Suicidal

[PeteJ]

Body mass, yes.
And an individual's bio chemistry.

I was recommending 10 mg before bed. And perhaps another 10 mg when he woke up. 4 hours later another 10 mg tab. Why? Because his nervous system is shot.

It would be safer to recommend cutting my dosage in half the first night or two, or for the two to three week drug regiment, perhaps longer... unfortunately.

PeteJ strikes me as somebody who needs a few weeks sleep, even if it's drug induced.
I recommend the fast acting tranquilizer that worked for me when I was in a bad way.
We can all agree he's in great pain.

I am hoping Pete can get some rest,
Big hug PeteJ

Why is my tinnitus getting worse? I also started getting ear pain again. Both ears but usually one hurts or hurts much more than the other one.

There is a constant static and buzzing noise like an electrical power line. If you have a better description or know what I am talking about, please tell me.

It seems like several tones and the high pitch is so high it "hurts." I need it to lower or change to mild. It's too intrusive. No drug will help me cope with it. This is not normal even when it comes to tinnitus. :-(

Now, even wearing plugs will be difficult. I hate my life!!!!!!!!

 

[MariaH]

Hi PeteJ,
I'm sorry to read that you're suffering. Could the meds be worsening your tinnitus? It worsened mine and took a long time to settle back down after stopping the meds.
All the best,
Maria

 

[PeteJ]

Hi PeteJ,
I'm sorry to read that you're suffering. Could the meds be worsening your tinnitus? It worsened mine and took a long time to settle back down after stopping the meds.
All the best,
Maria

I doubt it. The tinnitus was this bad before the meds.

 

[just1morething]

Fight for it? How?!?

That's where Dr. Shulman can help you. Please call him and at least leave a message. Use his preferred phone number I gave you. He will talk to your Dr.'s I'm pretty sure. He will have some clout regarding patients with severe tinnitus.

I would try to stay on this side of the grass. Life is short enough the way it is.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Fight for it? How?!?

I don't know the system you're dealing with or what country you reside in.

Is it possible to find a sympathetic psychiatrist, that can prescribe drugs.

Tell him some fellow sufferers of hyperacusis and tinnitus suggested Valium. I have never taken any other benzo.

It may take you some work, but I am sure they exist where you live.
By fighting, I mean exhausting all possible strategies to get some pills.
Can't help you there buddy.

Wish you had a sympathetic doctor in your corner.

Just1morething gave you a number, doctors do talk to one and other.

 

[Tamara]

Petej,
As you said, the characteristics of your tinnitus are acoustic trauma with hearing loss.

 

[PeteJ]

Petej,
As you said, the characteristics of your tinnitus are acoustic trauma with hearing loss.

And?

 

[just1morething]

@PeteJ, you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink.

 

[Tamara]

Petej,
Why did you say wearing plugs is difficult?

Hearing protectors should only be worn when you know you will have a noise that can damage your ear. It's also not good for us to use them a lot, because we hear the sound of tinnitus lot more and decrease the audibility threshold.

 

[PeteJ]

I don't know the system you're dealing with or what country you reside in.

Is it possible to find a sympathetic psychiatrist, that can prescribe drugs.

Tell him some fellow sufferers of hyperacusis and tinnitus suggested Valium. I have never taken any other benzo.

It may take you some work, but I am sure they exist where you live.
By fighting, I mean exhausting all possible strategies to get some pills.
Can't help you there buddy.

Wish you had a sympathetic doctor in your corner.

Just1morething gave you a number, doctors do talk to one and other.

Canada. The tinnitus noise is so loud. A psychiatrist referral can take up to a year. I am already waiting but what is the point? The only thing that will help if the volume goes down and it improves.

I hate this. I don't see the point of living with this.

 

[PeteJ]

Petej,
Why did you say wearing plugs is difficult?

Hearing protectors should only be worn when you know you will have a noise that can damage your ear. It's also not good for us to use them a lot, because we hear the sound of tinnitus lot more and decrease the audibility threshold.

I want the option of wearing plugs in case of such loud noise or sounds. Several months ago, I tried to wear foam plugs but a) my ear canals got especially inflamed and b) I got really severe ear pain which seemed mostly from the canal area. So, I presumed it was from wearing the plugs.

