Suicidal

[PeteJ]

Personally, Clonazepam reduces my tinnitus to basically nothing for around 4-5 hours. It's quite addictive but, when taken moderately (once or twice a week), shouldn't have you develop an addiction.

Your tinnitus actually reduces after/while taking it?

 

[Zugzug]

Hey ZugZug, You shouldn't use the Lord's name in vain.

I agree. The actual reality is that God is a gosh darn worthless and merciless entity, that likely doesn't exist and is just an imaginary thing to talk to in our minds. Shucks, it's sad when it watches people experience torture and does nothing to help. Frick, dang, gee willikers, God is inadequate.

 

[serendipity1996]

Mirtazapine is very effective for sleep I found, especially at tiny doses, but it would leave me very depressed in the morning.

Does it have any impact on your mood?

I'm sleeping very poorly and too little and I am thinking whether I could try it again. It has the reputation of not being ototoxic for some reason, although there are testimonies here on the forum of people getting tinnitus even from Mirtazapine. The fact that it is serotonergic worries me, but at very low doses it seems to be still effective for sleep and the serotonergic component should be minimal/non-existent.

I don't think Mirtazapine is generally considered ototoxic - if it helps, I have been on it for 4+ years with no effect whatsoever on my tinnitus or hyperacusis.

 

[Chinmoku]

I don't think Mirtazapine is generally considered ototoxic - if it helps, I have been on it for 4+ years with no effect whatsoever on my tinnitus or hyperacusis.

Thank you for this information. Do you take a low or high dosage, if you are willing to say?

 

[Zugzug]

Thank you for this information. Do you take a low or high dosage, if you are willing to say?

I take half of a 7.5 mg pill every night before bed. Knocks me out well. I think Mirtazapine is a pretty damn good drug for people with tinnitus and hyperacusis. I've heard that higher doses cause less sedation, but I'm not sure how true this is.

 

[Brian Newman]

Unless you got a blood patch trial, I'm amazed as to how you ruled out a fistulae when they are notoriously difficult to diagnose. There is usually hearing loss but it need not be permanent nor you unable to walk dizzy. Those are clear cut cases that won't get better. If all it took was a minimal risk blood patch, wouldn't we all feel profanely silly?

I mean honestly I hope it's a fistula, I have no hearing loss at all man. I'm having problems in both my ears, that's why I'm thinking it's not it. I talked to 5 ENTs who had patients with fistulas, they all said their patients were falling and stumbling everywhere, and we're throwing up. And I know I don't really trust ENTs but it makes sense.

In the beginning it was just my right ear fluttering, and both ears having distortion. Then I took Prednisone, got the fluttering in my left ear (I never had any noises in my left ear until Prednisone), and after a few weeks it went away. Ever since the car accident I have had terrible fluttering that came back in my left ear and that has not gone away.

Every time I do any strain like lifting, sneezing, or bending over it gets worse. The ears get horribly full and hurt. The next day I wake up with the fluttering being permanently louder, and distortions worse.

 

[serendipity1996]

Thank you for this information. Do you take a low or high dosage, if you are willing to say?

I started out with 15 mg but have mostly been on 30 mg for the past 3 years.

 

[Autumnwillows]

Sorry for later reply.

Well, it's all gone to pot as the doctor won't prescribe me anything but anti-depressants and the ones he did are no good looking on here as to potential side effects to my tinnitus, he didn't even try.

Took the Zopiclone, only half, and had three days of horror, triggered a severe anxiety response, I had nightmares, massive night time spikes, spent the day shaking and want to pass out, was horrible, and now feel depleted more so and fed up of trying to help myself to then fail again. So many swear words I just can't.

Thanks @TrevorSanders, for your advice, and @Lukee, for the article about ketamine, though I doubt my docter would take anything I have to bring to the table as worth his time at this point. But yes, I felt happy and safe and around family then I wouldn't consider it like I do, I'm currently living an hour from my kids and barely see them, and what's worse is I moved to escape local aircraft, and now since lockdown has lifted guess what local aircraft, back to being stuck inside and crippling fear!

If I could get up every day and live, yes I would live, but knowing what my future is hurts my heart and waiting to see if that gets better is its own hell.

@Dana, I'm so pleased they help you, it's kinda what I was hoping to do with them, but he said they are not for tinnitus so won't give them to me, I mean what is for tinnitus huh lol.

@OptimusPrimed, I understand where you're coming from, thank you, but honestly thinking of their pain is always on my mind. I don't want to leave them, but I'm not the mum I used to be, I've not lived with them for 6 months and it's not right, just as leaving them permanently isn't right but I can't be that strong. I should be, I wish I was, I might surprise myself. Right now suicide is my only possible relief.

