2049v

@2049v i work part time as a driver. It's nice, since i don't have morning shifts. Yes, i do think life is supposed to be a gift, but sadly it isn't always so. My t is severe in that i can always hear it, and it has been interfering with my sleep, and my sense of wellbeing.

I tell myself 'patience' every day. No other medical conditions luckily enough. I've started eating plant based, i've discovered that food is actually sort of a medicine, with great benefit for our health and wellbeing.

@L along the way,
So, has it been severe for 12 years? How have you managed to live with it all these years? Have you used any medications during this time? Sleeping pills, antidepressants, benzodiazepines, etc.?

It's understandable to feel like this.. i also have been enduring a lot, and it's really not fun.. just remember that you didn't ask for all this.. trying to be kind to yourself

@L along the way, No matter what I do, no matter what I think, nothing works.

@2049v this is the thing i struggle with too, like what is an actual solution for this? And sadly.. nobody has any answer basically. Yes, i do believe that a healthy lifestyle (i switched to plant based foods), mindfulness and plenty of rest is good, also distraction. But it hasn't cured t. So, that's why i try to put my trust in the hope that time is a healer.. i mean.. what else sensible can i do

@2049v i don't know how i'm still alive tbh. The stresses i've been through.. pff.. somehow the days have passed and im still here.. i've suffered for many years.. sadly.. now i just wish a calm life and praying for t to heal, hope to finally find some real peace

@L along the way, do you have a family? How old are you? Do you live alone?

@2049v I am single, 36. I have some hope of finding new love, and maybe starting a family some day, but for now my own wellbeing deserves most priority and care

@kingsfan, I try to do things I used to enjoy to escape this curse, but as soon as I step outside, I experience balance issues and nothing feels enjoyable. Three months ago, I woke up one morning, and everything was over for me.

@2049v I totally get that. Considering where you are in your journey. 4 months in with no Sleep and my wife was looking to have me committed. It's hard to say what will happen should you stay in the fight. But I've been here long enough to see major improvements in most people. And others habituate to a livable degree. I wish you the best. Truely.

@tomytl, Thank you for your supportive words, my friend. They truly mean a lot to me. One morning, I woke up with hearing problems, ear pain, dizziness, hyperacusis, and extremely severe tinnitus. Suddenly, I found myself in the middle of hell. I just want to escape from this.

Yep, im also done with analysing and trying to explain it.. i only know i just wish natural wellbeing, the sense of wellness.. it's like a long lost friend, hoping to revisit soon hopefully

@L along the way, I have been thinking about my own death and I would like to have ‘My Life’s Anthem’ played at my funeral :)

https://youtu.be/asL4qxHVS-k?si=RPU5Ze4d9vpwYuj9

Yes. It began out of the blue as I sat eating lunch at home one day and has slowly worsened since.

@Pinhead, fucking hell man, can't imagine that. Have you had any relief at all at some point? Have you been diagnosed with something?

No doctors have been able to give me any guidance. I'm not sure what is going on. It's just been pure hell.

@Asta, I understand. The ENT told me that my hearing wouldn’t be an issue, but I can’t hear as clearly as before, I can’t distinguish sounds, and I find it very difficult to understand people in places with background noise—sometimes I can’t even understand them at all. Do you have the same problem?

I had NO problem before the microsuction. I wasn't even aware of what tinnitus felt like...

I have been describing it as an altered sense of hearing. When I cup my ear in my hand and listen for the 'sounds of the sea' that you can normally create, it's not there- asthough there is a problem with conduction or amplification or something. My ET I keep looking in the hole that it might help, but it didn't l doesn't...

@Asta, Our hearing issues are quite similar, but mine started due to headphone use. Are you certain yours began after microsuction? It might have been the last straw. Were you exposed to loud noises before that? Like headphones, nightclubs, concerts, etc.?

@tomytl, no my friend, why would I be bothered by your messages? Talking to people who can understand me reminds me that I’m not bearing this curse alone, and it lightens my burden a little. It’s really unfortunate that this happened to you despite wearing ear protection. I mean, you’re doing your best, but still, this trouble doesn’t leave you alone.

Yesterday, I was able to confirm just how powerful the brain is. I tested some frequencies, and at 400 Hz, I hear much less on the left than on the right. However, the brain balances it out so well that I even thought the sound was coming more from the right.

@tomytl, I hope that, as in sudden hearing loss, there will be similar recoveries in acoustic trauma.

Oh yes, imagine living forever with all this crap

@Juliane, that's what makes me wanna die sooner :D

As I said I would prefer to be dead instead of living everday with this torture and I don't fear death, I don't see it as something bad. I want all of my family and friends to know that my suffering will end when I die.

I often hear that gratitude is a good attitude, but im thinking to myself too.. gratitude when there's things to be grateful for. I'm grateful for some things in my life, but not for misfortunes. Of course i read your sarcasm, but i feel you.. i would be grateful for a healthy life

@L along the way, I wouldn't wish anyone in the world to go through what I've experienced. Even the worst criminals can be sentenced to death, and death is a release in itself. However, no one with any sense of human dignity should ever have to endure what I am going through.

@2049v i feel you, it felt like a cruel joke how life can be this way.. what's there to say.. myself am just going day by day, trying to take away other stressors, resting a lot, trying to be mentally kind to yourself, and trying to let go.. i hope a better day can come, a new day.. when we will feel reborn

@AfroSnowman, I didn’t know that experiencing hell on earth was possible until I developed these damn inner ear problems. As if living with this difficulty isn’t enough, not being able to prove this disability only adds to the misery. None of us deserve this. Even the most heinous criminals in the world are not punished like this.

@2049v I am so sorry you are going through this. You are right to not accept any medication for anxiety. I have loved ones who try to push meds on me as well. I have refused so far. These meds are super dangerous. Please do your best to stay off them.

@Juliane, Yes, especially after seeing the issues caused by the withdrawal of benzos, I realized this. No, thank you, I’d rather not. Unfortunately, we have been struck by a cursed condition, one that leaves medicine helpless in its darkest corners. To make this more bearable, I just live day by day, without thinking or worrying about tomorrow. Otherwise, it’s impossible to keep my sanity.

@L along the way, if only I knew there was avaliable treatment for my hearing, I could have waited. Not only I'm suffering from hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis but also having to explain this shit to family, friends and my gf is another torture. Noone understands these problems, even doctors. I don't give a f.. dude. I wish there was a button that I could use to disappear forever.

@2049v It sounds like a harsh situation. I wish life would be enjoyable. Suffering is the problem of life is how i see it. I hope things may ease out with time

@L along the way, the worst part is that even though I sought early treatments and informed the doctors, they didn’t provide them. In fact, two hearing tests said my hearing was "perfect," but it’s actually terrible. I have cochlear synaptopathy. Although the audiogram shows little loss, I hear things blurred, and my hearing has completely changed. I was such a happy guy before this torture started.

@Juliane Like it for the vibe and the soundtrack. I used to listen to this song a lot. Now it doesn't sound the same anymore. Woke up one day in hell, suffering since then. My hearing is terrible unfortunately.

Like it as well!

Talking about movies, i've watched Ben Hur (original one, from 1959) recently. Really good! Also seven samurai i found really good.

They’re terrible. I have acute acoustic trauma about 9 months ago. I have seen improvement. I hope we can continue to heal until back to normal

@MatthewR ofc, that's what I want as well, but we know that it's not possible for damaged hearing to recover. In this case, maybe hyperacusis and tinnitus could improve, but the hearing loss is the most distressing part. Every passing day I'm losing it more. It's not like I'm in panic or smth. I genuinely want to die/vanish every day.