I have since used Peltor X4A muffs. I had soreness whenever I wore them too even for a short duration. However, recently, I can wear it longer meaning for a minute if necessary.

But, another problem with wearing plugs even if custom plugs were an option is the tinnitus noise. It's so loud that it means wearing hearing protection, then I will isolate the tinnitus noise as I block other sound.

Something needs to change or I need to end this permanently.

 

[spinnaker]

I have been having the same thoughts lately. I have not been sleeping and that only makes the tin worse.

But I have been on steroids for the past few days (due to a sudden hearing lose on the left) and hoping once I get off of them sleep will return.

I can sleep but I need help from Ambian and I don't wnat to keep taking it.

So I say give it a few more days and maybe we can get through this together.

I also have my 94 yo mom to deal with so I don't know what I will do.

I am at the very least considering disability at work. I can't keep working like this. I hope things change.

 

[PeteJ]

The only way I can end the suffering is if I am dead. I concluded that the treatments are too far away and they don't sound promising to me. I doubt that they will work for severe tinnitus or my tinnitus anyway.

I haven't ended things yet because, ironically, the #@!&# tinnitus tones are so intrusive that I can't concentrate to proceed yet. It's not like typical day to day things! It's also the reason I am not working. I am up til 5am almost every day now. I can't sleep because of this! It MAKES ME SO MAD THAT THERE ARE NO ANSWERS! STUPID PEOPLE HERE HAVE BEEN APOLOGISTS FOR ENTS!!!! THEY MAKE HOW MUCH IN SALARY?!? YET, THEY HAVE NO ANSWERS OR INSIGHT?

WHY IS MY TINNITUS SEVERE? WHY NOT MILD?!? Some people here have no hearing loss but get tinnitus. Will the treatments deal with hidden hearing loss? Do the researchers understand what's going on? If so, why not explain it to the ENTs so they can tell us? If they don't, HOW DO THEY KNOW THAT THE TREATMENTS WILL WORK? THEY ARE JUST WINGING IT AND USING PEOPLE AS GUINEA PIGS. They are just hoping enough people get a fraction of an improvement so they can market their products and make $$$$!!!!! That's all anyone cares about.

So, I want to stop the tinnitus noises the only way one can. That's it!!!

 

[Lane]

The only way I can end the suffering is if I am dead.

@PeteJ -- If I may pose a simple question: How is it you can be so sure that your suffering will be over once you're dead? My understanding is that we ALL go somewhere when we leave this physical body behind, and that destination is largely determined by the way we have felt and thought in the latter parts of our lives. In short, the only thing we take with us are our inner possessions, and that matters.

If we've filled ourselves with love, gratitude, and other kinds of positivity, then that will like a magnet draw us to a world where those kinds of attributes are prevalent. If we've filled ourselves with anger, bitterness, and other kinds of negativity, then that will act like a magnet as well. Which is why I don't believe there's any guarantee to be an end to suffering just because we pass over to the other side.

I'm not trying to preach religion or anything like that. Just thought I'd give you something to consider, since heading over to the other side is on your mind so much lately. I mysef am of the belief we're almost always better to stay here and do the best we can to navigate the challenges that come our way. Again, not trying to preach, that's just me.

I believe you've actually got a lot going for you to meet your challenges, such as (apparently) good eyesight (can do all kinds of research and so much more); mobility to go to places (such as nature to let it help calm down your system); ability to communicate, think critically, etc., etc., A lot of people in this world don't have those kinds of assets to help them through their own crises.

But you do. I would suggest you try concentrating on what all your strengths are, and how you can use them to see you through to the next step. Don't try to accomplish everything at once. Just take things one step at a time (like figuring out how to sleep), and then go onto the next step. Once you start achieving small steps, it should help you reorient some of your thinking (if you want to) and be able to build up some resiliency for yourself. -- As I mentioned in an earlier post, there's a lot of people here rooting for you!

 

[Daniel Lion]

Canada. The tinnitus noise is so loud. A psychiatrist referral can take up to a year. I am already waiting but what is the point? The only thing that will help if the volume goes down and it improves.