Sorry if I missed anyone out or got confused about replies .

Mia.

 

[Backpacker]

Every time I do any strain like lifting, sneezing, or bending over it gets worse. The ears get horribly full and hurt. The next day I wake up with the fluttering being permanently louder, and distortions worse.

Why do you keep straining and bending over?

I mean honestly I hope it's a fistula

Then stop straining.

And about the sneezing, if you feel you absolutely have to sneeze, do it with your mouth wide open (preferably standing or sitting) and do not pinch your nose while sneezing.

 

[Matchbox]

Why do you keep straining and bending over?

Then stop straining.

And about the sneezing, if you feel you absolutely have to sneeze, do it with your mouth wide open (preferably standing or sitting) and do not pinch your nose while sneezing.

Ah yes. Just stop doing everything we cared about and not fix the main issue from even accidental worsening.

Many people who workout do it for the endorphins, not doing it should be a negotiation... but even if it was avoided it could accidentally happen, or get worse for no fault of your own. The issue isn't the working out/straining, the issue is non-pursuit of a clearly reproducible problem via diagnostics or initial treatment because it isn't "bad enough", and we're supposed to wait until it is (and likely permanent then).

 

[TrevorSanders]

Your tinnitus actually reduces after/while taking it?

Yes, significantly. It's the same sensation as being drunk.

 

[TheDanishGirl]

Be very careful with Mirtazapine. Both my tinnitus and pain hyperacusis have gotten worse while on it (oh and I was "blessed" with lots of floaters too). I hate this drug and wish I never got on it. My depression, and anxiety have gone through the roof on it.

 

[Brian Newman]

Why do you keep straining and bending over?

Then stop straining.

And about the sneezing, if you feel you absolutely have to sneeze, do it with your mouth wide open (preferably standing or sitting) and do not pinch your nose while sneezing.

I know, also working out is the only thing keeping me from losing my shit. When I took a month off to let it heal it very slowly got better but at that rate it would take years. My depression was absolutely terrible. The gym helps so much. It has to be inner ear pressure or Eustachian tube dysfunction. It's just so hard to figure out.

 

[Autumnwillows]

Need to rant. Sorry people but I just don't understand life, I lived in a town next to a helicopter manufacturers, in fact my house right next to it and under a main flight path, I lived there a year, trapped inside each day before it got too much and moved to my sister's an hour away, it was good to start and I would try head back for weekends until a spike stopped me. Now I'm in Devon and it turns out I'm under not only a flight path for an air base in Wales but there is a small flightstrip and club near by! Once lockdown lifted it has been like Heathrow Airport! Light air craft right up to Chinook and even two harrier jets.

Anyway. I want to go back home this weekend. First time since march, car travel scares me but I thought as bank holiday I have a few days in-between and have three solid days without helicopters to have a break.

Then I wake up to an email, saying they will be flying all weekend.

I'm sorry but you can't make this stuff up! I'm so stressed and so fed up I just can't get a bloody break. Needed to vent, amongst everything else going on for me I really didn't need this.

 

[Autumnwillows]

@TheDanishGirl, I agree with being wary of Mirtazapine. I haven't taken it for tinnitus, but when I first got CFS I took it and at first it was nice for sleep, but after a while it made me so much worse, I started craving sugar, and alcohol and would be very depressed so much so one day I took the whole packet. Never again. It's not to scare people as it works well for most. But you must keep an eye on your existing depression and discontinue should you feel that gets worse. Not just keep going like my doctor suggested.

 

[Luman]

Having a bad week. Do you guys think there will be at least 1 good treatment by the end of the decade?

The fucking expectation or anticipation or lack of "sure things" is what's killing me. If there was a timer counting down to a good treatment I'd feel so much better. I know there's now a lot of people working on tinnitus and hearing loss and even one is bound to be successful, but still.

The turning point for me, in terms of recovery from psychological problems due to tinnitus, came when I stopped hoping for a cure and concentrated on learning how to adapt to living with this condition.

 

[GBB]

The turning point for me, in terms of recovery from psychological problems due to tinnitus, came when I stopped hoping for a cure and concentrated on learning how to adapt to living with this condition.

You list your tinnitus as intermittent, meaning it is not constant? I could see that being much easier to simply accept.

 

[Matchbox]

You list your tinnitus as intermittent, meaning it is not constant? I could see that being much easier to simply accept.

Yeah agreed. Even the little static I get, I cherish some nights because it's hella better than thumps, hums and rings.

 

[Matchbox]

1 mg.

Man. Be careful. Once or twice a week is still too much imo. More like once a month.
Klonopin works but your way sounds like a good way to have it stop working soon.

