Suicidal

[GBB]

That study was published over ten years ago.

If in fact it is as effective as claimed, then why hasn't this become a universally prescribed drug for tinnitus?

I don't know but it helps me - I actually tried it (I've been on it 7 months except for the last two weeks when I attempted a taper, only to find my symptoms were as bad as at outset so I immediately went back up on the meds).

 

[Óscar PP]

I don't know but it helps me - I actually tried it (I've been on it 7 months except for the last two weeks when I attempted a taper, only to find my symptoms were as bad as at outset so I immediately went back up on the meds).

How can you get this drug prescribed if you don't have Parkinson's?

 

[GBB]

How can you get this drug prescribed if you don't have Parkinson's?

I went to my neurologist and showed her the study. My tinnitus was severe enough that I was on disability leave from work. She said the drug was generally safe and approved it.

 

[Lukee]

Well I'm actually killing myself this month.

Sucks I've been pushed to this point but, it is what it is.

Same here. Life is pure hell with damaged health and inability to function like a normal human being.

One can't be tortured like this forever.

Guys, I really don't know what else to tell you. You have both been through a lot. As @Óscar PP is suggesting, maybe you want to try a last ditch effort with Psilocybin or Ketamine? Have a look at this new experience, the poster cured his tinnitus with a heroic dose of Psilocybin. You really don't have much to lose at this point. Please try something.

 

[Óscar PP]

I went to my neurologist and showed her the study. My tinnitus was severe enough that I was on disability leave from work. She said the drug was generally safe and approved it.

Which % of reduction do you get? Also, what is your type of tinnitus and how many tones?

 

[GBB]

Which % of reduction do you get? Also, what is your type of tinnitus and how many tones?

It's probably a 2/10 reduction in volume, a meaningful reduction in distortion though I was at 10/10 before, and it also makes me care about the tinnitus less (though I am not confusing that with a volume reduction). I was really in a life threatening situation and this helped stabilize me somewhat. It's not a cure and I would still consider my tinnitus severe, but before just the experience was making me want to jump off a roof, whereas now I have to fight through the day but I can function much more.

 

[kingsfan]

I don't know what possessed me to go against my better judgment, but I looked up my ex (who I haven't seen in over a year) on social media over the weekend and old wounds along with new wounds have all been freshly opened. She's lost a lot of weight, looks almost unrecognizable and has yet another boyfriend. I feel so effing cheated.

Why am I left suffering with this shit? I should be out there rebuilding and enjoying my life, but I'm just tortured every moment of every day. I've lost control. I don't know how to get through this. I took my last Valium last night, even though it barely helped it got me through the night... just barely. I don't want to get out of bed anymore. I don't want to work. I did 0 work yesterday. I tried focusing on what would get rid of this tinnitus, but the sad fact is probably nothing will help. I just feel so fucking done.

 

[Lukee]

I don't know what possessed me to go against my better judgment, but I looked up my ex (who I haven't seen in over a year) on social media over the weekend and old wounds along with new wounds have all been freshly opened. She's lost a lot of weight, looks almost unrecognizable and has yet another boyfriend. I feel so effing cheated.

Why am I left suffering with this shit? I should be out there rebuilding and enjoying my life, but I'm just tortured every moment of every day. I've lost control. I don't know how to get through this. I took my last Valium last night, even though it barely helped it got me through the night... just barely. I don't want to get out of bed anymore. I don't want to work. I did 0 work yesterday. I tried focusing on what would get rid of this tinnitus, but the sad fact is probably nothing will help. I just feel so fucking done.

Dude, hit up a Ketamine clinic or look into Psilocybin. Aside from treating your depression, it might help treat your tinnitus woes. Ketamine and Psilocybin both have anti-inflammatory effects in addition to the many other benefits they may offer.

 

[Backpacker]

Well I'm actually killing myself this month.

Sucks I've been pushed to this point but, it is what it is.

Nico, would you try pranotherapy?

 

[kingsfan]

Dude, hit up a Ketamine clinic or look into Psilocybin. Aside from treating your depression, it might help treat your tinnitus woes. Ketamine and Psilocybin both have anti-inflammatory effects in addition to the many other benefits they may offer.

