Suicidal

Well folks, this is it. Every single night the tinnitus screams out of control. It's fine during the day. But it's like the second the sun goes down it ramps up to unbearable levels. I just took 300 mg of Gabapentin, 1 mg of Xanax, 10 mg of Nortryptiline and I cannot calm down. I can't do this every fucking night. I cannot live like this.
Shelbynn, although it still mega sucks, mine did on average get quieter in months 3-6, and in the first few months I was literally on the verge of spontaneous death with the most out of control volume you can imagine - I think we all owe ourselves 12-24 months even if it is hell.

I'd say maybe 50% of days now I am suffering 24/7 vs 100% at the beginning (which is why my posts seem so erratic in terms of tone).
 
Shelbynn, although it still mega sucks, mine did on average get quieter in months 3-6, and in the first few months I was literally on the verge of spontaneous death with the most out of control volume you can imagine - I think we all owe ourselves 12-24 months even if it is hell.

I'd say maybe 50% of days now I am suffering 24/7 vs 100% at the beginning (which is why my posts seem so erratic in terms of tone).
It's such a gamble. But you're right I guess. Either way if it doesn't get better by the 12 month mark I still always have the option to end it. I just can't deal with this routine of it screaming so loudly my teeth hurt every night. It's only at night. During the day it's like it's not even there. And I keep everything quiet. I barely mask it because I want to get used to it but there's nothing to mask. I only hear it in the silence of my bathroom. But at night time it ramps up so loudly nothing masks it at all. I don't know why it does that.
 
It's such a gamble. But you're right I guess. Either way if it doesn't get better by the 12 month mark I still always have the option to end it. I just can't deal with this routine of it screaming so loudly my teeth hurt every night. It's only at night. During the day it's like it's not even there. And I keep everything quiet. I barely mask it because I want to get used to it but there's nothing to mask. I only hear it in the silence of my bathroom. But at night time it ramps up so loudly nothing masks it at all. I don't know why it does that.
Depending on when you take your meds, could be calming it down during the active period and then ramping it up as it leaves your system. Intermediate benzos have effects for about 11 to 20 hours.
 
Depending on when you take your meds, could be calming it down during the active period and then ramping it up as it leaves your system. Intermediate benzos have effects for about 11 to 20 hours.
Yeah I only take my Xanax at night. So it would make sense that things are ramping up by the next night. I don't know how I'm going to get out of that trap now.

My mom is threatening to commit me. Looks like I'm not reaching out and telling her or my family how I'm feeling anymore
 
Yeah I only take my Xanax at night. So it would make sense that things are ramping up by the next night. I don't know how I'm going to get out of that trap now.

My mom is threatening to commit me. Looks like I'm not reaching out and telling her or my family how I'm feeling anymore
Went down this road. Put an unfortunate spin on who they care about more, their comfort level or their grown up child being reduced back to a child.
 
Yeah I only take my Xanax at night. So it would make sense that things are ramping up by the next night. I don't know how I'm going to get out of that trap now.

My mom is threatening to commit me. Looks like I'm not reaching out and telling her or my family how I'm feeling anymore
Sorry you're struggling. For your sake, stay out of the psychiatric ward. It's dead quiet in there and I was stuck in there for weeks. I felt just as bad when I got out.

Just be thankful yours is tolerable during the day. Mine is catastrophic 24/7. I never get a break. Ever.
 
So tired of this guys. The H pain eating away at me, I feel like I'm living in another world. The isolation is so depressing too
Yeah that horrible "twilight zone" feeling is really depressing. I don't have hyperacusis pain but I have very debilitating reactive tinnitus. I still feel like I live in another world one year later. I have been drinking tonight too so I feel about more honest or "bolder " than I normally would. I'm not an alcoholic really but the alcohol makes me escape the reactive tinnitus and distortions for awhile because I'm not as aware of it when I'm tipsy or drunk.

I have been wanting to call my neurologist to ask for Keppra but I have to find the phone number on the paperwork or whatever.
 
I can't deal with this. I am in distress. 2 months in and I see no way out. Only my kids are keeping me going but surely when they grow up if they knew what I was going through they would understand?
 
