Suicidal

[jay777]

I never popped a pill before tinnitus... I was strong as an ox.

The phoenix will rise again or in your case the ox, stay strong bro.

 

[Daniel Lion]

The phoenix will rise again or in your case the ox, stay strong bro.

Thanks jay777, I hope so.
I need a break...
Take care bud.

 

[PeteJ]

My doctor arranged an appointment with an ENT in Toronto. I am thinking of saying to cancel. It's very noisy there and I have no money anyway. ENTs can't do anything. It is a waste of time and money I don't have plus the other bad part - it's loud. I have not used buses or trains since I got tinnitus. I have not driven much further than 15 min outside my city.

Did anyone here see more than one ENT? I don't think it helps and I am currently experiencing ear pain virtually every day and the tinnitus is off the charts loud and high pitched multiple tones. I feel like doing little most days but I suspect my doctor will give me a hard time if I say I am not going.

 

[F-u-T]

Taking one day at a time sucks. I like(d) planning for the future, now I can't.

Over and out.

You WILL get better with time. I got tinnitus exactly one year ago. In the beginning I was desperate. Full of major anxiety and panic. I could barely make it through the day. Thought my life was over. Felt no one understand or could help me.

I took a CBT course for tinnitus and that really helped me. After about 6 months things slowly started getting better. The anxiety disappeared and I was able to start functioning again. Each month since then i have slowly improved. I still have loud tinnitus but I have good days now. I can live a somewhat normal life again. I know it is hard to imagine or believe things will get better if your T is still there but it does happen. Trust what the people here are saying.

By the way, I have twin boys who were 4 months old when I got tinnitus. I had thoughts of suicide in the beginning too, but it broke my heart to imagine leaving my boys without a dad. Glad I gave it some time.

Now I am in a mental place that I can easily wait a year or two for Dr Shores device or even FX-322.

 

[Star64]

This!

Wisdom in these words. I can write a book on this alone. A book on how tinnitus changed my life and all the "adjustments, changes, compromises, etc," I had/have to go through to finish each day.

The saddest thing for me once, is the "adjustments, changes, compromises, etc," that my family make due to this condition. It hits home when I hear my grandchildren telling everyone don't make too much noise grandmas ears hurt, or when we play Doctors and my granddaughter says "are you here for your ears", because I can fix them.

I just hope one day that somebody can say that to all of us

 

[all to gain]

You WILL get better with time. I got tinnitus exactly one year ago. In the beginning I was desperate. Full of major anxiety and panic. I could barely make it through the day. Thought my life was over. Felt no one understand or could help me.

I took a CBT course for tinnitus and that really helped me. After about 6 months things slowly started getting better. The anxiety disappeared and I was able to start functioning again. Each month since then i have slowly improved. I still have loud tinnitus but I have good days now. I can live a somewhat normal life again. I know it is hard to imagine or believe things will get better if your T is still there but it does happen. Trust what the people here are saying.

By the way, I have twin boys who were 4 months old when I got tinnitus. I had thoughts of suicide in the beginning too, but it broke my heart to imagine leaving my boys without a dad. Glad I gave it some time.

Now I am in a mental place that I can easily wait a year or two for Dr Shores device or even FX-322.

I'm not sure I will.

I honestly think the treatments and cures are many years off. I'm not optimistic for them at all.
I also fear going deaf. My tinnitus was brought on by medication, and it may well have destroyed many hair cells way beyond what normal noise damage does.

 

[all to gain]

The saddest thing for me once, is the "adjustments, changes, compromises, etc," that my family make due to this condition. It hits home when I hear my grandchildren telling everyone don't make too much noise grandmas ears hurt, or when we play Doctors and my granddaughter says "are you here for your ears", because I can fix them.

I just hope one day that somebody can say that to all of us

For me it is having children so late, knowing that I would have to be in good shape. I was, then this happened.
Now I fear for the future of my children as I don't see me being around for long.

A family member told me yesterday that regardless of the hell i am going through I must bear it for the children's sake. That's easy for her to say, but the reality is something different.

To be honest, i'm all out of hope. Once my wife and children go back abroad, I have no idea what i'm going to do. All the fun has been taken out of life.

