“Tinnitus Truths”

[Jazzer]

 

[emmalee]

I do not blame you for your gentle rebuke, but in the case of myself and Autumnly it is unjustified, in my opinion.

Then we agree to disagree, Dave.

 

[emmalee]

@Autumnly @Jazzer @annV @emmalee guys and gals Martin was just offering his perspective on living with his own Tinnitus and how he gets through it, offering me some tips, it was a kind thing to do.

We know our tinnitus is unique to us and only us truly know how that affects us, I know severe T is mostly brushed under the rug in terms of exposure (TRT and all that bolloxs takes centre stage) we need balance as in positive posts as well as the ones that show people suffering. I'm sure Martin wasn't trying to undermine anybody's suffering just how he has handled it. I'm not sure he showed a lack of understanding as he was coming from his own perspective, he wasn't condescending, preachy just trying to show support which we all need.

Balance and understanding is what we need, to be here for each other and in some cases call out peoples BS, in this case, in my own very very very very very humble, like the most humble opinion of all, I don't think he was chatting BS.

Thanks for this reply, Jcb.

 

[emmalee]

~ never look down on someone unless you are helping them up ~

 

[Jazzer]

~ never look down on someone unless you are helping them up ~

Okay.

I never look down on people.
Ever!
———
That comment is unworthy of you.
If that is your interpretation of my comments then that is pretty sad.
———-
I was attempting to explain a point of fact.
I am only responsible for the content of what I say.
I am not responsible for your interpretation of it.
————-
However, I have been misunderstood before,
and I will survive.

 

[emmalee]

Okay.

I never look down on people.
Ever!
———
That comment is unworthy of you.
If that is your interpretation of my comments then that is pretty sad.
———-
I was attempting to explain a point of fact.
I am only responsible for the content of what I say.
I am not responsible for your interpretation of it.
————-
However, I have been misunderstood before,
and I will survive.

Oh no, Dave I am so sorry. This was in no way intended or directed toward you, not at all.

I considered the matter closed, we all disagree at some point. I just happen to love this quote, we should all help each other.....

I will take my leave from this thread. So, so sorry.

emma

 

[Jcb]

@Jazzer come on now buddy, you've seen enough of Emma's posts to know she wouldn't be shady like that, especially to you.

There's a few people on here that would leave a post like that and mean it in a shady way, Emma is not one of them. There's been a misunderstanding mate, don't be falling out over this. I do think you owe her an apology, that reply was a bit cutting.

@emmalee you are not going anywhere, it's a bit of a misunderstanding, you two help me a lot, I'm not having you two fall out over this.

 

[Jazzer]

@emmalee, @Jcb,

Listen you two lovely people - I've been wanting to get to my phone all evening.
I knew you would be concerned about my being upset.

My brother and his wife called in to see me and I could not get to my phone to reassure you.
I am not upset.
I always try very hard to explain myself.
Maybe I don't do it very well, but I try.

Nearly all arguments right across this website relate to well intentioned sufferers advising very severe sufferers that things will get better.
When somebody has lost an entire way of life that simply is not true.
That was my point.
Telling it like it is comes from my own integrity which demands that I am consistent, and tell the truth as I understand it.
It is never my intention to hurt anybody.
To me this has been a storm in a tea cup.

On Saturday Sylvie and I drove a 550 mile round trip from London, through France, Belgium, and up into Holland to see her brother for the last time.
We had to get there and back in one day.
We made it.
This lovely man died at 1:15pm this afternoon.
This has not been a great day folks.
However, just like having wretched severe Tinnitus, we have to pick ourselves up, and keep going.
Tomorrow will be another day - albeit, noisy.
I love you both,
but you know that,

Dave x

 

[Jazzer]

 

[Jazzer]

Kids are the greatest.....xx

 

[Daniel Lion]

Kids are the greatest...

I miss teaching first grade... I had a class full of cuties everyday... what fun.

Tinnitus put an end to that amongst other things that I will discuss at another time.
My condolences, sincerely, for you Dave Jazzer and your missus...life.

My youngest, Lijah... he's a handful. His teacher said he doesn't talk... when I picked him up from school... he said... "daddy, have you seen my tryceratops"

Kids are great, adults... well... they're ok too.

Glad you're back, and wishing everyone well.

It's 40 degrees Celsius here and the beginning of the Lao new year.