I have been unable to sleep the past few days, I wake up with heart racing and severe anxiety. I sleep near someone because I'm scared. Yesterday I slept much longer by putting on this RESound app, music of nature. I pray my tinnitus goes away. I can't eat properly or do anything I used to. I'm so scared it will be there forever and how could I live with that. People who do are so brave.

Yes, I've had it for one week now.
You need to get into a ENT. Depending on your cause, getting steroids on board early can make a huge difference.
 
I can't deal with this. I am in distress. 2 months in and I see no way out. Only my kids are keeping me going but surely when they grow up if they knew what I was going through they would understand?
Don't think too much about the future. Just survive day by day for now. You can do it. Soon you will start realizing that the way you feel now is temporary. Tinnitus will lose its power to alter your mood, even if the sounds do not change. Hard to believe for you at this point, but it will happen, of that I am sure.
 
Not having a good day. Thank god I have a gun by me at all times to exit the world if the pain just suddenly ramps up to new insane levels again. I have very bad noxacusis now despite my diligence.
 
Not having a good day. Thank god I have a gun by me at all times to exit the world if the pain just suddenly ramps up to new insane levels again. I have very bad noxacusis now despite my diligence.
I am sorry to read about that you have noxacusis now. I 've developed noxacusis for more than a week already. I think noxacusis is the epitome of suffering among all these ear problems we are talking about here on the this forum. I wish I had a gun too. Sigh...
 
I am sorry to read about that you have noxacusis now. I 've developed noxacusis for more than a week already. I think noxacusis is the epitome of suffering among all these ear problems we are talking about here on the this forum. I wish I had a gun too. Sigh...
Some of my friends are open to me euthanizing myself so honestly that's the route I'll go.
 
Not having a good day. Thank god I have a gun by me at all times to exit the world if the pain just suddenly ramps up to new insane levels again. I have very bad noxacusis now despite my diligence.
Suicide by gun has a 50% failure rate, and the consequences of failure are disastrous, so you might think about it again.
 
Suicide by gun has a 50% failure rate, and the consequences of failure are disastrous, so you might think about it again.
Fair... I'll probably just use sodium nitrite then. 100% success rate.

Today is awful, I cannot live with this pain, it's so severe I cannot leave my bed, vertigo, visual snow, noxacusis, horrible dysacusis and pulsatile tinnitus.

God help us!!!
 
I am fully convinced I am suffering some unknown autoimmune disorder. My eyesight is basically fading away the same as my hearing is. I have pulsatile tinnitus, horrible head pains, skin issues and random rashes and a general feeling of being ill, and light vertigo at times... fuck this!
 
I had been doing well these past few years. My tinnitus was very mild and seemed to be stable no matter what I did. I took meds, took a bunch of vaccines (even the hep A vaccine which I found out later has an aminoglycoside antibiotic in it), traveled to 40 or so different countries, had noise exposures that made me uncomfortable, and nothing caused me a permanent spike. I had spikes here and there but nothing major. I rarely noticed or thought about my tinnitus.

Now, 5 days after having the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine my tinnitus in my right ear has spiked out of nowhere and I cannot live with this sound. It may not be a result of the vaccine, it could very well be a random spike, but I've never experienced a spike this loud that last more than a few hours, so I'm assuming this will be permanent. I will not make it through this. And I'm oddly at peace with it. I've had some amazing experiences these past few years. Things that if not for my tinnitus I may have never done. So I'm grateful. And I'm ready to be done with this whole thing.

I wish you all the best of luck.
 
I had been doing well these past few years. My tinnitus was very mild and seemed to be stable no matter what I did. I took meds, took a bunch of vaccines (even the hep A vaccine which I found out later has an aminoglycoside antibiotic in it), traveled to 40 or so different countries, had noise exposures that made me uncomfortable, and nothing caused me a permanent spike. I had spikes here and there but nothing major. I rarely noticed or thought about my tinnitus.

