How to Be with Someone Having Tinnitus?

[Bam]

I have been on a dating website (why im still on there given my anxiety the past year I dont know maybe some rare for of optimism?) Anyway the moment you mention ear issues, no movies, concerts, theaters, have to wear earplugs to certain places. They run a mile never to be seen again. I dont know why I bother. I think furthering my career in the library, getting my own place and buying pets is the way to go at this point. I am actually happier on my own honestly.

Yeah you need to go on a date with Christophe.......He's handsome, young, fully understanding of ear issues and anxiety..... and is very charitable to young women who are in need of financial assistance.

 

[Christophe_85]

Let's be honest tortured 24/7 is not a great look when trying to attract a mate.

Basically if you get T you're royally fucked on every single level!!!!

Totally !

That is why I have created this Thread... To talk about our situation and the fact that it is VERY difficult to share life with someone "normal"...

 

[Bam]

Totally !

That is why I have created this Thread... To talk about our situation and the fact that it is VERY difficult to share life with someone "normal"...

Dude you're preaching to the converted. There's a tv show called the 'undateables'. It's basically people with autism and Aspergers trying to find love. I used to watch it and think, 'ahhh poor guys'. Now I think, 'you fucking lucky bastards getting laid!'

 

[Jcb]

These last few pages are hilarious guys, not laughing at you @Christophe_85 but the replies have made me laugh. There will be plenty of girls who are more comfortable being more at home and doing activities that won't be too noisy.

If you're looking for just some "sexy fun times" try a dating app, plenty of gals just Looking for a "good time" that's what a few of my single friends say both male and female, might save you a few pennies as well.
Just remember to wear earmuffs incase it gets too noisy and you'll be fine well be careful of the "occlusion effect" ha ha or as bam said role play and she can play a mute

 

[Christophe_85]

Dude you're preaching to the converted. There's a tv show called the 'undateables'. It's basically people with autism and Aspergers trying to find love. I used to watch it and think, 'ahhh poor guys'. Now I think, 'you fucking lucky bastards getting laid!'

Yeah it should have a TV show on people with Tinnitus and Hyperacousis who want to be on serious relationships !

Oh if this is just getting laid, this is quite easy ! You just need money !

 

[Christophe_85]

These last few pages are hilarious guys, not laughing at you @Christophe_85 but the replies have made me laugh. There will be plenty of girls who are more comfortable being more at home and doing activities that won't be too noisy.

If you're looking for just some "sexy fun times" try a dating app, plenty of gals just Looking for a "good time" that's what a few of my single friends say both male and female, might save you a few pennies as well.
Just remember to wear earmuffs incase it gets too noisy and you'll be fine well be careful of the "occlusion effect" ha ha or as bam said role play and she can play a mute

Good that it made you laugh !

Yes but still activities at home can be very loud... And I don't even talk about children !

No if I am looking for some "sexy fun times" I go with one of my BF to Nana Plaza in Bangkok !

Dating apps for sex is BS for me !

And anyway you find many many hookers on it !

Earmuffs during sex ???

 

[Don Tinny]

I suppose it must be difficult. My case is different because I have a relationship of 10 years and a daughter of 4 years. And I had already had problems with tinnitus a few years ago (less than now). She knows that we can not go to clubs or concerts and she does not have much problem. But I'm 34 and she's 36 years old
Sometimes on vacation he wants to go to a very noisy restaurant and I choose days and times when there are few people to reduce the noise level.
My advice is that instead of saying "I can not go to noisy places because of my tinnitus" say "I like silent and quiet places". That will always be easier for the other to understand.
And do not expect them to understand you or support you at% 100.

 

[just1morething]

Not every bear will attack you if you bump into it in the woods. Not every chimp will bite your face off.

But the chimp could bite off your family jewels.

 

[Bam]

Don't write yourself off yet man - a few electrodes here and there and we could all be tweaked back to normality....

I'll hit you up when I'm in Dublin for my official tweaking my friend. Hopefully not long now.

 

[fishbone]

I suppose it must be difficult. My case is different because I have a relationship of 10 years and a daughter of 4 years. And I had already had problems with tinnitus a few years ago (less than now). She knows that we can not go to clubs or concerts and she does not have much problem. But I'm 34 and she's 36 years old
Sometimes on vacation he wants to go to a very noisy restaurant and I choose days and times when there are few people to reduce the noise level.
My advice is that instead of saying "I can not go to noisy places because of my tinnitus" say "I like silent and quiet places". That will always be easier for the other to understand.
And do not expect them to understand you or support you at% 100.

