Suicidal

[all to gain]

To all to gain:

The last psychiatrist I saw put me on Zoloft; my metabolism could not absorb it and it backed up in my system, causing me paranoid hallucinations and difficulty in breathing.

I am curious if, given the number of prescribable psychoactive drugs, there is something that can be administered daily that my system can absorb to minimize the panic/depression symptoms (without, of course aggravating the tinnitus).

Also, I am taking a curcumin that is supposed to have the highest absorption rate. I am also curious about how long it would take for this to affect tinnitus.

I personally would keep away from psych meds if I were you. I wish I had, but now I am reaping their rewards, i.e. side effects.

I think I have the same curcumin, i.e. 285x absorbtion rate. Haven't seen any changes in my tinnitus though. I asked in this thread https://www.tinnitustalk.com/thread...seems-to-be-helping.27603/page-13#post-489547 and people are saying they see results almost immediately. Maybe we are just unlucky.

 

[Ed209]

He said I have a selfish mindset and also explicitly implied he doesn't think my tinnitus is that bad.

linearb often insults me in his replies and I am tired of being told that I am disregarding advice! That's false!

Pete, that was just my generalised and personal opinion of how I see those who compare illnesses/conditions all the time and always see themselves as being worse off. I also think it's a cry for help more than anything which is totally understandable.

I have never explicitly implied that your tinnitus is not that bad, ever. I would never do that. I believe every word you say about how loud your tinnitus is and about how it makes you feel - which is why I tried to help you. I'm struggling to understand how you ever came to that conclusion?

Fair enough, I wrote a message that had some tough love in it, but I figured it was appropriate in your situation as nobody was getting through to you. As I read through this thread, it became really clear that every time somebody tried to help you you would either dismiss their advice/suggestion or would say that it wouldn't help you without even trying it. If you keep telling people to stop replying to you when all they've done is tried to help - which you've done many times - then they will eventually stop trying and just leave you alone. This is clearly not what you want otherwise you wouldn't be here, which is why I figured a more forceful approach might be better, to try and help you see this.

As for the depression remarks, you have to see where I'm coming from. I am surrounded and affected by severe depression pretty much 24/7 and when you've had to take your mother to the hospital with cuts all over her and for overdoses it's kind of annoying to see people say that it's no big deal; tinnitus is worse, etc. I already told you about my older friend as well. On my wife's side of the family, her cousin has tried to kill himself about 5 times by hanging and by taking a bottle of paracetamol. He has been sectioned for his own safety quite a few times. This is all really disturbing stuff to have to deal with on a daily basis and is exactly why I decided to make a post about the fact that tinnitus is not in competition with other illnesses. To some, they are just flippant remarks, but to me, it's a big part of my life and I know it's not true.

I have no problems with you, Pete, as I understand how terrible you feel, but if you feel I'm against you somehow then I'll honour your request and stop replying to you altogether.

I wish you all the best, though, and hope you come through this ordeal in the coming years.

 

[david c]

Pete you will habituate. Wait 2 years.

I think that this is basically right. I remember the first year of tinnitus being just terrible but slowly over time I habituated. Things can get better Pete.

I'd also say that I think people should respect Pete's right to say "please don't reply to me again" to certain people. They may be trying to help but if it simply results in unproductive arguments it won't help.

 

[PeteJ]

I think that this is basically right. I remember the first year of tinnitus being just terrible but slowly over time I habituated. Things can get better Pete.

I'd also say that I think people should respect Pete's right to say "please don't reply to me again" to certain people. They may be trying to help but if it simply results in unproductive arguments it won't help.

I don't know what to say to those statements anymore. I hope everyone who says that will be right but my tinnitus is not better. I hate these tones and it's too loud. My ears don't feel normal or they are in pain.

When I say don't reply to me, it's usually after someone says something mean or I perceive it as such. It's out of frustration and it's especially hurtful if the person tried to help me before or I perceive that they tried.

 

[PeteJ]

@Ed209,
"it's kind of annoying to see people say that it's no big deal."