Happy new year everyone, have a peaceful weekend, it helps me when you guys are ok...

So peace and love
Most sincerely
Daniel

 

[Jcb]

@emmalee, @Jcb,

Listen you two lovely people - I've been wanting to get to my phone all evening.
I knew you would be concerned about my being upset.

My brother and his wife called in to see me and I could not get to my phone to reassure you.
I am not upset.
I always try very hard to explain myself.
Maybe I don't do it very well, but I try.

Nearly all arguments right across this website relate to well intentioned sufferers advising very severe sufferers that things will get better.
When somebody has lost an entire way of life that simply is not true.
That was my point.
Telling it like it is comes from my own integrity which demands that I am consistent, and tell the truth as I understand it.
It is never my intention to hurt anybody.
To me this has been a storm in a tea cup.

On Saturday Sylvie and I drove a 550 mile round trip from London, through France, Belgium, and up into Holland to see her brother for the last time.
We had to get there and back in one day.
We made it.
This lovely man died at 1:15pm this afternoon.
This has not been a great day folks.
However, just like having wretched severe Tinnitus, we have to pick ourselves up, and keep going.
Tomorrow will be another day - albeit, noisy.
I love you both,
but you know that,

Dave x

Sorry for your loss mate. At least you and Sylvie got to see him one more time.

This is the last I'm going to say on this mate, I understand what you are saying, and agree to a certain point but some severe sufferers can get through this as well (maybe not as many and mild/moderate sufferers but still) I see now harm in anybody trying to help others, or give tips on how they deal with their noise.

It's got nothing to do with being well intentioned, they have a right to tell their story, their "success" without getting told they are wrong or "they mustn't have severe tinnitus" as I've said T is unique to that person and I'm not going tell anybody that they don't have "severe T" if they can cope and have somewhat of a normal life, which unfortunately people get told a lot in here.

Now when they get preachy and put everybody in the same basket, then I will disagree, because that is simply not true and I'm well aware what this can do to a persons life, mind, body and soul and some people simply can't deal with the constant noise and pain and it's completely heartbreaking.

We all disagree man, I respect you and we will have to agree to disagree on this.

 

[Jazzer]

@Jcb
——————————
"It Will Get Better."
——————————
"Well it won't get better."
—————————-

Yes everybody has every right to state their opinions.
Equally, everybody has every right to defend their opinions.
You must forgive me for erring on the side of reality, and for not being prepared to accept fairy stories, because, of all people,

"I know different."

QED.

 

[Jazzer]

Thank you for your support @Autumnly,
my dear mate Bam would have understood.
Like me, he spoke of the realities, could not abide well-meaning fairy stories, and steered well clear of platitudes.

 

[annV]

my dear mate Bam would have understood.
Like me, he spoke of the realities, could not abide well-meaning fairy stories, and steered well clear of platitudes.

Not wanting to speak ill of anyone but the Bam guy totally made people feel like a piece of shit if they didn't have bad enough tinnitus to be suicidal. He was a wacko that wanted others to be miserable just because he was.

 

[Jcb]

@Jcb
——————————
"It Will Get Better."
——————————
"Well it won't get better."
—————————-

Yes everybody has every right to state their opinions.
Equally, everybody has every right to defend their opinions.
You must forgive me for erring on the side of reality, and for not being prepared to accept fairy stories, because, of all people,

"I know different."

QED.

What fairy story? The fact he's doing ok, that him and other people are living their life, that's a fact not fiction.

I know you've lost a lot buddy but I thought you were doing ok now? Is that not a fact or is that a "fairy" story?

Anyway mate, you are missing my point so I'm done with this convo, going to put my energy into something positive not these fruitless "debates" that seem to go on and on with no resolution.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Not wanting to speak ill of anyone but the Bam guy totally made people feel like a piece of shit if they didn't have bad enough tinnitus to be suicidal. He was a wacko that wanted others to be miserable just because he was.

Sorry, I miss the guy and couldn't disagree more. I am worried about him. I am a card carrying wacko myself, and proud of it.

2... everybody stop bickering... back to poetry, art, and love. Enough banter please... back to soul inspiring nourishment please...

Thanks... that's your cue Jazzer, follow up with a sweet rift.

 

[Jazzer]

Great - two more comments that I reject.
I'm off.......x

 

[Jazzer]

Sorry, I miss the guy and couldn't disagree more. I am worried about him. I am a card carrying wacko myself, and proud of it.

