Juliane

Juliane

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  • Juliane
    Sorry for rambling. Despairing fast and badly. I am not strong enough for torture without end. Why would I be? Hating life
    4Grace
    Please ramble all you want if it helps you. That's why we are here. I am so sorry this happened to you. You were wearing muffs. You should be okay. Some of the spike may have been caused because of the anxiety.
    Juliane
    But not the peltors, less heavy muffs only silencing with 26db. Thanks for answering ❤️
    Juliane
    I no longer believe that this universe wants me to stay alive. I feel hated by it, abused and tortured
    Juliane
    F.... Church Bells spiked me! Unbearable. I was wearing hearing protection but wasn't enough. I am devastated
    4Grace
    The spikes and set backs are when we have to be our strongest. It's hard to find the words because I know how it feels. You sacrifice so much then a moment can set you back. It will probably settle. Please give it some time.
    Juliane
    I am already isolating. From now on, I will isolate even more. Too dangerous to leave my home. Loud shit EVERYWHERE
    4Grace
    At this point I'm not sure if the isolation is killing me more then my T. Either way. Still looking for solution. I am sorry you are feeling this way.
    Juliane
    People with no health challenges (and currently not in a war or other catastrophe) have no right to complain
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Its all relative
    4Grace
    You only know when you know. Do people with other disabilities talk like we do? Why do I think they do not. This is so different. It like being allergic to air.
    Juliane
    T was behaving OK this morning. Now ramping up due to online meetings, coffee, moving around? Who the hell knows. Cant stay in bed all day
    MindOverMatter
    T winding up is quite normal when you have what we would refer to as "bothersome tinnitus" @Juliane You will get to the point where you accept it, for now, for what it is. Winding up doesn't mean you get worse, and you will get better, with time, to handle it. Yes, it is tiring and bothersome, but the less you react to it the less it will bother you. Acceptance is key imo.
    Juliane
    Everything is just so nightmarish. Cannot explain it in words. Too horrible. I am waiting to wake up but this is life. Unbearable
    L along the way
    Well.. I sometimes feel like.. i don't want do be disencouraging and be negative.. but honestly when i read some stories of you & others.. of course i don't wish suffering upon anyone, but it kinda comforting for me too that im not the only one going through such hell ride...the faith that time can be a healer is what helps me through.. hug
    Juliane
    I am so scared of the future. Crying and faking my way through each day. Terrified this is it for me
    tpj
    I try not to think about the future, just take each day as it comes. I'm scared too.
    Juliane
    Juliane
    Waking up from terrible nightmares during the night. Its like I have PTSD
    cyberspace
    When I go to the same places as when my tinnitus first worsened and I was at peak suicidality, my heart starts to race and I become dizzy and actively try to avoid the area/block out the thoughts. Seems like some sort of trauma response caused by tinnitus for sure
    Juliane
    The new sound in my head is not fading, on the contrary. I am terrified. I can't do this. It is so horrible
    L along the way
    Sorry to hear.. when I come here it's all so recognizable here.. been through so much.. and the t.. pffft.. but well.. trying to distract myself a bit.. rest a lot (taking supplements also for calm) and to have faith things may get better some day..
    Juliane
    Thank you for the supportive words @L along the way Hoping for better times ahead for both of us. This is the most crushing experience in my life and I worry that I will not make it. Support from family and friends is very limited. I guess they have no idea that tinnitus can be as bad as getting cancer and the like. Just cause it does not kill us, people seem to care less
    Juliane
    Off topic: so sad that Matthew Perry is gone :-( RIP FRIEND
    4Grace
    That poor soul suffered. I met him briefly at a club once. Many moons ago.
    Juliane
    Oh did you really? Would have loved to have met him. Yes he did seem to suffer a lot. Like many kind sensitive people do unfortunately
    4Grace
    I was watching the show with my wife, girlfriend at the time. It was something to see back then. Probably immature but I walked next to him and said I love your work. Just wanted to say something, best I could come up with at the time. Wow that brings back memories.
    Juliane
    Love to everyone here ❤️ If this condition has taught me anything it is that we human beings are nothing without each other
    Juliane
    Dear God. Please take away tinnitus and hyperacusis from all in this community. Please bless us with health in ears and heads. Amen
    Blix M. Paraglot
    I'm not sure what I believe in, probably nothing much anymore, to be honest. But thank you for caring enough to pray. I am trying to hang on for as long as I can.
    Juliane
    My new T sound is making me terrified
    View previous comments…
    RunningMan
    I know the feeling. I have a new chirping/beeping tone in my left ear for a week or so. It's not continuous, but it occurs frequently and increases anxiety, which was bad enough as it was.
    Juliane
    @RunningMan Why are we getting new sounds? I don't understand any of this
    RunningMan
    Medication? Noise exposure? I don't know. I just hope it eases and/or my brain can get used to it. I try to protect ears within reason like using ear protection when mowing and using a blender since I already have moderate hearing loss across the scale, especially over 8 Khz.
    Juliane
    I can't continue. This life is utter hell. Not worth it. It's a cruel joke at this stage
    gameover
    It sucks. I cried a lot last night and this morning. Collected myself some later. I need to keep trying. Please keep trying as well.
    Juliane
    It's like I am finally giving up after hoping so long that things would get better. And then they get worse. I just can't
    Juliane
    Juliane
    Sometimes I seriously wonder if I'm cursed. If it's a real thing. Sure seems that way
    View previous comments…
    gameover
    @Juliane. But one thing about you is you had T before and it wasn't without impact. Took you crazy long time to recover (7 years IIRC). But you did. Is the new T is so much louder than the first?
    Juliane
    @gameover Yes correct. My worsened T is so much more terrifying because it is louder, changes and is highly reactive. All sound including normal conversation makes it worse. It is life shattering
    Juliane
    While my previous T could spike and make life hell too, I realize now that it was much more stable (the same tone/sound through 20 years or so) and ONLY spiked from parties, concerts etc. With my new T I cannot even visit family and have dinner without spiking. It is much worse :-(
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