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Suicidal

I have gum problems too. They are slowly receding and get really red if I don't take daily care of them.

You could try this and see if it helps: Get one of those GUM Stimulators (https://www.amazon.com/GUM-Stimulator-Convenient-Refills-Replacements/dp/B00Q61DJ82/) and after you brush and floss, run it along your teeth at the gumline and try to gently let the tip of it clean under the gumline.
Thanks, I'll give it a go. I already use some round plastic brushes between my teeth before flossing, and I try get the dental floss around my teeth too but that thing will help and be less traumatic.

Problem is I don't feel right at all. I've been on an immuno/chemo double therapy for 15 years for my Crohn's... :(
 
How much rent will you charge?

How to get groceries?
Hi @dan, I hope you're doing more than ok.

Sorry I gave the wrong impression.. I was just dreaming and having a wishful vision.
I am financially broke but am rich in heart.

Apologies brother and my pals here who misunderstood me.

It's an idea that has real potential. I created a bit of ghetto paradise where I live now and have made that a habit in my life wherever I have lived. I am an artist and a builder so making shit came easy before my hearing trauma and brain damage.

If I ever come into funds I would try and collaborate with a few of my Tinnitus Talk friends here and make something happen.

You never know... truly.

Just wanted to get back to you as I haven't been on the forum for a couple of weeks.
Take care and peace.
 
My friends visited me today and I couldn't help but cry immediately. Catching up with them I realized how much I'm missing normal life and how I'll never experience my 20s like a normal healthy young person. I'll try for another few weeks to see if my limbs can return to function again. If they can't, I'll crawl to my end. I've seen enough of this hell that is my life.
 
My friends visited me today and I couldn't help but cry immediately. Catching up with them I realized how much I'm missing normal life and how I'll never experience my 20s like a normal healthy young person. I'll try for another few weeks to see if my limbs can return to function again. If they can't, I'll crawl to my end. I've seen enough of this hell that is my life.
What is your ANA result?
 
All of you who are considering doing the worst, know that you have loads of people here that understand what you're going through. All our situations are different in their own right, but I would hate to be standing at a point in the not so distant future when we have treatments and cures at hand without you guys and gals.

We love you and hear your suffering.
 
All of you who are considering doing the worst, know that you have loads of people here that understand what you're going through.
No, I don't. I am the only fucking human being that I've come across with severe Sjogren's-based, chronic, progressive, life-altering hyperacusis. No one understands what the fuck I go through because I type so coherently and try to help people.

Being unable to talk for 2 straight years doesn't even crack my top 50 worst things in my life. I wear Peltors 24/7, avoid all noise. My wife left me so I'm about to live with my parents like a fucking disabled toddler.

No, loads of people do not understand what the fuck I am going through. I should start inventing personalities to feel less alone.
 
So I got an acoustic reflex test done. Biggest mistake yet. It sounded like hell on earth when they took that probe out and now I have a new tone + more wavering.

The initial distortion is gone; it sounded like everyone I spoke to talked over fizzing soda and a new tone was overlaid on any male's voice. Spooky unfun stuff. Obviously freaked rightfully the hell out after the first ear was done.

Also, when it happened my visual snow went absolutely bonkers in only my right eye. I'm completely astounded as to why. Went back to normal when the extra distortion left. The new tone has stuck around.

Apparently my AR is 60 dB, so very low.

Definitely suicidal, I think I've been set back permanently. Add to that how I lost hearing and magically got worse since last weekend (no noise involved, I bent over and BAM, lost hearing) and I don't know what to do. I'm not getting better. I've been on a slow decline into this sea of buzzing seashell distortion hellshit.

Of course the ENTs don't know nor care to help me beyond antidepressants, no steroids for me.

I don't know what the fuck to do anymore... I'm trapped inside and everything beautiful I was just coming to grips with again only to have it ripped away by nauseating distortions outside, I can never escape the wavering seashell disgusting fuckery.
 
