I've been asked to go on a work trip. It will be a 4-hour car ride. I don't think my ears can handle that. I might get fired.
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Getting sick. Preparing for another increase in the hellish noise in my head.
Lies I now know I've been told my entire life: "everything ends", "all things pass", "this too shall pass", "you'll get through it".
I don't think there is any 'recovering' from this. I've just given up the idea of ever living the life I would like to. That was easier.
No quiet days. Ever. Worse and worse.
Tried to do some squats since I haven't been physically active in nearly two months. Woof, what a mistake. Spike that hasn't gone down.
Take a moment to remember those that we've lost this past year to this inhumane, torturous disease. I hope that we all find peace.
Hopefully a day will come where I no longer wish to die. Three years of that has been hell.
It's funny… I don't want anything for Christmas. I can't enjoy anything anyways. I asked for things because it would be weird not to.
Did that three times, a bit slower. Each time, it became louder as I bent down and lessened when I came back up. I can't even exercise.
New discovery: Tried doing a bit of yoga. Bent over to touch my toes, and my right ear began to SCREAM. Repeated it and it happened again.
It seems everyone's T is very different. I too don't really have good days. Mine is super reactive and getting worse. I have calmed my anxiety to a large degree but my dreams are shattered. I still do things that I shouldn't. I want to participate in life so bad but I cannot. Nobody understands. It's hard. I relate to a lot that you say.
At this rate everything will just sound like crunching glass by the time I'm 40.
Strange new reactive tone on my way to the gym. Sounds like a Tibetan singing bowl over each noise.
Differing reactivity in each ear is really bad today. Passing cars make each ear whine at a different pitch, different loudness, times
Good morninEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
Do people really have 'good' days and 'bad' days? I can't recall having a 'good' day with my noise since it started. It doesn't lessen.
Pain in my right ear. The onset of noxacusis? An ear infection? Who knows. This nightmare worsens, day to day.
Wow...sitting at my desk at work, and my left ear just got a new, super-loud reactive tone.. unbelievable. Can't live like this.
I used to enjoy Pink Floyd. Tried listening to them- the ringing is louder than most of their work.
I miss music. I miss putting on headphones and losing myself in what I was doing. I miss enjoying my days doing what I loved.
First day of my new job. Walked into the bathroom and my left ear went quiet, and then 'EEEEEE'. Tried my best not to freak out. It passed.
Went to a Halloween party last night with ear protection. Even so, I'll be paying for that for the rest of my life. Already have new tones.
For some reason the reactivity has worsened in my right ear. Now it's a constant fluctuating metallic sheen over most noise.
Not sure how many days I can take of not being able to walk down the street without being tortured. This is unreal.
It's hell to see my partner bear the weight of this with me. To see them cry and hurt, to know they could be free without me.
Went out with my girlfriend of 5 years to look for Halloween costumes. The noises of the heating systems were unbearable.
Time to try and sleep. The struggle for rest begins, so that I can wake up tomorrow and suffer through the day again. How many more years?
Standing here and running a hand through my hair sends a metallic sheen through my ears. That's how reactive it is.
I wish there was at least a way to work out again without it worsening. I miss lifting. Nearly five years of training for this result. -
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