If you look at the Ketamine threads on here, you'll see I've been all over it for many months. It's just the reports I've read of it worsening people's tinnitus has me nervous to try. The sad fact is out of 15 people's accounts I could find online, only 3 or 4 had any positive effect from it.

 

[Vicki14]

Well here I am. Tinnitus kicked up another notch yet again a few days ago. I'm hoping it goes back down, but so far I've never had the volume go down or a sound go away once something new comes along.

I was doing alright, finding ways to cope. I think I'm now past my threshold of tolerance. Is it going to keep getting worse? It just doesn't stop. Doesn't give me a chance to find some level of normalcy.

I'm going to try a few more drug options and hopefully something helps. Not looking for a cure, just to get back under my personal threshold of tolerance. Performing my job is getting harder and harder. My bosses see it. I'm now on probation at work, even though I work all hours of the day trying to keep up. It's only matter of time before I find myself jobless.

I am the EXACT same as it is so damn hard isn't it. How are you now? X

 

[Brian Newman]

Is there anyone else whose tinnitus just keeps changing day to day, week to week, month to month, in terms of sounds? I think one of the reasons I'm having such a hard time is I literally get changing sounds all the time in both ears. So I don't really have a familiar noise, just an always changing soundscape. It really makes me feel mentally ill and it's one of the reasons I think I feel so debilitated.

It would be nice to know about others like that if you are here.

Same thing with distortions, sometimes they are there and sometimes they aren't so it's just tough to cope. I don't know if on a given day something will mask me or make me hear distortions/reactivity.

At 10 months I just feel so tired. The fact that it's all over the place means the only way I could habituate would be if I literally walled off all auditory input, because it's so busy my brain is always assessing ah is this tinnitus or environmental. This has been a challenging week for me.

I feel the same exact way man. 100 percent my tinnitus and distortions change all the time, fucking me up.

 

[Johnny Karate]

DO NOT KILL YOURSELF. I live with LOUD tinnitus. It is possible. I can hear mine over a running lawnmower. You will get use to it. It just becomes a part of your life. I have been to dark places before. I truly understand what it's like.

Don't go to hell because you suffer here. Seek Jesus here. Don't let this terrible affliction make you do something awful like that. You have got to start thinking differently. Start taking supplements and start working on solutions to help you cope. I know for some strange reason suicide is what the mind goes to. Don't believe the lie. You have got to teach yourself to live with it. Yes it sucks hardcore. Yes it's not easy. Yes we have times of extreme suffering but I am so glad that in all the times when I thought I was at the end of my rope that I pushed through. Sometimes those times lasted months.

I thank God for helping me continue on for my souls sake and my families. Please do not give up.

 

[GBB]

I feel the same exact way man. 100 percent my tinnitus and distortions change all the time, fucking me up.

I should note this comment was made at the bottom of an unsuccessful drug taper - I went back up and though my tinnitus is still severe I feel more stable for the time being.

 

[Stacken77]

I thank God for helping me continue on for my souls sake and my families. Please do not give up.

I'm not at the end of my rope yet, but your post has given me more strength to carry on. Thank you.

 

[HootOwl]

Don't go to hell because you suffer here. Seek Jesus here.

Interesting. Good to know my dad is in hell. TIL.

 

[Johnny Karate]

You're right that I was strong. I do not know if all suicides end up in hell or not as only God judges a person. If the thought that hell is a possibility, and it is, keeps someone from crossing that line and killing themselves then it is a useful tool. It has personally stopped me more than once.

 

[Chinmoku]

Interesting. Good to know my dad is in hell. TIL.

Your dad is not in hell, HootOwl.

Whoever is reading this, is religious and has lost a person to suicide, don't assume this person is in hell. I will only cite this episode.

