Suicidal

[all to gain]

It has only been 5 months for you, right? Statistically there is good chance it could get better. If neuromod doesn't work michigan might

The Michigan thing might never appear and Shore said she would be happy if it helped 25% of the people. All the drugs are years off coming to the market.

I'm only alive for my kids. But don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

 

[MRItechssuck]

I've always been careful around buses and trucks...the air brakes! They always seem to release as I'm walking by.

Another trick that helps a bit is looking AT or AWAY from the source so your ear isn't pointing directly at the noise.....especially when on a city street next to a reflective brick wall as traffic rolls by. YMMV.

 

[PeteJ]

I've always been careful around buses and trucks...the air brakes! They always seem to release as I'm walking by.

Another trick that helps a bit is looking AT or AWAY from the source so your ear isn't pointing directly at the noise.....especially when on a city street next to a reflective brick wall as traffic rolls by. YMMV.

I live in a city at a bad intersection. I object to the guy who said it is easy and doable to avoid loud noise.

 

[valeri]

I'm having a bad day today. I'm now getting a full on wine glass rim sound in my right ear and I have this high pitched piercing tone that make my tinnitus react to certain noises and it gets worse. Every day is a battlefield of struggling to get through it at work, with people, with my family that I just can't relax with and be myself because I'm doubled over in mental torment, stuck between worlds of this one and wanting to be on the next where I hope this ends.

I love my kids and my wife. Yet I want to leave them here with my transferred pain but likewise I can't go through with it and I should know as I went to the woods in the middle of the night on Friday with a rope and I couldn't go through with it. This is Hell on Earth.

Where the hell are all these researchers and their potions? A clairvoyant told me I would not die with this noise. It would be a thing of the past when my time comes but at this rate it bloody well will. I cannot face another week at work trying to pretend everything is fucking alright!!

Allan is there any way you can take some time off work to ease the load on your mental state at least?

I know it's probably better to be occupied but considering your position it may be more beneficial to take a step back.

Pushing yourself to be appear normal while suffering severe tinnitus is only for super humans like us.

 

[valeri]

@Greg Sacramento

Greg our of curiosity how did you end up with severed nerve in your jaw?

Did you know there's a possibility of it happening?

 

[Andy9214]

I feel the same the only thing holding me back it the thought of hurting others around me just can't do it as much as I wish I could.

 

[Star64]

Oh sure ATG - you can ask me anything.
I am now 77 years old and fairly fit apart from 'T'.
Years ago I had psychotherapy to get over some early infantile depression.
I learnt meditation from an excellent teacher and do some every morning.
It helped me get used to my 'sounds' without fretting.
xx

Hi Jazzer, I have just watched Daves tinnitus story on YouTube after I had read in one of your previous posts you had made a video. Well, I would not have believed you were anywhere near this age, you were a handsome young man and have certainly kept your looks as you have aged.

I now know why @Daniel Lion wants to dress up as you in his swimsuit.

Your video was a bit of a tear jerker for me, you spoke with such honesty about this condition and when I saw how happy you looked when you spoke of the love of your career which you sadly lost to this horrid condition, I could not stop the tears. I commend you for making this video to show people just how much one can suffer from tinnitus.

You obviously have many talents, one of which is making beautiful music, but your talent for being a kind and compassionate man is also definitely a huge stand out...

 

[Chinmoku]

The Michigan thing might never appear and Shore said she would be happy if it helped 25% of the people. All the drugs are years off coming to the market.

I'm only alive for my kids. But don't know how much more of this shit I can take.

I think Shore is being conservative with that figure. It's just the beginning for multimodal neuromodulation, it will progress faster. Yes drugs are years away but neuromodulation could help in the meantime.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Dig deep... and then dig deeper...

Cry for what you love, what you lost... and what you will receive.
I know, you know what pain, what anguish is.
Big hugs for everyone.......I get it, I understand.

I don't have the words, I can't lie to you.
I can only suggest that you, me, fight, be proactive with meditation, exercise, diet, and optimism. Anything we can control or change... we do that...

I am sorry for everyone on this thread, it's awful.
I hope that over time, we, you, me, will find some relief. I remain hopeful and optimistic that this is possible for many posters here.

Sincerely, Daniel

 

[Allan1967]

Allan is there any way you can take some time off work to ease the load on your mental state at least?

I know it's probably better to be occupied but considering your position it may be more beneficial to take a step back.

Pushing yourself to be appear normal while suffering severe tinnitus is only for super humans like us.

I can't. I've already been off enough as it is.