No, I don't. I am the only fucking human being that I've come across with severe Sjogren's-based, chronic, progressive, life-altering hyperacusis. No one understands what the fuck I go through because I type so coherently and try to help people.

Being unable to talk for 2 straight years doesn't even crack my top 50 worst things in my life. I wear Peltors 24/7, avoid all noise. My wife left me so I'm about to live with my parents like a fucking disabled toddler.

No, loads of people do not understand what the fuck I am going through. I should start inventing personalities to feel less alone.
How did you know that it was auto-immune? What kind of blood tests did you need to do? Did audiograms show anything other than "normal hearing" bullshit?
 
God, please kill me. Just do it you piece of shit.

Sincerely,
Zug
He doesn't exist. It's a bit easier to accept how such awful things can happen that way, also how trivial and small people's "normal" life problems are. I wish I could worry about stupid shit again.
 
My friends visited me today and I couldn't help but cry immediately. Catching up with them I realized how much I'm missing normal life and how I'll never experience my 20s like a normal healthy young person. I'll try for another few weeks to see if my limbs can return to function again. If they can't, I'll crawl to my end. I've seen enough of this hell that is my life.
I saw some colleagues/friends recently and had the same reaction. They were all talking about their plans, their childrens' holidays, things going on at work. I was desperately trying to keep a straight face despite the electric scream onslaught but ended up crying a couple of times. I really hope your limbs improve. Did you get any new diagnostic results? I'm so angry that life can be so unfair, anger born by desperation.
 
No, I don't. I am the only fucking human being that I've come across with severe Sjogren's-based, chronic, progressive, life-altering hyperacusis. No one understands what the fuck I go through because I type so coherently and try to help people.

Being unable to talk for 2 straight years doesn't even crack my top 50 worst things in my life. I wear Peltors 24/7, avoid all noise. My wife left me so I'm about to live with my parents like a fucking disabled toddler.

No, loads of people do not understand what the fuck I am going through. I should start inventing personalities to feel less alone.
You are absolutely right, there are unique cases like yours that are beyond horrible, so unfair. I think there are only a few other people on the forum with unique situations. You have shown admirable strength, resilience and generosity from outside but you only know how much you are suffering. I am glad at least your parents can offer some shelter in this tragedy.

My tinnitus is progressive and it keeps worsening. I'm also losing hearing. I don't know why. I'm tortured, but I'll try to explore auto-immune. Unless it has been continued sound traumas, but I have been careful, or it is tolerance withdrawal from Clonazepam? But increasing the dose doesn't help. Or it has been COVID-19 and then the vaccine.

I wish I had a clear diagnosis and my parents to help me, my mum died last year and my dad is very old and would need me rather than the other way around. My brother is looking after my dad and I don't want to bother him too much. My children need me. My ex wife never understood this condition, equating it with a mental health problem. I have nowhere to go, no one to help. I'm in the deep waters and I see no future. I need 8 hours of sleep and a holiday but there is no holiday or sleeping from this horror. I feel for you and all other who can't find a way to improve but only get worse. What can we do?
 
The sleep deprivation is making me suicidal guys... I've been living off maximum 4 hours of sleep for the last month.

I can't get used to that, nothing helps, no Mirtazapine, no masking. This condition took my life...
 
The sleep deprivation is making me suicidal guys... I've been living off maximum 4 hours of sleep for the last month.

I can't get used to that, nothing helps, no Mirtazapine, no masking. This condition took my life...
I did the 4 hours thing for 5 months, it's awful.

I suggest 10 mg benzo 20 minutes before sleep every other night to get sanity... or if the trouble is staying asleep then take it when you wake up during the night. Start with 5 mg and see what happens.

Benzos are not very ototoxic and for most people the addiction thing is nothing to worry about.

You notice soon if you're the drug liking type. Most people don't like to be drugged up.

Hugs.
 
The sleep deprivation is making me suicidal guys... I've been living off maximum 4 hours of sleep for the last month.

