Suicidal

[Brian P]

I think that's a very natural reaction to what this disease does. I've had a few alright days now, and my optimism is trending upwards, but some days I'm really down, crying my eyes out, often due to a bad spike lasting multiple days.

Hang in there my friend. I'm holding out for hope that this insane trial shall pass someday.

In another time, another place, I hope we'll all be happier.

I remember you had like 14 tones, and now you have 6. How did they go away? I recently got the squealing and angle grinder from Klonopin and they are atrocious.

 

[Stacken77]

I remember you had like 14 tones, and now you have 6. How did they go away? I recently got the squealing and angle grinder from Klonopin and they are atrocious.

I initially had like 3 tones, but in April I remember I could count up to 10 spanning both ears. I had a series of smaller incidents which weren't even that loud, but it seemed like each incident would cause another tone. The tones weren't that loud, each one being roughly the same volume, but completely distinguishable from each other. I don't know what happened, but now I can only seem to count like 4, so I guess time took care of it.

I think tones can come and go, especially if they're associated with "minor" incidents. Right now I'm dealing with an overall permanent increase in volume, which is distressing.

Wish you well, Brian.

 

[Brian P]

I initially had like 3 tones, but in April I remember I could count up to 10 spanning both ears. I had a series of smaller incidents which weren't even that loud, but it seemed like each incident would cause another tone. The tones weren't that loud, each one being roughly the same volume, but completely distinguishable from each other. I don't know what happened, but now I can only seem to count like 4, so I guess time took care of it.

I think tones can come and go, especially if they're associated with "minor" incidents. Right now I'm dealing with an overall permanent increase in volume, which is distressing.

Wish you well, Brian.

The volume is what is killing me too. Sleep is impossible as is concentrating. If you are thinking of taking drugs, don't. I tried Lexapro and it doubled the volume. Temporarily, thank god. The Klonopin will be the death of me if this doesn't wear off. Doctors in the US love to hand out this stuff like candy.

 

[Matchbox]

The volume is what is killing me too. Sleep is impossible as is concentrating. If you are thinking of taking drugs, don't. I tried Lexapro and it doubled the volume. Temporarily, thank god. The Klonopin will be the death of me if this doesn't wear off. Doctors in the US love to hand out this stuff like candy.

Do you hear tones or sound effects too that are rhythmic?

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To Brian P:

This morning while in the local library the quietness accentuated my tinnitus pitch and volume so that I could hardly hear any other sounds from my left ear.

It so interfered with my concentration that I was barely capable of following a Librarian's comments about the real reasons for the hyperinflation in Germany during the Weimar Era.

I must have looked like a rude, slack-jawed dolt when I offered no replies.

I ducked into the washroom and said, "If I don't get the f**k out of here right now, since my capacity to "habituate" has been punctured like a Sherman Tank being hit by a Panzer 88mm shell, I could seriously pass out from my consciousness shutting down just to avoid the noise."

And throughout the day, there isn't a f**king thing I can do to even slightly lower the volume.

I then notified myself, "Is this going to be your life, Capt'n, for the rest of your years? Can you really sign on for this?"

 

[Brian P]

To Brian P:

This morning while in the local library the quietness accentuated my tinnitus pitch and volume so that I could hardly hear any other sounds from my left ear.

It so interfered with my concentration that I was barely capable of following a Librarian's comments about the real reasons for the hyperinflation in Germany during the Weimar Era.

I must have looked like a rude, slack-jawed dolt when I offered no replies.

I ducked into the washroom and said, "If I don't get the f**k out of here right now, since my capacity to "habituate" has been punctured like a Sherman Tank being hit by a Panzer 88mm shell, I could seriously pass out from my consciousness shutting down just to avoid the noise."

And throughout the day, there isn't a f**king thing I can do to even slightly lower the volume.

I then notified myself, "Is this going to be your life, Capt'n, for the rest of your years? Can you really sign on for this?"

I can't sign on for this. Something has got to give.

 

[dan]

How long did it take before you felt like you were getting better?

3-4 years.

 

[PeteJ]

The volume is what is killing me too. Sleep is impossible as is concentrating. If you are thinking of taking drugs, don't. I tried Lexapro and it doubled the volume. Temporarily, thank god. The Klonopin will be the death of me if this doesn't wear off. Doctors in the US love to hand out this stuff like candy.

Move to Canada then if you want to be denied Klonopin.

 

[Forever hopeful]

3-4 years.

I'll never make it. I wish I could at least mask it but I can't. Too high pitched.

 

[Ken219]

The volume is what is killing me too. Sleep is impossible as is concentrating. If you are thinking of taking drugs, don't. I tried Lexapro and it doubled the volume. Temporarily, thank god. The Klonopin will be the death of me if this doesn't wear off. Doctors in the US love to hand out this stuff like candy.

Brian, because the doctor offers a drug, it does not mean one has to take it. There are medications that help. If one has suicidal thoughts, research medications on tinnitus sites. If you need medication or need to be institutionalized, do it to stay alive! Tinnitus is a long haul.

