Don't See the Point Anymore to Staying

[Blackbird26]

I'm dead, this is hell. I'll hit the reset button.

I tried therapy which is ongoing. I tried supplements. I tried trials but going to prob get kicked out now. I'm dead. This life wants me dead. I got denied short term disability leave o er this at work.

I'm dead. It's time to check out and catch the bus now.

Damnit man. ER NOW! They CAN NOT TURN YOU AWAY IF YOU SAY IM GONNA F**KING KILL MYSELF!!!!!!! I know PLENTY of Americans on Xanax. Too much in fact it's a sh*t drug. Klonopin is your friend.Sorry for swearing admins..bad day and I hate to see this over and over when I KNOW he could be helped! Now GO. Now. Please....and look it, I'm on the edge myself today. Keep talking myself out of it. I get it. Try. I am. You can too.

 

[Blackbird26]

It's both. I'm saying the tinnitus was already there. If the hearing loss didn't happen it wouldn't be louder at this point.

It confusimg because I'm not explaining myself well. If I didn't have the hearing loss, I wouldn't have the t I have today. Aka, I would have what I had before which didn't bother me.

Nevermind your ears for 5 whole mins. ER NOW. You say there is no hope. How do you know? Have you tried EVERYTHING? ?? No. You haven't.

 

[InfiniteLoop]

@jdjd09

You are stuck between the lost past (depression) and the uncertain future (anxiety). The first few T months can be horrible, and I ended up myself twice at the ER for similar state of mind that you are describing. It takes time to overcome the onset of severe T, and it takes even more time to habituate. Two years later, I am doing fine. My T is screaming right now, but it brings no negative feelings. I never thought I could reach this point in the desperation of the first few months. Life is far from perfect, but it is totally worth it. Suicide is a fake exit.
Most likely you are going to need a temporary prescription of AD and Klonopin to help stabilizing your extreme state, and then you will be able to find your way. My T is a reminder how fragile and precious life is, it is my mantra for meditation, and it reminds me that I am alive much louder than my heartbeat does. It has become another part of me whether I like or not.

 

[amandine]

I know this is terribly hard to live with cos I am trying to live with it myself. But I get to thinking - how did the victims of the concentration camps during the second world war cope with it all....surely their suffering was unbearable....just imagine.....and it went on for many for years....young children coped living in that madness whilst they watched their families being slaughtered in the most unthinkable way....just imagine how they some of them survived. It is called hope and the indomitable human spirit. Time to look for hope and believe that there will be better times once you have climbed out of the ditch....you need help to climb out and people are trying to offer you that help....different routes for different people....I am trying stuff myself and not going onto this forum so much is one way I am trying to help myself...no disrespect to this forum but too much time spent here is I think or can be counter productive to move forward with T......

 

[jdjd09]

Nevermind your ears for 5 whole mins. ER NOW. You say there is no hope. How do you know? Have you tried EVERYTHING? ?? No. You haven't.

I was set on going to er today, after missing work again. Im trying something new I didn't try before which was the SSRI they gave me past time i went. I will try this now see if it helps. I held off from it, ut its mirtazipane. If I'm not better in next couple days I'll probably be checking myself in. Has anyone been to psych ward? Will they even help me?

@Blackbird26 , may I ask what you put up with that would make someone who is deaf in both ears with tinnitus feel bad for you? Why does he feel your situation is worse than his? Not doubting if just curious.

Also sorry your feeling bad. Are you in the USA too?

I'm trying what I can. If it doesn't work I'll check in to see if I can get a benzo. I need a benzo and clonazipan may help.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09

You are stuck between the lost past (depression) and the uncertain future (anxiety). The first few T months can be horrible, and I ended up myself twice at the ER for similar state of mind that you are describing. It takes time to overcome the onset of severe T, and it takes even more time to habituate. Two years later, I am doing fine. My T is screaming right now, but it brings no negative feelings. I never thought I could reach this point in the desperation of the first few months. Life is far from perfect, but it is totally worth it. Suicide is a fake exit.
Most likely you are going to need a temporary prescription of AD and Klonopin to help stabilizing your extreme state, and then you will be able to find your way. My T is a reminder how fragile and precious life is, it is my mantra for meditation, and it reminds me that I am alive much louder than my heartbeat does. It has become another part of me whether I like or not.