 

[Lilah]

Everyone here who is feeling suicidal, have you tried white noise generators/TRT? I have not tried them (yet) so I am not promoting them, and so I do not want to get into a debate about TRT. While not a cure, I have read on this forum that white noise generators have saved lives and take the edge off.

 

[Allan1967]

I am having one of those severe days again. I've been smoking a couple of cigarettes these last few days... mainly in the morning or dinnertime and now I'm getting skin itching all over, my windpipe/ chest area feels tight and I'm not sure if it's anxiety or nicotine withdrawal or both but suffice to say I feel like I'm being crushed/strangled inside.

Top that with my tinnitus being severe again today and being stuck in this fucking open plan office trying to look normal and the pressure I'm feeling to stay in my job beause I'm the main breadwinner and we need my wage to survive is starting to weigh down on me.

 

[GregCA]

I'm not sure I will.

I honestly think the treatments and cures are many years off.

That doesn't sound unreasonable.

I'm not optimistic for them at all.
I also fear going deaf.

You could benefit from CBT. It may be worth exploring it (even if you do it on your own: there are good resources available for cheap - like books).

My tinnitus was brought on by medication, and it may well have destroyed many hair cells way beyond what normal noise damage does.

That is possible, but if you're not taking that medication anymore, why would you think the situation is going to get any worse?

 

[all to gain]

That is possible, but if you're not taking that medication anymore, why would you think the situation is going to get any worse?

I'm taking one of the two medications still: Prozac. I've tried getting off it before, but it always ends up bad and this last time ended in me going off the deep end.

 

[Lane]

I think I will have to try a different acupuncturist. If anyone knows of a good acupuncturist for tinnitus in London please let me know with a pm. I am really desperate, nothing seems to stop the worsening and I'm crossing the debilitating line.

Sometimes I will be able to luxuriate in a state of complete bliss because this will actually completely eliminate the tinnitus (which also ought to prove beyond any doubt that my tinnitus is caused by a degree of hearing loss around 8000hz).
It is amazing how just 10 minutes of this can temporarily fortify me against recurrent stress;

@DaveFromChicago -- What you describe sounds somewhat similar to how I feel when I go into my home mHBOT chamber (which I do daily). I don't get total elimination of tinnitus like you do, but something about breathing in concentrated oxygen accompanied by pressure seems to diminish the tinnitus volume by about half, and seems to diminish even more the tinnitus intensity. Being in the chamber for about 45-60 minutes is my time of almost complete "respite" (not even an iota of anxiety or distress) from the scourge of tinnitus.

The "significant" relief is usually temporary, as in only while in the chamber. But sometimes the respite does last longer, and I now believe there's a cumulative effect going on, with my "daily" tinnitus ever so gradually becoming less loud and less intense. -- I think there's a lot more potential for me from my daily mHBOT than I would ever imagine getting from so many of the coming thereapies that are talked about. I believe self-acupuncture is ever so gradually improving things for me as well. (Super cheap and super easy).

 

[Lane]

Prozac. I've tried getting off it before, but it always ends up bad and this last time ended in me going off the deep end.

@all to gain -- I would encourage you to try getting off this very dangerous medication again, but of course you would need to approach it in a prudent way. I'm not an expert at this, but I would think doing a very slow taper might work, along with supporting your brain and body in any number of ways. -- It's sure seeming to me that this Prozac is not only contributing to your tinnitus, but contributing toward you brain's difficulties in processing what you're all going through right now. -- I hope I didn't step on any toes here; just trying to share how I see it, and hope it's helpful in some way. -- Take good care...

 

[all to gain]

@all to gain -- I would encourage you to try getting off this very dangerous medication again, but of course you would need to approach it in a prudent way. I'm not an expert at this, but I would think doing a very slow taper might work, along with supporting your brain and body in any number of ways. -- It's sure seeming to me that this Prozac is not only contributing to your tinnitus, but contributing toward you brain's difficulties in processing what you're all going through right now. -- I hope I didn't step on any toes here; just trying to share how I see it, and hope it's helpful in some way. -- Take good care...

I would love to get off of it! I hate it!

I tried a 6-month taper last time and it ended in tragedy. I'm truly scared to try again...

 

[Daniel Lion]

I would love to get off of it! I hate it!

