By the way, there ARE medications that help cope with T better, but the thing is most of the people talking about suicide here don't even try them because they're too scared of addiction. Do you thing people facing terminal cancer care about addiction to medication ?
If you believe your T condition is that bad, then try to medicate so you can live better, no ? There are legal drugs, illegal drugs too. So many mollecules that you can try, because you know what ? You have TIME.
These medications can be the VERY THING that drives one to suicide. Whether it be an increase in tinnitus that may be permanent, an addition of hyperacusis which the sufferer didn't have before, or other symptoms that may be worse than tinnitus.
You see... medication is the very reason I'm here. I had minor anxiety and a bit of depersonalization. It was situational. I've been to psychologists before for a couple visits, but usually anxiety cleared up really quickly. This time I went to a neurologist out of curiosity, I wanted to have a brain scan. But she suggested a psychiatrist before the scan. I did an EEG and all turned out well.
I then was recommended a psychiatrist by a sexologist. This was what they were trained to do, to refer to a psychiatrist if something is out of their realm or abstract. By the way, now in hindsight I find it silly that a sexologist would refer me to SSRIs or similar medication because I had a high libido? I loved sex? SSRIs would've completely destroyed my sex drive, yes, but they might've permanently altered my libido in a negative manner in addition to other symptoms.
Anyways, with 2 doctor referrals I went to a psychiatrist. A very well known and highly rated, expensive psych. I got Pregabalin for anxiety and fears. I took it for a week and was instructed to raise my dose. Mind you, I've never had suicidal ideation or anything of the sorts before. I was a VERY ambitious individual, highly optimistic and extremely confident.
At this week mark I felt bad. Then within a few days my depersonalization WORSENED, anxiety and sudden paranoia (people trying to kill me or me them) and I started thinking about death. The point of why we're here, I turned really nihilistic. I didn't know what was going on.
Within a few more days I got tinnitus, my hearing worsened, my vision worsened (light sensitivity, floaters, visual snow, my eyes hurt), migraines, electric currents throughout my body and nerves, my sleep worsened with nightmares and I decided it was time... to taper off and end this medication. I went through the WORST withdrawal of my life. The acute phase lasted 2-3 weeks and
I thought I was going to die.
Ever since then I've been plagued with suicidal ideation, intrusive thoughts (such as "you're gay" "you're going to become a terrorist" "kill your loved ones" "drive off a cliff" "jump from that balcony and die" while doing random tasks like showering or driving or bicycling), tinnitus, visual snow, insomnia, increased anxiety and dp/dr and more fun stuff. I've wasted thousands of dollars on various tests and treatments, I've seen every type of doctor you can name and I also found a group with 9,000 others like me. So my conclusion? It was the medicine. I didn't really need it, but I trusted the doctor was going to help me. I was wrong.
And that's just Pregabalin. After 3 months of suffering I thought it's time to take an SSRI to try and fix this after changing my diet, exercise, meditation, massages, etc. didn't affect my mood at ALL. Do you know what it did?
IT INCREASED MY NEGATIVE SYMPTOMS AND MY TINNITUS SPIKED to new levels. Again, I found thousands others with similar symptoms. I dropped Zoloft within 2 weeks and felt a bit better, back to my new "norm" fear state.
I'm not against medicine or drugs. I've been very pro-drugs my entire life. But now I stand nearly 9 months past dropping Pregabalin, and I have some sort of brain damage. There's so many stories of people changing 180 and becoming suicidal or commiting suicide because of their new mental AND physical symptoms. I haven't been able to work, nor study nor function like a normal person.
I believe psychiatric drugs help some in severe states, but for those who didn't necessarily need them... it can produce actual clinical depression, paranoia, psychosis and other fun stuff.
Do I want to die? No. I love my girlfriend, I have a good family, I have plenty of opportunities to make a lot of money, I could easily conquer many challenges as I used to... if I were just able to function. It's not just the tinnitus I have to deal with. But now I have so many physical symptoms that sometimes I'm in so much pain (where by the way, painkillers don't do anything for my migraines...) that I can't sleep or shower without crying or suffering from PAIN.
So even though I don't want to die.. I don't feel alive. I feel like I'm stuck in hell.
So don't go touting that drugs can fix those with suicidal thoughts. For some, it may worsen their condition. For some, it may improve but may cause new symptoms. I don't think anti-depressants are the option of choice. Benzos, SSRIs, TCAs, MAOIs, anti-convulsants and anti-psychotics can indeed bring someone with tinnitus closer to death by whatever horrible damage they can cause.
I've tried also the illegal substances too. Psilocybin, Ketamine, various rc's and supplements and soon MDMA... but to no avail so far. Do I think that for some they may work? Sure. But also for some playing around with psychedelics and similar compounds they may get into even more distress. I think for the normal population that has a bit of anxiety, psychedelics or MDMA or ketamine would do a lot more good than psychiatric drugs.
I deeply regret I didn't just choose MDMA or Ketamine instead of going to a doctor. When I was 16-17 and felt depressed and had a LOT of trauma, MDMA helped me and opened my eyes. I had a very good year at 18-19. All it took was to roll 3x. While with psychiatric drugs they force you to take higher and higher doses of something that just doesn't work. It changes you.
I'm no longer the person I was my entire life. And everyone around me agrees.
Not everyone can be helped. I'm just being realistic, at least at this point in time. For the future? We'll have better medicine and treatments. One day tinnitus will be cured and there will be better ways to fight depression. But for now, I'd be wary.
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