Do you have hearing loss with it? Can you hear your t over everything?

Can I ask why you think this life is worth living if one of your senses if broken if you get hearing loss and t?

 

[jdjd09]

At the risk of sounding woo-woo, I met a psychic years ago with an incredible ability to predict things. Because of where I was emotionally at that stage of my life, 27 years old in fact, and barely recovering from a series of devastating personal traumas, he and I discussed suicide.

What he told me is that when you commit suicide, you come back right where you left off because you haven't resolved the issue. Most Christians don't believe in reincarnation, they believe if you commit suicide it's likely you'll go to hell.

The way I see it, you have 4 possible outcomes:
1. You die and nothing happens afterwards. You and your soul are extinguished forever, with no legacy;
2. You die and go to hell forever as punishment for taking your life. I imagine there's tortuous pain in hell;
3. You die, you reincarnate, and you have physical issues that are as bad, or worse, than what you're dealing with now;
4. You die, you reincarnate, and whatever kind of life you have will have nothing to do with this life.

I am no stranger to the issue of suicide. A very nice woman I know recently committed suicide at the end of a long battle with extremely painful ovarian cancer. For a 27-year-old, though, it's a bad choice, especially with all the research going on now to help veterans coming back from war with hearing loss and tinnitus.

I'm interested in knowing all the things you have done to help yourself get through this. Other than am-101, which you somehow managed to sabotage by not going, what else have you done? Balance exercises? Audio notch therapy? Supplements for calming the CNS? Counseling? TRT? CBT? Brain games to stimulate your prefrontal cortex to redirect your reaction away from the limbic system? Meditation?

It's hard work to adjust to physical impairments of any kind. No one can do this for you. What effort have you actually expended to help yourself?

Well if death can lead to nothing, then null equal s no pain. However, even though this is not perfect logic, if one came out of nothing (waking up without ever going to sleep) in this life, it would seem likely it could occur again after going to sleep and never waking up. After all, this life somehow appeared.

I question a hell existing for punishment. If anything this world is hell. Here's hell. Why couldn't this be hell? Suffering is all around.

Then were left with if something comes next, then what? Well, who knows. But could be likely a new life happens. But reincarnation doesn't seem unlikely. In fact, the university of Virginia has a whole department that studies it and it's associated with the medical school there somewhat.

So, yeah, hitting the reset button doesn't seem the worst idea. Not saying I will now. I'm trying new med. But...who knows. Maybe down the line. I'll go to the psych ward before taking that last step though. If for no other reason to just experience it once before I go. It seems like it could be an interesting place to hang out anyways once in ones life.

 

[InfiniteLoop]

@jdjd09

My hearing loss is above 8KHz in my left ear. I can hear my T above everything but the shower. My T is very fluctuating in loudness, tempo and sound. It is especially reactive to road noise, and my commute to work is 40min each way.
I had the same dark thoughts that you have, and obviously they were leading me nowhere. Even with severe T, I can do most of what I used to do. There are some exceptions: I do not go out as much, I avoid noisy restaurants, and loud venues. I can not enjoy quiet music. My focus at work is still not as good. I am improving slowly, it took me two years to get here. I will say that my life is back at 75%, and that is worth living to me. The key turnaround in my case was eliminating the negative emotional meaning to the noise, basically I don't think about anything particular when I hear the T, I do not feel it anymore.