Being upfront is always key in all situations. I went to a Christmas party last night and there were 7 women and just me .

The host knows that I hate super loud music, so she turned her karaoke set a little bit down. It was still kinda loud but not obnoxious loud. I popped in my ear plugs for most of the songs. When it came to love songs and duets I would take one ear plug out. I am doing something like this every weekend now. I have taken myself out my comfort zone and enjoying life even more now.

I have a date coming up tomorrow with a gal that I just met. I'm upfront, I will let her know that I'm a mellow guy that prefers quiet places and chill spots. The key is to play it like this, rather than show someone that we are VERY limited in our lives and say that "we cannot do this or cannot do that". People do not like to hear complaining, they don't want to always hear about our problems. I have found this out the hard way in my life and it has taken me many decades to understand it and adjust.

A woman or a guy will not be attracted to those that are always showing a limitation, most don't. Even if you do have a limitation, be creative and try to think outside the box. I have always done this in my life and I am still getting better and better at this.

My gripe has never been about my tinnitus, it is beyond horse chit LOUD. I just find it hard at times to fully hear people, but I have no shame I will ask them to repeat themselves and that's ok. As long as you have NO SHAME about who you are and what you go through, that's all that matters in my opinion.

Be bold, be proud and live your life! All of us are basically like trees and life/people will always try to cut you down. Even if we do get cut down, our roots and branches will grow again....

PS-I have basically accepted, the intrusive noise that comes out my head as a part of my life. It is my life long partner and I make the best of it. It is no joy to hear it, but it doesn't anger me one bit, at least not anymore....

 

[Michael Leigh]

I have a date coming up tomorrow with a gal that I just met. I'm upfront, I will let her know that I'm a mellow guy that prefers quiet places and chill spots. The key is to play it like this, rather than show someone that we are VERY limited in our lives and say that "we cannot do this or cannot do that". People do not like to hear complaining, they don't want to always hear about our problems. I have found this out the hard way in my life and it has taken me many decades to understand it and adjust.

@fishbone

Great post as usual and some good advice given. I agree with you that most people do not like to hear complaining. Hope your date goes well.

Take care
Michael

 

[glynis]

Be bold, be proud and live your life! All of us are basically like trees and life/people will always try to cut you down. Even if we do get cut down, our roots and branches will grow again....

@fishbone I love the words you wrote,so thank you!
Hope your date goes well.

love glynis

 

[coffee_girl]

Will don't tell them right away ... You wait until they're madly in love with you then you tell them, that way they know all the benefits of being with you VS the downside of tinnitus and I guarantee the T will hardly bother them.

 

[Bam]

Will don't tell them right away ... You wait until they're madly in love with you then you tell them, that way they know all the benefits of being with you VS the downside of tinnitus and I guarantee the T will hardly bother them.

Until they're trying to sleep and all they can hear is cicadas and you tossing and turning all night long.

 

[coffee_girl]

Until they're trying to sleep and all they can hear is cicadas and you tossing and turning all night long.

Here I am talking about a few casual first dates, and you're already at the part where you're in bed with them.

 

[Striveon]

Dude you're preaching to the converted. There's a tv show called the 'undateables'. It's basically people with autism and Aspergers trying to find love. I used to watch it and think, 'ahhh poor guys'. Now I think, 'you fucking lucky bastards getting laid!'

LMFAOOOO

 

[Bam]

LMFAOOOO

You can laugh. I'm seriously going to apply for that show. That will show the fucking coping industry fucktards. Me on a date with an autistic girl falling asleep over the starters after 2 hours sleep and desperately straining to hear her talking gibberish through my custom earplugs.

 

[coffee_girl]

You can laugh. I'm seriously going to apply for that show. That will show the fucking coping industry fucktards. Me on a date with an autistic girl falling asleep over the starters after 2 hours sleep and desperately straining to hear her talking gibberish through my custom earplugs.

This is a great idea to bring awareness to tinnitus without forcing it down people's throats. I like it, do it!

 

[Starthrower]

Here I am talking about a few casual first dates, and you're already at the part where you're in bed with them.

I know!!! I agree @coffeegirl!!

So you nay saying guys..if you were the one without tinnitus and dated a girl with tinnitus would you be turned off rather than going out with her on quieter dates? Hard to answer when you know what tinnitus is though.

 

[Bill Bauer]

But the chimp could bite off your family jewels.

Please read what I wrote again. My point was that I don't want to be around chimps (despite the fact that it is safe to be around most chimps), because it is risky.