I can't get used to that, nothing helps, no Mirtazapine, no masking. This condition took my life...
I hesitate suggesting this as it is a heavy drug but have you tried Quetiapine? Even a small dosage of 0.125 mg or 0.25 mg can knock people out for 6-8 hours. It is often used at low dose for sleep and at that dose it is mostly an anticholinergic. For me a while back it spiked tinnitus in the good ear so I stopped but now it's bad on its own so I'm wondering whether I should try it again to survive this lack of sleep. Do your research before trying it though if you decide to give it a go. It's important to stay on a low dose but that should work for sleep.
 
I saw some colleagues/friends recently and had the same reaction. They were all talking about their plans, their childrens' holidays, things going on at work. I was desperately trying to keep a straight face despite the electric scream onslaught but ended up crying a couple of times. I really hope your limbs improve. Did you get any new diagnostic results? I'm so angry that life can be so unfair, anger born by desperation.
After 17 years of being unable to live normally, I've learned that crawling into a cave in your mind and isolating is the only method to survive, for me. It's too heartbreaking to see people, friends or strangers live their normal lives.

Find a long Netflix show or if you have a few $100 to spare, invest in stocks to keep your mind occupied.

And eat some junk too :)

DO NOT INVEST IN EAR STOCKS!

Losing money makes you even more depressed :)

Freaking FREQ...
 
So I got an acoustic reflex test done. Biggest mistake yet. It sounded like hell on earth when they took that probe out and now I have a new tone + more wavering.
I'm just so sorry. I don't know why ENTs don't understand that Acoustic Reflex Test, MRI, Loudness Discomfort Level Test are dangerous when living with tinnitus.

Ok, I know that in some cases MRI is actually valuable, but what were they searching for with the Acoustic Reflex Test in your case? Did you get some info why are you having all these kinds of trouble? Was it of diagnostic value?
 
How did you know that it was auto-immune? What kind of blood tests did you need to do? Did audiograms show anything other than "normal hearing" bullshit?
Years of workup. Repeated SSB positive blood work, as well as a high positive biopsy for Sjogren's (i.e. high amounts of lymphocyte infiltration). The audiogram is useless; I had one done at the very beginning (when my hyperacusis was 10% as bad as it is now) and it was "normal."
ANA titter - positive 1:80.
ANA pattern SPECKLED.
DNA ab conf - negative.

I don't know what to make of this really.
What are your doctors saying? A 1:80 titer is not considered very high, but could be early stages. It's interesting that your dsDNA-ab flipped so significantly from astronomical levels to normal. Perhaps still push for treatment if you are that desperate...
 
He doesn't exist. It's a bit easier to accept how such awful things can happen that way, also how trivial and small people's "normal" life problems are. I wish I could worry about stupid shit again.
Of course God is a work of fiction. But some people invent him in a "positive" way to cope. I do the exact opposite. I'm almost religious at this point, where my religion is hating God.
 
You are absolutely right, there are unique cases like yours that are beyond horrible, so unfair. I think there are only a few other people on the forum with unique situations. You have shown admirable strength, resilience and generosity from outside but you only know how much you are suffering. I am glad at least your parents can offer some shelter in this tragedy.

My tinnitus is progressive and it keeps worsening. I'm also losing hearing. I don't know why. I'm tortured, but I'll try to explore auto-immune. Unless it has been continued sound traumas, but I have been careful, or it is tolerance withdrawal from Clonazepam? But increasing the dose doesn't help. Or it has been COVID-19 and then the vaccine.

I wish I had a clear diagnosis and my parents to help me, my mum died last year and my dad is very old and would need me rather than the other way around. My brother is looking after my dad and I don't want to bother him too much. My children need me. My ex wife never understood this condition, equating it with a mental health problem. I have nowhere to go, no one to help. I'm in the deep waters and I see no future. I need 8 hours of sleep and a holiday but there is no holiday or sleeping from this horror. I feel for you and all other who can't find a way to improve but only get worse. What can we do?
Always a pleasure, @Chinmoku. What has been your autoimmune work-up thus far? Have you had even the basic screens? It's not entirely impossible that we have somewhat similar issues, but just with different central reactions. Our receptor sites are surely fucked...
 
