Marina Moon

Marina Moon

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  • Marina Moon
    How do you conquer a very bad ichy ear? I need to itch it, and unfortuantely i have, but now it's starting to feel sore for days now.
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    Marina Moon
    i hate my body. Why is my body my enemy? Why is it hurting me so? I want to be free from this existence.
    Marina Moon
    something is wrong with me. this isn't a simple textbook case of tmd, and i hate myself for self-diagnosing myself because now it has turned into a weapon used against me. My parents treat me like a normal case, like i have normal pains. 'if i grind my teeth i'll end up like you,' my dad told me. I feel so caged. I have been stripped of freedom my whole life, but only now it has finally broken me.
    Marina Moon
    Chronic pain stripped away any little freedoms i had left....but at least i can drive.
    Marina Moon
    I went to a TMJ physical therapist yesterday. I'm not better or worse, but i'm not hopeful. (will discuss in comments)
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    Marina Moon
    then he stop tongue depressors, stacked on top of eachother, and then put them in my mouth to stretch/open up my mouth. He says that's something i should do 5 times a day(?) and idk i don't want to do that....
    Marina Moon
    I told him about all the other pain of my body, how so much of it is left sided and between my shoudler blades. He really...dismissed it like the other PTs who dismiss my facial pain. From both of their perspectives, neither pain is related to the other. It was a depressing session. I seriously thought this guy was going to find out my root cause. I THOUGHT HE WAS GOING TO EXPLAIN MORE ABOUT POSTURE.
    Marina Moon
    But i got my hopes up and i'm no better or worse. No doctors or PTs want to bothered to investigate a confusing case like mine. They should do their damn job. i hate medicine, i hate how cowardly these 'professionals' are all acting. Cowardly, mean, dismissive. Only someone who has a problem that is 'treatable' may be lended aid, but everyone who requires extra attention? Nope. fuck the health industry.
    Marina Moon
    I hate that this is my life, I'm almost screaming everyday for help now. i hate how pain turned me into this abomdinable version of myself
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    Marina Moon
    I guess it's all my fault, i wanted this treatment to work and i kept going, i'm an idiot for hoping this would help me. But now i'm stopping with this PT (i hate how my mom viewed these sessions as 'social visits' and kept flirting with my PT instead of viewing them as real physical therapy sessions to treat my chronic pain and asking geniuine ass questions about my condition)
    Marina Moon
    Not that my PT could answer any of my questions. He doesn't specialize in TMD. I'm the idiot for going back. Chronic pain changed my opinion on living, on simply existing--I am no longer a fan of it and i think it's dreadful. Everyday is torture. I just have to distract myself long enough to make it through each day.
    Marina Moon
    i think i lost all value to my parents when i cancelled taking the MCAT last summer, no longer pursuing the medical school route. To them, that cancellation usurped the beginning of my chronic pain; the end of a potential career as a doctor continues to overshadow my hellish condition. I'm broken, full of sorrow and anger.
    Marina Moon
    the health care industry is so corrupt.
    Juliane
    Oh yes. I wonder what would happen if all the good people in this world came together. We could stop them. We could create a world worth living in.
    Marina Moon
    @Juliane Yes, and urgently. The healthcare system needs a makeover.
    Marina Moon
    I started doing some hip exercises and now whenver i IMMEDIATELY sit down, my feet and ankles start tingling.
    BB23
    Paresthesia
    Marina Moon
    June isn't a good time for me anymore. It's just a painful reminder of my horrible beginning.
    TheCapybara
    Same here, late June is when I woke up with sudden hearing loss, two year anniversary coming up.
    Juliane
    Yeah so many dates and milestones ruined
    Marina Moon
    Reminder for me to stick with a soft food diet....also wondering regretfully if i should have gotten that brain scan...
    Marina Moon
    if any doctor can tell me what EXACTLY is the root of my problem then they just answered the million dollar question!
    Marina Moon
    Now for some good news! My belly button stopped bleeding! There is still some fleeting pain in my abdomen but it is mainly a lot better.
    Marina Moon
    My not so happy 1 year anniversary. Mother's day of last year was the first day i reported my symptoms, not knowing what was awaiting me.
    Marina Moon
    I'm bleeding from my belly button and it hurts. Don't know why. How am i supposed to live laugh love life like this?
    Marina Moon
    my mind screams at the idea of more pain, I can't take it anymore. i just can't
    L along the way
    Sorry to read.. (saying to myself too).. trying to be kind to yourself..
    Marina Moon
    NGL but i really just want to stuff my face with Doritos rn. Nacho cheese, ranch, the good stuff, MMMMMHHH!!!
    Marina Moon
    I'm the shittiest daughter alive. My mom fell & i couldn't catch her. I should have just threw myself down & been used as a human cushion.
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    Marina Moon
    my mom was trying on outfits today, which is a good sign, because she always tries on outfits, like putting on her own fashion shows, in the mornings (usually). So she's resuming activities again, but slowly, she had to stop because it worsened some symtpoms. But it's a start. She's also taking time off work.
    Marina Moon
    horrid thought. My mom should have just fell on me. Sure, I would have been in more pain that i absolutely cannot take, but at least my mom would be fine.
    tpj
    @Marina Moon you are an incredibly caring daughter, but stop saying this.Your mum seems to be improving and you have enough pain to deal with. More than enough.
    Marina Moon
    I had a follow up appointment with the physiotherapist & i forgot to mention my T. I just didn't want to interrupt everything she was saying
    SumGuy
    how it go?
    Marina Moon
    @SumGuy She just wanted to check out on how i'm doing, how i'm liking physical therapy, though my pain is still persisting but she doesn't know why i have facail pain. It got worse yesterday actually, and then my mom suffered a head injury and had to be rushed to the hospital. She fainted then fell backwards and hit her head on the ground. Life...ain't too great rn....
    Marina Moon
    Are twitching muscles considered a headache? When i lay on my left side, the left temporalis muscle starts twitching VERY OFFPUTTING like.
    Marina Moon
    OMG I NEED TO MAKE AN UPDATE ASAP!!!! (what i learned today in PT)
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    Marina Moon
    Well, at least he's confident that i'll never need rotator cuff surgery lol
    Marina Moon
    But a few things are for certain. TMD is real, and people can have this same condition but experience it differently (the same is true for other conditions and diseases.) It is a multifactorial condition that has different causes and different treatments because no two patients are the same. Alot of poeple have it, but not alot of people treat it. We need more TMD doctors, because we are in a crisis.
    Marina Moon
    i wonder if my PT doesn't verbally explain much to me is because he has facial pain because of his TMD. That or he simply isn't one for explaining things.
    Marina Moon
    When will i wake up from this terrible nightmare?
    Tryn2BHopeful
    Let me know when you do! Because I am wondering the same thing!
    SumGuy
    waking up is the hardest part of the day. Knowing whats waiting for you :(