I tried a 6-month taper last time and it ended in tragedy. I'm truly scared to try again...

I didn't know you were on meds... now I know.
Fear, being scared, hmmmmm. I sympathize deeply.
You tried a 6 month taper.
Why not try a 1 year taper.
What's the hurry.
Lane is really smart and knows about supplements, nutrition, and drugs.
I don't know jack... except I am pulling for you.
I am not giving up on you... one day at a time.
Maybe the meds are complicating things... who knows.
Maybe you have an inclination.
Everybody's body chemistry is different... there are no easy answers.
If you want off, micro taper... or consult with a doctor. My ears are screaming today... this is not easy...

I am here when you need me...

if you want " off" then do it slow........like a snail

 

[Star64]

For me it is having children so late, knowing that I would have to be in good shape. I was, then this happened.
Now I fear for the future of my children as I don't see me being around for long.

A family member told me yesterday that regardless of the hell i am going through I must bear it for the children's sake. That's easy for her to say, but the reality is something different.

To be honest, i'm all out of hope. Once my wife and children go back abroad, I have no idea what i'm going to do. All the fun has been taken out of life.

I feel for you, I really do, and that goes to everybody struggling on this site, tinnitus is cruel and hard to live with but there are many people in this world that are living with horrendous conditions and they somehow survive. I do not know how, but they do and I try and draw strength from that.

I worked in health care, I saw so many sad things, children with cancer riddled with pain, quadriplegics from accidents, there are so many people suffering out there in this world, yet so many of them just keep putting one foot in front of the other, even those that cannot walk take it one day at a time... I just hope all of us on this site can find the strength to be like them.

I have been suicidal all to gain, so I know how easy it is to fall into that dark place, but I can tell you even though you are an older dad and your children are young, there is never a good time to leave them... I came within seconds of taking my own life early in withdrawal, the only thing that stopped me was a text message came through on my phone, it was from my youngest son who is 30...

He wrote, "Don't you ever give up, you need to keep fighting mum to get yourself well, because we need and love you" I cried and cried, Geez I am crying now, but that is why I fight to stay in the land of the living, Tinnitus has taken so much from me, but I will not let it take me from my family...

 

[Mathieulh]

Why do people here think I can fly all over the world?

A) I can't afford it.
B) I sometimes don't even want to leave my own place. I will drive to the grocery store to buy some groceries but that is a different ordeal.

When the tinnitus is super loud (like now) and I have ear pain, I don't feel like going very far.

Doctor or dentist appointments are different since I don't control the environment and I am stuck listening to extremely loud tinnitus and feeling severe (usually) left ear pain.

It's torture.

Yet, I am advised to travel to various places in the USA and Europe? How many people with severe tinnitus do that?

Am I an exception? Am I the only one who is broke and finds it difficult to go places because of loud, intrusive debilitating tinnitus? I rate my tinnitus as 9/10 on average and I feel suicidal every day.

If there was a certain cure available, then I would force myself to go but otherwise, I don't know how.

I've had earpain for months, though it subsided and stopped about a month ago or so. Believe it or not, it is however much easier to ignore and much less intrusive than the noise itself. I would trade tinnitus for chronic pain any day.

I just ignored the pain as best I could along with the noise, it's not like I can magically stop either, so I act as if it's not there and go on with my life the same as before while letting time heal as best as it can. It's not perfect and it's not easy when you have severe tinnitus, but it's doable with the proper mindset. It's no cure but it's the best I've got for now, until something or someone provides me with a better alternative. Suicide isn't a solution, despite how much suffering I am in, even though I've thought about it quite often, it'd be like letting tinnitus win.

I am not letting a condition dictate my way of life, no matter how intrusive it gets.

 

[Mathieulh]

Does anyone here have a combination of a hiss/ringing and probably two or three tones (where you can't tell) and some of the tones that don't blend in pause and restart?

It's 8 to 10/10. It's so loud.

Left ear pain with that. It makes no sense suffering with this. Suicide is the only thing that makes sense to me.

If Euthanasia was allowed here, I would do it.

I do have multiple tones overlapping, it's prominently hissing though; It started as unilateral on the left ear, and spread to the right ear as well (albeit much less loud) along with what I'd describe as an electrical buzzing in my head.
I assume this is because deregulation of the auditory cortex (the damage is really in the left cochlear).