2... everybody stop bickering... back to poetry, art, and love. Enough banter please... back to soul inspiring nourishment please...

Thanks... that's your cue Jazzer, follow up with a sweet rift.

Agreed DL.

 

[Jazzer]

 

[Jazzer]

Oh dear - what a sad day.
Martin69 got criticised for not being aware that for the severest sufferers, improvement rarely, if ever, happens.
I got criticised for pointing out this fact about severity.
Bam got criticised for making lesser sufferers feel like pieces of shit, criticised for being 'suicidal!' and wanting others to feel the same way.

I hope everybody here takes responsibility for their share of the action.
I know that I do.

However, I will return to posting my usual collection of miscellany, essentially to amuse myself, in as much as members may choose to visit, or may choose to stay away.
As well as being a musician all my life, for 50 years I was also a retailer.

Customers vote with their feet.
We will just have to wait and see.
I am still the same person I was three days ago, still have just the one head - monsters may have multiples of course, and do not harbour animosity.
See you around folks.
Dave x
Jazzer

 

[emmalee]

This place was designed to be a friendly part of the world.
Just look around - we've got all the best people on here - a small but select bunch.
Anybody who is anybody eventually gravitates here.
We tend to show messages of encouragement, mottos, homespun philosophy, cartoons, photos, artwork, poetry, etc....

It's all pretty benign, and we discourage arguments on here.

Dave, it was this post that made me feel as if we could come here and not have to be subjected to comments about who is worse off, the severe sufferers or the not severe enough sufferers. The fact is we all suffer Dave, no one person really knows to what extent another suffers. There is no contest, we all lose. Isn't the fact that we have to deal with tinnitus at all enough?

Why can't a member come to this one and only particular thread, leave a message of hope and encouragement, and not be criticized for failing to point out that there are those who suffer to a greater extent?

Can we not have one thread where kindness, respect and acceptance are encouraged? You asked for these very things in the above quote.

I am very sorry that I angered you in such a way that you felt you needed to put me in my place. You say it is okay for @Autumnly and yourself to speak your minds, yet others are not offered the same respect.

I do apologize for my role in all of this, and I truly am sorry for upsetting you so much. I never thought that the two of us would come to such a sad place.

emma

 

[Jcb]

Dave, it was this post that made me feel as if we could come here and not have to be subjected to comments about who is worse off, the severe sufferers or the not severe enough sufferers. The fact is we all suffer Dave, no one person really knows to what extent another suffers. There is no contest, we all lose. Isn't the fact that we have to deal with tinnitus at all enough?

Why can't a member come to this one and only particular thread, leave a message of hope and encouragement, and not be criticized for failing to point out that there are those who suffer to a greater extent?

Can we not have one thread where kindness, respect and acceptance are encouraged? You asked for these very things in the above quote.

I am very sorry that I angered you in such a way that you felt you needed to put me in my place. You say it is okay for @Autumnly and yourself to speak your minds, yet others are not offered the same respect.

I do apologize for my role in all of this, and I truly am sorry for upsetting you so much. I never thought that the two of us would come to such a sad place.

emma

Thank you for putting into words what I want to say but struggle to so many times

 

[Jazzer]

Dave, it was this post that made me feel as if we could come here and not have to be subjected to comments about who is worse off, the severe sufferers or the not severe enough sufferers. The fact is we all suffer Dave, no one person really knows to what extent another suffers. There is no contest, we all lose. Isn't the fact that we have to deal with tinnitus at all enough?

Why can't a member come to this one and only particular thread, leave a message of hope and encouragement, and not be criticized for failing to point out that there are those who suffer to a greater extent?

Can we not have one thread where kindness, respect and acceptance are encouraged? You asked for these very things in the above quote.

I am very sorry that I angered you in such a way that you felt you needed to put me in my place. You say it is okay for @Autumnly and yourself to speak your minds, yet others are not offered the same respect.

I do apologize for my role in all of this, and I truly am sorry for upsetting you so much. I never thought that the two of us would come to such a sad place.

emma

First of all Emma - thank you for coming back.
I thought you probably would, but I didn't take it for granted.
I have come to believe that it is virtually impossible to make any statement with the confidence that the logic of it is fully understood by the reader.
I made some initial statements which to me were crystal clear of course, but which were interpreted as something completely other than what I intended.
Well, maybe that is just the way things are.