Love you all!

Long time tinnitus sufferer.

 

[Brian P]

Brian, because the doctor offers a drug, it does not mean one has to take it. There are medications that help. If one has suicidal thoughts, research medications on tinnitus sites. If you need medication or need to be institutionalized, do it to stay alive! Tinnitus is a long haul.

Love you all!

Long time tinnitus sufferer.

How did you get tinnitus?

 

[Ken219]

How did you get tinnitus?

Noise trauma.

 

[Wrfortiscue]

Brian, because the doctor offers a drug, it does not mean one has to take it. There are medications that help. If one has suicidal thoughts, research medications on tinnitus sites. If you need medication or need to be institutionalized, do it to stay alive! Tinnitus is a long haul.

Love you all!

Long time tinnitus sufferer.

I agree.

 

[Brian P]

Move to Canada then if you want to be denied Klonopin.

They are smart. I can't believe this is legal here and weed isn't.

 

[Marcuso22]

Move to Canada then if you want to be denied Klonopin.

I'm in Canada & you can definitely get Klonopin here.

 

[PeteJ]

I'm in Canada & you can definitely get Klonopin here.

Not where I am. Family physician said no and an ER doctor said nada.

 

[Marcuso22]

Not where I am. Family physician said no and an ER doctor said nada.

Is there no other physician you can see in your city/town? What I was referring to was the fact that Klonopin has been approved by Health Canada. Physicians are reluctant to prescribe it because their Board of Colleges are monitoring physicians who are prescribing benzos because of them being over prescribed for unlimited years in the past. You can take print outs of studies that have shown Xanax & Klonopin have shown to reduce the perception of loud tinnitus for those suffering with severe tinnitus.

 

[danielthor]

What do you guys think happens to us after we die?

I've been wondering what happens after death as I've been seriously considering suicide lately. I find it so sad if the one and only life I get has to go to waste like this, both with regards to taking it at such a young age, but also because of having already sort of lost it due to extremely debalitating neurodegenerative disease, with extremely debalitating T & H on top.
Dunno.. But maybe we get a new chance at life after death?
(I don't mind pessimistic answers)

 

[Brian P]

What do you guys think happens to us after we die?

I've been wondering what happens after death as I've been seriously considering suicide lately. I find it so sad if the one and only life I get has to go to waste like this, both with regards to taking it at such a young age, but also because of having already sort of lost it due to extremely debalitating neurodegenerative disease, with extremely debalitating T & H on top.
Dunno.. But maybe we get a new chance at life after death?
(I don't mind pessimistic answers)

Nothing, you're dead.

 

[Stacken77]

I'm so awfully sorry to hear that, @danielthor.

Life is just so unfair, and the fate which we have received is brutal.

What do you guys think happens to us after we die?

Such existential questions are a charged subject, so I'll just preface my conviction by saying that I'm not in the mood for debates, but in great humility, I'm personally convinced in the God of the bible, the acts of Christ, a future of great redemption and restoration, with great emphasis on the things hereafter.

Wishing you well Daniel, and I hope you, me, and all find peace.
Stacken

 

[danielthor]

Nothing, you're dead.

I guess the good thing about being dead is that it won't feel sad anymore, we will have lost nothing.

 

[Damocles]

What do you guys think happens to us after we die?

I've been wondering what happens after death as I've been seriously considering suicide lately. I find it so sad if the one and only life I get has to go to waste like this, both with regards to taking it at such a young age, but also because of having already sort of lost it due to extremely debalitating neurodegenerative disease, with extremely debalitating T & H on top.
Dunno.. But maybe we get a new chance at life after death?
(I don't mind pessimistic answers)

I'm a great believer in reincarnation @danielthor.

I don't suppose you've gotten round to reading that book of short stories by J.D. Salinger I recommended you yet (?) But the last story "Teddy" focuses on this subject, and makes it evident to me that Salinger, must also have had a firm belief in the recurring cycle of death followed by life, for each individual being.

Also H.P. Lovecraft (one of my favourite authors) while being notoriously anti-religion and outspokenly nihilistic, demonstrated ponderings on the concept of a "soul" and an infinite universe harbouring life, in his writing.

Ever since developing this condition, anything that explores the topic of death or an afterlife captures my attention, and these two writers' (hardly experts on the subject) short stories seemed to resonate with me somewhat more than others.

I also was raised a Catholic, so have a secondary ("backup" perhaps you could say) belief in the idea of a Heaven and a Hell, and a strong conviction that I will one day get to meet the people I love, who have already moved on.

I certainly do not believe in Mu.

The more you research into the biology of living organisms, the more you begin to conclude that we are nothing besides pure energy, and according to the laws of physics, energy can never just cease to exist; it merely changes form.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

Brian P is entirely correct.

We are no more than Primates with oversized brains.