 

[ajc]

I can't. I've already been off enough as it is.

But if you were to commit suicide, you'd be off work permanently.

Surely you can take more time off work AND keep living...

 

[Allan1967]

But if you were to commit suicide, you'd be off work permanently.

Surely you can take more time off work AND keep living...

Everything would be permanent. I've tried to end it 3 times this weekend.

I cannot stand it anymore. In fact it's not even my tinnitus/hyperacusis, it's this hopelessness I feel.

 

[MRItechssuck]

Look, I haven't sought help for my tinnitus in 15 years....and now it is worse than it probably ever was. I was awoken out of sleep at 0400 by this sleeping right next to the air purifier/fan on full blast.

What has helped me these past few days is reading posts from you and others. I skipped out on forums once my tinnitus habituated a few years back and I should have been helping others during that time.

You are helping others, whether you believe it or not. Please go to an emergency room ASAP and get some help.

 

[Daniel Lion]

Everything would be permanent. I've tried to end it 3 times this weekend.

I cannot stand it anymore. In fact it's not even my tinnitus/hyperacusis, it's this hopelessness I feel.

I am sorry brother Allan.

What do you think? Should you check in with a hospital, can you sleep at a church?
What does your wife say?
Is there any professionals in th UK that can help, without being locked up and losing your rights.
Let's brainstorm a plan.

Forget about the noose for a moment...
Let's throw some ideas around...
Staying in the countryside with friends or family?
Going on the dole?
Michael Leigh has info, he won't publicly release about working the system... PM him...
Sorry Michael but I read a post where you mentioned that.
Allen needs help and has got a dependent family...

Let's throw some ideas around, see if we can come up with an emergency plan...
Can you quit your job? Or somehow get a disability leave or compensation?
You shouldn't be at work now... you need help and healing.

Let's throw some ideas around.
Let's try that... ok...

I am keeping the computer on... I am here.

 

[Jcb]

Everything would be permanent. I've tried to end it 3 times this weekend.

I cannot stand it anymore. In fact it's not even my tinnitus/hyperacusis, it's this hopelessness I feel.

Allan I'm so sorry you are going through this, that everybody is and I know it's just words on a screen but I think we all feel helpless to really help.

Listen to Daniel, maybe check in somewhere and get medical help for how you are feeling. I know you have a family to support but you need to take time away form work for a while, normally I think it's good for distraction but I think you past that point now.

I get it about ending your life and that being in permanent silence sounds like the only way to go, I truly do. But you need to keep pushing through somehow, find that strength to keep putting one foot in front of each other and hoping tomorrow will be that bit better. I know you tried Mutebutton and it didn't help, but there are other devices and possible treatments on the horizon that may just take the noise down a bearable level.

As somebody who has been affected by suicide, the after affect is devastating on the ones left behind, I still feel that every single day. I know this is purely selfish thinking on my part mate and at the end of the day it's your choice and I respect that but I can't not say anything about the affect it will have on your family, I'm so sorry.

 

[Allan1967]

I am sorry brother Allan.

What do you think? Should you check in with a hospital, can you sleep at a church?
What does your wife say?
Is there any professionals in th UK that can help, without being locked up and losing your rights.
Let's brainstorm a plan.

Forget about the noose for a moment...
Let's throw some ideas around...
Staying in the countryside with friends or family?
Going on the dole?
Michael Leigh has info, he won't publicly release about working the system... PM him...
Sorry Michael but I read a post where you mentioned that.
Allen needs help and has got a dependent family...

Let's throw some ideas around, see if we can come up with an emergency plan...
Can you quit your job? Or somehow get a disability leave or compensation?
You shouldn't be at work now... you need help and healing.

Let's throw some ideas around.
Let's try that... ok...

I am keeping the computer on... I am here.

I cat not work Daniel. I've got too much to lose.

 

[MRItechssuck]

Allen, you do have much to lose, and the people around you would certainly have too much to lose.

I'm new here but not new to tinnitus. I regret that I took my habituation for granted for years when I could have been counseling new sufferers. Now I am a new sufferer and an old sufferer....reading your posts on these forums have been a great help.

 

[all to gain]

Dear @all to gain
I absolutely hear you loud and clear.
This situation is the gravest tragedy that can hit anybody
We are forced into being life long heroes in order to survive.
Our poor wives, husbands, children.
And they will never actually experience the nightmare that we cope with in order to stay with them.
If you are interested to see what my jazz trombone life was like, you can access it here in 'Jazzer's Videos,' or watch my awareness film on YouTube "Dave's Tinnitus Story."
Obviously I admit to myself the catastrophe that has hit me - but I play it down to my family as far as possible.
Very best wishes buddy,
Dave x
Jazzer

I found the video and will give it a look later.

