2049v

Suffering :( unwellbeing :( i'm longing for the opposites of these things, the natural way

@L along the way, Has it been like this every day for 12 years?

I've worked from home for many years. I stopped working almost completely after the injury, but I am gradually becoming more productive now. Everyone says that the healing process is non-linear. I've had improvement followed by worsening followed by more improvement. It's discouraging, but I am definitely better now than I was 2 years ago, so I try to focus on that.

Perhaps in a few months, you will also look back and realize that while your symptoms went up and down from day to day, that overall you are getting better. You said earlier that you feel like you're in the Mariana Trench. As we say in America, if a situation is the worst it can be, "There is nowhere to go but up."

@ECP, When you say, “I’m better now,” what exactly do you mean? I don’t think there’s a reduction or relief in the ringing sound. Are you referring to getting used to this new lifestyle? What exactly? Hahaha yes, this saying makes perfect sense, but I’m stuck in the Mariana Trench. I’m not sinking any lower, but I’m exhausted and drained.

What does ACRN stand for?

@ECP, Acoustic Coordinated Reset Neuromodulation. You can try it yourself in this https://generalfuzz.net/acrn/ site. Somedays I can't stand a second without it. I have to play it the whole day. I can't sleep without it. This is the only thing that gives me partial relief.

@weehiru, I know some of them will but only the extremely severe cases will actually understand what it's feels like to have suicidal tinnitus.

Look on the "Suicidal" tab on this forum and the numerous people that have at some stage posted there. Being presented with an uncurbable & untreatable condition leaves everyone feeling helpless at some stage. You are not as alone as you think.

@weehiru, I know I’m not alone, and that’s why I’m here but since it started I’ve been experiencing this in most hardcore way. Even though months have passed, it's still exactly the same. Some other people may have 2 but due to anxiety or other reasons, they experience it as a 10 but I don't have these things. I’m mentally and physically strong and patient. Despite that, I have suicidal level tinnitus.

No, it's severe. I also have hyperacusis. I'm mostly housebound these days.

@tpj, I’m also a victim of earbuds. Unfortunately, before this incident, I didn’t know that loud noise could lead to such an illness, so I never paid attention to it. The last time, I listened to music at an extremely high volume one night, and the next morning I woke up, and my life was over. I have one of the worst cases of tinnitus in the world.

@2049v As with many of your posts, you speak from my heart. I have often described this condition here as a vacuum or stalemate. You are paralyzed and can't move forward or back. It's unreal and yet so shockingly true. A paradox that defies all laws of nature and your own imagination.

@MiaVIL, I also get that once in a while and I know it's terrible. What was the cause of yours?

@2049v ear infection

@MiaVIL, I had it when I was 6 or 7. I remember telling my parents about my ringing. I even had hearing tests and everything but in time I think I totally forgot about it even though it was still there. With the last acustic trauma I remembered about this infection. Now it's suicidal level.

@L along the way, Yes. If my condition weren’t the most severe type, my life would be a bit easier, but I suffer torture every single day.

@2049v i know exactly what you mean, sadly enough.. awful painful suffering on the daily pffft.. painful and just ridiculous beyond words, im saying that without exaggeration. I hope and pray we can be reborn. That somehow our ears and brains can heal back to our natural way of being. Natural health and wellbeing. Natural health and wellbeing.

@L along the way, I know it doesn't work this way but I want to hope.

It's understandable to feel like this.. i also have been enduring a lot, and it's really not fun.. just remember that you didn't ask for all this.. trying to be kind to yourself

@L along the way, No matter what I do, no matter what I think, nothing works.

@2049v this is the thing i struggle with too, like what is an actual solution for this? And sadly.. nobody has any answer basically. Yes, i do believe that a healthy lifestyle (i switched to plant based foods), mindfulness and plenty of rest is good, also distraction. But it hasn't cured t. So, that's why i try to put my trust in the hope that time is a healer.. i mean.. what else sensible can i do

@2049v i don't know how i'm still alive tbh. The stresses i've been through.. pff.. somehow the days have passed and im still here.. i've suffered for many years.. sadly.. now i just wish a calm life and praying for t to heal, hope to finally find some real peace

@L along the way, do you have a family? How old are you? Do you live alone?

@2049v I am single, 36. I have some hope of finding new love, and maybe starting a family some day, but for now my own wellbeing deserves most priority and care

@kingsfan, I try to do things I used to enjoy to escape this curse, but as soon as I step outside, I experience balance issues and nothing feels enjoyable. Three months ago, I woke up one morning, and everything was over for me.

@2049v I totally get that. Considering where you are in your journey. 4 months in with no Sleep and my wife was looking to have me committed. It's hard to say what will happen should you stay in the fight. But I've been here long enough to see major improvements in most people. And others habituate to a livable degree. I wish you the best. Truely.

@tomytl, Thank you for your supportive words, my friend. They truly mean a lot to me. One morning, I woke up with hearing problems, ear pain, dizziness, hyperacusis, and extremely severe tinnitus. Suddenly, I found myself in the middle of hell. I just want to escape from this.