I hate this. I don't see the point of living with this.

Everybody here is concerned and cares for you.
Could you see somebody privately to expedite things?
Hope you feel better buddy.

 

[fishbone]

@PeteJ -- If I may pose a simple question: How is it you can be so sure that your suffering will be over once you're dead? My understanding is that we ALL go somewhere when we leave this physical body behind, and that destination is largely determined by the way we have felt and thought in the latter parts of our lives. In short, the only thing we take with us are our inner possessions, and that matters.

If we've filled ourselves with love, gratitude, and other kinds of positivity, then that will like a magnet draw us to a world where those kinds of attributes are prevalent. If we've filled ourselves with anger, bitterness, and other kinds of negativity, then that will act like a magnet as well. Which is why I don't believe there's any guarantee to be an end to suffering just because we pass over to the other side.

I'm not trying to preach religion or anything like that. Just thought I'd give you something to consider, since heading over to the other side is on your mind so much lately. I mysef am of the belief we're almost always better to stay here and do the best we can to navigate the challenges that come our way. Again, not trying to preach, that's just me.

I believe you've actually got a lot going for you to meet your challenges, such as (apparently) good eyesight (can do all kinds of research and so much more); mobility to go to places (such as nature to let it help calm down your system); ability to communicate, think critically, etc., etc., A lot of people in this world don't have those kinds of assets to help them through their own crises.

But you do. I would suggest you try concentrating on what all your strengths are, and how you can use them to see you through to the next step. Don't try to accomplish everything at once. Just take things one step at a time (like figuring out how to sleep), and then go onto the next step. Once you start achieving small steps, it should help you reorient some of your thinking (if you want to) and be able to build up some resiliency for yourself. -- As I mentioned in an earlier post, there's a lot of people here rooting for you!

Are you borrowing my motivational posts ?

This was a nice post to read and I could have not said it better myself......

 

[spinnaker]

I am on the edge of doing it. I have not slept at all in 3 days. The last time I slept was when I took Ambian and I can't keep taking it. The noise is so loud. Masking does not help I am not sleeping not eating. It is a downward spiral.

Just got really loud in the past few weeks with my hearing issues on the left side.

The only thing stopping me is my 93 yo mom I need to care for. But I can't even take of her because I can't care for myself.

I can't stand it if I should need to go into a care home at age 60. I can no longer enjoy the things I love including riding my bicycle which I think is a major cause of my problem

 

[spinnaker]

Lynny

Can't seem to be able to respond to your PM. The casue of noise on a bike is wind noise.

 

[spinnaker]

I can deal with the tinnitus during the day if I could just get some sleep!

 

[PeteJ]

People want us to go on but this is also bad for our overall health. Think about it? Having a heart attack or stroke or both is bad at any age but if you have tinnitus prior that's even worse torture. My mental faculties are still present yes and although I now have major problems concentrating and keeping focus (which everyone takes for granted and having little trouble if any when you don't have tinnitus), I can still choose suicide if I decide so. I don't know what one can do if you have strokes but I think it's safe to say you are limited afterwards.
I don't want to get to that point.

 

[PeteJ]

I can deal with the tinnitus during the day if I could just get some sleep!

I have major problems trying to sleep. Even with medications such as amitriptyline which another dr suggested I take the maximum dose. It's insane. You can also try melatonin although we create it naturally but with tinnitus and sleeping problems, some suffers take supplements.

I suspect you might get so tired sometimes, you will get sleep here and there. That's what is happening with me. It's not normal. :-(

 

[Lilah]

I am on the edge of doing it. I have not slept at all in 3 days.

Your profile says you have had tinnitus since the 80s. Has it worsened over time, or are you going through a spike?

 

[spinnaker]

Your profile says you have had tinnitus since the 80s. Has it worsened over time, or are you going through a spike?

I have never had a spike this long. Usually kast a day or two.

And yes it has gotten worse over the years.

 

[Agrajag364]

@PeteJ -- If I may pose a simple question: How is it you can be so sure that your suffering will be over once you're dead?

Oh come on, leave us some hope!

