Bought my first bottle of bourbon whiskey today...at age 33. I turn 34 next week. I've never been one to drink.
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None of my many emotional traumas prepared me for the physical trauma of this hell. There will be no recovery.
I wish I could at least read a book or enjoy a walk.
Having a master's in philosophy may seem pointless to some, but there are moments now where what I've learned is all that gets me through.
If someone asked you is tinnitus just a sound in the brain or is tinnitus the burning sensation and sound in the inner ear probably caused by inflammated auditory nerves. What would you choose?
"Sometimes, carrying on, just carrying on, is the superhuman achievement." - Albert Camus
Most of these treatments that seem to offer a 7-10 point THI improvement would be meaningless for me, stuck at a 95+ THI. I feel no hope.
Tried to go with my girlfriend for coffee. What a joke. I sat across from her and couldn't hear her over the horror of noise in my brain.
I was always a reader. I sat in silence and read. Walls of books in my bedroom. Every genre, but mostly literature and philosophy or sci-fi.
My birthday is this month, and my girlfriend bought me a PS5. I love her. The thing is, I'm not a huge gamer. I only use it as a distraction
It seems now that the world is too much. I am no longer introspective. My other senses seem muted. I feel less inclined to speak.
I don't even feel compelled to eat anymore. If someone didn't remind me to eat, I'd probably just waste away. I've lost 20 lbs. already.
Going to see Dune tomorrow, but my friend didn't tell me the theater was IMAX. Now I'm not sure what to do.
The restaurant wasn't even that loud. This is just unbearable torture. I'll never live the life I want.
Tried to act normal today. Went to a restaurant with some friends. Could barely hear them speak over my ringing when we left. This is hell.
I had one take place as I was standing in my boss's office today during a big meeting. I had to excuse myself before I had a panic attack.
I average two temporary tapering tinnitus episodes a day. So that means twice a day I'm gripped in anxiety wondering if a new tone will stay
I look back at my life and at the lives of others, and can't help but notice how powerful tinnitus' ability to trivialize other problems is.
I see all of these stories about distortions and dysacusis going away. I guess that will never be me. My three year anniversary is March 21.
I think I've finally reached the end. My life is over.
Tried to go to a mall with my girlfriend today. Pure terror of screeching in my skull. Had to leave immediately.
Just got over three days of food poisoning hell. Tinnitus much worse. Can't hold on much longer.
Still here. Still kicking. Mostly housebound, except for work. Not doing well, but most people ignore me when I tell them that.
Today's song is a visceral representation of the terror I live with. The Body - "To Carry the Seeds of Death Within Me"
I feel like many of us here are running towards a wall. It's terrible to see. The world is so indifferent to our condition—so little hope.
Can't stand the rain. The sound is just unbearable.
I've been asked to go on a work trip. It will be a 4-hour car ride. I don't think my ears can handle that. I might get fired.
Getting sick. Preparing for another increase in the hellish noise in my head.
Lies I now know I've been told my entire life: "everything ends", "all things pass", "this too shall pass", "you'll get through it".
I don't think there is any 'recovering' from this. I've just given up the idea of ever living the life I would like to. That was easier. -
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