There was a woman who told St. John Vianney that she was devastated because her husband had committed suicide. She wanted to approach the great priest but his line often lasted for hours and she could not reach him. She was ready to give up and in a moment of mystical insight that only a great saint can receive, John Vianney exclaimed through the crowd, "He is saved!" The woman was incredulous so the saint repeated, stressing each word, "I tell you he is saved. "

The certainty that suicide leads to hell is an idea that comes from Augustine, it was not in the Gospels. I said this earlier in this thread. Jesus is mercy and brings the idea that God is love and a merciful Father, in strong contrast with some depictions in the old testament, and what kind of mercy would be sending to hell for eternity (!) a poor soul who was suffering so much that saw no other choice than ending it? It doesn't make any sense. And anyone saying "God is merciful but is also just" (and hence Hell) is thinking like a Pharisee. Not only that, but even the idea of _eternal_ hell comes from Augustine. Scriptures are ambivalent on this but Gehenna and Sheol are not an eternal lake of fire.

This is for the religious people. Many others here will be troubled by the problem of evil. How can a fatherly and omnipotent God subject us to so much suffering? Others simply won't be interested in religion, but this post is addressed mostly to religious people.

Of course this is not an encouragement or endorsement of suicide for religious people. I agree we need to try as much as possible and do our best. I have sympathy for anyone contemplating this, as I said many times. No judgement. We are only human. But we should try to get through this as much as we can. I know many of us here feel we got past the limit.

@Johnny Karate, I understand your good intentions and I appreciate your encouragement to hold on, as you are doing yourself, so many of us here need support, but you have to be very careful with what you write, some statements can backfire. A suicidal person needs compassion and understanding rather that be threatened to end up in hell, which might only increase her desperation.

We need all to be strong but I don't know how.

 

[Johnny Karate]

Your dad is not in hell, HootOwl.

Whoever is reading this, is religious and has lost a person to suicide, don't assume this person is in hell. I will only cite this episode.

There was a woman who told St. John Vianney that she was devastated because her husband had committed suicide. She wanted to approach the great priest but his line often lasted for hours and she could not reach him. She was ready to give up and in a moment of mystical insight that only a great saint can receive, John Vianney exclaimed through the crowd, "He is saved!" The woman was incredulous so the saint repeated, stressing each word, "I tell you he is saved. "

The certainty that suicide leads to hell is an idea that comes from Augustine, it was not in the Gospels. I said this earlier in this thread. Jesus is mercy and brings the idea that God is love and a merciful Father, in strong contrast with some depictions in the old testament, and what kind of mercy would be sending to hell for eternity (!) a poor soul who was suffering so much that saw no other choice than ending it? It doesn't make any sense. And anyone saying "God is merciful but is also just" (and hence Hell) is thinking like a Pharisee. Not only that, but even the idea of _eternal_ hell comes from Augustine. Scriptures are ambivalent on this but Gehenna and Sheol are not an eternal lake of fire.

This is for the religious people. Many others here will be troubled by the problem of evil. How can a fatherly and omnipotent God subject us to so much suffering? Others simply won't be interested in religion, but this post is addressed mostly to religious people.

Of course this is not an encouragement or endorsement of suicide for religious people. I agree we need to try as much as possible and do our best. I have sympathy for anyone contemplating this, as I said many times. No judgement. We are only human. But we should try to get through this as much as we can. I know many of us here feel we got past the limit.

@Johnny Karate, I understand your good intentions and I appreciate your encouragement to hold on, as you are doing yourself, so many of us here need support, but you have to be very careful with what you write, some statements can backfire. A suicidal person needs compassion and understanding rather that be threatened to end up in hell, which might only increase her desperation.

We need all to be strong but I don't know how.

While I don't agree with everything you have written being an evangelical, I will admit that you are correct in your correction of what I at first stated. I apologise. Being a believer in eternal Hell has helped me and while I still believe in it, I also know that no one can judge another person's soul except God/Christ. I have NO WAY of knowing where all suicides go and I honestly don't want to further anyone else suffering. I am truly sorry. I should point them to Jesus instead of increasing their worry because he is the only one that can provide any kind of relief for their soul. The good news is Christ and him crucified and resurrected for all who believe and follow. I will watch over my words more closely from now on and again I apologise for using the wrong tactics. I just try to help those in our affliction and sometimes my zeal overtakes good judgment.

 

[Zugzug]

Don't go to hell because you suffer here. Seek Jesus here.

Funny thing, really. I've been in hell for years so if I am seeking Jesus "here..." well you complete the rest of that thought, asshole.