Another thing that I have learnt today is that, in attempting to explain a statement more fully, or more clearly, you are most unlikely to be understood any better at all.
There comes a stage when the whole sorry mess is best left where it is.

One member on here insisted that I was not understanding his point at all.
I wanted to say exactly the same thing.

At the end of the day I feel we have to go on past history.
Do I know you to be a fair and kind person.
Well of course I do.
Do I believe Jcb to be a fair and kind person.
Well of course he is.
Do you feel that I am a fair and kind person?
I can't answer that for you, but I imagine so.

When something disturbing happens currently, and there is an impasse - an immature person says:
'Right - I'm done with him!'
A mature person says:
'I don't like this - but I actually know him better than that.'

I didn't mean to create a psychological thesis, but I know of no other way to tackle this.

Yes - I am sorry about it also Emma, truly sorry.
Hopefully now we can all breath more easily.
Best wishes

Dave x
Jazzer

 

[GlennS]

Not wanting to speak ill of anyone but the Bam guy totally made people feel like a piece of shit if they didn't have bad enough tinnitus to be suicidal. He was a wacko that wanted others to be miserable just because he was.

Was? Does that mean he got banned or something?

 

[Jazzer]

Was? Does that mean he got banned or something?

Perhaps he has decided to stay away.
In any event, he is a very intelligent, talented, charming guy, who suffers severely.
He is my dear friend.

 

[Jazzer]

'Kids are a bit like pussycats,
you just gotta love 'em....xxx

 

[OnceUponaTime]

 

[Martin69]

That's not true for everyone with tinnitus (and hyperacusis). "As many as 2 million people [in the U.S. alone] can't work or carry out other daily activities because of the tinnitus itself, or the psychological distress it causes them." source

Yes, I fully agree. Perhaps my sentence was not 100% correct. Of course with hyperacusis, you are very limited to many things.
With tinnitus, it is also different for everyone.

@annV I rate my tinnitus as very severe. 3-5 different high-pitched loud sounds in head and ears which cannot be covered by anything (can clearly hear them in the shower). Non-stop, never a break. The first months I had big problems to even do groceries. I had so much anxiety and my head was buzzing like crazy. It still is, but I sometimes have lower tinnitus days and they keep me going. I also need to admit that luckily I can work from home. Going into a company being around people all the time and keeping me under control would be a challenge.

What I meant with "You can do (nearly) everything with tinnitus" is that my tinnitus is not affected by anything (at least not for me). Of course I am cautious when going to loud places. But my tinnitus was not an accident with volume, but came from stress and an anxiety event. I do buy the theory that it is overactive neurons, but who really knows? I can go to all places I want, restaurants, cinema (with ear protection), sports etc. Of course I need to push myself sometimes because of all this tinnitus shit we have to deal with. But I always push myself. @Jcb

@Jazzer @Autumnly @annV
I am very sorry if I wrote anything that would cause frustration or pain on your side.
Absolutely not my intention. We are all together in this nightmare and hope for better days.
Just wanted to encourage people to try living as normal as possible and to stay on the road. If you lose your partner or family because of tinnitus, depression, anxiety, chronic pain, whatever, try to give everything that this does not happen.

One day, we hopefully see a cure.

 

[Jazzer]

@Martin69
First of all thank you for coming back.
I hoped you would.
Yes - everybody with this thing- 'hurts' - but it must be said, to different extents.
We all lose our silence, but some lose very much more:
their equilibrium,
their health,
their mental health,
their partners and family,
their profession,
even their lives.

If I am guilty of anything, I am guilty of being aware of the possible effect that a post may trigger in the most vulnerable of us - those that have lost almost everything.
It is called 'caring.'

"Caring."

Some on this thread probably thought that my response was uncaring.
Well it was quite the reverse.
For this reason I can hold my head high, and refuse to fall on my sword.
Obviously, I can understand myself perfectly.

However, being misunderstood is one of the dubious pleasures of being a 'human bean.'
It comes with the territory, as people say.
It happens to every single one of us.
We are all misunderstood time and time again.

To everybody on this thread, I hope I have explained myself a little better.
I feel slightly bruised, but I have no animosity.
Thank you again for coming back Martin;
your post gave me one more opportunity to try to explain things once again.
Now I will draw one of these:
———————————————
under it.

Dave x
Jazzer