Yep, im also done with analysing and trying to explain it.. i only know i just wish natural wellbeing, the sense of wellness.. it's like a long lost friend, hoping to revisit soon hopefully

@L along the way, I have been thinking about my own death and I would like to have ‘My Life’s Anthem’ played at my funeral :)

https://youtu.be/asL4qxHVS-k?si=RPU5Ze4d9vpwYuj9

@Pinhead, do you have any idea what might have caused it? Any ototoxic drugs, noise or physical trauma etc. As far as I could see those with no obvious reasons tend to get better in time but it wasn't the case for you, very interesting. How is your relationship going?

I was leading a very healthy lifestyle. Weightlifting 5 times a week and counting my calories. I was in a stable relationship and had no excess noise exposure, but of course who knows how to estimate "excess".
I just had my six-year anniversary yesterday.

@Pinhead, apart from the "noise exposure" it was quite similiar for me. Last night before it all started I listened to some music with earbuds for 10 mins and here I am. I was shocked because I wasn't a regular headphones user. Even those who use them 7/24 on the loudest level don't know what tinnitus is.

I had NO problem before the microsuction. I wasn't even aware of what tinnitus felt like...

I have been describing it as an altered sense of hearing. When I cup my ear in my hand and listen for the 'sounds of the sea' that you can normally create, it's not there- asthough there is a problem with conduction or amplification or something. My ET I keep looking in the hole that it might help, but it didn't l doesn't...

@Asta, Our hearing issues are quite similar, but mine started due to headphone use. Are you certain yours began after microsuction? It might have been the last straw. Were you exposed to loud noises before that? Like headphones, nightclubs, concerts, etc.?

@tomytl, how was you sleep before the last incident?

very good, I never was physically so fit before, went 3 times to gym, was fit, slept well... It was this noise over the bone conduction which made my hearing hyperactive again.

@tomytl, even after two incidents you were still doing fine then. That's really good man, at least you have something to look and find some motivation. Have you ever had hyperacusis before?

Oh yes, imagine living forever with all this crap

@Juliane, that's what makes me wanna die sooner :D

As I said I would prefer to be dead instead of living everday with this torture and I don't fear death, I don't see it as something bad. I want all of my family and friends to know that my suffering will end when I die.

I often hear that gratitude is a good attitude, but im thinking to myself too.. gratitude when there's things to be grateful for. I'm grateful for some things in my life, but not for misfortunes. Of course i read your sarcasm, but i feel you.. i would be grateful for a healthy life

@L along the way, I wouldn't wish anyone in the world to go through what I've experienced. Even the worst criminals can be sentenced to death, and death is a release in itself. However, no one with any sense of human dignity should ever have to endure what I am going through.

@2049v i feel you, it felt like a cruel joke how life can be this way.. what's there to say.. myself am just going day by day, trying to take away other stressors, resting a lot, trying to be mentally kind to yourself, and trying to let go.. i hope a better day can come, a new day.. when we will feel reborn

@AfroSnowman, I didn’t know that experiencing hell on earth was possible until I developed these damn inner ear problems. As if living with this difficulty isn’t enough, not being able to prove this disability only adds to the misery. None of us deserve this. Even the most heinous criminals in the world are not punished like this.

@2049v I am so sorry you are going through this. You are right to not accept any medication for anxiety. I have loved ones who try to push meds on me as well. I have refused so far. These meds are super dangerous. Please do your best to stay off them.

@Juliane, Yes, especially after seeing the issues caused by the withdrawal of benzos, I realized this. No, thank you, I’d rather not. Unfortunately, we have been struck by a cursed condition, one that leaves medicine helpless in its darkest corners. To make this more bearable, I just live day by day, without thinking or worrying about tomorrow. Otherwise, it’s impossible to keep my sanity.

@L along the way, if only I knew there was avaliable treatment for my hearing, I could have waited. Not only I'm suffering from hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis but also having to explain this shit to family, friends and my gf is another torture. Noone understands these problems, even doctors. I don't give a f.. dude. I wish there was a button that I could use to disappear forever.

@2049v It sounds like a harsh situation. I wish life would be enjoyable. Suffering is the problem of life is how i see it. I hope things may ease out with time

@L along the way, the worst part is that even though I sought early treatments and informed the doctors, they didn’t provide them. In fact, two hearing tests said my hearing was "perfect," but it’s actually terrible. I have cochlear synaptopathy. Although the audiogram shows little loss, I hear things blurred, and my hearing has completely changed. I was such a happy guy before this torture started.

@Juliane Like it for the vibe and the soundtrack. I used to listen to this song a lot. Now it doesn't sound the same anymore. Woke up one day in hell, suffering since then. My hearing is terrible unfortunately.

Like it as well!

Talking about movies, i've watched Ben Hur (original one, from 1959) recently. Really good! Also seven samurai i found really good.