My tinnitus varies from mild to severe, so it's not always loud, it's moderate on average though, the last 6 months have been a roller coaster for me, I can tell the various degrees of distress and the impact the tinnitus loudness has on me, as when it's mild I don't even think about it and my mood is great and when it's severe I get into a depression, it seems directly correlated. I never was depressed, not even once before tinnitus happened, since tinnitus I got more episodes of depression than I can count.

Before anyone says anything, depression did not cause my tinnitus, my tinnitus causes the depression, my tinnitus is a direct result of an acute noise trauma and damage to my cochlear and it seems that how loud it is perceived directly impacts my brain chemistry. That should be food for everyone's thoughts.

 

[Chinmoku]

Before anyone says anything, depression did not cause my tinnitus, my tinnitus causes the depression, my tinnitus is a direct result of an acute noise trauma and damage to my cochlear and it seems that how loud it is perceived directly impacts my brain chemistry. That should be food for everyone's thoughts.

This is what my psychiatrist does not understand. My ENT now has sided with the psychiatrist, I believe she has done that because she doesn't know what else to do. In fact I suggested several medications we could try, there are people for whom they worked, like pramipexole, memantine, acamprosate... they don't work for everyone and there is limited evidence but there have been positive responses, it's so bad now that we have nothing left to lose, really, but they won't do anything and I am just suffering. The tinnitus has got from mild to crazy in 13 months and I can't get off this pregabalin medication I am taking if the tinnitus does not improve. What a mess.

I am not letting a condition dictate my way of life, no matter how intrusive it gets.

That's an admirable attitude, I wish I had that strength, I feel I am really losing it, I am barely hanging on for my kids but I don't know how long I can do this

 

[all to gain]

I feel for you, I really do, and that goes to everybody struggling on this site, tinnitus is cruel and hard to live with but there are many people in this world that are living with horrendous conditions and they somehow survive. I do not know how, but they do and I try and draw strength from that.

I worked in health care, I saw so many sad things, children with cancer riddled with pain, quadriplegics from accidents, there are so many people suffering out there in this world, yet so many of them just keep putting one foot in front of the other, even those that cannot walk take it one day at a time... I just hope all of us on this site can find the strength to be like them.

I have been suicidal all to gain, so I know how easy it is to fall into that dark place, but I can tell you even though you are an older dad and your children are young, there is never a good time to leave them... I came within seconds of taking my own life early in withdrawal, the only thing that stopped me was a text message came through on my phone, it was from my youngest son who is 30...

He wrote, "Don't you ever give up, you need to keep fighting mum to get yourself well, because we need and love you" I cried and cried, Geez I am crying now, but that is why I fight to stay in the land of the living, Tinnitus has taken so much from me, but I will not let it take me from my family...

It's the damn combination of bad tinnitus and OCPD that I have. or maybe I'm just weaker than you all. I'm in a bad place though.

Today almost 5 months after onset, and 3+ months after it became unbearable, I woke up knowing that the rest of my life is going to be like this and probably worse. I've known this for months, but for some reason it really sunk in today.

 

[all to gain]

This is what my psychiatrist does not understand. My ENT now has sided with the psychiatrist, I believe she has done that because she doesn't know what else to do. In fact I suggested several medications we could try, there are people for whom they worked, like pramipexole, memantine, acamprosate... they don't work for everyone and there is limited evidence but there have been positive responses, it's so bad now that we have nothing left to lose, really, but they won't do anything and I am just suffering. The tinnitus has got from mild to crazy in 13 months and I can't get off this pregabalin medication I am taking if the tinnitus does not improve. What a mess.


That's an admirable attitude, I wish I had that strength, I feel I am really losing it, I am barely hanging on for my kids but I don't know how long I can do this

These people are self serving idiots. I have little time for any of them anymore. I would be happy to never see a doctor again, but unfortunately I will have to at some point.

I've seen two psychiatrists in my life, many years apart. They were the biggest waste of money ever. And they cost loads.

Man, I feel for you. I know exactly where you are at.

 

[Harley]

This is what my psychiatrist does not understand. My ENT now has sided with the psychiatrist, I believe she has done that because she doesn't know what else to do.