Always a pleasure, @Chinmoku. What has been your autoimmune work-up thus far? Have you had even the basic screens? It's not entirely impossible that we have somewhat similar issues, but just with different central reactions. Our receptor sites are surely fucked...
I only had an OTOblot test for autoimmune ear disease that turned positive but my hearing was stable and only high frequencies were affected the first two years so they decided never to investigate the autoimmune road further. However, now I have lost more hearing and both ears are affected so it's time to look into that. I'm seeing the ear-vestibular neurologist who follows me next week and I'll ask him for an urgent referral to rheumatology.

Given that most doctors are cavalier about what they want to test I need to have an idea myself. I'll try to do some reading before the appointment but in this state of torture it's so hard. You have been great in obtaining a precise diagnosis. I don't know where to start.
 
Zug, Roy, nico and the pilot cat.

I'm too exhausted to check who this might be interesting for but since I'm a blabber mouth I toss it out now:

I'm on Infliximab for Crohn's. After my noise trauma I googled if it could make it worse. I found an old woman with what I think was congenital hearing loss, you know, hearing loss caused by the body itself. Or did she take Fosamax and had a horrible side effect. I don't remember but she could barely walk due to something happening with her. And she lost almost all hearing too, and got tinnitus.

So they gave her TNF-@ and what do you know... She could walk again after 2 days, still fkd but now a lot better from being bed bound. And she got 50% hearing back. Audigram proved. I think 50% back in one ear and 30% in the other.

Maybe some of you should Google and consider getting 3 doses. It won't hurt. But it is expensive, although the price has dropped 70% because the patent expired. Lots of generics out there. I think she got the one for osteoporosis, or mine Infliximab (Remsima).
 
I only had an OTOblot test for autoimmune ear disease that turned positive but my hearing was stable and only high frequencies were affected the first two years so they decided never to investigate the autoimmune road further. However, now I have lost more hearing and both ears are affected so it's time to look into that. I'm seeing the ear-vestibular neurologist who follows me next week and I'll ask him for an urgent referral to rheumatology.

Given that most doctors are cavalier about what they want to test I need to have an idea myself. I'll try to do some reading before the appointment but in this state of torture it's so hard. You have been great in obtaining a precise diagnosis. I don't know where to start.
The HSP-70 test is basically useless and why almost no doctor goes by it. False positives and false negatives are extremely common.

I doubt you have Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease (I don't think that's what I have). It's quite different from either of our symptoms. It's mostly defined by quick, unilateral (that becomes bilateral) hearing drops. Almost always tinnitus accompanies it and balance problems are fairly common.

Yours seems more in the flavor of mine. My autoimmune issues are probably not related to hair cells, but rather inflammation and receptor sensitization. I wonder if you should at least be worked up with ANA and ENA panels, at minimum. Do you have other systemic symptoms?
 
The HSP-70 test is basically useless and why almost no doctor goes by it. False positives and false negatives are extremely common.

I doubt you have Autoimmune Inner Ear Disease (I don't think that's what I have). It's quite different from either of our symptoms. It's mostly defined by quick, unilateral (that becomes bilateral) hearing drops. Almost always tinnitus accompanies it and balance problems are fairly common.

Yours seems more in the flavor of mine. My autoimmune issues are probably not related to hair cells, but rather inflammation and receptor sensitization. I wonder if you should at least be worked up with ANA and ENA panels, at minimum. Do you have other systemic symptoms?
Thank you, this helps contextualize already.

Let me list my symptoms, maybe it can help someone else. Not all are systemic.

I have floaters and mild visual snow, skin rashes occasionally, ear canals may become itchy and irritated at times. I have high liver markers like Gamma-GT. I have enlarged/possibly inflamed prostate but biopsy a while back was ok. A functional doctor told me I'm intolerant to gluten and dairy plus a few other things. As a kid I had crazy acne in face and back and later suffered with strong stomach pains that remained unexplained. I have dry eyes and mouth but that could be medication. Sometimes my eyes burn a lot but not often.

