Juliane

Juliane

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  • Juliane
    I have this feeling that my life energy has diminished, even before T worsening. I am definitely not the same vibrant person
    4Grace
    Same ): maybe it will take a long time (sucks I know) but we might get better. You never know. Keep the hope for a better day :)
    brixenbrixen
    I changed too in a more sober person
    Juliane
    If the ego was dead, would T still be a problem?
    4Grace
    Great question. T probably forces you to have to let go of your ego to some degree. I think we would be better off if we could let of the ego with or without tinnitus. If I had to be honest, it would probably help a lot, but unfortunately, still an uphill battle.
    4Grace
    Was doing some reading regarding the ego. Someone said something like this. Every religion, i some way, teaches we must die before we are afraid to die. Suffering can be the only thing that destabilizes any ignorance and or arrogance. Suffering defined as anything that is not in our control. This hits home for me. I have noticed here that so many here feel bad for times when they were not kind. Incredible.
    Juliane
    MindOverMatter
    Yes, in many ways @Juliane . Everything worsens with stress and anxiety, and those are obstacles needed to bypass in order to accept (for now) and look forward. To "heal", to habituate, or whatever you may call it. This is my experience too. Its not the key to everything, but being calm within (no matter the buzzing) is vital.
    Juliane
    @MindOverMatter I just don't know if I can do it. It is too difficult, and I am too old and tired to go through such a challenge again. Would you say you have found that inner calm?
    MindOverMatter
    I've had tinnitus for just about 20 yrs. Relapse in 2019 after being fully habituated. I have more and more days where I am able to find back to inner calm again. But this is an ever ongoing process. Feeling blessed when I have good days, and can find peace within. It is never too late @Juliane and always hope. No matter age and how you feel today. Today is not tomorrow.
    Juliane
    Had a few decent nights in a row and now a horrible one again. T lets you think things are improving just to crush you again. The fun!
    cjbhab
    This is exactly how it is for me too. Sorry you are going through this.
    Juliane
    @cjbhab Thank you! This condition really pushes us to the edge.... :-( Sorry you are struggling too.
    Juliane
    I have always been an anxious person, but T sends me into fullblown paranoia. It's the loss of coping strategies
    BrOKeN_1
    I also have generalized anxiety as well. I get it. Finally accepting t as an annoyance not a threat is what gradually stopped the fight or flight symptoms. I've been on the endurance wagon since.
    SarahMLFlemmer
    I know. ❤️ Hang in there!
    Juliane
    One day my log will have something to say about all this.
    ECP
    I like your reference to The Log Lady from "Twin Peaks." : ) Also, I've been to Snoqualmie, Washington, where they filmed the show, and I can vouch for how quiet and peaceful it is.
    Juliane
    @ECP Sounds amazing. Would love to go there myself :-)
    Juliane
    Was considering trying milk thistle to detox, then found TT post saying it made T worse. Thank God for this life saver community!
    View previous comments…
    4Grace
    @Juliane Thank you once again for your kind words. How are you doing day to day? Were you able to continue at the new job? Sleep? It sounds like you were able to secure a new job while suffering from T. That's something you should be proud of.. not easy. So much kindness in your posts. I regret that I think I became a little sour :) If you can believe it, I once was the opposite.lol- We will get back one day.
    Juliane
    @4Grace Thank you too for your kindness! I have had two nights of decent sleep which felt like a miracle. But last night was horrible again. Yesterday was a stressful day so might be a connection there. I am just so tired of how life has become. As for my new job I am trying to hang on but must admit that it's very challenging
    Juliane
    So much kindness in your posts too! Hope you find relief now and then? Was so happy to read that you are sleeping again
    Juliane
    God please help me sleep. I am putting my faith in you.
    View previous comments…
    4Grace
    @Juliane I am not sure why I have never seen your question. Sorry! Yes. I took that for 4 days. It did not help with me with sleep and it really aggregated my tinnitus. I think I am a unique case. I tried 3 sleep meds and nothing worked. I had insomnia for 5 months. The only thing that worked for me was Mirtazapine. It's used off label for sleep.
    4Grace
    @Juliane - I believe it is the most prescribed AD for patients with Tinnitus. As you may already know most meds are not good for tinnitus. I spoke with the president of Tinnitus Canada and a doctor from the leading organization for tinnitus in the US a few months ago. Organization in Canada is fairly inactive.
    4Grace
    The organization in Canada advised me to take Mirt. 2 doctors also prescribed me the same. If nothing else works and you are stuck between a rock and a hard place I think this med is your best bet. As always ask your doctor. The lower the dose the better for sleep. I took it for 6 weeks. This included me getting on it and tapering off slowly.
    Juliane
    I should have told them I loved them every day instead of being proud. I have always been alone. I am doomed. Help me please, I am breaking
    4Grace
    You are not alone. Stay strong. I should follow my own advice. Therefore I know it's not easy. I am praying for you now. I wish I could do more for the people on here. We are here for you.
    Ngo13
    We are here for you!
    Juliane
    I love my family so much. I am so so sad. I have wasted my life being proud and ignorant of what matters. Forgive me. Please
    Juliane
    I am so so sorry for everything I've done wrong in this life. I could have done better. I know I am a bad person. I am so sorry
    4Grace
    You do not sound like a bad person at all. I feel the exact same way. At one time it consumed me. Every sin no matter how small came back to haunt me big time. All of them. Even the ones from many years ago. I am talking mostly about when I was not kind to people. Even though I thought of myself as a good person.
    AnthonyMcDonald
    If it makes you feel any better, there's no plan, everything that happens to people is random, it doesn't matter if they are good or bad.
    Juliane
    Juliane
    I know I have done bad things in my life. I have hurt people who loved me. I have been unkind, had unkind thoughts. Am I being punished?
    Juliane
    My tinnitus has only increased after starting my new job. I am thinking of quitting. Could it be stress driving it?
    View previous comments…
    4Grace
    Stress is not good for T but so are many other things . I am not sure of your financial situation or if it's loud where you work. What I can say for sure is that work is a great distraction. I stay home now and going a little stir crazy. If you can keep the job I would stay busy. It will help with the stress better then staying at home,
    Juliane
    Thanks both. Working from home and I do feel the distraction is nice but why then is the T getting worse?
    4Grace
    @Juliane I know. It seems no matter what I do mine gets worse. This is the hardest part. I think stable tinnitus can be a little easier. I hope things improve for you.
    Juliane
    If not for Tinnitus Talk I would have been so depressed. I still am, but TT makes me feel less alone. SO glad I found all of you!!
    Mo8409
    ❤️❤️
    4Grace
    I feel the same way. My family says why are you on that forum all the time. I tell them they are the only people that understand me… and they are all so kind!
    Juliane
    Because of T, I have no defense against old trauma left. Sorrow and pain overwhelm me at the moment. Anyone else feel this way?
    Juliane
    4/4 highest peak. I want to make heroes of those who honor their limitations. Be a new, quieter kind of hero. Leyla Ailyn.
    Juliane
    3/4 speed. I want to make heroes of those who slow down and sit with the ache in their hearts. A task many find harder than summiting the
    Juliane
    2/4 your body said "enough". How bold, how rebellious - you, out there - honoring your own natural rhythm, going against the culture's
    Juliane
    1/4 How brave you are for slowing down. For not finishing that to-do list. How courageous you are for not crossing that finish line because
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