I'm really struggling to understand how someone is not able to understand, that an intense 24/7 sound torture with no means of escaping it, could cause someone to be depressed?!?!

And these people are supposed to be called medical professionals?
Reading stuff like this makes me wish I could give those clowns Tinnitus so loud, they would shit themselves.
After that, they would change their tune rather fast.

 

[all to gain]

I didn't know you were on meds... now I know.
Fear, being scared, hmmmmm. I sympathize deeply.
You tried a 6 month taper.
Why not try a 1 year taper.
What's the hurry.
Lane is really smart and knows about supplements, nutrition, and drugs.
I don't know jack... except I am pulling for you.
I am not giving up on you... one day at a time.
Maybe the meds are complicating things... who knows.
Maybe you have an inclination.
Everybody's body chemistry is different... there are no easy answers.
If you want off, micro taper... or consult with a doctor. My ears are screaming today... this is not easy...

I am here when you need me...

if you want " off" then do it slow........like a snail

You're a good man Daniel.

Medication has complicated my life full stop, not just now. Doctors know nothing about tapering. For them a long taper is 6 weeks. I'm not going to do a 1 year taper either.

Antidepressants should be banned. I don't care what people say. They have all but destroyed a generation of people.
Yes, some get benefits, especially short term, but once on for a long time they bring untold pain and suffering.

 

[all to gain]

I'm really struggling to understand how someone is not able to understand, that an intense 24/7 sound torture with no means of escaping it could cause someone to be depressed?!?!

And these people are supposed to be called medical professionals?
Reading stuff like this makes me wish I could give those clowns Tinnitus so loud, they would shit themselves.
Then they would change their tune rather fast.

I wonder if anybody has actually gone out and done that or sought some type of revenge? It really wouldn't surprise me.

 

[dan]

Your ears are blasting, mine too. Nothing can mask it. Nothing.

Hi Elliot. Does a shower mask it?

 

[acute]

I am just interested in a reliable and successful method to off myself.

I had enough suffering and lost all hope.

 

[Stevenjonesuk]

I do have multiple tones overlapping, it's prominently hissing though; It started as unilateral on the left ear, and spread to the right ear as well (albeit much less loud) along with what I'd describe as an electrical buzzing in my head.
I assume this is because deregulation of the auditory cortex (the damage is really in the left cochlear).

My tinnitus varies from mild to severe, so it's not always loud, it's moderate on average though, the last 6 months have been a roller coaster for me, I can tell the various degrees of distress and the impact the tinnitus loudness has on me, as when it's mild I don't even think about it and my mood is great and when it's severe I get into a depression, it seems directly correlated. I never was depressed, not even once before tinnitus happened, since tinnitus I got more episodes of depression than I can count.

Before anyone says anything, depression did not cause my tinnitus, my tinnitus causes the depression, my tinnitus is a direct result of an acute noise trauma and damage to my cochlear and it seems that how loud it is perceived directly impacts my brain chemistry. That should be food for everyone's thoughts.

Are you saying your Tinnitus is coming from your Cochlea ??

 

[Mathieulh]

Are you saying your Tinnitus is coming from your Cochlea ??

Most definitely from cochlear peripheral synaptopathy or neuropathy, yes. I was exposed to 100 dB+ in my left ear, this caused damaged to the inner ear (aka the cochlea), tinnitus started shortly after, the higher the SPL exposure, the more likely you are to sustain permanent damage.

 

[Don Tinny]

I am just interested in a reliable and successful method to off myself.

Your T is still "new". It´s you first bout and it can improve.

https://www.tinnitustalk.com/threads/recent-chinese-study-on-spontaneous-decrease-in-tinnitus.32357/

 

[all to gain]

I'm really struggling to understand how someone is not able to understand, that an intense 24/7 sound torture with no means of escaping it, could cause someone to be depressed?!?!

And these people are supposed to be called medical professionals?
Reading stuff like this makes me wish I could give those clowns Tinnitus so loud, they would shit themselves.
After that, they would change their tune rather fast.

They just don't get it! Very few people do! My younger brother says I am not trying to help myself enough, i.e. through counseling etc. I have tried to explain over and over again what it feels like to be trapped by sound, but he just can't get it.