I am desperate. Really worried now that I'm going to suffer many hearing and eye problems; all while my kids are growing up.

I'm still just so angry, 4 months after the event. Can't go back in time, but I go over the events again and again saying what if. Pointless really, but I can't help it. Just hate my new life!! Hate my new reality and what it has done to both me and my family.

 

[MRItechssuck]

It sucks, "all to gain" it really does. I'm sorry, but that won't help you with the anger and the worry.
I told my wife this morning, I'm sorry but I'm constantly pissed off because of this.

You have every right to be angry, but try not to worry. Worry is about possible bad outcomes which you have no control.

I've been soul searching these past 5 days. I've always been an involved Dad, but now the only joy I have is through family and their growth and achievements. You have your family, give them a hug every day and reflect on how lucky we are. But yes, the noises in our heads suck, don't let the anger and worry consume you and make things worse. I'm trying to help, even though it probably didn't. Sorry.

 

[dan]

Look, I haven't sought help for my tinnitus in 15 years....and now it is worse than it probably ever was. I was awoken out of sleep at 0400 by this sleeping right next to the air purifier/fan on full blast.

What has helped me these past few days is reading posts from you and others. I skipped out on forums once my tinnitus habituated a few years back and I should have been helping others during that time.

You are helping others, whether you believe it or not. Please go to an emergency room ASAP and get some help.

Hi, could you describe your tinnitus back then and now?

 

[CamilleCR]

I have read threads on here started by people who say they are suicidal due to chronic tinnitus. I know how they feel because I am, too. My tinnitus used to be very bearable. I never heard it much unless I listened for it.

Then, two years ago, I got a bad head cold, and I woke up one day with my ears just roaring like I was standing in Niagara Falls. It got somewhat better with summer weather, but lately, it's been pretty constant.

I saw an ENT who is supposed to be so good, and all he told me was that I had mild hearing loss in one ear. I've known that for years, and it doesn't impair my life in any way. The roaring I hear, I've discovered, is different from my tinnitus. I can hear my low level tinnitus below the roaring. If I take a tranquilizer and be very still, the tinnitus will usually quiet down. However, if I sleep for even fifteen minutes, it's back roaring. Exercise seems to make it worse. My cholesterol levels are in the optimum range, both HDL and LDL. My blood pressure is fine. I've not had a vitamin check, but I intend on getting one soon. I was in an accident four years ago, and still cannot walk well. I changed orthopedic surgeons and found I need a ligament rebuilt. I can get around with a cane, though. I sleep on a futon that tilts to one side and am pretty sedentary now due to the accident. I usually get the roaring on awakening in the ear that tilted downward during sleep.

I'm wondering if blood flow has anything to do with my roaring ears? Maybe it pools in my ear at night? I don't know. I'm not as knowledgeable about these things as most of you are. Increased blood flow with exercise seems to make sense to me too. I think the ENT I saw just wanted to sell me very expensive hearing aids (I found them half price somewhere else) and I've not purchased them yet. I can hear the TV well when it's normal sound and I'm on a different floor.

I just know I cannot live like this any longer. Doctors don't seem to help, a noise machine at night doesn't help, I can't exercise much at all. Not yet, and if I try, my ears begin to roar.

Anyone have any idea what this could be?

Thank you very much for your time and help. I hope we all find relief sooner rather than later.

 

[Daniel Lion]

I cat not work Daniel. I've got too much to lose.

Understood...

Can you take leave?

Is there a legal loophole you can exploit?
Can you talk to your boss? or is that hopeless?

You need a couple months off work?
Can yo talk to your GP, get a letter and take that to get a disability claim?

 

[MRItechssuck]

Hi, could you describe your tinnitus back then and now?

It's tough to remember, but the anxiety and hopelessness and intensity all seem about the same if not worse.

I have a loud high-pitched hiss, and a little sensitivity this time around, both ears, possible hearing loss this time.

The difference really is between when I was 30-something versus now 50....I have kids. So yes I get anxious and lose hope like everyone else, but frankly I need to suck it up because I have people relying on me.
No offense to anyone else and their situation.

You know I have found NO ENTs on emergency call....none. So when I finally figured out what treatment to get Friday evening into Saturday....there is no one available. The minute clinic and emergency room people don't know what the heck they are doing either.

So hope and prayers...