We are the final thrust of the evolutionary process wherein the human species will ultimately destroy itself and nearly all other Life on the Planet.

In 50 million years the Sun will expand and dissolve the Planet Earth into Atoms. Long before that, the exponentially increased heat intensity when this expansion is started will render all Life unsustainable.

Freud in "The Future of An Illusion" correctly cited the belief in God as an infantile wish-fulfillment for a protective Father Figure.

The Concept of Heaven is purely childish, Wishful / Magical Thinking.

The notion of the Existence of the Conscious Mind after Death is pure fantasy.

Camus in "the Myth of Sisyphus" bluntly stated that Humanity is alone in the Universe.

The Christian Version of Hell was no more than a lever employed by the Power Elite to cow the Masses into docile submission.

Did you know that after her death, it was discovered that in her Diary Mother Theresa herself privately questioned the existence of God?

At times the inevitability of Death terrifies me (especially at the age of 67); at other times I regard it as Welcome Deliverance from this Tragic Earthly Condition.

Remember that Samuel Beckett said, "Face it, you're on Earth; there's no cure for that".

The Philosopher George Santayana said that Religion is nothing more that an effort to Imagine a Superior Alternate Reality.

 

[kingsfan]

Been having a rough go with my tinnitus the past couple days now. Really high pitch spike.

My anxiety has been unchecked for a while now to the point that I started self-medicating with alcohol for the past couple weeks. I stopped drinking yesterday as I'm wondering if that might be the cause of my tinnitus spike? Anxiety is through the roof again. I'm waiting on my COBRA benefits to kick in, but they are taking forever to set it all up. Just paid $521 today for my asthma inhaler refill. Hopefully insurance will reimburse me once it's all set up.

 

[Wrfortiscue]

Nothing, you're dead.

Please tell me the winning lotto numbers man haha.

 

[Psych]

Thanks for giving me a shred of hope. Has it improved or do you feel like you've just habituated to it? I guess in the end it doesn't matter as long as you're less bothered by it.

I've been having a terrible spike since July. I have had bilateral tinnitus on and off for the last year and a half. No measurable hearing loss and ENT is attributing it to TMJ which I have.

It's super high-pitched and I've been in what seems to be worsening to a permanent state for the last month. I might get a few quiet days here and there but generally speaking by mid day it revs up and it's super loud. It's quiet when I wake up in the morning but once I get up and start walking around and talking to the kids it just starts right up, which I guess does fall in line with the TMJ diagnosis. Unfortunately right now there's no availability of TMJ treaters so I'm out of luck in that regard.
It seems like eating a piece of toast spikes it. Again, the jaw thing.

Anyway I'm sitting in my car in the pouring rain In tears wondering how I am going to be able to live with this. I know I have to get through January because I'm taking my son to Disney and I have to do that for him. But I'm not sure how much longer I want to hang around if this is what my life is going to be like. And I live in the US where gun control is not so strict. Not that that would be my method. I've had tinnitus before for periods of time, like years, that's resolved. But I could always mask it. I can't mask this. It's so high pitched. Violet and pink noise does nothing for it except for irritate me.

How long did it take before you felt like you were getting better?

Sorry you're going through so much! I just wanted to say "hi" and maybe give some hope. What's happening with me is that it is loud, still, but it is so pervasive that it's becoming like background noise. I forget about it at times. I remind myself that it's not actually harming me in any way. Focusing on other things helps, too. Deep breathing, alternate nostril breathing (sounds weird, and it looks weird, but it seems to dial down the angst t can create) are all different interventions that can be done and be effective. I don't have all the answers, and, as you know, have some other physical things going on, etc. But, for the time being - and it does change throughout the day, so not completely out of the woods - things are better.

Please take care of yourself, and I hope you get some relief very soon.

 

[OnceUponaTime]

I feel you. Vaccine took my mild tinnitus to suicide.

So sorry. Did it go back to baseline? I hope you are better now.

Please someone say they have seen a case as bad as mine recover somewhat to be able to live. I don't want to die.

Your life is precious.

I had hyperacusis twice. At the time I had a 2 and a 5 year old. (no need to say much more).

It went away.

I also know of some people whose hyperacusis was severe and they got much better.
Don't lose hope.

Just do not over protect your ears and be patient and kind to yourself.

 

[aura]

I had hyperacusis twice. At the time I had a 2 and a 5 year old. (no need to say much more).

It went away.

How long did it take to go away?

 

[OnceUponaTime]

 

[AnthonyMcDonald]

So sorry. Did it go back to baseline? I hope you are better now.

Your life is precious.

I had hyperacusis twice. At the time I had a 2 and a 5 year old. (no need to say much more).

It went away.

I also know of some people whose hyperacusis was severe and they got much better.
Don't lose hope.

Just do not over protect your ears and be patient and kind to yourself.

Thank you for the kind words.

It is the severe suicidal tinnitus that gets me mostly. The hyperacusis is okay if I'm in a quiet environment.