 

[jdjd09]

@jdjd09

My hearing loss is above 8KHz in my left ear. I can hear my T above everything but the shower. My T is very fluctuating in loudness, tempo and sound. It is especially reactive to road noise, and my commute to work is 40min each way.
I had the same dark thoughts that you have, and obviously they were leading me nowhere. Even with severe T, I can do most of what I used to do. There are some exceptions: I do not go out as much, I avoid noisy restaurants, and loud venues. I can not enjoy quiet music. My focus at work is still not as good. I am improving slowly, it took me two years to get here. I will say that my life is back at 75%, and that is worth living to me. The key turnaround in my case was eliminating the negative emotional meaning to the noise, basically I don't think about anything particular when I hear the T, I do not feel it anymore.

That is good to hear. I'm glad you got your life back in some way.

I took my SSRI and other thing. I guess idk if it's drug but I see no reason to fear death really. I realize some want to live on and that is fine. Death just means I new chapter. A new life of some sort. If I don't want to continue this chapter anymore so be it. Not saying form suffering standpoint. Just standpoint that sometimes it doesn't kill to just leave ? Like I don't know, big deal. People die all the time. I think it's like 100 people die a minute.

 

[InfiniteLoop]

@jdjd09

I do not believe in another life. This is it. Our conciousness is just the interaction of all the complex neuronal networks in our brain. Death is the end of all.

 

[attheedgeofscience]

What he told me is that when you commit suicide, you come back right where you left off because you haven't resolved the issue. Most Christians don't believe in reincarnation, they believe if you commit suicide it's likely you'll go to hell.

The way I see it, you have 4 possible outcomes:
1. You die and nothing happens afterwards. You and your soul are extinguished forever, with no legacy;
2. You die and go to hell forever as punishment for taking your life. I imagine there's tortuous pain in hell;
3. You die, you reincarnate, and you have physical issues that are as bad, or worse, than what you're dealing with now;
4. You die, you reincarnate, and whatever kind of life you have will have nothing to do with this life.

Could someone with deep knowledge of re-incarnation please enlighten me about the following...

Suppose some of the bigger nations in the world (China, India, USA) enforce a one-child policy. That would invariably cause a decline in the birth rate. Suppose therefore - as a consequence of that policy - that the death rate starts to exceed the birth rate: what happens then to the "souls" from the deceased when they cannot find a new body to inhabit: is there a waiting list for "lost souls"?

 

[Michael2013]

Could someone with deep knowledge of re-incarnation please enlighten me about the following...

Suppose some of the bigger nations in the world (China, India, USA) enforce a one-child policy. That would invariably cause a decline in the birth rate. Suppose therefore - as a consequence of that policy - that the death rate starts to exceed the birth rate: what happens then to the "souls" from the deceased when they cannot find a new body to inhabit: is there a waiting list for "lost souls"?

Umm, where do you think Aliens come from?

 

[Reinier]

Suppose some of the bigger nations in the world (China, India, USA) enforce a one-child policy. That would invariably cause a decline in the birth rate. Suppose therefore - as a consequence of that policy - that the death rate starts to exceed the birth rate: what happens then to the "souls" from the deceased when they cannot find a new body to inhabit: is there a waiting list for "lost souls"?

There will be a shortage of souls. World population is growing.

that the death rate starts to exceed the birth rate

I wonder if that will ever happen.

Umm, where do you think Aliens come from?

Perhaps we are al aliens.
Sorry I couldn't resist.
@jdjd09 I do take your suffering serious and feel empathy for you. I hope you can find some distraction in the odd silly post.

 

[Cheza]

Suppose therefore - as a consequence of that policy - that the death rate starts to exceed the birth rate: what happens then to the "souls" from the deceased when they cannot find a new body to inhabit: is there a waiting list for "lost souls"?

Well, the obvious explanation is that not everybody reincarnates, and that people reincarnate at different rates. Some souls like to come back fairly quickly, others might wait a century. Some don't come back at all.

My personal opinion is that not every soul reincarnates. I certainly have no desire to do so. But, even if they did, this isn't the only inhabited world in the multiverse.

 

[Nucleo]

For hearing loss or tinnitus? I have heard it would have helped with hearing loss, and now back to suicide after the above post....sigh.

For hearing loss.