Now, 5 days after having the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine my tinnitus in my right ear has spiked out of nowhere and I cannot live with this sound. It may not be a result of the vaccine, it could very well be a random spike, but I've never experienced a spike this loud that last more than a few hours, so I'm assuming this will be permanent. I will not make it through this. And I'm oddly at peace with it. I've had some amazing experiences these past few years. Things that if not for my tinnitus I may have never done. So I'm grateful. And I'm ready to be done with this whole thing.

I wish you all the best of luck.
You've been able to have all those nice life experiences many of us haven't, and then you want to off yourself FIVE (5!) DAYS into a tinnitus spike.

Does not make sense, bro. I'd understand if it was one year into a spike, but 5 days is just ridiculous and a waste of life.
 
I had been doing well these past few years. My tinnitus was very mild and seemed to be stable no matter what I did. I took meds, took a bunch of vaccines (even the hep A vaccine which I found out later has an aminoglycoside antibiotic in it), traveled to 40 or so different countries, had noise exposures that made me uncomfortable, and nothing caused me a permanent spike. I had spikes here and there but nothing major. I rarely noticed or thought about my tinnitus.

Now, 5 days after having the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine my tinnitus in my right ear has spiked out of nowhere and I cannot live with this sound. It may not be a result of the vaccine, it could very well be a random spike, but I've never experienced a spike this loud that last more than a few hours, so I'm assuming this will be permanent. I will not make it through this. And I'm oddly at peace with it. I've had some amazing experiences these past few years. Things that if not for my tinnitus I may have never done. So I'm grateful. And I'm ready to be done with this whole thing.

I wish you all the best of luck.
You said in the vaccine thread that your spike is fluctuating. If it went back to baseline even more than once, there is absolutely a good chance that it will subside permanently.

Do not kill yourself because of this spike. Spike can last days/weeks and go back to baseline.
 
Now, 5 days after having the Moderna COVID-19 vaccine my tinnitus in my right ear has spiked out of nowhere and I cannot live with this sound. It may not be a result of the vaccine, it could very well be a random spike, but I've never experienced a spike this loud that last more than a few hours, so I'm assuming this will be permanent. I will not make it through this. And I'm oddly at peace with it. I've had some amazing experiences these past few years. Things that if not for my tinnitus I may have never done. So I'm grateful. And I'm ready to be done with this whole thing.

I wish you all the best of luck.
Sounds like you have been doing this long enough to know that you'll more than likely return to your baseline. I hope you don't do anything rash. There's so much more to do and see. And legitimate help is just months away. I wish you the best.
 
I've made my decision to die soon. I have way too many incurable health problems for a very long time that have all worsened after getting tinnitus and hyperacusis. My life is just irreparably broken and I have no more reason to live. My other health issues are now way bigger than tinnitus and hyperacusis and I am a literal vegetable now as if hyperacusis wasn't enough. Fuck life.
 
In the deep, deep waters. I must resist for my kids but I don't know how. I am sorry for all of you in this thread, it keeps being heartbreaking. I wish we would all heal. Life can be so brutally arbitrary and cruel.
 
Spike from ambulance siren.

Can't take this anymore. I can't ****ing move! No money. Sirens are going by constantly.

I hate these people.

I don't think I have ever read anything here about the science of spikes.

I don't care if anxiety leads to any. I think it's important to know about noise (trauma) and spikes. Has anyone ever asked researchers about that? Any clue?

So frustrating and infuriating.
 
I have stopped taking my blood pressure meds. Hoping it will knock 10-15 off my life. I can't deal with this anymore. It isn't even the constant 24/7 bilateral screaming, it's the fucking vibration in my brain, the pressure in my ears, the ear pain, the sensitivity to sound. I've only had this 2 months but doctors have been anything from useless to neglectful and they are done with me now. I'm on my own. My new psych I was referred to has left me feeling worse and there is no way I'm going back to her. She treated and spoke to me like a fucking infant, not the grown woman with post grad university qualifications that I am. I'm not stupid, I'm in absolute distress caused by a condition she clearly cannot possibly understand.
 

Log in or register to get the full forum benefits!

Register

Register on Tinnitus Talk for free!

Register Now