0.5 mg "used" to work for me, and I refused to increase the dose knowing what was going on.

 

[Matchbox]

As I look back now, my tinnitus and hearing problems onset started a chain of events that caused my physical health and my life in general to fall apart so bad that I don't think I can come back from it. Although it's been only 16 months with all these problems, it feels like all I know in life is pain, suffering, cognitive and physical dysfunction, helplessness and frustration. All I do is deal with these problems trying to mend them but nothing seems to work. At this point I think I'm cursed, or my life is. Every time I see people my age or just healthy people in general I get more depressed than I already am, I can't be dysfunctional like this for so long at ******* 21 years old. It's not fair of course but it is what it is, I'm left dealing with pain and dysfunction 24/7 or to off myself like an animal.

Why am I such a coward and can't do it already... I'm tired of ranting like this or suffering.

Man. I have friends who are dead because of "simple" mistakes that they could NOT have known.

They trusted or weren't warned of the danger (and a lot of time it was the unknown unknowns). Granted flying is inherently dangerous, but at the end of the day, some mistakes you don't get to do twice.

If I flew as much as they did maybe I'd be dead now too, no matter what I did/didn't do.

Music was risky, I knew it was "bad" but certainly not like this, I exposed myself to those risks constantly... but imo it was an unknown unknown. Nobody told me the risks, I had no clue, no previous experience, just slam dunked into crazy shit no one's heard of before.

What's worse is I've "had" real hearing loss in my life, I know what it's like. It is NOT like tinnitus/hyperacusis.

I would gladly lose 10 dB to lose 10 dB of tinnitus.

 

[Luman]

You list your tinnitus as intermittent, meaning it is not constant? I could see that being much easier to simply accept.

No, it is not easier. It's more difficult to adjust to, than a steady sound, because the noise is not constant (although it can be sometimes). You can wake up and over the course of the day it lessens, you fall asleep for a minute while listening to music, and it comes back. It goes away one day, you think you're in the clear for a bit, then it returns - sometimes worse, or at least it's perceived that way, then another cycle begins. After a while, over time, you just don't care and are able to ignore it. The therapist that I went to a few years ago confirmed that Intermittent tinnitus was harder to habituate to.

 

[TrevorSanders]

Man. Be careful. Once or twice a week is still too much imo. More like once a month.
Klonopin works but your way sounds like a good way to have it stop working soon.

0.5 mg "used" to work for me, and I refused to increase the dose knowing what was going on.

I've been doing this dose for 5 months and have noticed no decrease in the effect of it.

 

[GBB]

Man. Be careful. Once or twice a week is still too much imo. More like once a month.
Klonopin works but your way sounds like a good way to have it stop working soon.

0.5 mg "used" to work for me, and I refused to increase the dose knowing what was going on.

I have been taking Xanax once a week for 8 months and it's the same as ever.

 

[Sayeed]

@GBB, hey brother... I just got prescribed Xanax... Scared to take it. Any words of advice? Do's and don'ts?

I don't want to take it unless I'm having a completely unbearable day.

 

[GBB]

@GBB, hey brother... I just got prescribed Xanax... Scared to take it. Any words of advice? Do's and don'ts?

I don't want to take it unless I'm having a completely unbearable day.

Try it once and see what happens. I do .5mg. Unless you are an outlier taking it one time holds very little risk.

It doesn't do anything scary to me, just makes the noise go down and relaxes me. Despite what is noted in literature, it can take 2-3 hours for it to work for me, so give it enough time.

If it does work for you, then keep a log and make sure not to exceed using it more than 1x per week. I have a doc where I note every date I take it and the amount.

Also, there are people on this forum who have taken benzos daily for years and it still works for them fine - they can't really stop, but they are still reaping the benefits. They are the minority but it's another data point to be aware of.

Someone else will chime in and say taking benzos once fucked them up or something - this is likely possible but probably the rarest of all outcomes, though I am sympathetic to those people.

 

[roy1159]

Need to rant. Sorry people but I just don't understand life, I lived in a town next to a helicopter manufacturers, in fact my house right next to it and under a main flight path, I lived there a year, trapped inside each day before it got too much and moved to my sister's an hour away, it was good to start and I would try head back for weekends until a spike stopped me. Now I'm in Devon and it turns out I'm under not only a flight path for an air base in Wales but there is a small flightstrip and club near by! Once lockdown lifted it has been like Heathrow Airport! Light air craft right up to Chinook and even two harrier jets.

Anyway. I want to go back home this weekend. First time since march, car travel scares me but I thought as bank holiday I have a few days in-between and have three solid days without helicopters to have a break.