See? I didn't say that. That's making false accusations. In fact, I would never say nor think that. I never implied it either and I thought I made it clear that I meant severe tinnitus when I compared - and it was a relative comparison. There's ADs for depression, CBT, psychiatry and real support systems for depression. I am not saying that they always help but these tools don't treat severe tinnitus, only the reaction. There's no real treatment for tinnitus so my comparison was based on a rational and logical conclusion but wasn't meant to belittle depression.

You said my depression is the problem or might be the problem more than tinnitus. Again, no. Obviously, depression is a factor but, that's because my tinnitus is so loud and intrusive. I had depression before tinnitus but now the depression is a result of the tinnitus mostly although I am depressed because of my general life too.

But, now, I am tortured by 24/7 tones I can't mask and painful ears. Some people with tinnitus understood what I was saying. I don't understand why you and Danish girl can't. But, I don't want to argue about it anymore and I don't want people to feel offended or make the wrong conclusion.

I argued about this in real life with a girl who is depressed and she got really mad at me. She apologized after. She has a lot of meds and has a history of depression. She's on disability. I look at her and myself. She is coping but she told me horror stories. I just think depression alone allows a better chance. I am sorry about your relatives and hope they can find the right help. Depression can be a neverending battle when it's severe, I know.

But, when I was depressed before tinnitus, I could sleep with silence.

 

[Ed209]

@Ed209,
"it's kind of annoying to see people say that it's no big deal."

See? I didn't say that. That's making false accusations. In fact, I would never say nor think that. I never implied it either and I thought I made it clear that I meant severe tinnitus when I compared - and it was a relative comparison. There's ADs for depression, CBT, psychiatry and real support systems for depression.

Pete, I'm going to reply because of what you wrote. You are doing it again, buddy; you are going off at the deep end over a turn of phrase. A few pages back whilst talking to Danish Girl you implied/said that it was better to have severe depression, and then when Danish Girl replied, you dismissed what she said out of hand.

I'm not sure where you're coming from with your false accusations comment. I just made it clear that I disagreed with you. That's not an accusation. However, when I read your last few comments to me I've seen things like this:

"You don't sympathize with anyone's suffering. You just want to insult and shame people who don't agree with you."

If you think I've been insulting and shaming people on this thread then that's your prerogative and I'll respect it. However, I've spent countless hours here trying to help people via PM and email because I know how distressing this condition can be. I have also spent around £2000 on various tinnitus causes and research initiatives. I care.

You said my depression is the problem or might be the problem more than tinnitus. Again, no. Obviously, depression is a factor but, that's because my tinnitus is so loud and intrusive. I had depression before tinnitus but now the depression is a result of the tinnitus mostly although I am depressed because of my general life too.

Your depression could be a considerable factor in how you're currently feeling. Tinnitus and depression can feed into each other creating a feedback loop. If you try to find ways to tackle your low mood it may directly help your tinnitus percept.

But, now, I am tortured by 24/7 tones I can't mask and painful ears. Some people with tinnitus understood what I was saying. I don't understand why you and Danish girl can't. But, I don't want to argue about it anymore and I don't want people to feel offended or make the wrong conclusion.

Pete, you're not alone, buddy. This is what I've been trying to tell you. This site is full of people with screaming loud, multi-tonal tinnitus, and I'm one of them. Many of us have other chronic problems too.

I am sorry about your relatives and hope they can find the right help. Depression can be a neverending battle when it's severe, I know.

Thanks. To say I've seen and heard some horrific stuff is an understatement.

If you look back through this thread, Pete, pretty much all the people you've become angry with have only been trying to help you. Remember that this is a support forum and that support goes both ways.

 

[PeteJ]

Pete, I'm going to reply because of what you wrote. You are doing it again, buddy; you are going off at the deep end over a turn of phrase. A few pages back whilst talking to Danish Girl you implied/said that it was better to have severe depression, and then when Danish Girl replied, you dismissed what she said out of hand.