Maybe keep your fairy tails out of the suicide thread so that we can at least vent in fucking peace (which actually scientifically reduces the chances of suicide, unlike your bullshit).

 

[Johnny Karate]

You are most certainly entitled to your opinion as I am mine. Not everyone in this thread is without God, so to those of us who believe it actually is a comfort. Let's leave the name calling in the school yard. No one here is trying to force a belief onto you. That's impossible anyway.

For the message of the cross is foolishness to those who are perishing, but to us who are being saved it is the power of God. For since in the wisdom of God the world through its wisdom did not know him, God was pleased through the foolishness of what was preached to save those who believe.

I have said all I wanted to say. I am truly sorry that you suffer so greatly and my love for you certainly does not depend on your feelings towards me. I hope you and all others find some relief from our affliction.

 

[Zugzug]

Let's leave the name calling in the school yard.

So calling you an asshole is over the line, but telling me I'll burn in hell because I can't help what my brain believes is not? People like you never get it. The minute you say I am going to hell, nothing else could possibly be as offensive.

 

[Chinmoku]

So calling you an asshole is over the line, but telling me I'll burn in hell because I can't help what my brain believes is not? People like you never get it. The minute you say I am going to hell, nothing else could possibly be as offensive.

Admittedly, telling someone he is going to hell is horrible, we should never do that.

@Johnny Karate, the story of Hell in Christianity is complicated. This is from an old post but it might interest you. I also edited it a little.

In a Judeo-Christian setting, eternal hell (lake of fire) wasn't even consistently in the Bible in the beginning. There is more a concept of annihilation of the soul but not really an eternal lake of fire. There are a few notions of afterlife and of hell in the bible, but most of the eternal hell as eternal lake of fire comes later from the church in later centuries.

Now it gets interesting if you look at the fathers of the church. How can a loving heavenly Father condemn his children to eternal hell? I understand a pocket universe with its own spacetime where time still flows and where one may be sentenced for some time to understand his mistakes and be purified, maybe, but eternal suffering? How can that be proportionate, especially with a loving God? Don't we suffer enough in this life? Even with mistakes, why eternal punishment? Also, how can a good and just creator triumph if hell remains eternal? It would be the epic fail of his supremacy and creation. This is why one of the most important fathers of the church, Origen, came up with the doctrine of Apocatastasis. This is the idea the in the end EVERYONE will be saved. Hell is temporary, in the end even the most wicked and the Devil himself will be converted and everyone will be saved. There is biblical support for this in several parts of the bible. Several other fathers of the church supported this. Even in recent years some theologians approved this notion or variants of it, both in protestant and catholic circles. St Augustine misunderstood Origen and criticized his theory, thinking that he wanted just to be nice to everyone and politically correct to people who feared eternal punishment, when in reality he was making a theology point. How can God fail at His own creation, even with the proviso of giving His creatures free will? But freedom is to be contextualized, there is no absolute freedom in a conditioned and fallen world. Hence Apocatastasis.

If you are a catholic and believe in Apocatastasis you are classed an heretic, but you are in good company. Origen was declared heretic by a Roman emperor later but he knew the bible better than St Augustin, as he could read Greek. It saddens me that he is declared a heretic as I sympathise with his message. A way out some Christians found to avoid heresy is to say hell is eternal but empty, everyone goes to the purgatory pocket universe before finally leaving spacetime and entering total transcendence with God. This was the hope of modern and renown theologians like Barks and von Balthasar among others. I like hoping for universal salvation and it makes sense to me

Of course one is still free to believe in eternal hell, but it's a topic I would really avoid in this thread and one that should be kept to oneself. I understand @Johnny Karate already apologized for assuming hell for specific individuals and indeed that should never be done. Let's leave it at that, what do you think guys?

 

[Brian Newman]

I should note this comment was made at the bottom of an unsuccessful drug taper - I went back up and though my tinnitus is still severe I feel more stable for the time being.

Lucky you. My tinnitus is fucked right now. I can't do anything. Yeah, tapering can be a tricky thing.