    I hope theres a treatment soon.
    Marina Moon
    i'm starting to think my dad has tinnitus because he watches movies SO LOUDLY with explosions, gun shots, & screaming. I'M SICK OF IT >:O
    SumGuy
    I cant remember the last time I watched a movie since getting T lol
    Marina Moon
    @SumGuy I still watch shows, but never with ear buds. I can't give up movies and shows XD I just can't understand why my dad watches movies with the volume insanely high!
    Marina Moon
    i really need to hold myself accountable for what I eat. I ate 1 torilla on saturday, then crunchy fries today, and I am in pain T_T
    View previous comments…
    SumGuy
    I'm sorry to hear that, I never knew something like that could happen. Are you able to get treatment for it?
    Marina Moon
    @SumGuy I'm currently undergoing physical therapy, it kind of has been working, it's tough to say at this point. However, the PT i've been working with doesn't know how to treat TMD and constantly tells me it's a separate issue, but i know he is blatantly wrong.
    Marina Moon
    Alot of poeple don't know about TMD because we're never told about it and not alot of doctors treat it, and when doctors do know they just say 'oh you've been grinding you're teeth, you need to see a dentist and wear a mouth guard' which is a very narrow tunnel vision view of a multifactorial condition that differs vastly between patients. I've visited so many doctors and none know how to help. I'm very bitter lol
    Marina Moon
    So my throat (and ears/eustachian tubes) is itchy. I use my tongue to itch the back of my throat, and it makes my T louder.
    Marina Moon
    It happened again. I bent over the sink, but this time the pain was in the middle of my back, accompanied by nausea.
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    @Tryn2BHopeful The middle of my back has been cracking for a while but this is the first time i've had pain bending down, maybe it's because i've been using a foam roller for my back in PT. I was fine during the exercises, I don't know, but i'm going to stop using the foam roller.
    Marina Moon
    every time i explain my symptoms the doctors just stare at me in silence, or when i tell the PT about my jaw, he just says it's a separate problem.....it feels like i know more than the doctors do when it should really be the other way around.
    Marina Moon
    I had a flare up last night. My face was hurting more & T got louder. It calmed in the morning, i need to start using hot compresses again
    View previous comments…
    Marina Moon
    Funny how no one in my family believed me at the time, so i had to go find evidence aka go through the public camera footage of the beach that particular day and find the exact moment when the demon with wings hit me. It frickin body slammed me from the sky like a pro wrestler. Happy ending, I found the footage and my family believed me. Who knew it was foreshadowing to later problems....
    Marina Moon
    Anyway, never eat food on the beach. Seagulls are aggressive and when they see food they will go for it. Or at least eat under an umbrella, in your car, or any place with a roof in which a seagull won't be able to flop like a cannon ball on top of you.
    Marina Moon
    i'm starting to think i'm a magnet for bad luck....
    Marina Moon
    I went to my first physical therapy lesson today! I am sore, but not in any more pain. I need to strenghten my pelvic floor and core.
    Marina Moon
    I hate to say this, but i cried this morning, hard. I give myself full permission to cry on april 1st, until then stay positive and just think about what i need to do to get through this.
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