I'm not sure where you're coming from with your false accusations comment. I just made it clear that I disagreed with you. That's not an accusation. However, when I read your last few comments to me I've seen things like this:

"You don't sympathize with anyone's suffering. You just want to insult and shame people who don't agree with you."

If you think I've been insulting and shaming people on this thread then that's your prerogative and I'll respect it. However, I've spent countless hours here trying to help people via PM and email because I know how distressing this condition can be. I have also spent around £2000 on various tinnitus causes and research initiatives. I care.

Your depression could be a considerable factor in how you're currently feeling. Tinnitus and depression can feed into each other creating a feedback loop. If you try to find ways to tackle your low mood it may directly help your tinnitus percept.

Pete, you're not alone, buddy. This is what I've been trying to tell you. This site is full of people with screaming loud, multi-tonal tinnitus, and I'm one of them. Many of us have other chronic problems too.

Thanks. To say I've seen and heard some horrific stuff is an understatement.

If you look back through this thread, Pete, pretty much all the people you've become angry with have only been trying to help you. Remember that this is a support forum and that support goes both ways.

I am not doing anything again. I was making it clear that I didn't say what you accused me of.

The tinnitus is causing the most issues. I would rather have the most severe depression than have this tinnitus. My life situation was made worse since the tinnitus plus the physical aspects so I am depressed from that, too.

I'm not going to reply to you anymore.

 

[just1morething]

@PeteJ, the noise is extremely difficult to deal with when it goes to your brain. I have static, then solid noise, then sometimes oscillating noise, which I think is the worst one to deal with.

It seems we are stuck in a sleep/noise cycle. I occasionally get a break, but never 2 days in a row, as the awakening tinnitus seems like clockwork for me.

It seems like people with previous anxiety/panic attacks/depression are more prone to getting tinnitus than others. Sleep or lack of sleep seems to have quite an affect on the intensity. What a weird tormenting condition.

 

[PeteJ]

@PeteJ, the noise is extremely difficult to deal with when it goes to your brain. I have static, then solid noise, then sometimes oscillating noise, which I think is the worst one to deal with.

It seems we are stuck in a sleep/noise cycle. I occasionally get a break, but never 2 days in a row, as the awakening tinnitus seems like clockwork for me.

It seems like people with previous anxiety/panic attacks/depression are more prone to getting tinnitus than others. Sleep or lack of sleep seems to have quite an affect on the intensity. What a weird tormenting condition.

I see what you are saying but lots of people have anxiety, stress and depression but don't get tinnitus. I agree it's a brain condition but I think it's also connected to our hearing and our ears. It's both unless someone comes out with concrete proof that it isn't. I don't know why people with no perceivable hearing loss get tinnitus but I wonder what hearing loss people who have severe tinnitus have. The neuro plasticity thing is a mystery to me. Why can't a researcher figure out exactly what is going on and work with experts who can 'laser' the affected parts of the brain and 'turn off' whatever it is that creates the ringing?!?

I think we will be waiting ages for restoring hearing and I dunno if that will eliminate tinnitus or not.

I am often stressed because of this but my t doesn't seem to change from that. I had a very brief fluctuation today. My tinnitus reduced a lot and I was really hoping it wouldn't return to the high volume. But, it did. :-( My anxiety and stress had no change though. I don't know why I only have rare and brief fluctuations. :-(

 

[PeteJ]

I hate this life. The ringing somehow is still worse in the late evening - every night.

My tinnitus was from an acoustic trauma and when people talk about their tinnitus getting worse i.e. getting louder, new/more tones, it's almost always from an acoustic trauma - we consider this a loud noise? People can go deaf but it's this trauma to the ears and hearing mechanism that triggers the tinnitus, right? So, a person might have normal hearing or not. But, for some reason, some particular trauma causes it - I think this is the case with moderate and severe tinnitus in which it lasts for months or more.

Anyway, I know no one cares what I say and I am just rambling. It's a mystery and it doesn't matter because there is no treatment to reduce this or "cure/repair" the trauma.

