Pinhead

Pinhead

Member From USA
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  • Pinhead
    Still doing terribly. So bad. Three years and six months. No improvement. Utter horror. Destined for suicide.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @Pinhead, I'm thinking the same thing. All the plans and goals I had right before this event are gone. I want my old peace back, but there's nothing I can do.
    4Grace
    A friend of mine. He has it bad. He just lives. He says he does not care anymore. What ever happens, happens. I really need to know if there is a limit. There does not seem to be one. Reactive T sucks. Sooner or later I will try Benzo's full time.
    4Grace
    @Pinhead / I am so sorry you are feeling this way. I understand and pray for you. Sooner or later .. I have seen it done.
    Pinhead
    It's just too reactive now. Every noise is just too much. I can't see myself functioning for much longer. I've run out of fuel.
    Pinhead
    I went to see a play. It was calm, quiet. Then, at the end, everyone stood and applauded. It's been worse since. Pain and sensitivity now.
    cjbhab
    people clapping is the worst sound in the world for me.
    Pinhead
    A painful realization to find that things do always change, but now only for the worse. No improvement for the rest of my life. Unreal.
    Pinhead
    "What do you do for fun?" "...fun?" I literally do nothing. I leave work and sit and stare at my phone and listen to blasting rain noise.
    ECP
    That's the socially awkward part of chronic illness. I find myself avoiding people because I don't want them to ask what I've been up to. If I were brutally honest about how miserable I've been, they'd be taken aback, but if I pretended to be okay, I'd feel inauthentic. At least here, we can be fairly honest with one another about our struggles.
    Pinhead
    One FREAKING day of no constant hissing and chirping would be unreal. I can't do a f*cking thing but sit in misery.
    Pinhead
    I miss books. I miss reading. I miss creating. Now I just watch dumb television and wait for the day to pass me by with rain noise blasting.
    View previous comments…
    2049v
    @Pinhead, that's the worst. I hope you will be able to work man. I'm not able right now, trying to survive on benefits. My whole life has changed, I've been destroyed basically. I would be grateful if I could find some remote stuff but so far, nothing.
    Pinhead
    @2049v It doesn't matter if it's remote. I was remote for a year and it made no difference in my ability to concentrate. I was fired from that job for not meeting metrics.
    2049v
    @Pinhead, Yes, I understand, you're also right, but otherwise, I have almost no chance of working, the probability is close to zero. If I can find a remote job, at least I can manage by masking the fucking tinnitus somehow and, for better or worse, earn my own money.
    Pinhead
    This isn't a "trial" that some of us can "pass through". There is no "through". Torture is our everyday norm. It's a new horrific reality.
    L
    My opinion is that Masking when Tinnitus is very loud only worsens it , using sound therapy to mask over very loud T isn't something I would do . I'm nobody to give anybody advice but using loud sounds to mask loud Tinnitus dont make sense to me that can damage hearing further .
    L
    You said when I wake up ! So the question is how do you even fall asleep
    Pinhead
    I have no trouble falling asleep. Tinnitus tires me out completely.
    Pinhead
    Girlfriend is starting to say she wants to "do more things". I think it's setting in that "doing things" together is a lost dream now.
    Pinhead
    Waking up with my masking noises off is the worst. The buzzing and hissing slowly transforms into inconsistent ringing and chirping.
    Pinhead
    New doctor. New therapist. Same hell.
    cullenbohannon
    Im sorry to hear that man. Correct me if I am wrong but did you mention you were into philosophy? If so do you have any particular favorites or ones you especially dislike? Hoping this look up for you soon friend.
    Pinhead
    @cullenbohannon Yes, more than just an interest. I have a graduate degree in philosophy. My specializations included Martin Heidegger, technology, postmodern thought, Deleuze, and more. Albert Camus holds a special place for me. His thinking is easy to approach and enact.
    cullenbohannon
    Impressive, I just read for fun but I have read much of Camus. Deleuze is very interesting to me but I will say there is something very difficult for me to pierce with him. I sometime feel I have some idea of what he is trying to get at, but in a very superficial sense. I like your taste and I am sorry you are suffering as much as you are.
    Pinhead
    Sometimes it hits me harder than a train."This is it. Life is over. You are one of those people parents warn their children about becoming."
    Pinhead
    Strange, troubling turn of events: I found a journal of mine from ten years ago, and I mention ringing in my ears...I have no memory of it.
    Pinhead
    Sleep = laying in bed with my eyes closed for eight hours a night while my head screams.
    View previous comments…
    SarahMLFlemmer
    That's why I take medication to sleep now. I hate it but I can't not sleep. Tinnitus sucks so bad.
    L along the way
    I'm using meds for sleep too.. and still struggle a lot with getting to sleep. I've been feeling so much sadness lately about this whole situation. The pain, and it's just too ridiculous for words, really. The basic need of sleep, if it interferes with that.. all the time.. good heavens. I pray for healing.
    4Grace
    I am so destroyed that I fall asleep with the blasting because the day is over. Everyday I pray for 10 pm so I can go into my bed. Blasting.
    Pinhead
    Can't even think straight anymore. It's like I have dementia. I can't hold a thought and my short-term memory is totally shot.
    Juliane
    Me too. I get lost often. Alzheimers
    Pinhead
    "I understand, I get migraines." Oh, and they go away? Then you have no idea.
    Juliane
    Exactly. This is exactly why tinnitus and hyperacusis are among the worst conditions you can get. There's never a break! If they came and went like with migraines, I would not be bothered to complain about it. Such luxury conditions are not worth mentioning. In fact, I dare say that most people would not be able to endure T and H.
    kingsfan
    Migraines do give you somewhat of a break as you typically don't suffer from them every single day of your life, but they can be relentless. When I get them they tend to last for days or weeks at a time, but then they'll go away for an extended period of time. I'll never forget the Nov 2019. I had a migraine that entire month.
    crescentsky
    Migraines are no fun. But I will gladly choose my reoccurring migraines over shit tinnitus. At least I'll feel 75% content/per month. vs 100% under house arrest. They will never understand the constant 24/7 T/H/N/ETC.
    Pinhead
    "Reduce your stress!" Okay, tinnitus is the most potent cause of my stress. Thanks for the useless advice.
    Varda
    Money can be used to reduce stress in a lot of ways but you'll notice no one that tells you to "reduce your stress" ever just forks over cash
    BlueMoon86
    That's because everyone thinks tinnitus is just some faint jingle bells or cricket sounds. I got recommended meditation. Yes, I will meditate with what sounds like a small airplane propeller in my skull.
    Pinhead
    Discovery: Jameson whiskey makes my ringing worse, and bourbon does not. Any ideas why???
    4Grace
    You can drink!!! What a blessing. Must be something in that Jameson. Cheers with the Bourbon. Have one for me please.
    4Grace
    How have things been since the wedding? Hope you are doing better.
    Pinhead
    @4Grace It's been up and down since then. For two days after the wedding I had SEVERE TTS or something, unlike any thing I've ever experienced in my life. The high-pitched shrieking has died down but it's still there. Now my tones are just more intrusive in each ear.
    Pinhead
    Every noise is causing my ears to feel full. Footsteps, water, even talking, all accompanied by a new shrill shriek that I've never had.
    4Grace
    I am at this point too.
    4Grace
    The problem is I can't survive staying in. Also cannot survive ear plugs. The more I walk in the woods or exercise the worse I get. I'm in big trouble. Cannot go inside stores. Nothing. I tried. No limit worsening. Nightmare!!
    4Grace
    I have been thinking of you and really hope you are okay. I am so sorry to hear this news.
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