 

[PeteJ]

You're right that I was strong. I do not know if all suicides end up in hell or not as only God judges a person. If the thought that hell is a possibility, and it is, keeps someone from crossing that line and killing themselves then it is a useful tool. It has personally stopped me more than once.

Go push your religious crap on someone else.

Admittedly, telling someone he is going to hell is horrible, we should never do that.

@Johnny Karate, the story of Hell in Christianity is complicated. This is from an old post but it might interest you. I also edited it a little.

Of course one is still free to believe in eternal hell, but it's a topic I would really avoid in this thread and one that should be kept to oneself. I understand @Johnny Karate already apologized for assuming hell for specific individuals and indeed that should never be done. Let's leave it at that, what do you think guys?

I don't care if someone is really religious but it's annoying if they try to push their beliefs on others. I think it's their right though but I will say fugger off, anyway.

If they can use some religious dogma beliefs so they aren't suicidal, then all power to them.

It doesn't help me one bit though and I am guessing, lots of other people aren't helped by it either.

 

[tpj]

The only hell that exists is the one right here that we're all experiencing.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To tpj:

And this condition presents various levels and varieties of hell:

1) Even when it almost completely abates, the fear that it will without warning return;

2) The fear that when it returns it will inevitably get worse;

3) The fear that such worsening may reach a point of severity that will amaze you, and
require a consideration of how much in your life is lost because of incapacitation;

4) The fear that everyone around you who has no experience of this will chastise you for
allowing it to be so undermining; you will be branded as nuts, a self-indulgent weakling,
a strange pathetic case, etc.;

5) The fear that all of these new efforts by Medical Science will be (as they have for decades been) disappointing (and thus discontinued) false starts, so that you will be in thrall to this for the rest of your life;

6) The unbearably cold realization that you are utterly alone with this, like the sensation of total isolation you would have in maximum security solitary confinement;

7) Given the above, the encroaching horror that this condition has laid a merciless siege to your resilient sense of self-preservation so that self-euthanasia becomes in your consciousness like an invoice whose payment is past due.

 

[Exit]

I was in mid twenties ready to leave due to undiagnosed disease.

Looking back, I've mostly been happy I didn't go through with it even though I only have had 3 good years since then. Those 3 years I lived more than all my other years, even though healthy people would have done them in one.

I'm 41 now.

A big hug to all sufferers here.

 

[dipp]

Being in the fence to order the peaceful pill handbook, where it seems that you can find where you can buy nembutal online... Filled all the data for few times but I closed the page before submitting it. Really don't want to cross that line, but at this moment I can't see another way out. Not enjoying anything, struggling to work. I really want to overcome this in order to not hurt my family, mostly. But this is hard, very hard.

 

[Matchbox]

@__nico__, @roy1159, if I haven't given up I sure as hell hope you two haven't quit on us. From where I see it we are not allowed to die yet, I'd be pretty fucking pissed otherwise, there's still treatments to be sought and you quit?!

If you need to vent here who actually... unlike some people in your lives... or even most therapists... actually GRASP what you're going through, DO IT.

For me it isn't a bother and I am happy to bitch about this bullshit and distract in any way possible.

We're in this bullshit mess together. Yes of course every day it gets worse, we WANT to quit, but even though the bullshittery, there have been people beside you still trying to vye for life... real life.

The squeaky wheels get the grease, all of us sufferers need to keep the pressure up on diagnosis and at least attempts at real treatment where the possibility of cobbling a life together exists that is more than survival.
There are still things that we all haven't tried yet, maybe out of pure fear of worsening, and that's justified.

But just like a stock you only lose when you sell out, it can very well go green on you in ways you never thought possible.

Some of these treatments might be a case of get worse to get better. There is drug research, things ARE moving. Autoimmune conditions can be treated. Nerves that are damaged can recover, and for those that don't there is still tons of research moving in that field because it applies to all neurological conditions.

I recently got worse, lost hearing, I might just be eating my words later... but I haven't sold out yet, you two are not allowed to.

YES it is pointless lurching from one day to the next, but if you're going to go out, at least do it with a bang and try something that might actually really help you. We're all scared of it getting worse, but if I'm going out, it'll be with all my chips on a treatment that could make me worse, and who knows, maybe things will turn green for reasons unknown.