 

[astaff14]

My computer emitted coil whine today for about 1 minute and now my tinnitus seems to have gone up in pitch to near that level and is louder. My boyfriend just built this computer for me as a Christmas present and I will not even be able to use it. My T was probably 7-8khz and now it feels like 12. I don't know how anyone can live with this.

I have never wanted to die so badly from this condition. I can't enjoy anything, not weed, not video games, I can't be out in public without fear, I hate working now because it forces me to hear loud noises. I wish I was dead. My life legitimately has no enjoyment or meaning anymore.

 

[PeteJ]

My computer emitted coil whine today for about 1 minute and now my tinnitus seems to have gone up in pitch to near that level and is louder. My boyfriend just built this computer for me as a Christmas present and I will not even be able to use it. My T was probably 7-8khz and now it feels like 12. I don't know how anyone can live with this.

I have never wanted to die so badly from this condition. I can't enjoy anything, not weed, not video games, I can't be out in public without fear, I hate working now because it forces me to hear loud noises. I wish I was dead. My life legitimately has no enjoyment or meaning anymore.

I have or had a noisy computer. But, the whine sound it emits might cause a spike but I can only see it as being temporary.

Ask your bf to make some changes to your hardware:

A) Noctua fans - probably the quietest. Set it at a low speed in the bios.
B) SSD or NVMe PCIe drive - whatever your motherboard will support. Don't use Legacy HDDs in the computer.
C) tell him to make sure there is good air flow and to use a compressed air duster to clean the dust out.

Wear ear plugs if he does this near you.

This should reduce the noise the computer makes.

Edit: if possible, move it to a different room. If required, get a wireless card or adapter for the computer.

 

[Kriszti]

Here we go again. Trust me, I'm tired of myself being here so often too. My tinnitus has changed again. It sounds like a grinder, metallic, and it is horrible. It doesn't improve, it's getting worse. To be honest, it is still not as loud as I think some of yours, but it is driving me crazy. I started exam period, I can not concentrate for the life of me. I put so much energy and money into university, and I won't be able to finish it. I told my mom that I want to die so much, which made her cry. I feel awful. I know I should put up a facade and at least seem to be like I'm trying, but I'm devastated, very much in despair and I don't want to continue living like this. This is not life. I screw up everyone's life around me too. I'm dreading Christmas.

 

[Harley]

I have never wanted to die so badly from this condition.

The very fact that so many well adjusted, normal and otherwise healthy individuals in their prime are literally longing for death because of this twisted condition, should be indicative of the level of suffering that Tinnitus brings to the table.

It should be setting off alarms across the globe, where any self respecting Tinnitus organizations would declare a state of emergency and demand that sufficient funds are relased to help erradicate this plague.
Nobody in the 21st century should be faced with a choice between horrid, continuous suffering or suicide.

Yet most so called medical professionals still place Tinnitus in the same category as a sore back or a minor skin rash.

I'm not sure if this is due to the fact, that most of them have seen a half hour grainy video on Tinnitus in med school (at best), or if this is the result of all the lies fed to them by those self serving bastards who claim that "everyone can habituate".

All I know is, that this curent appaling attitude from the medical community is unacceptable and it offends me on a very deep level as a human being.
This is why people need to speak up about this evil condition every time they get the chance and this is why this forum is such a great platform to do so.

 

[GregCA]

The very fact that so many well adjusted, normal and otherwise healthy individuals in their prime are literally longing for death because of this twisted condition, should be indicative of the level of suffering that Tinnitus brings to the table.

Study data - see Figure 4:
https://journals.lww.com/thehearing...l_Ideation_Among_Patients_with_Chronic.6.aspx

 

[Harley]

Study data - see Figure 4:
https://journals.lww.com/thehearing...l_Ideation_Among_Patients_with_Chronic.6.aspx

The prevalence of suicidal ideation among patients with tinnitus was also greater than those reported for patients with other chronic health conditions including cancer, insomnia, and Parkinson's disease

Thank you for the link Greg.
That itself is very revealing, but I question how many doctors are even aware of any such studies.

Also, the one important thing which lot of people on the "outside" find confusing about Tinnitus is the fact, that it comes in different intensities.