 

[Mister Muso]

So yes I get anxious and lose hope like everyone else, but frankly I need to suck it up because I have people relying on me.

This is one of the main things that keeps me going and stops my thoughts from spiralling into a bad place.

But if you think that's not you, think on this:

Your future self is relying on you.

If you have no parents, or even friends that you think would miss you (which is probably not the case), then do something today that your future self will thank you for. This isn't a fridge magnet platitude - this is the every day reality when you have got nothing left.

Let's all be kind to ourselves.

 

[Star64]

Let's all be kind to ourselves.

Well said Mister Muso.

"If you want others to be happy, practice compassion. If you want to be happy, practice compassion." -- Dalai Lama

With us all suffering from this horrid condition COMPASSION is the key word, even for ourselves in this misery.
I have nothing but compassion for everybody on this site, and hope, never lose hope, pain is real, but so is hope.

Hang in there @Allan1967 you have a whole community here batting for you, we are always here for you, never forget that, you are not alone.

 

[all to gain]

I simply can't accept this alien that has inhabited my head. I'm only 4 months in, but I just don't think in can accept it.
I so want to be normal again. It isn't going to happen. Now think my future is going to be one of constant ear and eye problems. Deaf by 55? I'm 49 now. Couldn't take that at all.

I keep reading that it's a harmless sound. Is it hell. That sound is there for a reason; something has gone wrong.

 

[dan]

I simply can't accept this alien that has inhabited my head. I'm only 4 months in, but I just don't think in can accept it.
I so want to be normal again. It isn't going to happen. Now think my future is going to be one of constant ear and eye problems. Deaf by 55? I'm 49 now. Couldn't take that at all.

I keep reading that it's a harmless sound. Is it hell. That sound is there for a reason; something has gone wrong.

You can habituate to this sound unless it's like really loud as fcuk...

 

[Daniel Lion]

I simply can't accept this alien that has inhabited my head. I'm only 4 months in, but I just don't think in can accept it.
I so want to be normal again. It isn't going to happen. Now think my future is going to be one of constant ear and eye problems. Deaf by 55? I'm 49 now. Couldn't take that at all.

I keep reading that it's a harmless sound. Is it hell. That sound is there for a reason; something has gone wrong.

The sound is not harmless... it is hell.

You are grieving for the life you lost.

I cried for an hour straight today... it's ok.
It's gonna take time... it's gonna take time... perhaps a year to start to climb up and regain what you lost and discover new things you didn't know existed.

It's horrible, life is cruel. I lost so much... believe me.
Control everything that is in your power, exercise, diet, breathing, massage, relaxation techniques... etc...

Hold on... you are going through the worst part...
You can do this...

Member Lane amongst others here knows a lot about ototoxic issues and potential remedies.
Easy does it... time to do some research and fight... and cry.

Wish I could heal you up bro... hoping things ease up ASAP for you.

 

[all to gain]

The sound is not harmless... it is hell.

You are grieving for the life you lost.

I cried for an hour straight today... it's ok.
It's gonna take time... it's gonna take time... perhaps a year to start to climb up and regain what you lost and discover new things you didn't know existed.

It's horrible, life is cruel. I lost so much... believe me.
Control everything that is in your power, exercise, diet, breathing, massage, relaxation techniques... etc...

Hold on... you are going through the worst part...
You can do this...

Member Lane amongst others here knows a lot about ototoxic issues and potential remedies.
Easy does it... time to do some research and fight... and cry.

Wish I could heal you up bro... hoping things ease up ASAP for you.

You're still crying after 2 years Daniel. My counselor took 10 years to get to the point where she could handle her tinnitus. I just fear life now.

My counselor said my doctor was to blame for the tinnitus, my brother said the complete opposite. People look at things differently from different perspectives.

 

[MRItechssuck]

It sucks. But there are people that keep pressing on in life that have no limbs, have had horrible accidents, etc... these are all tragic situations... and so is tinnitus. I am not diminishing anyone's pain I their individual situation.

In my opinion, one of the worst aspects of tinnitus is fear of the unknown and the day-to-day roller coaster.

An amputee can become resolved to move on because it's obvious the limb is not coming back. Tinnitus sufferers have hope that things will normalize, and for many it doesn't... and worse, there is the fear of it getting worse... every damn day. That is the anxiety and stress that is overwhelming.

Sometimes I wonder if it is better just to figure nothing will be the same. So now what does one do?
Give up, or use what tools you still have left to make the world a better place?

Sorry I don't mean to be preachy because I have played out in my head 100 times if only I had done this, if only I had done that... differently.