 

[attheedgeofscience]

Well, the obvious explanation is that not everybody reincarnates, and that people reincarnate at different rates.

The thing with thought experiments is that I can set the bar as high or as low as I like. Instead of contemplating decreasing birth rates, I could suggest a scenario where the world ceases to exist altogether (nuclear war, plague, global warming - have your pick). In this case, there would be absolutely no bodies left for souls to inhabit (making re-incarnation impossible). So again... is there a waiting list for lost souls? And who administers that waiting list? Is there a vacancy for the job and what is the salary...?

Apply the same logic for the multiverse...

 

[Cheza]

The thing with thought experiments is that I can set the bar as high or as low as I like.

And that's what makes it so entertaining and provocative. The world destroyed? No biggie. Plenty of them out there.

Let me ask you to assume reincarnation is valid. Tell me, knowing what you know of Earth, would you honestly want to come back to this planet if there were countless other planets with sentient beings to choose from?

 

[attheedgeofscience]

Let me ask you to assume reincarnation is valid.

I am afraid that is well beyond my pay grade - I find tinnitus research challenging enough as it is, I must admit; I'd prefer not to also have to involve myself with the Heavens, re-incarnation, religion, and other meta-physical entities and concepts.. So I will have to leave it in your competent hands.

 

[Cheza]

I find tinnitus research challenging enough as it is ... So I will have to leave it in your competent hands.

Alas, I am cursed with equal interest in the ethereal and metaphysical as I am with logic and science. But thank you for the compliment.

 

[zeroday]

My T is between 10-11 kHz 24/7...The only thing that will mask it is listening to my iTunes with my earbuds in cranked up, every night...I love my T, yes I love my T...makes no sense does it? In 20+ years with T it is no longer an affliction but it has become me...I can not even imagine Life without constant high pitched ringing...I often spend moments in silence with my T blaring out to the world and relax and meditate...

Why do I tell you this? I can't help you, no one here can help you but they can empathize with you, they can share your pain and their experiences...and then there are those "Ole Timers" with T that had habituated to it and live quite well with it...

Thats all anyone here can do...

 

[jdjd09]

My T is between 10-11 kHz 24/7...The only thing that will mask it is listening to my iTunes with my earbuds in cranked up, every night...I love my T, yes I love my T...makes no sense does it? In 20+ years with T it is no longer an affliction but it has become me...I can not even imagine Life without constant high pitched ringing...I often spend moments in silence with my T blaring out to the world and relax and meditate...

Why do I tell you this? I can't help you, no one here can help you but they can empathize with you, they can share your pain and their experiences...and then there are those "Ole Timers" with T that had habituated to it and live quite well with it...

Thats all anyone here can do...

Thanks for your reply. Also, not sure if you mentioned this, but do you have hearing loss measureable in audiogram too? If so, did you get over that too?

 

[jdjd09]

Ok, so at this point, I'll see some hope in living if someone can point to some high chances of getting hearing cure in about 10 years. Someone else has shown me some evidence and they really gave me some hope.

Other than that, I would love to hear any other evidence of a hearing loss cure I'm missing. Part of me wants to believe a cure will be out that allows mild to moderate hearing frequency loss to be restored. But I'm not so sure.

Someone must be an insider here and have some insight into upcoming trials about to start for hearing loss. I'm tired of reading about rats getting cured. I would love to see real hope besides just the novartid trials , which may be cancelled.

Thanks if anyone can help. Also feel free to PM me if you want to keep it on the low.

Honestly the hearing loss is what bugs me and feel if I can get that back in my one ear I'll move on if the noise stayed. Louder hesring would drown out this noise.

 

[AnxiousJon]

I was set on going to er today, after missing work again. Im trying something new I didn't try before which was the SSRI they gave me past time i went. I will try this now see if it helps. I held off from it, ut its mirtazipane. If I'm not better in next couple days I'll probably be checking myself in. Has anyone been to psych ward? Will they even help me?
I'm trying what I can. If it doesn't work I'll check in to see if I can get a benzo. I need a benzo and clonazipan may help.