Incidentally I read that benzos may mask autoimmune symptoms. That could explain why if I try to taper Clonazepam it gets much worse but increasing it does not help particularly. Or I'm in tolerance and need much larger doses/need to come off.

Sorry probably TMI but I need some ideas desperately.
 
Zug, Roy, nico and the pilot cat.

I'm too exhausted to check who this might be interesting for but since I'm a blabber mouth I toss it out now:

I'm on Infliximab for Crohn's. After my noise trauma I googled if it could make it worse. I found an old woman with what I think was congenital hearing loss, you know, hearing loss caused by the body itself. Or did she take Fosamax and had a horrible side effect. I don't remember but she could barely walk due to something happening with her. And she lost almost all hearing too, and got tinnitus.

So they gave her TNF-@ and what do you know... She could walk again after 2 days, still fkd but now a lot better from being bed bound. And she got 50% hearing back. Audigram proved. I think 50% back in one ear and 30% in the other.

Maybe some of you should Google and consider getting 3 doses. It won't hurt. But it is expensive, although the price has dropped 70% because the patent expired. Lots of generics out there. I think she got the one for osteoporosis, or mine Infliximab (Remsima).
From the BTA page:

ENT surgeon Don McFerran, the leading tinnitus expert, explained:

"The name (TNF) Tumour Necrosis Factor is not very helpful, suggesting that it is only associated with disease processes. In fact, TNF is a chemical that is produced by many cells in the body and it contributes to normal body processes, particularly processes related to the immune system, such as fighting off infections. It is one of a family of normal cellular chemicals called cytokines and most of the time it is a normal, helpful part of us.

There are certain diseases in which abnormal TNF activity is thought to contribute to the disease and anti-TNF drugs have been in use in selected patients for around twenty years. There are no reports in this time period that these drugs help tinnitus - indeed, the opposite is true - there are reports that tinnitus can develop in people being treated with anti-TNF drugs. This is not to say that anti-TNF drugs definitely have no role in tinnitus - just that the ones that we have already produced do not seem to help. Different anti-TNF drugs work in different ways and it is still possible that there is an anti-TNF drug that may help tinnitus."

He added this warning:

"There is a salutary tale regarding anti-TNF drugs in a different condition - multiple sclerosis (MS). Initial animal experiments suggested that anti-TNF drugs could be very helpful in counteracting inflammation of the brain and nervous system. When these drugs were tried in humans, not only did they not help, but they actually made the MS worse. Unfortunately, optimistic animal research does not always translate into success in humans."​

So the cat pilot is sad that this is not confirmed to help necessarily but thanks for mentioning it.
 
Yes they ended the medical case paper by saying: interesting, this should be researched more.

I'll dig it up one day and post it.
 
I'm just so sorry. I don't know why ENTs don't understand that Acoustic Reflex Test, MRI, Loudness Discomfort Level Test are dangerous when living with tinnitus.

Ok, I know that in some cases MRI is actually valuable, but what were they searching for with the Acoustic Reflex Test in your case? Did you get some info why are you having all these kinds of trouble? Was it of diagnostic value?
It tells people beyond a doubt that I have hyperacusis and am not faking. Good for a disability claim. But honestly I'd rather sue the clinic and everyone that led me to the slaughter.
 
I'm not sure I'm necessarily suicidal these days. I have a lot of things to keep my mind occupied and it helps, but I'm about to lose my job and due to other illnesses/conditions and no formal, completed college education there's really not much for me to do.

Were it just one thing I was struggling with I'd probably be fine. But I have a neurological condition because of a genetic defect (not actually related to tinnitus at all), as well as ongoing whiplash issues. On top of that my joints hurt 24/7, I get muscle pains and I'm always extremely exhausted.

It's just a lot to deal with and with having tinnitus and visual snow syndrome it gets very hard to cope and unwind.

Sad to be 24 and know you likely won't have much of a future at all, especially when you only just started living and moving on from a traumatic childhood.
 

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