For example, If we take the figure of 2 million people believed to be debilitated by Tinnitus at it's face value (I'm not sure if this is a global figure, or if this is on the USA alone), the suicidal ideations in that group must run at close to 100% almost by deffinition.

Suicidal thoughts are pretty much a natural result of being debilitated by torture.

But for some reason I doubt your average GP is even aware of any of the above.
Mine is completelly clueless of course.

And speakung of which, here is another food for thought of sorts:

Since I now stopped seeking any help from the doctors (for the reasons I already stated above), statistically speaking I'm most likely to be written off as yet another sucess story to their credit, because of the fact that I never came back.

 

[all to gain]

Thank you for the link Greg.
That itself is very revealing, but I question how many doctors are even aware of any such studies.

Also, the one important thing which lot of people on the "outside" find confusing about Tinnitus is the fact, that it comes in different intensities.

For example, If we take the figure of 2 million people believed to be debilitated by Tinnitus at it's face value (I'm not sure if this is a global figure, or if this is on the USA alone), the suicidal ideations in that group must run at close to 100% almost by deffinition.

Suicidal thoughts are pretty much a natural result of being debilitated by torture.

But for some reason I doubt your average GP is even aware of any of the above.
Mine is completelly clueless of course.

And speakung of which, here is another food for thought of sorts:

Since I now stopped seeking any help from the doctors (for the reasons I already stated above), statistically speaking I'm most likely to be written off as yet another sucess story to their credit, because of the fact that I never came back.

As I understand it the 2 million figure is in the US alone. Not sure how they come up with these figures.

In the UK I've seen the figures of 300,000 and 600,000.

 

[DaveFromChicago]

To Harley:

On Friday my case was so aggravated that I had to make a mammoth effort not to start shouting in the housewares store where I was buying new shower curtain linings. This spike lasted the entire day. The stress exhausted me to the point where my immune system was compromised; by nightfall I had a debilitating throat cold.

At various times throughout the year the stress from this has resulted in four colds, two cases of bronchitis, and one severe urinary tract infection. Being 65, I now wonder whether such continuing stress from this condition will subtract perhaps twenty years from my life.

As far as I am concerned, this is as much of a killer as exposure to asbestos, Agent Orange, or from smoking, excessive drinking, etc. This is the most potentially lethal, underregarded medical condition I know of.

 

[Autumnly]

For example, If we take the figure of 2 million people believed to be debilitated by Tinnitus at it's face value (I'm not sure if this is a global figure, or if this is on the USA alone)

That's in the US alone, goes to show that millions are suffering worldwide.

The U.S. Centers for Disease Control estimates that nearly 15% of the general public — over 50 million Americans — experience some form of tinnitus. Roughly 20 million people struggle with burdensome chronic tinnitus, while 2 million have extreme and debilitating cases. - source

So 0,6% of the US population has severe, debilitating cases. Worldwide that would be about 48 million.

 

[dan]

I have or had a noisy computer. But, the whine sound it emits might cause a spike but I can only see it as being temporary.

Ask your bf to make some changes to your hardware:

A) Noctua fans - probably the quietest. Set it at a low speed in the bios.
B) SSD or NVMe PCIe drive - whatever your motherboard will support. Don't use Legacy HDDs in the computer.
C) tell him to make sure there is good air flow and to use a compressed air duster to clean the dust out.

Wear ear plugs if he does this near you.

This should reduce the noise the computer makes.

Edit: if possible, move it to a different room. If required, get a wireless card or adapter for the computer.

Or, get an iPad.

 

[dan]

or if this is the result of all the lies fed to them by those self serving bastards who claim that "everyone can habituate".

That's the reason.

 

[PeteJ]

Or, get an iPad.

Do you know how expensive iPads are?

Are you volunteering to get her one?

Some people need computers, not just tablets.

 

[PeteJ]

That's in the US alone, goes to show that millions are suffering worldwide.

So 0,6% of the US population has severe, debilitating cases. Worldwide that would be about 48 million.