I visited my close friend in a psych ward; it was a really nice place.
My guess is that you will get an astute med plan(though perhaps a little heavy handed at first) there that is chosen by a specialist in psych meds. If you are suicidal you will probably be transfered from an ER to a ward where you will get said treatment.

An SSRI will take up to a month to kick in, you will probably need a benzo before then. You can take both at the same time until the SSRI kicks in(then taper the benzo down). Don't conclude that the SSRI "isn't working" after only a week or two. You may even feel more anxious the first couple weeks of taking an SSRI. You have to stick with it unless you experience serious side effects. In terms of benzos I recommend any of them over Xanax.

[Remember to not take serotonin boosting supplements while on an SSRI]

 

[Reinier]

March 9, 2016, Genvec will hold a webcast conference. Perhaps they will address the CGF166 trial and when it will continue?

Someone must be an insider here and have some insight into upcoming trials about to start for hearing loss.

I am afraid at this point nobody wants to, or can, make any predictions.

 

[attheedgeofscience]

Someone must be an insider here and have some insight into upcoming trials about to start for hearing loss. I'm tired of reading about rats getting cured. I would love to see real hope besides just the novartid trials , which may be cancelled.

Thanks if anyone can help. Also feel free to PM me if you want to keep it on the low.

Let me give you - and others - a little piece of advice, a piece of advice that presents a dichotomy between those "who can", and those "who cannot": track down reliable information directly from the horse's mouth instead asking around left, right, and centre on a public board. Ask yourself: which team do you want to play on - the losing, or, the winning team? People who display self-leadership play on the winning team. The rest, well, you get the idea...

Horse's mouth = GenVec...

Team Trobalt had a contact with GenVec. Develop your own contacts, or ask @Zimichael for help.

 

[jdjd09]

March 9, 2016, Genvec will hold a webcast conference. Perhaps they will address the CGF166 trial and when it will continue?

I am afraid at this point nobody wants to, or can, make any predictions.

That is good, I will be on the lookout.

 

[jdjd09]

Let me give you - and others - a little piece of advice, a piece of advice that presents a dichotomy between those "who can", and those "who cannot": track down reliable information directly from the horse's mouth instead asking around left, right, and centre on a public board. Ask yourself: which team do you want to play on - the losing, or, the winning team? People who display self-leadership play on the winning team. The rest, well, you get the idea...

Horse's mouth = GenVec...

Team Trobalt had a contact with GenVec. Develop your own contacts, or ask @Zimichael for help.

I've tried. Like I said, I was able to contact one organization that said probably 10 years or less. But, that is just one org.

I tried contacting genvec and got no response. I will try reaching out to zi.

The point is that I did try reaching out to companies and many are very large and obviously most don't either respond of will just give generic information, such as its being worked on.

 

[attheedgeofscience]

I tried contacting genvec and got no response. I will try reaching out to zi.

Front desk inquiries is not the way to go.

The point is that I did try reaching out to companies and many are very large and obviously most don't either respond of will just give generic information, such as its being worked on.

Front desk inquiries is not the way to go.

 

[jdjd09]

Front desk inquiries is not the way to go.


Front desk inquiries is not the way to go.

Thats nice. I will try something other than the main email. How would you suggest I find the "correct" person then? Are there good directories?

Also, what are your personal thoughts? I remember reading a post by you @attheedgeofscience , that said you thought it was very likely that a hearing loss cure would probably be out in 10 years. I beleive that post was 2 years ago. Would you still say that from what you know now?

 

[jdjd09]

Hi,

So, at this point, is there anything further I can do a little less than 3 months out for the hearing loss? I was given prednisone about a month out (which was not the high dose kind, it was a taper off over five days pack).

Is there anything else I can do? Should I try more prednisone? I would try hyperbolic chamber, but can't afford it. Really, what else should I do at this point to help bring back some hearing?

Thanks for any information.