus and how he gets through it, offering me some tips, it was a kind thing to do.
We know our tinnitus is unique to us and only us truly know how that affects us, I know severe T is mostly brushed under the rug in terms of exposure (TRT and all that bolloxs takes centre stage) we need balance as in positive posts as well as the ones that show people suffering. I'm sure Martin wasn't trying to undermine anybody's suffering just how he has handled it. I'm not sure he showed a lack of understanding as he was coming from his own perspective, he wasn't condescending, preachy just trying to show support which we all need.
Balance and understanding is what we need, to be here for each other and in some cases call out peoples BS, in this case, in my own very very very very very humble, like the most humble opinion of all, I don't think he was chatting BS.
We know our tinnitus is unique to us and only us truly know how that affects us, I know severe T is mostly brushed under the rug in terms of exposure (TRT and all that bolloxs takes centre stage) we need balance as in positive posts as well as the ones that show people suffering. I'm sure Martin wasn't trying to undermine anybody's suffering just how he has handled it. I'm not sure he showed a lack of understanding as he was coming from his own perspective, he wasn't condescending, preachy just trying to show support which we all need.
Balance and understanding is what we need, to be here for each other and in some cases call out peoples BS, in this case, in my own very very very very very humble, like the most humble opinion of all, I don't think he was chatting BS.
This requires an answer Emmalee.
I will endeavour to explain to you very carefully.
I designed this site as a benign corner of the Tinnitus world, and I believe it is.
@Martin69 is clearly a very nice, caring, sensitive guy. You can easily tell that by the way he writes.
(QUOTE)
"In the future you can do more and more."
My own experience is that my high profile life as a professional jazz musician has now been ripped away from me.
I can now do 'LESS AND LESS.'
When members mistake their own grade of Tinnitus for everybody else's, and make well intentioned comments, which are simply wrong, the dilemma it causes the most severe sufferers is considerable.
My point is - such generalisations can cause real pain.
I do not blame you for your gentle rebuke, but in the case of myself and Autumnly it is unjustified, in my opinion.
If you are listening in @Martin69 ,
I meant absolutely no offence my friend.
Dave x
Jazzer
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