Juliane

Juliane

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  • Juliane
    And now all has been made worse. I don't want to trigger people feeling down already, but I have decided to find a way out if my T
    Juliane
    the noise. I just want silence. Even if that means not being here anymore.
    View previous comments…
    Juliane
    @Jupiterman thanks for asking. To be honest, my tinnitus was never this bad before. It is the volume after the worsening that makes me realize that tinnitus is not just tinnitus. It can become unbearable due to the volume alone. Sorry. Don't want to take away hope from people
    4Grace
    Hey Juliane I am sorry to see you are having a rough time. Please don't feel sorry you are not taking away hope from people. Y
    4Grace
    The above meaning don't feel guilty for venting. We are here with you.
    Juliane
    I just feel maybe this worsening is a sign from the universe that my time here is up. Nothing more for me to contribute. I am going mad from
    Juliane
    I am trying every day but this has no expiration day. It is pointless. It only dissapears when I am gone.
    Juliane
    Can't keep pretending this is a life. Let's be honest, it is not. I can't imagine living years with such a stupid noise in my head. I won't
    Juliane
    I hope that in the very near future it will be just as normal to donate some (or all) of your will to tinnitus research as to other causes
    Juliane
    Maybe I should just accept that my life will never really be joyful again but maybe it will be tolerable at best?
    View previous comments…
    gameover
    @Wolfka Back to silence does not seem to work for me, I tried few times, though maybe not diligently enough. My T (and H) are just too severe it seems.
    gameover
    @Juliane. I do not know how but I started to sleep better with T. It is not like before (I never had sleep problems), but way better than in month 2-3. By month 4 it became much better. I tend to sleep too much again because it allow me to escape the torture. And then it messes up my sleep schedule, so not really helpful.
    Wolfka
    @Juliane I'm really Active during day, so in the evening I'm tired. Also during college I learned how to sleep even if there was a party in next room. This is kinda similar, but party is in my ear. Only noise in room is air cleaner which makes silent white noise. But its not running every night
    Juliane
    Why are we going through this? I don't understand it. It seems pointless. Suffering does not make me a better person. Not at all.
    gameover
    Not at all. I was angry. My anger is mostly gone, I am too weak for it anymore.
    Juliane
    2/3 I did it to myself would it be easier? No. I just don't think there is anyway to accept what T has reduced my life to. I just can't.
    Juliane
    1/3 That old annoying "acceptance". I don't think I can ever accept that my tinnitus worsened due to other people's thoughtlessness. If
    4Grace
    Hi Julian - how are you doing?
    Juliane
    @4Grace Thanks for asking. Thought I was doing a bit better but long meetings at work spiked my tinnitus. You know the kind of people who just keep on talking and talking.. I don't know what to do, I can't not take part in meetings. How are you doing?
    4Grace
    Sorry to hear. That's what happened to me at work. T was predominantly in my right ear. It has spread to my left ear. The worsening has me in a panic. Trying to stay calm.
    Juliane
    Has anyone here tried CoQ10?
    RunningMan
    I've been taking 100mg CoQ10 Ubiquinol (enhanced bioavailability and absorption) every evening for a a few years but sometimes had gaps where I didn't take it. I missed some doses recently. I can't say that I've noticed any change in my tinnitus. I started taking it because I had read it was recommended when taking a statin, which I started years back when my tinnitus was more mild.
    kingsfan
    yep. doesn't do anything.
    4alien2
    For 20 years I was surprised to see that you have had this, it really gives me strength to see people who have had this for years. That's a very long time and you are a very strong person and I admire you <3
    View previous comments…
    RunningMan
    My tinnitus started over 20 years ago also, and just slowly got worse over the years where white noise and fans no longer masked it, but it suddenly intensified to a new level in Feb 2022, which quickly become distressing causing anxiety, depression, and greater insomnia. Not much change in tinnitus since, but now TTTS and hyperacusis. I would take the previous 20 years of tinnitus over the last 18 months tinnitus.
    Juliane
    4Grace
    @RunningMan - wow. My heart goes out to you soooo much. Honest to God I am worsening daily. I am always staying in places where my T is at least partially masked and i think its making me worse.
    Juliane
    3/3 accepting. I am more a neurotic perfectionist. A wrong color or smell puts me off. This is the worst condition I could have gotten....
    View previous comments…
    Lurius
    I am the same. I've been trying to change and become more accepting, but there is just no way in hell I'm in accepting this. I actually look down on people who accept this.
    gameover
    Same.
    4Grace
    Interesting. We all have some sort of OCD. At the moment once again I don't see what coming out of this storm looks like .I went out to eat yesterday no protection had desert. I have a new angry T today. T is Angry as hell!
    Juliane
    2/3 to fix it. BAD combo with tinnitus that cannot be fixed and requires patience and acceptance. I am highly impatient and not very
    Juliane
    1/3 I feel that my own personality type might prevent my healing. I am a problem solver at heart, always looking for what's wrong and how
    View previous comments…
    4Grace
    @Juliane I will go over the impossible for ever until I find a solution. What scares me is even if this sound was not too loud, it might still drive me crazy…. and it's loud… and getting worse
    Juliane
    4Grace
    I feel very tired of pretending things are going to be okay. Sorry I am just being honest. I wish I could say my truth here. I can't … I see older people in peace walking around and making plans and get depressed. I feel like anyone that does not have T is blessed.
    Juliane
    If one is living a reasonable healthy and balanced life with no excesses, I strongly believe that only time can improve or even heal T
    Juliane
    I have this feeling that my life energy has diminished, even before T worsening. I am definitely not the same vibrant person
    4Grace
    Same ): maybe it will take a long time (sucks I know) but we might get better. You never know. Keep the hope for a better day :)
    brixenbrixen
    I changed too in a more sober person
    Juliane
    If the ego was dead, would T still be a problem?
    4Grace
    Great question. T probably forces you to have to let go of your ego to some degree. I think we would be better off if we could let of the ego with or without tinnitus. If I had to be honest, it would probably help a lot, but unfortunately, still an uphill battle.
    4Grace
    Was doing some reading regarding the ego. Someone said something like this. Every religion, i some way, teaches we must die before we are afraid to die. Suffering can be the only thing that destabilizes any ignorance and or arrogance. Suffering defined as anything that is not in our control. This hits home for me. I have noticed here that so many here feel bad for times when they were not kind. Incredible.
    Juliane
    MindOverMatter
    Yes, in many ways @Juliane . Everything worsens with stress and anxiety, and those are obstacles needed to bypass in order to accept (for now) and look forward. To "heal", to habituate, or whatever you may call it. This is my experience too. Its not the key to everything, but being calm within (no matter the buzzing) is vital.
    Juliane
    @MindOverMatter I just don't know if I can do it. It is too difficult, and I am too old and tired to go through such a challenge again. Would you say you have found that inner calm?
    MindOverMatter
    I've had tinnitus for just about 20 yrs. Relapse in 2019 after being fully habituated. I have more and more days where I am able to find back to inner calm again. But this is an ever ongoing process. Feeling blessed when I have good days, and can find peace within. It is never too late @Juliane and always hope. No matter age and how you feel today. Today is not tomorrow.
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