How accurate are the statistics? I doubt my doctor sent any notes to some official statistics authority.

 

[PeteJ]

Multiple high pitched tones - but LOUD!!!!

I don't know if it is a spike or base line because it is bad 99% of the time.

Anyone else have this? I don't know what the frequency/Hz is. I don't see other option other than suicide. How do you take this?!?

My left ear is fucked too. It's sore and feels full with some problem below or in front of my ear - is that a muscle? Is that why some people think it's TMJ related? My right ear "creaked" this morning but thankfully, it stopped.

I hate my life. My left ear is making 'noises' and I don't know how to describe the nature of it. It's not normal.

 

[astaff14]

@Harley it really is such a messed up and absolutely twisted disease. I'm 22 years old and I cannot imagine being debilitated like this for the rest of my life. By all accounts my ringing is really not that bad even. Probably a 3/4 out of 10. But it's still taken so much away from me, I can't enjoy almost anything anymore. It's destroying my relationships too, my boyfriend screamed at me today that I have to keep trying different things to get better because he's "a loud person and doesn't want to spend his life being quiet". I've been to a GP and an ENT, I refuse to take benzos, anything like hearing aids is way outside my budget. He believes it's all anxiety - never mind the fact I had a noise trauma just over a month ago that made it so much worse for me!!! I hate life.

Truly, kudos to you and everyone else here with truly severe tinnitus who keep living and keep on going every day. I think about you guys every day and wish that treatments or a cure will be coming soon so we don't have to keep suffering.

 

[Backpacker]

I've been to a GP and an ENT, I refuse to take benzos.

Good. Anti-anxiety meds are treatment for anxiety, not for tinnitus. You clearly had acoustic trauma. And even if you were anxious, they have a lot of possible side effects. Including tinnitus. I am glad you refused them.

 

[just1morething]

I think it is all individual what we need for our tinnitus. Hearings aids and limited use of benzos may help some of us cope. I read that Mayo Clinic did a study and magnesium helped tinnitus in the long term. AD side affects are more than I can handle.

Many people with noise-induced hearing loss also suffer from tinnitus. Magnesium has been shown to relieve the severity of tinnitus symptoms. A healthy supply of magnesium also keeps the blood vessels relaxed, allowing adequate blood to flow throughout the body, including through the vessels in the inner

https://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/22249877

 

[PeteJ]

Study data - see Figure 4:
https://journals.lww.com/thehearing...l_Ideation_Among_Patients_with_Chronic.6.aspx

It's garbage data though.

No "direct relationship?"

They are training 'students' for the mental health aspects? Why? What for?!?

There is a direct relationship. People instinctively want to live and it's difficult to take your life - depressed people who do or have such thoughts don't have debilitating loud tones to deal with. People with severe tinnitus, especially, have that extra torment.

What are ****ing students going to do who are looking at the mental health aspect of it? Doctors and psychiatrists already can't do squat. If anyone will ever do anything to help, it will be a combination of researchers and neurologists and whoever can "figure out" tinnitus.

 

[dan]

Multiple high pitched tones - but LOUD!!!!

I don't know if it is a spike or base line because it is bad 99% of the time.

Anyone else have this? I don't know what the frequency/Hz is. I don't see other option other than suicide. How do you take this?!?

My left ear is fucked too. It's sore and feels full with some problem below or in front of my ear - is that a muscle? Is that why some people think it's TMJ related? My right ear "creaked" this morning but thankfully, it stopped.

I hate my life. My left ear is making 'noises' and I don't know how to describe the nature of it. It's not normal.

Hang in there. It gets easier.

 

[Harley]

As far as I am concerned, this is as much of a killer as exposure to asbestos, Agent Orange, or from smoking, excessive drinking, etc. This is the most potentially lethal, underregarded medical condition I know of.

I 100% agree.
Tinnitus first attacks you on mental level, which translates into physical disintegration over time.
I was very healthy and active before this, but now I feel like a ghost or a shadow of my former self.
This is deffinitelly all out assault on every level.