 

[Elliott.S]

I'm reading this thread and thinking of kids who suffer leucemia, young adults facing all types of terminal cancers and are fighting for their lives everyday and I say to myself : "Seriously guys... We are all in this shit tinnitus together but we are ALIVE while people would give anything to live a few months more."

And yeah, they would give anything just to LIVE, so don't start with the :"They wouldn't trade their sh** with my tinnitus", cause you have no idea what it's like to actually not have your own life/death option in your hands anymore.

Just think of it for a second next time you're talking about buying a rope. Because you know what ? You have the choice to buy it or not, but some people don't have this choice, the rope is just waiting for them. Now I would advise all of you who are talking about death just to go to a child hospital and see what is pain, what is courage. Have the guts to do it ? Would you even dare mention your tinnitus ?

Your ears are blasting, mine too. Nothing can mask it. Nothing. We're just a few on this forum that are in this case.

I've had to quit everything I enjoyed doing, I was a musician. I can't listen to music anymore without the sound being distorted and spiking my tinnitus. I can't play any instrument anymore. I have trouble focusing on the simpliest things. Nights are mostly short.

But I CAN ride a bike.
I CAN eat.
I CAN breath.
I CAN see.
I AM NOT dying.
...

This forum is great because it can bring support, but there comes a point when you have to be a man/woman and realize that you are not dying.

You have a whole life in front of you to cope better with tinnitus, wait for a treatment or take drugs that will actually bring you relief.

 

[Harley]

I'm reading this thread and thinking of kids who suffer leucemia, young adults facing all types of terminal cancers and are fighting for their lives everyday and I say to myself : "Seriously guys... We are all in this shit tinnitus together but we are ALIVE while people would give anything to live a few months more."

And yeah, they would give anything just to LIVE, so don't start with the :"They wouldn't trade their sh** with my tinnitus", cause you have no idea what it's like to actually not have your own life/death option in your hands anymore.

Just think of it for a second next time you're talking about buying a rope. Because you know what ? You have the choice to buy it or not, but some people don't have this choice, the rope is just waiting for them.

Your ears are blasting, mine too. Nothing can mask it. Nothing. I've had to quit everything I enjoyed doing, I was a musician. I can't listen to music anymore without the sound being distorted and spiking my tinnitus. I have difficulties focusing on things.

But I CAN ride a bike.
I CAN eat.
I CAN breath.
I CAN see.
I AM NOT dying.
...

This forum is great because it can bring support, but there comes a point when you have to be a man/woman and realize that you are not dying.

You have a whole life in front of you to cope better with tinnitus, wait for a treatment or take drugs that will actually bring you relief.

I think that you are missing the very core of the problem of severe Tinnitus.

Yes, most of the terminal cancer victims want to live and suicidal ideation is indeed very rare amongst them.
With severe Tinnitus it is the other way around.
Maybe you should give some serious consideration to why this is?

You see, even with terminal cancer you can still have some moments of relative peace, as there are many powerfull pain killer drugs available to you.
You don't get that with Tinnitus, as there are currently no drugs on the market, that will reliably lower the volume/intensity of Tinnitus.

Tinnitus is active, intense 24/7 torture with no chance to catch a break.
Not even for a couple of minutes.
The permanency and continuity with no help available is the major difference making factor here, that should not be underestimated.

Also, nobody tries to insult the cancer sufferers intelligence by telling them that the problem is not the cancer, but their reaction to it.

It is also worth considering, that there is a vast support system in place for cancer victims, both physical and emotional.
For Tinnitus sufferers the support is pretty much zero, along the lines of "suck it up" or "learn to live with it".

So you tell me which is better?

Being able to enjoy at least some last moments here and there due to drugs and support available, while your loved ones understand what you are going through, or suffering like a dog with no help available, while being ridiculed by clueless medical professionals and no way out other than suicide? (Because at this point the quality of your life is exactly zero)

With severe Tinnitus, you are being slowly tortured to death, but unless the stress kills you first, you will have to do the dirty job yourself.
At least cancer will do that one for you, which is somewhat comforting to many, especially the religious ones.

 

[Elliott.S]

As a matter of fact, I have debilitating Tinnitus that is unmaskable and loud 24/7, so I am not missing the problem.

