lol I have had to spend two days locked in the hospital. They have forced me to say what they want to hear about tinnitus and suicide. Awful experience.
I'm so fucking sorry acute. 3 years ago when my tinnitus worsened considerably I had a breakdown and told my mom I just wanted to swallow all my Ambien pills and never wake up. She (understandably) got scared and called 911 hoping they could talk to me and calm me down. By the time the police arrived I was pretty much over the wave, and when they offered for me to come back to the hospital to talk to a doctor about my feelings and be home within a few hours I agreed, because why not right? Maybe talking it out would give me a little more peace.
I get to the hospital to find out it was all a fucking lie. When we arrived I told the receptionist what the officers had said about talking to a doctor for an hour or so. This was around 4pm and she looked at me in confusion saying all of the doctors leave by noon and that I had been 5150'd (without my knowledge). This is despite the officers making notes about how calm I was when they arrived, and making no mention of the 5150.
When my mom called in absolute anger asking why I couldn't come home and that we had been utterly lied to by the officers, they threatened to keep me for 3 weeks and not 3 days. I don't think she's ever really forgiven herself for that.
So it was 3 hellish days of no masking, no sleep, and no understanding by any of the doctors there. Like you, I lied everyday. "Yep, feeling better, the sounds aren't so loud today. Yep, feeling good, I think all I needed was some way to relax and feel better." Participating in group therapy was mandatory and I just made shit up there too.
They still kept me all three fucking days despite saying I could get out early due to my "positive behavior".
Oh and did I mention we only got 15 minutes of outside time a day?? And one day they forgot (it was at a set time) and when I asked them hey, it's a half hour past that they shrugged and said too bad. There were no windows in this place so the time progression seriously fucked up my mental health and being outside for those 15 minutes was the only thing keeping me sane. Being in basically the same 2 rooms for almost 72 hours straight did an absolute number on me...the sad thing is everyone loved being outside and you could see how much calmer and happier people were in the yard (even those with severe mental problems) and even allowing us an hour a day would have done wonders. And then they were surprised when people were shuffled back in like cattle and regressed almost immediately. Fucking hell.
I will never trust any officer in such a capacity ever again. I reached out for help and got burned so bad. The only thing the experience taught me was that if I ever want to kill myself, to do it right so that you never end up back in one of these places ever again.
Huge fucking hug to you. When I say I know how you felt going through that, I really mean it.