Then I wake up to an email, saying they will be flying all weekend.

I'm sorry but you can't make this stuff up! I'm so stressed and so fed up I just can't get a bloody break. Needed to vent, amongst everything else going on for me I really didn't need this.

I truly understand this. I live near an operational air base and F-15's are rattling the sky every few minutes, on some days less action and on others there is non stop noise and my tinnitus which is already severe reacts to this.

Man. I have friends who are dead because of "simple" mistakes that they could NOT have known.

They trusted or weren't warned of the danger (and a lot of time it was the unknown unknowns). Granted flying is inherently dangerous, but at the end of the day, some mistakes you don't get to do twice.

If I flew as much as they did maybe I'd be dead now too, no matter what I did/didn't do.

Music was risky, I knew it was "bad" but certainly not like this, I exposed myself to those risks constantly... but imo it was an unknown unknown. Nobody told me the risks, I had no clue, no previous experience, just slam dunked into crazy shit no one's heard of before.

What's worse is I've "had" real hearing loss in my life, I know what it's like. It is NOT like tinnitus/hyperacusis.

I would gladly lose 10 dB to lose 10 dB of tinnitus.

Well is working in a noisy/semi-noisy café dangerous? How big of a mistake is that? Probably my biggest one lol.

I agree with you regarding the ignorance of tinnitus, everybody knows hearing loss can result from noise exposure but never did I hear or know about tinnitus.

As someone with severe hearing problems (can only understand face to face in quiet setting, anything else i hear is mumbling or consonants) that are unexplained by normal and extended audiometry, DPOAEs, ABR, brain MRI - this extent of hearing loss is more disabling than my severe tinnitus, you have no idea how it impairs cognitive function and everything you do daily that you consider normal. For others here that would take hearing loss over tinnitus, I guarantee you that you really won't if you knew how debilitating it is, and I have both that are severe so I'm not biased on this.

 

[Tanni]

This demon has slowly been killing me and as of now it's nearly won.
I've lost everything trying to fight it and it's only become worse.

A month ago a balloon popped next to me, my already horrendous tinnitus is now worse with an added deep rumble in both ears, I'm beyond sick and have made plans to kill myself in September, two years after getting it and in hopes of one last summer after spending last year inside and missing it all. I feel now I won't last the month, it's very disappointing.

After many nights reading this forum fear of drugs and a worsening have made me go it alone, but as I'm going to take my life now I feel at least giving it a go won't hurt despite my crippling fears.

The advice I need is:

Is Zopiclone OK as I need sleep so badly I cry all day.

I've also asked the doctor (2 weeks ago) to try Clonazepam. Please can anyone say, bearing in mind I don't plan on being around forever, if Clonazepam will help ease my suffering long enough to enjoy one last summer with my kids.

Plus, I asked for Melatonin.

Is there anything else that may provide relief? Even if its long term use is damaging, at this point that's not an issue.

Thank you for taking the time to read my post.
I need all the help I can get and so far I have none.

Mia

Hi Mia,

I'm so sorry to hear about your situation.

If it helps, I once had a horrible tinnitus spike, complete with new noises, that lasted about 5 months. I thought I was stuck with it, but then it went away completely and has never come back. Spikes can last a surprisingly long time, and it seems to me that tinnitus fluctuates a lot in the first few years, before eventually settling down. So please don't assume you are stuck with this new noise.

You mention you have planned a date for suicide. Have you mentioned this to your GP? In case you are worried, they will not send you away or commit you - suicidal thoughts are quite common and they will not be shocked. They will just prioritise you for certain treatments such as talking therapy and medication. I had to speak to a couple of GPs before being taken seriously, but once I found one that did they were able to help me.

I know reading the forum has made you a bit anxious about medication, but please remember that there will always be reports of negative reactions with any medication, as we all react differently.

For what it's worth, I have used Zopiclone, Mirtazapine, Diazepam and Amitriptyline in the past. They all worked fine, with no change to my tinnitus. I'm not taking anything now.

 

[GBB]

The turning point for me, in terms of recovery from psychological problems due to tinnitus, came when I stopped hoping for a cure and concentrated on learning how to adapt to living with this condition.

 

[Zugzug]

@GBB, you have really made me ponder about Benzo vacations (once per month). It's a really good idea and not a style of thinking that many engage in. Obviously, addiction is not the way to go, but a mental health break is not a horrible thing.

 

[GBB]

@GBB, you have really made me ponder about Benzo vacations (once per month). It's a really good idea and not a style of thinking that many engage in. Obviously, addiction is not the way to go, but a mental health break is not a horrible thing.

I don't see the harm in it if done responsibly and in a manner cognizant of one's mental state over time.