I can see you've only had T since 2017, you're still in the discovery phase. Yours will probably settle down at some point, like PeteJ and most of the others here.

The whole thing about medication and terminal cancer is irrelevant, you're missing the point here. I'm talking about having the possibility to chose to live or to die.

By the way, there ARE medications that help cope with T better, but the thing is most of the people talking about suicide here don't even try them because they're too scared of addiction. Do you thing people facing terminal cancer care about addiction to medication ?
If you believe your T condition is that bad, then try to medicate so you can live better, no ? There are legal drugs, illegal drugs too. So many mollecules that you can try, because you know what ? You have TIME.

But I know, I know, I've read it all over here :"Oh well, I'm not trying this because I'm not sure it will work." The f**k ?
Or "Well this molecule could lower my stress level but I don't want to take it because I will have to take it for the rest of my life." Oooh...poor you.


Zero support for T sufferers ? Really ?
You're talking about loved ones. I am sorry if your family doesn't understand what Tinnitus is, maybe you want to explain to them better ?
If you're saying "loved ones" as in gf/bf, then those people are definitely not the right ones for you. My loved ones understand how much awful it is to deal with Tinnitus because I have educated them. Again, I've decided to take action.

You're mentionning reaction to Tinnitus. Well, facts are reaction to Tinnitus DO impact the tinnitus level. The latest research on tinnitus has proved it. I'm not saying it is all about how you react to it, but one fact is for sure : the more stressed out you are, the more your nervous system is activating its "defense mode", the more it's going to ring.

So I am replying to your question : T is better.

If you believe the contrary, then you might wanna follow my advise and go talk to 7 yo kids in child hospitals. You come back and tell me your experience.
I can give you mine, I've been there. It puts things into perspective.

 

[spinnaker]

I am still here fighting. Decided not to give up yet. Going to talk to my PCP to see if he can either givee me something other than Ambien to sleep. Or better get me admitted to the hospital for a few days for a sleep study for extreme insomnia.

Our local hospital has a program but I don't know if it in in patient or not. I sure hope so.

 

[Elliott.S]

I am still here fighting.

That's what I'm talking about
I'm with you man.

 

[Harley]

As a matter of fact, I have debilitating Tinnitus that is unmaskable and loud 24/7, so I am not missing the problem.

I can see you've only had T since 2017, you're still in the discovery phase. Yours will probably settle down at some point, like PeteJ and most of the others here.

The whole thing about medication and terminal cancer is irrelevant, you're missing the point here. I'm talking about having the possibility to chose to live or to die.

By the way, there ARE medications that help cope with T better, but the thing is most of the people talking about suicide here don't even try them because they're too scared of addiction.

Zero support for T sufferers ? Really ?
You're talking about loved ones. I am sorry if your family doesn't understand what Tinnitus is, maybe you want to explain to them better ?
If you're saying "loved ones" as in gf/bf, then those people are definitely not the right ones for you. My loved ones understand how much awful it is to deal with Tinnitus because I have educated them. Again, I've decided to take action.

You're mentionning reaction to Tinnitus. Well, facts are reaction to Tinnitus DO impact the tinnitus level. The latest research on tinnitus has proved it. I'm not saying it is all about how you react to it, but one fact is for sure : the more stressed out you are, the more your nervous system is activating its "defense mode", the more it's going to ring.

So I am replying to your question : T is better.

If you believe the contrary, then you might wanna follow my advise and go talk to 7 yo kids in child hospitals. You come back and tell me your experience.
I can give you mine, I've been there. It puts things into perspective.

Don't try to explain this to me.
Try to explain it to all the families that were left devastated after someone decided to end it, because clearly at that point, Tinnitus was worse than death to them.

And no there are no medications for Tinnitus.
Yes there are anecdotal reports of some medications possibly lowering the volume in some individuals, but they were not specifically designed with Tinnitus in mind.
Speaking for myself, I had tried most of the ones being mentioned with no results.

But that is besides the point.
The point is, that every time someone makes the "at least you are not dying" type of a post, it is equivalent to spitting on the graves of all those people, who killed themselves because of Tinnitus.