Has anyone here been in a relationship with a narcissist? Can they change I wonder?
A narcissist needs constant affirmation that they are in control. When a relationship runs well, when everything is bliss, that's when narcissists begin to fear the control they established is gone.
They create drama to see your emotional reaction, serving as fuel and confirmation that they still hold power over you. There's no easier and effective way to test your feelings but by simply vanishing. There's no fight. There's no discussion. You blink and they are gone.
And before you know it, you find yourself down a rabbit hole trying to get a hole of the person you love, to no avail.
While it is true that narcissists like to use their disappearing acts to punish you, there doesn't have to be a conflict. As I explained, they do this even when everything is going well. If, however, there has been a conflict, if you have tried to set boundaries, or stood up for yourself, then the narcissist will use the silent treatment and stonewall technique to get you to submit and drop the boundaries and needs you wanted to enforce as soon as possible. It's an atrocious, but successful tactic. The partner finds themselves in a position where they miss the narcissist so much that they willingly give up their demands to avoid a break-up. In the meantime, the narcissist enjoys the fuel the partner gives them by trying to get a hold of them.