2049v

2049v

Member From London
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  • 2049v
    I can't sleep again. It's impossible. Despite the masking sounds from my phone, PC and fan noise, it is unbearably loud. When will it end?
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @Pinhead, do you have any idea what might have caused it? Any ototoxic drugs, noise or physical trauma etc. As far as I could see those with no obvious reasons tend to get better in time but it wasn't the case for you, very interesting. How is your relationship going?
    Pinhead
    I was leading a very healthy lifestyle. Weightlifting 5 times a week and counting my calories. I was in a stable relationship and had no excess noise exposure, but of course who knows how to estimate "excess".
    I just had my six-year anniversary yesterday.
    2049v
    @Pinhead, apart from the "noise exposure" it was quite similiar for me. Last night before it all started I listened to some music with earbuds for 10 mins and here I am. I was shocked because I wasn't a regular headphones user. Even those who use them 24/7 on the loudest level don't know what tinnitus is.
    2049v
    My ringing is so intense that there's no way this could be real. It feels like my head is going to explode. I can't believe it.
    2049v
    I can't sleep, it won't let me. I'm going to lose my mind. It's like there's a constant firework going off in my ear. I want to die.
    Asta
    2049v I had hearing tests that suggested hearing okay, but isn't. ENT let me have OAE tests ( to 'reassure' me...)- measures out hair cell integrity- opposite effect- damaged ear had many low and absent OHCs compared to high and present OAEs for good ear.
    Has anyone else had OAEs, where hidden hearing/ cochlear damage can be seen?
    View previous comments…
    Asta
    I had NO problem before the microsuction. I wasn't even aware of what tinnitus felt like...
    Asta
    I have been describing it as an altered sense of hearing. When I cup my ear in my hand and listen for the 'sounds of the sea' that you can normally create, it's not there- asthough there is a problem with conduction or amplification or something. My ET I keep looking in the hole that it might help, but it didn't l doesn't...
    2049v
    @Asta, Our hearing issues are quite similar, but mine started due to headphone use. Are you certain yours began after microsuction? It might have been the last straw. Were you exposed to loud noises before that? Like headphones, nightclubs, concerts, etc.?
    tomytl
    I checked again quickly, and my crash in 2014 lasted with the unpleasant symptoms of tinnitus, hearing loss, and hyperacusis from mid-February 2024 to mid-December 2024. I confirmed this by checking my emails. And I had further recovery in 2015 and 2016.
    It took a long time
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    I contacted over 1,000 people on rental apps, but all of them rejected me. Some said no directly because of benefits; others declined after reference checks. I could only get into this awful place. There's no contract here, and without one, my benefits will be cut.
    2049v
    I'm working part-time to save up and find a rented room with a proper contract as a "working" person. Notice, I haven't even mentioned my health yet because I haven't had the chance to address it.
    2049v
    @tomytl, I've spent all my time searching for a home, moving to a new place, and cleaning my old one. My life was already a living hell, and now I've started descending to even deeper levels of it.
    2049v
    I've never been afraid of the reality of death throughout my life, but now I love the idea of it. I'm grateful that death exists.
    Juliane
    Oh yes, imagine living forever with all this crap
    2049v
    @Juliane, that's what makes me wanna die sooner :D

    As I said I would prefer to be dead instead of living everday with this torture and I don't fear death, I don't see it as something bad. I want all of my family and friends to know that my suffering will end when I die.
    2049v
    Thank you, life, for taking my hearing away from me at the age of 26.
    View previous comments…
    L along the way
    I often hear that gratitude is a good attitude, but im thinking to myself too.. gratitude when there's things to be grateful for. I'm grateful for some things in my life, but not for misfortunes. Of course i read your sarcasm, but i feel you.. i would be grateful for a healthy life
    2049v
    @L along the way, I wouldn't wish anyone in the world to go through what I've experienced. Even the worst criminals can be sentenced to death, and death is a release in itself. However, no one with any sense of human dignity should ever have to endure what I am going through.
    L along the way
    @2049v i feel you, it felt like a cruel joke how life can be this way.. what's there to say.. myself am just going day by day, trying to take away other stressors, resting a lot, trying to be mentally kind to yourself, and trying to let go.. i hope a better day can come, a new day.. when we will feel reborn
    2049v
    1/3 For the record, I want to say that I have never experienced any psychological or mental health issues in my life, and I have never used
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @AfroSnowman, I didn't know that experiencing hell on earth was possible until I developed these damn inner ear problems. As if living with this difficulty isn't enough, not being able to prove this disability only adds to the misery. None of us deserve this. Even the most heinous criminals in the world are not punished like this.
    Juliane
    @2049v I am so sorry you are going through this. You are right to not accept any medication for anxiety. I have loved ones who try to push meds on me as well. I have refused so far. These meds are super dangerous. Please do your best to stay off them.
    2049v
    @Juliane, Yes, especially after seeing the issues caused by the withdrawal of benzos, I realized this. No, thank you, I'd rather not. Unfortunately, we have been struck by a cursed condition, one that leaves medicine helpless in its darkest corners. To make this more bearable, I just live day by day, without thinking or worrying about tomorrow. Otherwise, it's impossible to keep my sanity.
    2049v
    My biggest wish in life is to die painlessly asap. I have already suffered a lot due to this BS and I don't want to suffer anymore.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @L along the way, if only I knew there was avaliable treatment for my hearing, I could have waited. Not only I'm suffering from hearing loss, tinnitus and hyperacusis but also having to explain this shit to family, friends and my gf is another torture. Noone understands these problems, even doctors. I don't give a f.. dude. I wish there was a button that I could use to disappear forever.
    L along the way
    @2049v It sounds like a harsh situation. I wish life would be enjoyable. Suffering is the problem of life is how i see it. I hope things may ease out with time
    2049v
    @L along the way, the worst part is that even though I sought early treatments and informed the doctors, they didn't provide them. In fact, two hearing tests said my hearing was "perfect," but it's actually terrible. I have cochlear synaptopathy. Although the audiogram shows little loss, I hear things blurred, and my hearing has completely changed. I was such a happy guy before this torture started.
    Juliane
    Hey fellow sufferer! I like your profile pic
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @Juliane Like it for the vibe and the soundtrack. I used to listen to this song a lot. Now it doesn't sound the same anymore. Woke up one day in hell, suffering since then. My hearing is terrible unfortunately.
    Verify_Checked
    Like it as well!
    L along the way
    Talking about movies, i've watched Ben Hur (original one, from 1959) recently. Really good! Also seven samurai i found really good.
    2049v
    I don't know which is the worst. Hearing loss, hyperacusis, or tinnitus, but when they all come together, I just wish I had never existed.
    MatthewR
    They're terrible. I have acute acoustic trauma about 9 months ago. I have seen improvement. I hope we can continue to heal until back to normal
    2049v
    @MatthewR ofc, that's what I want as well, but we know that it's not possible for damaged hearing to recover. In this case, maybe hyperacusis and tinnitus could improve, but the hearing loss is the most distressing part. Every passing day I'm losing it more. It's not like I'm in panic or smth. I genuinely want to die/vanish every day.
    2049v
    Once again I'm at the point where I can't stand even a second without masking sounds.Thank you, life, for deeming me worthy of this.
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