 

[Fally]

Yeah you need to go on a date with Christophe.......He's handsome, young, fully understanding of ear issues and anxiety..... and is very charitable to young women who are in need of financial assistance.

Hahahahahaha that made me laugh way to hard them.

 

[coffee_girl]

The obsession with chimps is getting out of hand. Leave those poor creatures alone.

 

[Striveon]

You can laugh. I'm seriously going to apply for that show. That will show the fucking coping industry fucktards. Me on a date with an autistic girl falling asleep over the starters after 2 hours sleep and desperately straining to hear her talking gibberish through my custom earplugs.

LMFAOOOO that'll be a hilarious show to watch it'll also help bring awareness at the same dam time !

 

[Manny]

LMAO this thread is fire.

 

[fishbone]

As I said in my earlier post, it's really about planning things out if we do decide to date or get involved with someone. I tend to go to restaurants when they are not super busy. If I go somewhere, I will find the section that is not bunched up in the middle of tables or people. I have had to really escape and be forced out my comfort zone after my folks passed away.

This year, I finally cut off all negative people that never added value to my life. We need to step outside our comfort zone and we truly can see just how great we really can be. I have faced some harsh depression in the past years. I moved to a spot that I really didn't know anyone. I pushed beyond my comfort zone. Before my tinnitus was intrusive, I was very social and very active.

I am back at being very social and active again. I go to a lady's house on the weekend(went on Friday) and me and her 7 girlfriends sang karaoke together and enjoyed the time we had together. I have a date tomorrow with a lady that I just met. I pushed myself to have lunch with my martial arts buddy today. I do my best to protect my ears, but I step outside my comfort zone. I keep pushing and pushing.

Like I keep saying it's all about stepping outside the comfort zone and living our lives. It's hard, it takes planning, but I/YOU/We can do this.

With these jacked up ears and this horrible intrusive tinnitus, I feel like a 20 year old lover at times again. This is coming from a guy that has been fighting harsh depression, but I managed to keep pushing. I use to say to myself that I don't want to date a gal right now or ever because my tinnitus is so so loud and I don't want stress from a relationship.

I have changed my thoughts and I want a gal again. In the gym I see women that come next to me as I workout hard and grunt. I am like, why give up such beauty/pleasure. Change your thinking, screw the ringing in your ears. Go out and grab a pretty one and enjoy her

It takes planning, patience and WANTING to have that special guy or gal. The tinnitus should not stop us from loving and enjoying a relationship.

PS- It's never easy to do this. It takes planning and lots of patience. I do my best to protect my ears, but I also want to enjoy myself and make the other person have a good time as well...

 

[Alex Matyjasek]

Would it be, just to be safe, convenient to wear earplugs during a 69?

 

[Bill Bauer]

Would it be, just to be safe, convenient to wear earplugs during a 69?

Throat cancer is no fun...

 

[kmohoruk]

I thought I would just chime in - being someone with T and mild H.

I'm very lucky, I have a partner who is pretty understanding and is really supportive when there are times when I need a little extra support, or am dealing with a bit of a spike. I actually met her through OkCupid - which as someone mentioned before, using a site like that may allow you to find someone else who isn't a big fan of loud concerts, movies, etc....

Don't give up hope my friend! Just keep at it! Look at it sort of like this, if they are a good match and a caring person, then I'm sure they will look past your T or H and see you for the awesome person that you are.

I would just say go on a couple coffee dates first, see if it's a good fit, and then mention it in later conversations. As my relationship progressed with my girl friend now, she wanted to know more, and we had a couple talks about it. I even lent her a Tinnitus/Hyperacusis book that I had from when I had my original spike 4 years ago.

So no worries buds! You'll do great!

 

[another sean]

I have been on a dating website (why im still on there given my anxiety the past year I dont know maybe some rare for of optimism?) Anyway the moment you mention ear issues, no movies, concerts, theaters, have to wear earplugs to certain places. They run a mile never to be seen again. I dont know why I bother. I think furthering my career in the library, getting my own place and buying pets is the way to go at this point. I am actually happier on my own honestly.

I experience this as well, every time. And I also ask myself why do I bother still, and yes, it's thats glimmer of optimism and hope that maybe, just maybe, someone will see past tinnitus and see other qualities like wanting to build a life, be a good parent and so on. Also being able to have a normal conversation for a few messages before having to bring up tinnitus is sadly better than nothing at the moment. This song sums how how I feel about searching for Love.

 

[coffee_girl]

Love is the greatest thing in earth and totally worth living for.